Beyond Beautiful (Love in Providence Book 2)

by Heather MacKinnon

  “Do I really have to wear this shit?” Ryder complained.

  Bailey shot him a sad wide-eyed look and I could already see his will crumbling. “Please, Ry. We only get one bachelor/bachelorette party.”

  He sighed and shoved the plastic crown on his head. I didn’t know what was funnier, the stupid toy he was wearing, or the disgruntled look on his face. That was easily the best $4.99 I’d ever spent.

  The drinks flowed at this stop too, and expectedly, along with the tall frosty glasses of beers, an assortment of shots started to turn up. Looking back, that was probably the turning point of the evening.

  I partook in the festivities but made sure to keep my drinking to a minimum. Someone needed to be accountable for this ever-rowdier group. I figured Remy would have the same inclination, but whenever I allowed myself to look his way, it seemed he was keeping up with the rest of the guys. I consciously made an effort to distance myself from him, not trusting myself to be too close, especially when alcohol was involved.

  Our fourth bar was the most crowded and our party started to get a little out of sorts when it took our waitress too long to return for our drink order. To keep the peace, I got up and went to the bar for a round of shots. While waiting for the bartender’s attention, I caught someone else’s.

  “Hey there. You havin’ a good time tonight?”

  I turned to find a guy around my age with thick-framed glasses and a goatee smiling at me from his barstool. I gave him a small smile and nodded. “Yep.”

  His eyes burned a trail down my body and, for the first time that night, I wished I’d worn something less revealing.

  “You here with someone?”

  I leaned over the bar to see there were still quite a few people ahead of me getting their orders filled. “I’m here with a lot of someone’s. We’re having a bachelor party.”

  “Are you the entertainment?”

  I narrowed my eyes in his direction, but his smarmy smile stayed fixed on his face. “Um. No.”

  He shrugged. “You could be.”

  I turned away from him and watched the bartender work, chanting over and over in my head for them to get to me next.

  “Is your boyfriend here with you?”

  My spine straightened at that comment. Little did he know what kind of a nerve he struck with that question. “I don’t have a boyfriend,” I said, hoping the words would not only inform him, but remind me.

  He leaned closer, the stale beer on his breath forming a noxious cloud around my face. “That’s good news for me, huh?”

  I shot him an unimpressed look and turned to leave and just hunt down our server when someone stepped into my space, their front plastered to my backside. I froze for a moment until Remy’s cologne hit my nose and I relaxed slightly.

  “What’s going on here?”

  I turned around and found his features twisted in anger. With a frown I said, “Nothing. I was trying to get us some drinks, but this place is packed.”

  His eyes were still fixed on the dick bag next to me, so I grabbed his arm and gave it a little shake. “Come on. I was going to go find our waitress instead.”

  His furious stare met mine, and I stumbled back a step at the hostility vibrating off him. “So, you ignore me all night, but you’ll talk to this random asshole?”

  “Hey, man. What’s your problem?”

  Remy turned his fiery gaze toward the guy. “Mind your own fucking business.”

  I put a hand on Remy’s chest and gave him a small shove in the other direction. “Remy. Don’t do this here.”

  He turned to look at me again and I almost wished he hadn’t. “Don’t do this? What, Belle? Try to get a moment of your fucking time? Try to get you to look at me even once tonight?”

  I glanced around the crowded bar, noticing we were drawing a lot of unwanted attention. I grabbed his arm and tugged him toward the exit. He didn’t move fast, but he was moving, and I breathed a sigh of relief once we were out in the humid night air.

  “Remy. You need to calm down.”

  He fisted his hands at his sides and glared at me. “No. What I need is a woman who isn’t embarrassed to be with me.”

  I jerked backward. “I’m not embarrassed to be with you.”

  He took a step closer until his chest almost touched mine. “Then why are you acting like I’ve got the fucking plague tonight? You said twice as much to that fucker than you’ve said to me all night. Do I deserve that shit?”

  My heart clenched in my chest as I watched his eyes glint with anger. Worse than that was I could see beneath his ire to the hurt he was trying to hide. It seemed like all my fears were coming to a head and I wasn’t ready. Not even a little bit.

  “Remy, I wasn’t talking to him. I was actually trying to get him to stop talking to me.”

  He shook his head. “Forget that douche bag. Why won’t you talk to me?”

  I looked away as my stomach twisted uncomfortably deep inside me. “Remy, I thought we agreed to keep things between us private.”

  He laughed humorlessly. “News flash Belle: they all fucking know. Every single person in our lives knows we’re together, except you.”

  I bit my lip and looked down at my feet, at a loss for what to say to him. He wasn’t wrong, but I still wasn’t ready for more than we had. For more than this casual thing we were doing. To go farther than that would be to open myself up and that wasn’t something I was willing to do.

  Not now.

  In fact, I couldn’t imagine a time when I would be okay with that.

  Remy huffed out a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m heading home for the night. Tell Bailey and Ryder I said bye.”

  My eyes darted to his. “Don’t leave, Rem.”

  He shook his head and looked away from me. “I have to go, Belle. You’re making me fucking crazy and I can’t deal with this shit right now. I’ll see you later.”

  With that, he turned and stalked off down the busy sidewalk. I watched him go, my heart thumping pitifully in my chest. My hands shook, and I felt like I was going to be sick, but I didn’t have time for that.

  With a shake of my head, I went back into the bar and found our table, where thankfully, the waitress had finally delivered some drinks. I sat down quietly and nursed my glass of wine, dreading the moment someone realized Remy was gone.

  “Hey, where’s Rem?” Ryder asked, his half-lidded eyes scanning the dark room.

  Well, that didn’t last long.

  “He went home. I think he had a headache. He told me to tell you guys bye.”

  Ryder’s eyes narrowed at me suspiciously, but I looked away. I didn’t need any more accusations slung at me tonight because I was doing a good enough job of that on my own.

  We stayed at that bar for longer than I’d anticipated but, thankfully, that meant everyone was too drunk to go to the fifth and final stop. I called us an Uber while Ryder and Bailey exchanged sloppy goodbyes with their friends.

  When our car pulled up, I made sure to take the front seat, hoping I’d be exempt from any conversation with the two drunk lovebirds in the back. The ride was quick, and I was able to get Ryder and Bailey safely upstairs before cautiously entering my own apartment.

  All the lights were off, but I knew that didn’t mean much. I stood in the middle of the kitchen, torn with indecision.

  Half of me wanted to retreat to my bedroom, hide under my covers and forget this night ever happened. Forget all the mistakes I’d made and forget all the hurt I’d caused Remy.

  The other half wanted to go to him. To seek solace in his strong arms like I had so many nights before. To lose myself in him again and pretend we didn’t have these huge issues between us.

  I chewed on my bottom lip as I considered my options until I realized I really only had one. With a deep breath, I headed across the kitchen and opened Remy’s door without bothering to knock.

  I closed it behind me and said softly, “Remy?”

  His deep voice responded seconds late
r. “Yeah?”

  I swallowed harshly and looked down, unable to meet his eyes even in the pitch-dark room. “I’m sorry.”

  He sighed before the sheets rustled and he said, “Come here.”

  My shoulders sagged in relief before I kicked off my shoes and crawled into his bed. His warm arms wrapped around me right away as I relaxed into his embrace. Tears pricked the backs of my eyes as I lay there, my stomach in knots and my heart squeezing painfully.

  “I really am sorry,” I said softly.

  He tugged me closer and kissed my forehead. “I know, beautiful. I’m sorry too.”

  Hours later, after we’d made up several times, I crept back to my room and got into my own bed. The sun was starting to rise, and my eyelids were heavy, but just before I fell asleep, I found my phone and sent a single text.

  Me: Mom, I want to come by sometime this week to talk. I think we’re overdue.

  With that, I set my phone aside and drifted into a fitful sleep.

  Chapter 34

  Belle

  Remy: Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?

  Me: Yeah, I think I have to do this alone.

  Remy: How are you getting up there? I could give you a ride and wait in the car.

  I looked down at my phone, a stupid smile on my face. He really would drive me two hours up to Massachusetts to see my mom and then wait in the car for however long I needed if I asked him. To be honest, I knew there wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for me and I treasured that.

  Me: Thanks, Rem, but Bailey lent me her car for the afternoon.

  Remy: …

  Remy: Maybe I really should blow off work and drive you, then.

  I frowned at the phone.

  Me: Don’t worry about me. It’s only a two-hour drive, I’ll be fine.

  Remy: I’m not worried about you. I’m worried about the citizens of both Massachusetts and Rhode Island with you behind the wheel.

  My head fell back with a loud laugh, drawing the attention of a few patrons in the gallery. I turned around to avoid their stares, biting my lip to keep the chuckles at bay.

  Me: You’re a fuck face. I told you about my bad driving in confidence!

  Remy: And I haven’t told anyone, but now I’m thinking I should alert the state police in advance, so they know to be on the lookout for you.

  I shook my head, a huge grin still on my face. Only Remy could make me smile when there was so much turmoil frothing inside me.

  I knew this talk with my mom was way overdue, but there was a reason for that. I didn’t want to go up there and talk about all the crap that happened in our past. Didn’t want to dredge up old memories or feelings or any of that shit. It seemed like the best thing to do for the past eighteen years was to just let it go. But that had changed now.

  Every day that I didn’t give Remy what he wanted, was one day closer I was to losing him, and I knew with every bone in my body I didn’t want that. In such a short amount of time, he’d become this pivotal part of every one of my days. The best part.

  He was being patient with me, but I knew that wasn’t fair. That one day he wouldn’t be satisfied with what I was giving him and want something more. Something deeper. And he deserved it, I just couldn’t do it. A cold sweat broke out along my skin as I thought about giving in to another person like that. Being that vulnerable and exposed was like a living nightmare for me.

  But I was going to try to change that.

  Maybe there was something I was missing. Some vital piece of information that I hadn’t received from my mom that would help me now. Maybe even just understanding what she went through and why she did the things she did back then would help.

  I had no idea if it really would, but I knew I had to try. Everything I had with Remy was on the line and I wasn’t ready to lose that yet. I wasn’t ready to lose him.

  I shook my head and focused on my phone again, noting the time. I needed to get on the road soon if I was going to beat Providence traffic.

  Me: I promise to drive the speed limit and stay between the lines as long as you don’t rat me out to the authorities. I also promised Bailey I’d bring her car back in the same condition I borrowed it in, or I owe her a newer model. I have a lot riding on this trip and I’m not going to let my shit driving fuck this up for me.

  Remy: Just text me when you’re there with a body count so I know what I’m dealing with when you get home.

  Me: Ha. Ha.

  Remy: Seriously though, let me know when you’re there so I know you made it safely. Me and Gramps are gonna miss you at dinner tonight.

  My smile softened along with my heart as I read his words.

  Me: I will, and I’ll miss you both too. Save me some leftovers!

  Remy: You know I will. Have a good time, beautiful.

  I pocketed my phone with a sigh. I could sit and flirt with Remy over texts for hours, but all I was doing was delaying the inevitable. With one last check-in with the gallery manager to make sure everything was under control, I headed out to where Bailey left her car for me and got on the road.

  The two-hour ride felt like only minutes, the time flying by as I chewed on my lip and imagined what I was going to have to do when I got to my mom’s.

  When I pulled up to her house, I took a deep breath that did nothing to calm my nerves. Deciding I needed to just get it over with, I sent Remy a quick text and climbed out of the car. Using the key I still had, I let myself in.

  “Mom? Isaiah?”

  My brother walked out of the living room, his phone in his hands and a frown on his face. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  I rolled my eyes. “This used to be my house too, dick weed.”

  He leaned against the doorframe. “Yeah, but you haven’t been back in months. I haven’t seen you since Christmas.”

  My stomach twisted with guilt as I realized he was right. I kept in regular contact with my brother, but seeing my mom too frequently just upset me, so I kept visits to a minimum. Unfortunately, since he still lived here, that meant I didn’t get to see him much either.

  “You can always come visit me.”

  A smile slithered across his face. “I’ll come down there and hang out if I get to see your hot ass roommate.”

  “She’s engaged now, fuck stick. You’ll need to set your sights elsewhere.”

  He snapped his fingers and shook his head. “Damn. You could’ve let a guy know.”

  I shrugged and opened my mouth to respond when my mom walked into the foyer. She looked the same as she always did. Her honey brown hair was the same color as mine except for the strands of gray that were creeping in here and there. Her light brown eyes were as welcoming as ever, but I didn’t feel any of that anymore. This place hadn’t been home since my dad died.

  “Belle! You’re here!” She walked over, pulling me into her surprisingly strong arms, and I let her, even patting her on the back in return.

  “Hey, Mom. How are you?”

  She pulled away, a wide smile on her face. “Better now that both my babies are under my roof.”

  Isaiah kicked off the doorway and walked back into the living room. “I’m twenty-four mom, and she’s even older. We’re not babies anymore,” he called over his shoulder.

  She shook her head and dusted at some invisible lint on my blouse. “You two will always be my babies.” When she met my eyes again, hers creased with worry as she took a step back. “Is everything okay, honey? I was happily surprised you wanted to come to visit.”

  I looked down at my pumps before meeting her eyes again. “I wanted to come up and talk, mom. Can we go somewhere and do that?”

  She looked wary but nodded. “Sure. I was just peeling some potatoes for dinner. You can come help me.”

  I followed her into the yellow painted kitchen that never changed and took a seat at our old wooden table. She rinsed off a few potatoes and set them between us, handing me a peeler and a cutting board.

  “What’s going on, Belle? I know you don’t come u
p here unless I beg.”

  I winced but kept my gaze focused on the potato in my hands. “There’s just been some stuff that’s been bothering me lately and I thought I should talk to you about it.”

  “Like what?”

  I pressed my lips together and focused on carefully peeling the skin from the potato in my hand. No matter how many times I’d practiced this conversation in my head, now that I was faced with it, my tongue was in knots in my mouth. I didn’t even know where to begin.

  “Why don’t we start off easy, hmm? Why don’t you tell me how you’ve been? How’s work? How’s Bailey?”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. “I’ve been pretty good. Gallery’s been busy. We just had a huge show that I directed, and it went really well, so that’s awesome.”

  “That’s wonderful, Belle. I’m so proud of you.”

  I shot her a small smile before focusing on my task again. “And Bailey’s good. She’s actually getting married this weekend.”

  “She is?! Belle, that’s great! Tell her I’m so happy for her!”

  “I will.”

  The words dried up in my mouth after that as I struggled with what to say next.

  “Are you okay with your best friend getting married? It seems pretty sudden.”

  I shot her a quizzical look. “They’ve been dating for years. This wasn’t a surprise.”

  My mom shrugged. “Maybe not. But you two spent years going through the motions of life together and now she’s heading off in a different direction. Maybe that’s hard for you.”

  I shrugged, feeling her words creeping closer to the real reason I was here.

  “Are you seeing anyone lately?”

  I pressed my lips together and carefully dug the eyes out of my potato. With a shrug I said, “I don’t know. Kind of. But not really.”

  My mom chuckled. “I’m not sure how you can kind of but not really be seeing someone, Belle.”

  I let out a deep breath and finally met her eyes. “That’s kind of the reason why I’m here.”

  “Is something wrong? Are you in a bad situation?”