Beyond Beautiful (Love in Providence Book 2)

by Heather MacKinnon

  Her words struck a chord, and it played on repeat through my head.

  You let her take care of you every once in a while, you hear me? You don’t always have to be the strong one. You can give that burden to someone else sometimes.

  Those were Gramps’ words, but they’d just come from Belle’s mouth. It was like he was standing beside her, whispering in her ear, telling her exactly what to say.

  “What did you just say?” I asked softly, sure I’d heard her wrong.

  She took a step closer and grabbed my hand, threading her fingers through mine. “I’m just asking you to let me in. To let me take care of you for once.”

  I squeezed my eyes closed as the last few conversations with Gramps twisted through my mind. This was what he’d been talking about. It was like he knew what was coming and he’d been warning me. Guiding me like always. That ache in my chest was back and as acute as ever.

  She tugged on my hand and I opened my eyes. “Do you have anything else you have to do here tonight, or can we go home? I promise I’ll help you figure out everything that needs figuring out in the morning. Right now, I think you could just use some rest.”

  Suddenly, I’d never felt more tired. This was a bone-deep kind of exhaustion I’d never experienced before, and Belle’s suggestion was the only thing that sounded like a reprieve.

  “Okay,” I said softly. “We can go home.”

  She smiled softly and held out her hand. “Keys.”

  I tugged them out of my pocket and handed them to her. She locked up the house behind us and we walked silently to my car. The ride back to Providence was similarly quiet as I sat numb in my passenger seat and Belle drove us home.

  When we got in the apartment, I stood in the middle of the kitchen, my mind a complete blank.

  “Do you want to go right to bed? Or maybe take a shower first?” Belle asked from behind me.

  “Shower,” I croaked.

  I thought maybe I could crank the water hot enough to actually feel something again. Because this numbness had spread throughout my body and it felt like I was floating in a weightless fog. Truthfully, I didn’t know if I wanted to come out of it or if I should just stay there indefinitely.

  At least in this fog I couldn’t feel the bone-crushing grief I’d felt sitting alone in Gramps’ house. I couldn’t feel the guilt over not being there for him or the worry over how I’d break the news to Ryder or any of the other countless things I didn’t want to feel. I could just float in this nothingness forever.

  I shuffled into the bathroom, vaguely noticing Belle following me. Once I’d stripped down, I turned the shower on as hot as I could stand it and stood there watching the water fall.

  “Do you want me to leave?” she asked quietly from behind me.

  I opened my mouth to say yes, but the word got caught in my throat. All I’d longed for all day was isolation, but now, I didn’t think I could take another minute of it. So, instead, I shook my head. “No. Stay.”

  I climbed into the shower and let the hot water scald my skin. It felt like tiny needles piercing my flesh, but at least I was feeling something. Moments later, a cool breeze wafted into the stall as the curtain was opened and Belle stepped in behind me. I ignored her until her arms wrapped around my waist and she pressed her face against my back.

  I stood completely still as she held me from behind. For some reason, her touch was like a key that unlocked everything I’d been stowing away all day. The longer we stood there, the more that leaked out until the dam burst and the flood came.

  I dropped my head into my hands as sobs wracked my body and my salty tears mixed with the hot water. Belle squeezed me tighter and another torrent of grief washed over me. The loss, the guilt, the sadness, the emptiness. It was all too much to take at once and it bled out of my tear ducts like it would never end.

  I turned around and wrapped my arms around Belle’s shoulders, clinging to her like a lifeline. My head dipped into the curve of her neck as my body shook with my sorrow and she held me tighter.

  “Please,” I gasped. “Don’t leave me.”

  She shook her head quickly. “I’m not.”

  I pulled her closer, connecting our slick bodies in every place possible.

  “Please don’t ever leave me, Belle,” I said again.

  She cupped the back of my head and turned her face to speak directly in my ear. “I’m not, Remy. Ever. I promise. I’m not going anywhere. I love you.”

  The tight band squeezing my chest loosened the smallest bit as I held her under the spray of the cooling water. She continued to whisper reassurances in my ear as I clung to her shoulders and let out the pain that had been slowly strangling me.

  When the water finally ran cold, we climbed out of the shower and dried off quietly. When we were done, Belle took my hand and led me to her bed. She wrapped her arms around my neck and held me as we both cried on and off for hours. It was the longest night of my life, but somehow therapeutic.

  When it was over and the sun was finally rising, I felt this closeness to Belle that I’d never experienced with anyone else in my life. And as I got ready that day, I realized I’d kept my last promise to Gramps, and that lightened my heart enough to face what was ahead of me.

  Chapter 44

  Remy

  “Are you ready?”

  I looked up from our clasped hands and met Belle’s amber eyes. Her presence had been my one constant this week, and I’d never been more grateful. Just like she’d promised, she’d stuck by my side through everything and I loved her even more for it.

  “Yeah, I think so.”

  We’d just arrived at the cemetery where we’d be burying Gramps today. Even thinking those words was hard for me, but it was a reality I was dealing with.

  The past couple of days had been some of my darkest, but Belle had been a light at the end of the tunnel. A beacon I kept my eyes on while I waded through the grief that threatened to consume me. It hadn’t been easy, but I’d made it to the other side and I was working on accepting the way things were now.

  Gramps was gone for good, but we still had so much of him left with us.

  We’d always remember his smart-ass comments, his sage wisdom, and his love for games. Those weren’t things that would be buried today. Or things that would get lost over time. They were what we’d remember and treasure of him for the rest of our lives.

  Belle tugged on my hand and I followed her through the neatly lined headstones to Gramps’ plot. Ryder and Bailey fell in step beside us and I wrapped an arm around my brother’s shoulders.

  Thankfully, we’d been able to finally get in touch with him, but only because of Belle. She’d sent Bailey a message through social media that had finally reached the secluded couple. They’d cut their honeymoon short by a few days and arrived home late last night.

  When I finally saw my brother, the heartache I’d been working through all week reared its ugly head again and it felt like I started back at zero. We spent hours talking and occasionally crying as I worked my way through a six pack of Blue Moon, and we remembered all the family we’d lost.

  “You okay, bro?” I asked softly as we approached the congregation of mourners around Gramps’ burial plot.

  Ryder blew out a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, man. I think I am. Or at least I’m gonna be.” He looked away, a small frown on his face. “I’m just thankful we put our shit behind us before I lost him. That we were able to forgive and forget and spend some of the time he had left together.”

  My heart thumped painfully in my chest at my brother’s confession. I nodded and gave him a squeeze. “I’m glad too, Ry.”

  When we arrived at the gathering, Ryder, Bailey, Belle and I took our places up near the priest. We stood quietly, all of us holding hands as we waited for this last service to begin.

  The priest began his final words as I clung to Belle’s hand and tried to not look at Gramps’ shiny black coffin. The imagery was too final. Too resolute. And I didn’t want to imagine hi
m in there.

  Belle and I had talked a lot about that in the past week. About how we were going to remember him. She said when she lost her father, that was the most important part of her healing. We’d decided that he was probably somewhere with Grams, yelling at Jeopardy contestants and eating shepherd’s pie. We thought that was where he’d be happiest.

  “Is there anyone who’d like to say some final words?”

  I squeezed Belle’s hand once before I took a step forward. “I would.”

  The priest smiled at me as he stepped aside, and I took my place behind the podium. I pulled the speech I’d prepared from the pocket of my suit jacket and took my time smoothing out the wrinkles before looking up at the crowd.

  Although Gramps hadn’t spent much time with anyone but me in the last years of his life, dozens of people had shown up for his services. More than I’d ever imagined. As I looked out at the sea of faces, I felt humbled that I’d gotten the chance to know and love a man like Gramps. Someone who’d affected so many people’s lives. Someone whose memory would live on with all of them like it would with us.

  I cleared my throat and stared down at my paper as I began speaking. “If Gramps were here right now, he’d probably be wondering what all the fuss was about. And then he’d remind us that Family Feud was on in a few minutes and if we made him miss it, we’d all be sorry.”

  The clearing erupted in laughs, but my gaze was on Belle. She smiled sweetly at me and I stood a little straighter.

  “But that was Gramps. He was the smartest man I’d ever known, but somehow never understood how invaluable he was to everyone around him. How much knowledge and wisdom he imparted by just being himself. He had this way of seeing right through you and pulling out all the best parts.”

  I looked back down at my speech and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. When I looked up again, Belle was still there, and she was all the strength I needed to get through this.

  “Gramps was my best friend and there will never be a day that I won’t miss him, but that’s okay. Sometimes the best things in life are fleeting and I think that just makes you appreciate the time you have with them even more. So, whether you had decades with Gramps, or only weeks, treasure that time because it was a gift. Hold it close and never forget it. I think that’s the highest honor we could pay him.”

  With that, I stepped away from the podium and took my place beside Belle again. She wrapped her hand around mine and squeezed tightly as someone else stepped up to say some final words for Gramps.

  We stood there quietly as person after person took their turn remembering and praising my grandfather. I did my best to remember all of them and everything they had to say, but in the end, it began to blur together. What I left knowing was that Gramps was loved by a lot of people and he’d be missed by more than just my little family.

  Once everyone who wanted a turn had their chance to say something about Gramps, the priest gave his final blessing and concluded the ceremony. One by one, the people around us stepped up to lay a hand on Gramps’ coffin and say their final goodbyes. Ryder, Bailey, Belle, and I waited until everyone else had gone to take our turns.

  I watched as Ryder and Bailey approached his casket in stoic silence. Ryder laid one hand on the glossy lid and bowed his head while Bailey stood sniffling beside him. Finally, he looked back up, gave it a pat and walked away without another glance at us.

  Belle squeezed my hand again, and we approached Gramps one last time. She reached out first and laid her hand where his chest would be.

  “Thank you for welcoming me into your home and accepting me, Gramps,” she said softly. “But most of all,” she said, her voice dropping even lower, “thank you for Remy. I promise I’ll take care of him.”

  My heart clenched in my chest as I watched the woman I loved say goodbye to my grandpa. She took a step back and gestured for me to take her place. I swallowed once and rested my hand on the shiny black paint.

  “I’ll miss you, Gramps, but don’t worry about me. I’m keeping that promise I made to you. I swear.”

  With that, I released a deep breath and turned to Belle. Her pretty eyes were full of tears, but none of them fell.

  “What did he make you promise?”

  I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her back toward my car. “He said I should let someone else take care of me once in a while.”

  She shot me a sideways smirk. “I believe I also said something along those lines.”

  I pulled her closer and kissed her head. “Yeah, beautiful. You did. You two were pretty in sync a lot of the time.”

  She sighed. “I’m gonna miss him.”

  I nodded once, willing the moisture from my eyes. “I already do.”

  ***

  “Can I get you all started with some drinks? We have a delicious house Chardonnay tonight.”

  Belle turned to me with a lopsided smile. “That depends on who’s paying.”

  I rolled my eyes and propped my arm on the back of her chair. “Obviously, I’m paying, you mooch.”

  Her smile widened as she turned to the waiter. “Then I’ll have a glass of that Chardonnay, and keep ‘em coming.”

  I chuckled and shook my head. “That’s not a reason to get wasted, Belle.”

  She scoffed. “I’m not paying the tab. Can’t think of a better reason than that.”

  Bailey leaned over and gave her a high five as the girls both giggled. I rolled my eyes again, but my lips were twitching with a smile. Honestly, it felt good to talk about something lighthearted for a change after all the heavy we’d dealt with in the past week.

  The waiter dropped off our drinks shortly after that and we placed our orders with him before he made himself scarce again. Ryder tipped a glass of water up to his lips before he shot me a look.

  “Do you know what’s gonna happen with Gramps’ place?”

  I glanced at Belle before shifting in my chair. “We’ve actually started cleaning it out already. Keeping the stuff we want, donating the rest and throwing out what needs to go. We started with that ratty chair of his.”

  Ryder chuckled and leaned back in his chair. “That thing expired about ten years ago.”

  “I’d say it was more like fifteen. I’d offered to buy him a new one dozens of times, but you know how the old man was.”

  It still felt strange to talk about him in the past tense, but it was something else I was slowly getting used to.

  “I’ve already been in touch with his lawyer too,” I continued. “Apparently, Gramps left the house and everything else he had to the both of us. It’s split right down the middle.”

  Ryder nodded slowly. “That sounds like him.”

  I took a long sip of my Blue Moon as I tried to figure out how to word what I wanted to say next. Finally, I decided to just come out with it. This was my brother after all. There wasn’t anything I couldn’t say to him.

  “I’ve been thinking, Ry. How would you feel if I bought your half of the house from you?”

  He glanced from Bailey to me, his brows furrowed. “You want to buy the house? I figured we’d just sell it.”

  I shrugged as I wiped at the condensation on my glass. “I don’t wanna give it up, man. There are too many memories in that house. It could use a good renovation, but I think I’d like to keep it in our family.”

  Ryder pursed his lips for a moment before shrugging. “That’s fine by me, brother.”

  I released a sigh of relief until Belle nudged me in the ribs. “You didn’t tell me you wanted to buy Gramps’ house.”

  I shrugged again. “It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a couple days now.”

  She nodded slowly as she bit down on her bottom lip. “So, that means you’ll be moving out soon.”

  I scanned her face for any clues about how she was feeling at that moment, but the woman was like Fort Knox. “Um. Yeah. I still need to talk to a contractor, but it should be livable while they’re renovating. The bedroom really only needs some new paint
and furniture.”

  “I see.”

  I watched her for a long minute as she fidgeted with the napkin in her lap and continued to torture her bottom lip. Finally, I leaned in close so only she could hear me. “Of course, all that depends on you.”

  Her eyes darted to mine. “Me?”

  I nodded. “Of course. I’m not going anywhere without you. If you don’t want to move into Gramps’ house, then we’ll sell it and live somewhere else. Or we can stay where we are now. It doesn’t really matter to me as long as I’m with you.”

  A smile slowly spread across her face as her eyes brightened. “You want me to move in with you?”

  I rolled my eyes and wrapped a hand around her shoulders so I could tug her closer. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere without you. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

  She leaned in, her vanilla perfume filling the air between us. “What if I said I don’t ever want to get rid of you?”

  My heart thumped almost painfully in my chest as I fought the urge to kiss the smile off her face. “Then I’d say you’re in luck because I’m not going anywhere.”

  She tipped her face up and pressed her lips against mine for a moment that was so sweet but far too brief. “Me neither.”

  I couldn’t help myself. What man could? I cupped her jaw and brought her lips back to mine, kissing her for far longer than was appropriate, but I didn’t care. I loved her, and despite our loss, the happiness she brought me every day was somehow more powerful. Bigger. Brighter.

  We were finally interrupted by the waiter delivering our food and I sat back in my seat but kept my hand around hers for the rest of our meal. We talked and ate and drank with my brother and his wife for hours. We reminisced about Gramps, retelling as many funny stories about him as we could remember as we learned to miss him in a good way. A few tears were shed, but more laughs were shared as we celebrated the life of a man who’d irrevocably affected us all.