I let myself smile and say, “Yeah, well that’s my brother.”
Zavy and I exchange small talk and I tell her about the others who are traveling with us. She doesn’t ask me any questions about why we are with these people or how I never told her about Cooper, so I don’t bring it up either. I’m physically and mentally too exhausted to have to go into it right now. She doesn’t mind anyway, as long as she’s alive that’s her only concern. From her point of view, she’s free from Paylon, has food, water, clean clothes, and sleeping components.
I feel guilty because I know she needs to get her memories back so she can remember Cooper too, but I don’t see the harm in letting her believe in her fake memories just a little while longer.
Later, Cooper and Mio emerge from the forest with James and Bren, each pair carrying a deer over their shoulders.
“Zavy, look,” Toby says, pointing to the deer. “We’ve never been able to bring one that big down.”
“That’s pretty impressive,” Zavy agrees and notices Toby sitting in shock.
“They must be really good hunters,” Toby thinks aloud.
No one has much to talk about anymore so we all end up sitting in silence and my mind can’t help but think about Alexander. I watch Albert and Andy clean the meat and start up a fire. I cringe, knowing that the smoke from our fire will broadcast our location. That may be a sign to Paylon as to where we are, but maybe it will also help Alexander find us.
When the meat has finished cooking, Cooper calls us to come and take our share for breakfast. I see that they have only laid out half the meat, and the rest they’ve packaged to take with us. Zavy and I grab some of the meat and go back to our previous spot. Cinder walks around the group and distributes some berries to everyone.
“At least we won’t starve,” Zavy mumbles between mouthfuls of food.
“Don’t speak so soon. You don’t want to jinx it,” I say. When everyone finishes eating, Mio announces that it’s time to get moving again.
“We’ll walk for now and then break again for dinner, and after we’ll rest for half the night and then we’ll run again until morning. We should get to Sard sometime tomorrow,” Mio orders. Since Mio has been caught up to speed he’s taken over command of the group. I watch as Cooper sits like a silent shadow behind him. He doesn’t seem to mind that Mio is back to giving the orders. He looks almost relieved.
I look out at the river and can see the heat rising from the water. Now that the sun has fully risen, the temperature on the island has seemed to double. I forgot how hot it gets after being in the cell for so long. I know the temperature rises and falls so drastically as an effect from the asteroid shower, but we don’t experience these temperature differences deep underground in the prison. I know it’s uncontrollable and almost unpredictable when these heat waves will hit. Zavy doesn’t seem too fazed by the sudden wave of hot thick air. I’m sure she’s lived through hotter days than this.
She and I stand and walk out from under our shade canopy and into the hot summer sun. Toby has become very interested in James and Bren and has been shadowing them ever since they came back with that deer. When the group begins to move again he falls in step with them and Zavy and I take up the rear again.
Once we start walking out in the sun I realize how truly scorching hot it is. This must be why we are walking, there’s no way we could run in this heat. Mio was smart to want to walk near the river. It doesn’t conceal us as well. If Paylon or Chadian were waiting in the woods up ahead we’d be easy targets. However, in this heat, the constant source of water will save our lives. Granted the once cool stream is now as warm as bathwater, but water is water. Not only that, but we will have a constant supply of food, whether that be fish or other animals using the river as a drinking source.
As hard as I try to keep my mind occupied with history, the science of the heat waves, nature, and resources it immediately starts to move back to Alexander. He should have reached us by now. We must have been sitting there for a couple of hours while they were hunting. Hours of sitting and having a smoke signal and still he never showed. I can’t help but start thinking of what Paylon might have done if he’d gotten to him. If he knows we killed Codian I don’t think Paylon would have thought twice about returning the favor to Alexander.
“You know it’s only going to drive you crazier to think about him,” Zavy says.
“I know. I just can’t help it,” I say bluntly after I’ve imagined the tenth way Paylon could have killed Alexander if he found him.
Toby runs up and interrupts us and asks, “Zavy are we staying with these people forever?”
Zavy lets out a small laugh and says, “Well, we are both going to the same place. So, for now, we’ll be staying with them. Why?”
“Well, James and Bren said I could help them hunt since I’m an Aeros,” Toby says, his words running together.
“Toby, you told them?” Zavy says shocked, fear coursing through her.
“It’s okay Zavy,” I say gently. “They know we all have gifts. We can trust them.”
Zavy seems to be hesitant, but eventually says, “Okay, just be careful.”
“I will,” Toby responds, and he goes back to walking with James and Bren.
“Are you sure it’s okay to trust them?” she asks.
“I’m positive, Zavy. All of these people gave up their chance to live a normal life. They are taking us to a place where only people with gifts can live,” I say and every time I think of these people risking their lives to go to a place they may be turned away from my stomach sinks deeper. “They may have a chance that they get to live there, but maybe not. I trust them with my life because, honestly, they’re the only reason we’re even going to make it to Libertas.”
“Yeah, I suppose. So, Cooper’s really your brother?” she asks, finally bringing up the subject I’ve been avoiding.
“Yeah, he really is,” I respond simply.
“And you didn’t remember him until now?” Zavy gawks.
“It’s complicated. I need to tell you something, Zavy,” I say as I glance up at her.
“Should I be worried?” Zavy asks, concerned about how serious my tone is.
“Well, I don’t think you’re going to be very happy,” I admit.
“Well, go ahead and tell me,” she says.
“All right,” I hesitate and take in a deep breath before continuing, “My mother had to block my memories of Cooper so that I wouldn’t risk exposing my father’s plan to the guards,” I say finishing the easy factual part of the problem.
“I can understand that. Continue,” Zavy says, knowing there must be more to the story.
“She didn’t exactly block out my memories though. Instead, she put Alexander in place of Cooper in all my memories, and she did the same thing to you. And now that I think about it there are a lot of other people that had to have known Cooper. My mother must have done this to everyone that ever came in contact with him,” I say trying to understand the logistics behind this elaborate plan we are mixed up in.
“Explain?” Zavy asks, trying not to let herself jump to conclusions. I’m surprised she hasn’t completely overreacted to the whole situation.
“Every memory you have with Alexander is actually Cooper. We don’t truly know Alexander. At least, I don’t think I did before this whole mess started. It’s fuzzy, everything before I was in prison. I can’t recall any memories because of how long I’ve been without them, but they can be triggered,” I start explaining.
“But, he’s our best friend Adaline,” Zavy says, and the girl I know to blow everything into a bigger problem begins to show.
“I know. It’s really hard to grasp, but it’s actually Cooper in all those memories. We have something that can return your memories back to normal. When we stop again I can ask Cooper to give it to you,” I say. “This whole situation was even worse for Alexander because it wasn’t just a piece of his memory that was wrong, but all of it. He had no idea who he truly was or what life he re
ally lived before going to work at the castle.”
“But he knows now? You restored his memories?” Zavy asks and I confirm. “And he still risked his life to save Toby and me?” She can’t believe the great gesture just like I had questioned it too.
“He did,” I admit and I hope that him saving Zavy and Toby isn’t the reason I never get to truly know him. We are quiet for a moment and I’m sure Zavy is rethinking every situation she remembers with Alexander and pretending that it was Cooper instead.
“I’m really sorry, Adaline,” Zavy says softly. “Everything from this journey with him is all true though.”
“I know. That’s what we keep telling ourselves,” I say.
“It must be pretty weird, right? Having feelings for a guy you don’t even know the first thing about,” Zavy says perplexed at the idea.
“It’s kind of been driving me crazy,” I admit and muster out a light scoff. “Zavy, what if I never get to know him? Who even knows where he’s at right now? I don’t even know if he’s alive!” I say a little louder than I should have, and some people glance back at me.
“Adaline,” Zavy starts to try and calm me down.
“I know, I know,” I brush her off. “It’s just, I don’t know how long I can let myself hope he’s going to come back,” I admit, and my wet eyes meet hers. I don’t like holding on and wishing for things that may never happen. After I spent months hoping my father would come back to us just to be left disappointed and angry, I’ve learned that hoping will only drive you crazy.
“I think we give it until tomorrow morning,” she offers.
“Okay, we’ll give him until then,” I say.
“He’ll be here, Adaline,” she tries to reassure me.
“I hope so,” I say weakly, and my heart continues to deny what my brain keeps saying.
Chapter 17
We walk for nearly the rest of the day. When the sun has sunk deep behind the canopy of long palm branches Mio finally calls for us to break for the night. Zavy and I sit along the forest wall in silence, sipping on the warm water and trying to slow our breathing. We look out into the river and see that Toby, James, and Bren are trying to catch fish with the spears they managed to grab. Toby is very fond of James and Bren, instantly bonding over their drive to hunt and master weapons. Zavy jokes that he’s one of the guys now, but I can tell she wishes he wouldn’t trust them and just stay by her side. It’s easier for her to protect him that way. However, Zavy and I both laugh when Toby brings in a net full of fish and James and Bren are empty-handed. He could teach them a thing or two it seems.
“I don’t think I’ve seen him this happy in a long time, Adaline,” Zavy admits, wishing she hadn’t been so quick to judge James and Bren.
“Well, he hasn’t even interacted with another person in seven years,” I point out and try to rub the beading sweat off of my forehead.
Zavy and I go back to sipping on our water in silence until Cinder comes over and asks if we want to help her collect berries. She hands us each a wooden woven basket and we both put our water bottles away and follow her into the woods.
“These are what we’re looking for,” Cinder says, kneeling next to a bush with a mix of yellow, blue, and red berries on it. Zavy and I nod and spread deeper into the woods to find more bushes. I come across 4 or 5 of them soon and start picking them one by one and placing them in the basket.
“Why don’t you just use your gift?” I hear Cinder ask from behind me.
“What?” I question and turn to her.
“I just don’t understand how gifts work. Is there a reason you don’t use yours? You’re a Force Lifter, right?” She asks tenderly.
“Yeah I am, but no, there really isn’t a reason I’m not using it. I’m still really new with it, and if you overuse it, it can lead to extreme exhaustion. But that’s more with fighting with the gift, not with picking berries,” I say and smile.
I turn back to the berries and imagine all of them being pulled off the bush and into the basket. They start shaking from the bush and fall to the forest floor with only about half of them actually landing in the basket. “Ideally they were all supposed to just move to the basket, but I can’t work my gift just yet,” I say. I quickly scoop up the rest of the berries, stand, and grab the now full basket, turning to see Cinder with a shocked look on her face.
“Need more than this?” I say, joking.
“No, I’d say that should be plenty,” she says with a light laugh.
We walk back through the woods and find Zavy with about a hand full of berries in her basket. She turns and sees my full basket and says, “I really hate you sometimes, you know?”
I laugh and say, “Hey, I didn’t ask for this gift.” Zavy stands and interlocks her arm with mine, just like we used to do when we were little, and for a moment I forget where we are. It’s just Zavy and me in the woods. For a moment I can forget that Paylon is hunting me down, I can forget that we have no real shelter, equipment, or survival resources. I just let myself enjoy this moment and wish that it could truly be this simple. We make our way out of the woods and see that Albert and Andy are cooking the fish that Toby caught.
“We’re going to use these berries to make a sort of jam,” Cinder says and we follow her to a tan piece of fabric that has been laid out next to the fire.
“Just dump out the berries in here,” she instructs as she pulls out a wide wooden dish from one of the kitchen bags. I do and then she hands Zavy and I a pair of cloth gloves that are stained purple.
“Use your hands to smash and mix all of the berries,” Cinder says as she stands up. “I have to go find one more thing for the jam, so I’ll be right back.” Zavy and I kneed the berries into a runny purple jam. The aroma of the fresh berries instantly reminds me of my home where we lived out on the edge of Garth. My mother and I would pick berries together.
“Adaline, do you want to come out and pick some berries with me?” my mother had asked me many times. This time, in particular, I jumped up from the floor in the living room and ran out the door with my mother. I remember being barefoot and kicking up dirt with my little toes while swinging our basket that was too big for me to carry. I skipped circles around her as we walked to the edge of the forest. There were tons of large bushes with bright yellow berries on them. I would pluck one and place it in my mouth and my mother would pluck one and place it in the basket.
Then, when the basket was filled, we’d go back to the house and make a ray berry pie for my father. It was always his favorite. The happy memory seems to shatter in my mind. My mother loved him so much, and he just left her to die in prison. How could he have done that?
Cinder walks back over to us with a handful of green leaves and explains, “It’s called cental-straw. We’re going to rip it into tiny pieces, and it’ll act like a sugar in the jam,” Cinder hands Zavy and I some of the leaves and we shred it into our jam. I examine them a little closer and realize I recognize this plant. In the last days before we were arrested my mother had gathered a lot of this. Money was extremely tight and we didn’t have very much food. She and I would chew on the sweet grass to try and trick our stomachs into thinking we were eating. I don’t know if it worked. I think we were just so hungry we stopped feeling it.
“Where’d you get this?” I ask and twirl it in my fingers.
“Across the river, I can go get more if you’d like,1” Cinder says sweetly. She doesn’t wait for me to respond. I watch her walk through the shallow warm water to the bank on the other side to pick some more of the cental-straw. When we finish making the plant and berry mixture I stuff the extra cental-straw into my bag. I know we have rations and plenty of food to eat, but you just never know.
When we are finished Cinder goes over to the same bag she’d pulled the wooden dish out of, and pulls out a handful of small wooden bowl. She carefully starts ladling the jam into the bowls and asks, “Can you hand these out to everyone?”
“Sure,” I say. Zavy and I take off the gloves and pick u
p two of the bowls. “What exactly do we eat this with?” I ask.
“Oh, I’m sorry I never said,” Cinder says, clearing her throat. “We use it to spread on the fish. The fish in this area of the island has a very bitter taste.” I nod and pass out the bowls of jam, grateful that we have someone like Cinder with us. She has a lot of valuable information that others may think is useless. Yes, we need to be strong and be ready to fight and defend ourselves. Yes, we need to be able to hunt and gather food, but if you don’t know what you can and can’t eat, that will kill you just as easily as a sword.
Mio has everyone move to sit around the fire to eat dinner. He says after dinner we need to try to get some sleep and he will wake us when it’s time to move again. It feels kind of weird to have Mio and Cinder here playing the roles of parents after traveling with just Alexander and Zavy. More than that, I haven’t had a parent figure since my father left. It’s almost comforting, but I struggle with depending on others and warn myself not to get too comfortable.
Everyone moves to sit around the fire and Albert and Andy hand out the fish. We all sit in silence while we eat the fish with the berry jam. The flavors that spread across my tongue remind me of my mom’s cooking long before we were in prison, and before my father left us. I haven’t eaten anything with this much flavor in years. While we eat, late afternoon slowly shifts to night. The sun has sunk deep behind the trees and the only light left is coming from the fire as it flickers off our faces. Once we’ve all finished eating everyone breaks off into his or her own conversations.
I wave Cooper over and ask him for the rock to return Zavy’s memories. There’s an awkward tension with Cooper. He still hasn’t forgiven me for last night, but he nods and returns a moment later with the rock and piece of fabric.
“Just put it back in my bag when you’re done,” Cooper says.
I turn to Zavy and place the rock in front of her. She gives me a questioning look, confused about how a rock can control her memories. “All you have to do is place one hand on the rock and recite this, and your memories will be restored,” I say, explaining the process and handing her the piece of cloth.
The Markings Page 17
