“How,” Zavy starts to say.
“Magic,” I say simply and cut her off. She squints her eyes, giving me the look that says she doesn’t believe in magic even though she has a gift controlled by magic. I know it’s not really magic because scientists say it can be linked to the asteroids, but can they prove that? No, and magic is an easier explanation in my head.
Zavy places her hand on the stone and recites the words off the paper like Alexander and I had done.
Help me see the truth in me
Erase the false and bring forth the real
Take me back so I can see
All the past and set me free
Zavy takes in a sharp breath when she finishes. After a moment of silence, she looks at me, her eyes wide. “I remember. I remember Cooper.”
“Did any of your other memories change? There’s no telling what my mother altered,” I ask cautiously.
“No, I don’t think so. It’s just Cooper instead of Alexander,” she says simply. “This is so weird Adaline,” she says, fully understanding what this means. “Who is Alexander?”
“If I knew I’d tell you,” I say, running my hand in circles on the dirt. I take a deep breath in and say, “Just think of it as a fresh start to get to know him. There’s nothing else we can do.” It’s the same phrase of words I’ve been repeating in my head since the memories got fixed.
“Cool magic rock,” Zavy jokes, handing it back to me. She’s trying to lighten the mood now that we’ve started talking about Alexander. I return the rock to Cooper’s bag and then return to Zavy who stares distantly into the fire. She’s probably trying to reanalyze her entire past now that she knows the truth. The moon has risen far in the sky and I know I should rest before Mio has us up and running again. I reach into my backpack and pull out my blanket and pillow and when I do my mother’s journal falls out too.
“Have you read any more of it?” Zavy asks, scooping it up in her hands.
I zip my backpack back up, unroll my blanket, and sit on it. I take the journal from Zavy and hold it tightly. “No, not really.” We’re quiet for a second until I add, “I kind of don’t want to read it anymore.”
“What do you mean?” Zavy asks shocked.
“I know it must sound crazy. This is the last thing I have of my mother, but I don’t want it. I don’t want to know what different things she’s seen in the future. I don’t want to read it and know whether or not Alexander is dead or whether or not we ever make it to Libertas. I don’t want the constant reminder of life in the prison or the life where my father left me, and I lived not knowing who my older brother was.
I feel like I have this fresh start now. Like I don’t have to have been that girl who had to take care of her family, and I’m not that girl who grew up in a prison, and I wasn’t some little girl who lost her father. Now I just feel like I’m Adaline, and I’m going to find my freedom. I’m brave and strong. I feel like I became this new person and I have my entire life ahead of me.”
I pause for a second trying to figure a better way to explain it to Zavy. “It’s like this book,” I say and hold up my mother’s journal. “This is my old life that was set in stone and already written out. But I want to be in this new life where my future isn’t written down in some dusty haunted book.” I stare at my mother’s journal for a little bit longer and then toss it into the fire. “I don’t want to be that Adaline anymore. I’m not her and that’s not my life.”
I watch the fire slowly eat at the brown book. I’m glad I threw it in the fire, I’m glad to be rid of it. It’s a constant reminder that I need to live my life in a certain way. It’s just like Mio had said, he didn’t want to go and save Zavy because it wasn’t in the future my father had seen. But if I hadn’t gone against that vision then her and Toby would still be trapped with Paylon. Worse even, by now he probably would have killed them knowing we weren’t coming to save her. I can’t have this book in my bag, spelling out the future because I will always be second-guessing if what I’m doing will mess everything up.
Slowly the dark brown book corners turn a dark ashy black. I imagine my mother as a little girl learning about her gift. She would have been given that book on her tenth birthday to write down all her visions. I never got to meet my grandparents, but I wonder if they had the gift. I wonder how they learned about my mother’s and where the book came from. Maybe it used to be theirs.
I have to rid myself of it, but it still pains my heart to watch a piece of my mother burn. Not only a piece of her but my only piece of her. She’d understand though, I have to make myself believe that. Images of my mother sitting in her room scribbling away in the book fill my head. All the visions she saw; like her own future or maybe herself in school. Did she see herself marrying my father? She must have known that he was going to his death when he left us. That’s why she was okay with giving her life for this mission too.
As the flames creep further across the binding of the book they finally catch on the light tan pages. They burst in flames and burn quickly, being eaten before my eyes. I hate watching it burn, but I won’t look away. I need to know it is completely gone. I need to be sure that there is not a piece left of it. If I can be sure of that then I will be able to stop second-guessing all my moves.
There’s no way for me to see the future, to know if the moves I make are correct. I have been wondering if Alexander was alive or dead for two days now. The answer is right there, burning before my eyes. I want to open the journal and see that he’s alive, but the fear that he is truly dead wins out. So I won’t know, I won’t confirm or deny the inevitable. When he finds us then I’ll know. When he’s not here by morning like Zavy and I had agreed to hope until, then I will know. In seconds, the paper pages have completely turned to ash and I watch the flames continue to work away at the thick old book cover.
Zavy doesn’t respond and I can tell she knows it isn’t her place to. I wonder if she held onto anything from her mother or father. Does she carry a small piece of home with her? I remember Zavy was never a very sentimental person so I doubt it. Finally, the last of the book’s cover turns to ash and it’s gone. Every piece of my mother is gone, forever.
The future will remain unknown. It will remain a secret. A blank page that I get to write myself. I fall back and place my head on my pillow. My eyes stare up into the sea of stars above me. I breathe in steady cold breaths of the night air and slowly fall asleep.
Chapter 18
Slowly I start to wake up, but I still feel like I’m in a haze, and then I hear his voice in the distance.
“Adaline! Adaline are you there?” I hear the voice call very faintly, but I would recognize it anywhere.
“Alexander,” I choke out. I jump to my feet and run toward the sound of his voice, thankful I sleep with my sword on my hip in case of instances like this.
“Alexander, it’s me! It’s Adaline! I’m here, Alexander,” I call out to him, running aimlessly through the dark forest.
“Adaline!” he calls back to me. “Adaline, I need your help.”
“I’m coming Alexander. Don’t worry.” I pick up my pace and keep running toward him, his calls to me getting louder and louder. I crash into a clearing and see Alexander kneeling on the ground holding a sword to his neck. His hair is matted to his face with mud and sweat. His green eyes looking deep into mine.
“Alexander, what’s going on?” I say between my gasps for air.
“Adaline, I need your help,” he says in a steady voice.
“Alexander,” I start.
“Adaline,” he mimics and this all feels too familiar.
“What do you need, Alexander,” I hear myself ask him and I’m not in control of my own words.
“Kill me, Adaline. I need you to kill me,” he says, but his voice no longer matches him. It sounds different.
“Alexander, I don’t think this is what you want,” I hear myself say to him.
“Do it!” he yells back to me.
“There are other option
s,” I start to say, my words still not being controlled by my own mind.
“I said do it,” Alexander commands, cutting me off.
I feel myself start to lift my hands and as hard as I try to force them down I can’t. I’ve lost all control of my body. “No!” I yell inside my head, but nothing comes out of my mouth.
I watch as the sword pushes against Alexander’s neck and I hear him say, “Thank you.” I picture the blade going through his neck and hear myself scream.
I feel my body jolt up and my eyes fly open. “A nightmare. It was just a nightmare,” I say and take in deep breaths of the cool air. My eyes adjust to the night and I see that everyone is still sound asleep around the dying fire. I have to repeat to myself over and over that the dream doesn’t mean anything. We still have a couple of hours until morning. A couple more hours to hope he’ll be here.
I feel a drop of water hit the top of my head and look up into the canopy of palm leaves above me. All thoughts of the dream fade and my survival instincts take over. I turn to look out to the river and can see the hundreds of rings appearing on the water. It’s the first rain I’ve encountered since getting out of prison.
I relax my tense shoulders, and slowly get up and walk out from the canopy of leaves. I feel the rain pour down on me, and I’m overcome with excitement. I hold out my hands and can’t help but smile in awe of something as simple as rain.
I sit on a large rock by the river’s edge and just let the rain keep coming down on me. It’s refreshing, and it feels like it’s washing away all the pain and emptiness I feel. As quickly as the happiness of seeing rain comes, it vanishes. My mind is drawn back to Alexander, and the dream I had. I thought the hole in my heart from my father leaving me was bad. Now it’s grown three times its size with the loss of my mother, Titus, and now Alexander. The thought that Alexander is dead makes my throat tight and this time there’s no hope in trying to keep the tears in. My heart finally snaps and the tears and sobs come in waves, and I let the pouring rain wash them all away.
When it feels as though I couldn’t get any emptier, the tears finally stop, and my breathing starts to even out again. For the longest time, the only sounds are my breathing and the taps of rain on the river; a mix of beautiful sounds that consume me. I’m empty and raw. I’m not sure I could ever be whole again. I don’t think I’ll ever let another person in again, because every time I do they are always ripped away from me. I just sit here, in the rain and let its beautiful sound fill the emptiness inside of me.
The loud sound of a branch snapping pulls me out of my thoughts. I feel my heart beat faster and my blood runs cold. I sit very still and listen. Did I just imagine that? After a couple seconds another snapping branch brings me to my feet. It’s not far, just north of us. Quietly, I move in the direction of the sound. As I go I continue to listen, but I don’t hear anything new. I’ve wandered nearly a mile from camp and haven’t seen anything.
There’s a snap of a small branch behind me. I turn, quick on my feet and draw my sword. I extend my blade and it comes inches for her face. It’s the youngest of the Hounds.
“Stop!” she pleads and puts her hands up. “I’m not tracking you.”
“Then what are you doing here?” I ask and scan the woods around her, looking for the rest of her group.
“We escaped,” she says softly and the two other Hounds who were with her the night I rescued Zavy come out from behind the trees. “The night you killed Codian we got his key and escaped.”
“How’d you do that? Aren’t you being controlled by the King?” I question her, and her eyes seem to grow sadder.
She brings her hand to her neck slowly and pulls out a glowing green necklace. “He can’t control us anymore.” The other two behind her show their necklaces and I lower my sword.
“How’d you get those?” I ask, knowing I’ve only seen the guards wearing them.
“At the battle,” she says and I remember all of the soldiers wearing them. “We took them before Paylon had us retreat.
“That’s why he didn’t know we were at his camp,” I say, understanding how we have gone undetected for this long. “Are you following us?”
“No, I promise. We are just trying to find somewhere to hide.” She seems to relax now that I’ve lowered the sword and her young personality starts to come through.
“You all have a gift of enhanced smell, right?” I ask and they nod. “You should come with us to Libertas,” I say and am about to explain how it’s a place for fleeing gifted but she stops me.
“We know what Libertas is,” her smile is soft as she thinks of the proclaimed safety island. “My sister is still being held captive at the castle. I can’t leave her.”
“You’re going to try and save her?” I ask. She’s practically asking to be killed.
“With these necklaces we might be able to,” she says and her friends nod. She must read my expression and knows I think she’s crazy. “I know what she’s going through.” Her eyes mist over with tears and her voice shakes. “I can’t leave her to endure that torture any longer.”
I scan the three of them, taking in their incredibly thin state. At least in the prison I was left alone. I didn’t get to eat much, but I got to be with my mother and brother. No one was trying to torture or control me.
“Here,” I start to say and I pull off my backpack. I hand them each a couple of my bags of rations. “These are food rations we found in the bunker.” They take them and thank me.
“We should get going,” the youngest says and she falls in line with her friends. “Thank you again, Adaline. Travel safe.”
I watch as the three of them sink further into the woods and I wish they would come with us. I wish there was something more I could do to help them; something more than just giving them dried rations. I make my way back to my sleeping group and go back to the rock by the creek. I sit here and think about how much I hate the King for what he does to people, and what he’s taken from me.
Soon after I return to camp Mio is starting to go around to everyone to wake them up. The sky has just broken into a light grey glow, warning the morning heat will be here soon.
Zavy stretches and walks over to sit next to me. “It feels like I just closed my eyes,” Zavy mumbles as she looks over at me.
I can’t help but let my eyes gaze around the group, wishing Alexander’s face was in the mix. “They got him didn’t they Zavy?” I say with a weak voice. It’s finally morning. We need to let the hope go. It’s more than just that though. Before I had been okay with hoping because I had a feeling he was alive, I could feel him still here with me. The feeling’s gone now, cut from my body like the sword through his throat in my dream. I know deep down he is gone, just like my father.
For a brief second rage consumes me and I’m sure if Paylon appeared at the edge of this river right now I’d kill him in seconds. I take a deep breath in and let the rage go. My job is not to kill Paylon. I need to get to Libertas so these people can have a home. I need to go because Alexander doesn’t get to have that second chance anymore. I can be strong and keep moving. Even if I can’t, I have to tell myself that I can.
Zavy puts an arm around my shoulder and says, “I’m so sorry Adaline.” We sit like this in silence for a long while until Mio calls for everyone to pack up their belongings and get ready to leave.
“Did it rain?” she asks, lifting my damp hair with her dry fingers.
“Yeah, it did,” I say and look up to the sky letting out a heavy breath. Letting the last of the pain go.
We walk back over to where we slept. I pack up my blanket and pillow and throw my backpack over my shoulders. I don’t say anything to anyone else, but I can tell they are all thinking the same thing; that Alexander is never coming. The fact that I’m not the only one to have this feeling makes me know it’s even more true.
Mio has us jogging at a steady pace along the muddy edge of the river. I look ahead of us and can see we are closing in on a large mountain range. I’d seen
it on the map at Cooper’s camp, but it is so much larger than I had imagined. Surely we won’t be climbing it. I assume they must know a way through the mountains since they have made this journey many times before. Not too long after we start jogging Cooper slows his pace until he comes side by side with me.
“Look, I’m sorry about going off of the plan,” I force myself to say to him between deep breaths. He must still be looking for an apology from me so I’ll give it to him.
“It’s already done, Adaline. We can’t change it. I just wanted to tell you, you should probably keep your distance from everyone else,” Cooper says smoothly. He has no difficulty keeping a steady breath and it registers to me he’s spent the last seven years training his body for this journey and these conditions.
“Why?” I ask and nervously glance at him.
“Because it was all of our jobs to get you and Alexander to Libertas. Without Alexander, I doubt any of us will be allowed to stay,” Cooper says bluntly.
The truth of what Cooper has just said settles in my brain. These people may not get their freedom. The past seven years were just for nothing. “Well, what will happen to them?” I ask.
“I’m not sure. I’ve overheard a couple of people already talking about needing another plan,” he admits.
“No, I’ll make sure you all get to stay in Libertas,” I say sternly.
“With all due respect sister, I don’t think you have that kind of power,” Cooper says sarcastically.
“I’ll think of something,” I say. “It’s not their fault Alexander isn’t here, it’s mine.”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Cooper mumbles and starts to pick his pace up again until he’s back at the front of the pack. I let his words hang with me for a moment. I don’t think he’s mad at me for saving Zavy. I just think he wants to put up a strong front, be my tough older brother that wants to be in charge. I let myself scan over all of the groups’ faces and can see their vacant expressions.
The Markings Page 18
