Hidden

by Ancelli

  Ethan closed his eyes, trying to avoid the conversation.

  She tapped his leg. “I’m waiting.”

  Fuck it. “My past.” He slouched lower in the loveseat. “The first woman I ever loved,” he whispered. Ethan swallowed. The taste was awful. He’d for sure have a hangover in the morning. Why did Rayn come back? he continued asking himself.

  “Ethan.” Jenny inched closer. “Do you still love her?”

  He acted like he was asleep. This wasn’t a subject he wanted to discuss with the woman he was starting a relationship with. And luck was with him: sleep slowly claimed his body.

  “Do you love me?”

  He must be dreaming. Did he hear her correctly? Was Rayn asking if he still loved her?

  “Yes, I still love…”

  Eventually, mercifully, the darkness took over.

  ***

  Rayn’s job interview went exceptionally well. They offered her a position on the spot. She smiled as she strolled down the hallway. All her hard work was paying off, the early mornings, the late nights. She couldn’t wait to get home and celebrate with ice cream and cookies. The aroma of fresh-brewed coffee coming from the break room made her stop in her tracks and reroute in the opposite direction of the exit. Rayn couldn’t resist a tall cup of the addictive liquid. It had become her best friend through PA schooling. Letting her senses search for the coffee, she ambled straight to the machine, ignoring everyone else in the small area.

  “What are you doing here, miss? Lady?” A nurse she’d met at the hospice entered the break room. “I thought you worked at Loving Care?”

  She placed her purse on the counter and picked up the pot and a paper cup. “I do.” Rayn poured herself some coffee, but the nurse stood there, waiting for her to continue talking.

  “What are you doing down here so early?” The nurse grabbed a cup and two tea bags and poured herself some hot water.

  “I’m thinking of making this my permanent residence.” Rayn was a private person. She didn’t have much to say to a total stranger, and at the moment, she wasn’t interested in making friends. “Working and traveling crazy hours isn’t easy.”

  She’d met the talkative nurse at the Loving Care facility. The nurse had volunteered to sit and read to some of the patients. She began talking about her personal life and asked Rayn her opinion, and she gave it. Rayn had a listening ear for anyone who needed one, but that was where it ended. She wasn’t the type to divulge her personal affairs to anyone, not even her own family.

  “Really?” The chatty nurse placed her hands in her front pockets. “No more traveling.”

  “Being a traveling PA was fun while it lasted.” Rayn added creamer and took a long sip of the coffee, savoring the flavors. “Mmmm…” she said out loud. Magda was the only reason she’d taken the part-time job a month before at the hospice. She’d wanted to make sure Ethan’s mom’s last days were as comfortable as possible. “Now it’s time to plant my seeds and watch them grow into roots.” She lifted the cup to her nose and inhaled the delicious scent.

  “A California girl like you wants to live here?” The woman watched her with a brow raised.

  “Yes, a Cali girl like me.” Rayn took another sip. Should I take that comment as an insult? “I made a mistake long time ago, and I’m trying to fix it.” Her cell phone rang, so she searched her purse and grabbed it. It was her father; she swiped her finger over the screen, ignoring him. She didn’t need another lecture. “How’s everything with your relationship? Last time we spoke, you were feeling a little neglected.”

  “I was being selfish. He’s been going through a lot.” She grabbed a bottle of water out the small refrigerator and placed it in her front pocket. “But it doesn’t excuse him having a problem with commitment.”

  The nurse’s boyfriend had issues with commitment, and all Ethan wanted five years ago was to be committed to Rayn. “Even if he’s going through some things you need to tell him how you feel before it’s too late.”

  “Now isn’t a good time.” She sighed. “His mother passed away recently, and he’s having a really hard time dealing with it. I’m the last person on his mind.”

  “Losing someone you love…” Rayn thought about her grandparents and Magda. She could imagine the pain Ethan was feeling. She wanted to be there for him, but he wouldn’t let her in. It had been two weeks since Magda had taken her last breath. She’d been in Oklahoma for almost three months. She’d even spoken to Magda before she’d taken a turn for the worse. Then, she would secretly enter Ethan’s mother’s room until she got an overnight shift at the facility. This way, she was sure Ethan’s mom received stellar treatment. Rayn combed her hair and made sure her nails were manicured. She wanted to speak to Ethan but didn’t know where to start, so she pushed it off until she couldn’t push it any more. The funeral was delayed because they were waiting on Magda’s family arriving from Miami and Cuba. “Give him time to grieve.”

  “I am. I’ll give him all the time he needs to grieve.” She leaned against the wall, taking a sip of her tea. “He’s a catch. I don’t want to lose him. I’ve never had a man treat me the way he does. Girl…” The nurse closed her eyes like she was reminiscing, and bit her bottom lip. “He’s the complete package.” She opened her eyes and stared at Rayn. “Have you ever been so madly in love with someone and didn’t know how to tell them without scaring them away?”

  “Yes.” Her answer was simple. Rayn had been madly, deeply in love and let him slip away because of the unknown. She never had the chance to say the words I love you.

  Her lips turned down into a frown. “I swear, I heard him say he loved someone else, or did he say love? The point is, he’s never said those words to me.”

  “You might have misheard him.” Rayn couldn’t remember her name. “I’m so bad with names. What’s your name?”

  “Jennifer, but my friends call me Jenny.” Her pager went off. She glanced at the screen. “I have to go.” She threw her cup into the trash can. “Hopefully, you get the job. I’m in need of a friendly counselor.” She chuckled, jogging toward the elevator.

  Rayn finished her coffee and grabbed her cell phone. She searched through the contacts and dialed; the number rang a few times.

  “Did you get it?”

  “Yes!” she squealed. “Mom, I got the job. I start next week.”

  “Congratulations,” her mother said proudly. “Hurry up and come home.”

  “On my way.” Rayn walked out of the break room toward her future. Everything was going in her favor. If only Ethan would talk to her…she needed to explain a couple of things. Squaring her shoulders as she walked, she texted him. She’d had Ethan’s number for weeks.

  We have to talk. --Rayn.

  Chapter Nine

  Ethan read her text one more time. We have to talk. --Rayn. Then he slowly and deliberately slid his cell phone back into his pocket. When he woke up, Jenny had already left for work. He didn’t think about it and hopped in his truck to drive to the address his ex-lover had left for him. He set his forehead against Rayn’s door jamb. What the fuck am I doing here? He shouldn’t have listened to Maverick. Since he’d seen her at the funeral, he couldn’t get Rayn out of his mind. She was leaving soon, he guessed, so it couldn’t hurt to have one last conversation with her. Ethan had to admit he needed closure. He’d been deeply in love with her once upon a time. He shook his head, trying to clear the swirling thoughts. Ethan needed someone he could talk to. Once upon a time, Rayn was who he’d leaned on when he was in need of a good listener, when he needed someone to vent to, to speak to about his worries and feelings without fear of judgment.

  Jenny crossed his mind, and guilt filled him for standing at Rayn’s door, something he shouldn’t be doing when he had a beautiful woman waiting for him. Someone who would listen to him too, but he had to admit he didn’t want to share himself with anyone else. Ethan needed answers from Rayn, even though those answers were going to be five years too late.

  Instead of ringing th
e doorbell, he knocked softly on the oversized mahogany door. Ethan didn’t hear anyone on the other side. He looked back, scrutinizing the luxurious maroon pickup truck parked in the roundabout driveway. His nose flared as jealously reared its head, and he hoped there wasn’t another fucking man in the house with her. Ethan lifted his fist to knock one last time.

  The door swung open and he stumbled over the threshold, not expecting the rapid move. He raised an eyebrow as he glanced around the dimmed foyer. There was no one standing at the entrance. Tentatively, Ethan took another step in.

  “Stop!” A little boy wearing a red cape raised his hand in the air. “State your name.”

  Ethan froze when he glanced down into eyes mirroring his mother’s staring back at him. Instantly, his hangover was gone as he watched an incarnation of his mother when she was a child—images he had only seen in pictures. The kid resembled her down to his bronze complexion and curly brown hair.

  The little boy’s thin eyebrows drew together. “I’m waiting.”

  “Alexandre,” Rayn yelled, coming out of the living room. “Don’t you open…” Her words vanished when her gaze collided with Ethan’s. His jaw tightened as her eyes widened.

  “What’s his name?” Ethan looked down on this boy he believed might be his…son. No, he was sure it was his child. “What’s your name?”

  Rayn swallowed. “Alex.” She didn’t move. “Go to your room and watch—”

  The boy giggled. “Cartoons,” he finished her sentence. “Big people’s conversation.”

  “Yes,” she replied sternly.

  “Hey.” Ethan took another step forward, wanting to touch him to make sure he was real. “My name is Ethan Alexandre.” He nodded to the little boy.

  “I know. Mommy and Grammy talk about you,” he mumbled. “You’re my dad, right?” Alex revealed nonchalantly. “Are you going to celebrate Mommy’s new job with us?”

  “Celebrate?” Ethan repeated, confused. “Job?”

  “Alex!” Rayn raised her voice.

  “Okay, I’ll be back.” Alex pouted. He grabbed his tablet and left the room.

  “He’s my son…” Ethan let out a harsh breath as so many emotions traveled through his core. “You robbed my mother,” he raised his voice, “of a chance in meeting her only grandchild. How could you?” In this moment, he wasn’t thinking about himself. “Are you going to tell me he isn’t mine?”

  “I’m sorry.” Rayn swallowed.

  “You are sorry. You’re sorry!” He buried his hand in his hair. “She will never get to meet him.” Ethan’s mind was clouded. He couldn’t even remember what he was doing there in the first place. What if he hadn’t shown up? Was she ever going to tell him?

  “She did,” Rayn blurted out, clutching her chest. “Alex met your mother a couple of months ago.”

  “Months?” His chest rose and fell with rapid breaths. “What?”

  She had the nerve to sigh. “I took him to visit Magda every day for the last weeks of her life. I didn’t know she was sick, and when I found out, I tried to make amends.”

  “You tried to make amends?” Disbelief shuddered through him. He’d thought Rayn couldn’t hurt him anymore; he’d been dead wrong.

  “Alexandre made her smile, he lifted her spirits.” Tears brimmed her lashes as Rayn reminisced about their time together. “She couldn’t talk but he made her smile with his big personality and his stories.”

  Tears began to swell up in his eyes. He wasn’t ready for this revelation. This was what his cousin had been talking about when she said she’d seen Rayn in his mother’s room. His mother met his son, her grandson, before it was too late. “I have to go.” He turned away, unable to continue looking at her. “You are ruthless.”

  “Ethan don’t leave like this,” she begged as he staggered down the driveway to his Jeep.

  He couldn’t get to his vehicle fast enough. He jumped in, banging his hand on the steering wheel. “What the fuck!” Ethan yelled and then turned on the Jeep. He needed a fucking timeout from life. “A son,” he repeated to himself. “Alexandre…” He grabbed his phone and dialed.

  “Did you finally get—” He didn’t let Maverick finish is sentence.

  “I have a son.”

  “What!”

  ***

  Two weeks after graduation Rayn woke up, throwing up for the fifth day in a row. She couldn’t keep anything down, not even water. She wandered through her parents’ house in her oversized robe, holding her stomach. Her mother watched her suspiciously as she entered the kitchen.

  “What’s wrong with you?” She set a plate of pancakes and eggs in front of her. “I made your favorite.” She eyed her closely. “Over easy and runny, the way you like it.”

  Rayn stared at the food. The smell and look of the runny egg yolks made her stomach roil all over again. She covered her mouth with her hand and tried to rush out of the kitchen but didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. Rayn grabbed the plastic trashcan and threw up in it.

  “Take this.” Her mother handed her a box she believed was something to help settle her stomach. “Then my question will be answered.”

  She grabbed it and blinked, looking down, confused. “What question?” Her head jerked toward her mother. “I am not…” Rayn dropped the pregnancy test on the floor.

  “Prove it.” Her mom bent down and picked it up. “Rayn, you’ve been moping around since you came back from college. You’re not eating. You’re throwing up in the mornings. It looks like morning sickness to me. Do you know what causes morning sickness?” Her mother pointed at her stomach. “A baby!”

  Rayn clutched her waist. She stared at the disappointment in her mom’s eyes. Honestly, she hadn’t seen her period in months. If she took the pregnancy test, it would probably show two pink lines. And it was easy to keep thinking it was just her nerves. She’d stopped taking her birth control pills when she’d left for spring break almost three months ago, and started them back the day before she went back to college. She shouldn’t have stopped taking the pills.

  She didn’t know what to do. A baby would ruin her plans of becoming a doctor. This was what she was avoiding, disappointing her parents. Her father would probably want to kick her out of the house. Rayn prayed he wouldn’t. His children were his world. When her older sister Adina dropped out of college and left for overseas, her parents had been distraught. Her father had their futures all planned out. Adina, the first, was supposed to follow in his footsteps and become a lawyer, but instead she went off to Europe to get away as far as she could from their overbearing parents. And now Rayn might be pregnant. At least she’d finished college, one step more than her older sister. Her father still had her baby sister Nicole, who would be going to college in the fall.

  Her dad would provide for and protect her baby from anyone who would want to harm him or her. Ethan wasn’t in any position to be a father, just like she wasn’t in a position to be a kid’s mommy, but she didn’t have a choice. Neither Ethan nor his family could provide for or keep their unborn baby safe. Rayn had a plan that involved calling the father of her baby, and trying to work things out with him, right up until the moment she received another threat, this time against her father.

  Colton’s parents had contacted the state and tried to get her father disbarred from practicing law; however, that didn’t work. Then, shortly afterward, Rayn had received a box containing a black doll with a rope tied around its neck. The note inside had said, “Keep to your own kind.”

  That last threat put to rest any idea of a Plan. Now there was no Plan.

  “I thought you were missing that white boy, but now…” Her mom stared at her stomach, making her feel uncomfortable. “Great way to start off your future.” She placed the test on the counter.

  “Your dad is going to have a heart attack when he find out he’s going to be a granddaddy.” She wiped down the sink. “What happened to going to medical school?”

  “I’m still going.” Rayn leaned against the wall. “I’ve de
cided to go a different route.”

  “And that is?” Her mom cocked an eyebrow.

  “Being a doctor isn’t in the cards if I am pregnant, at least not at the moment,” she finally admitted, “because of the time and years required. But I’m still going to continue my dream. I’m going to be the next best thing, a physician’s assistant. I applied to a PA program and got accepted.” Rayn was proud of herself. She had been accepted to both schools she’d applied for. It was out-of-state, but she would make it work, like she always did. “Working and volunteering at the hospital helped me out. I only have to attend two years and complete rotations.”

  “And who is taking care of the b-a-b-y?” Her mother spelled it slowly. “While you’re in school?”

  “What baby?” Her father entered the kitchen, walked over to her mother, and kissed her forehead. He touched her mom’s belly. “You pregnant?” He started laughing.

  Her mother was serious as she glared at Rayn.

  “No!” Her father slammed his palm on the counter. “After everything I’ve done for you.” He exhaled sharply, staring at Rayn. “You just threw your future down the fucking drain, like Adina!”

  Rayn swallowed and looked away. “My future will still be bright,” she whispered.

  “Really.” Her dad gave a mirthless laugh. “With a baby on your hip.”

  “Jarod,” her mom chimed in. “We raised her right. Mistakes happen.”

  “Mistake? Like having that racist family come after my practice, because she chose to fuck a white boy?” He shook his head like it had just dawned on him. “You’re having a baby with a fucking white boy?”

  “No!” her mother blurted out. “The baby isn’t his.” She watched Rayn for a moment and then gave her attention back to him.

  She assumed her mom was protecting her. Her dad despised white people. His childhood in the hood had been awful. He made sure his family never had to live the life he did. Her grandmother explained where her father’s hatred had begun. He’d witnessed three white guys kill his uncle and get away with it, calling what they did self-defense.