All My Loving

by Marie Force

“There is something good in all seeming failures. You are not to see that now. Time will reveal it. Be patient.”

  —Swami Sivananda

  Landon drove them into town that afternoon for the all-hands meeting his dad had called. Linc had asked her to attend, most likely to discuss the training on her company’s product line, which was set for Monday.

  When they reached the bottom of the stairs that led to the offices upstairs, Landon said, “Hop aboard, my sweet. I’ll give you a lift.”

  “I can probably do it.”

  “But I was so looking forward to getting my hands on you again. Don’t disappoint me.”

  “I’d never do that. Knock yourself out.”

  “Don’t mind if I do.” He gave her ass a grab before he lifted her and headed up the stairs. “I need your ankle to get better so we can zip-line and teach you to drive a stick and all sorts of other fun stuff, but I sure will miss carrying you around.”

  “And I’ll miss being carried around by you.” She took advantage of the opportunity to fix his messy hair and kiss his cheek.

  “Oh, for crying out loud,” Hannah said when they reached the landing at the top of the stairs.

  “Don’t be doing that stuff in front of the children.” Hannah shielded Callie’s face so she couldn’t see her uncle kissing Amanda.

  “She sees far worse at home, I’m sure,” Landon said.

  “That’s true,” Hannah replied.

  Landon groaned as he put Amanda down. “Gross.”

  “Not even kinda.”

  “I’m sorry, Callie.” He kissed the baby’s chubby cheek. “You call Uncle Landon if it ever gets to be too disgusting to stay at your house.”

  “Oh, whatever. You’d last ten minutes with a baby.”

  “That’s not true!” He glanced at Amanda, seeming concerned she might think he couldn’t handle kids. “I’ll take her any time for as long as needed.”

  “That’s very nice of you, but I love my child too much to trust her to the likes of you.”

  “I could do it, Hannah,” Landon said. “I mean it.”

  Before Hannah could respond, Linc called for everyone to get in the conference room.

  “This came for you, Amanda,” Emma said, handing her a FedEx envelope.

  “Thank you. Looks like the monthly mail delivery from my office.” Amanda took it with her into the conference room, where most of the family had already gathered.

  Molly and Elmer greeted Amanda with hugs and concern about how she was doing.

  “I’m much better,” she said, touched by their warm greetings. “Landon is taking very good care of me.”

  “He’d better be,” Molly said with a smile and kiss for her son.

  Everyone seemed surprised to see Lucas when he came in with Dani and Savannah.

  “What’re you doing here?” Hunter asked him.

  “I heard it was all-hands, and since I have hands, that includes me.”

  Linc jumped up to find seats for Lucas and Dani. “We could’ve updated you, son.”

  “It’s fine.” Luc lowered himself gingerly into the chair his father got for him. “I’m going nuts from doing nothing. It’s good to be out.”

  “Well, it’s good to see you,” Linc said. “It’s good to see all of you. I called this meeting to go over a few things that’re coming up that’ll affect us all. First up will be the long-awaited training next week of our sales team for the intimate product line. Wade, can you give us an update on that?”

  “My update is this: Amanda, I need you.”

  While everyone else laughed, she gave him a thumbs-up. “I’ll be there for you. I promise.”

  “Thank God.”

  “Believe it or not, training the sales force won’t be as traumatic as you think,” Amanda said.

  “It would be for me,” Wade said bluntly. “I’ve known most of those women since I was a little kid. I can’t do it. I just can’t.”

  “I got you covered.”

  “God bless you.”

  “Can you be at the Grange bright and early on Monday morning?” Linc asked her.

  “Sure thing.”

  “Excellent. Cameron and Lucy, can we get a catalog update?”

  “We’re down to the final photo shoot, which will take place next Wednesday and Thursday.” Lucy got up and handed out a piece of paper that had the schedule on it. “If anyone can’t do it at their appointed time, let me know, and we’ll move things around.”

  “What about the cousins?” Will asked. “How come only Gray is on the schedule?”

  “Grayson agreed to do it,” Lucy said, “but Noah said, and I quote, ‘There’s no way in hell I’m doing that.’ He said he’s completely consumed with rebuilding the inn and has no time for anything else. Izzie is doing the shoot for us, and the rest of the Colemans are in Boston, so we need to be happy with what we’ve got. Landon, I did the math on your schedule to figure out that your four days off happen next week, so you should be free, right?”

  “Sadly, yes,” he said to laughter from his siblings.

  “Excellent. We need your handsome face in the catalog.”

  “Why do I have to do underwear?” Colton asked. “I feel objectified.”

  “Oh, shut up,” Lucy said. “You prance around naked half the time. Putting underwear on is civilized for you.”

  “Note to self,” Hunter said, “never visit the mountain without calling first.”

  “You know it, brother,” Colton said with a smug smile. “There’s a lot of honeymooning going on up there these days.”

  “Shut your mouth, or the honeymoon is over,” Lucy said.

  “Yes, dear.”

  “Has anyone considered what’s going to happen when the women receiving this catalog realize the male models live here in Butler?” Megan asked.

  Lincoln gave her a blank look. “No. Why?”

  Megan covered her mouth with her hand, clearly trying not to laugh.

  Amanda picked up her meaning. “I believe Megan is saying we’re apt to be overrun with women wanting to meet the men in the catalog.”

  “That.” Megan pointed to Amanda. “Exactly that.”

  “Being overrun would be a good thing,” Linc said. “Isn’t that one of the goals of the catalog? To get people to come to the store?”

  “Sure,” Will said, “as long as that’s the only reason they’re coming.”

  “It’ll be fine,” Linc said.

  Amanda wasn’t so sure about that, but didn’t say anything more. They’d find out soon enough.

  “One more thing for the catalog,” Cameron said. “We had the idea to do some profiles of people who’ve been associated with the business for a long time. Amanda has offered to do them, and we’re going to start with Elmer and Mildred for the first ones. If you’re up for it, that is, Elmer.”

  “I’d be delighted,” Elmer said with a wink for Amanda.

  Could he be any cuter?

  “What a great idea,” Linc said. “I can’t wait to read them.”

  Amanda was thrilled that he liked the idea. “I’m looking forward to working on them.”

  “Last item on the agenda,” Linc said, “is a reminder that we’re leaving from here at noon on Friday. We need to be in Boston for the rehearsal at five o’clock.”

  “Mia and I are heading for Boston on Wednesday,” Wade said. “She’s got a final dress fitting on Thursday, and Cabot has all kinds of plans for us. He’s so excited.”

  “He’s adorable,” Cameron said. “Imagine spending all that time hoping and praying he’d find his missing daughter.”

  “I can’t,” Linc said. “What was done to him was unconscionable.”

  “Does Mia talk to her mom at all, Wade?” Lucy asked.

  “Once in a while. Things aren’t great between them, as you might imagine.”

  Amanda had heard how Mia’s mom had taken off with her when she was a baby, hiding from her child’s father, and how Mia had uncovered her mother’s deceit after Hunter discove
red her Social Security number belonged to someone who was dead. Mia had learned that her whole life had been a lie—and she’d found the father who’d never stopped looking for her. Amanda wondered how Mia could ever forgive her mother for such an epic deception.

  It boggled the mind.

  They were on their way back to Landon’s when Amanda opened the package that Emma had given her and sifted through bills, junk mail and other items forwarded from her office. A plain white envelope caught her attention. Amanda opened it to find three sheets of paper. The first was a cover letter with a logo on it that stopped her heart.

  Dear Ms. Pressley,

  Enclosed, please find a letter we received from your biological child’s adoptive mother and your child. Per your request, we have sent it along to you. After you’ve had a chance to review the enclosed inquiry, please contact our offices via the toll-free number listed below to discuss next steps. Of course, you are under no obligation to respond, should you choose not to.

  “Amanda? What’s wrong?”

  “I, uh, there’s a letter. About my daughter. It’s from her and her mother.”

  Landon looked over at her. “What does it say?”

  “I haven’t read it yet.”

  “Do you want to wait until we get home? We can read it together.”

  “Yeah. I’ll wait.” It’d be only a couple of minutes, but she absolutely could not do this alone.

  “Are you all right?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t expect this. She’s only twelve. They said she couldn’t contact me until she was eighteen unless something about her situation changed.”

  “Oh wow. I wonder what happened.” He reached for her hand. “Hold on to me. I’m here.”

  “Thanks.” Amanda’s hands were shaking, and suddenly, she was freezing.

  Landon drove faster than he usually did and got them home quickly. “Coming for you,” he said as he got out. “Hang on.” He helped her out and escorted her inside, took her coat and settled her on the sofa. “Let me just throw a log on the fire.” After he did that, he tossed his coat aside and joined her. “Look at me.”

  Amanda forced herself to meet his gaze, which was full of concern and affection.

  “Whatever it says, you’ll be okay.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because you’re strong and capable, and nothing in that letter will change those things.”

  She nodded, hoping he was right, and took a deep breath, steeling herself for whatever she was about to find out.

  “Do you want me to read it first?”

  “Would you?”

  “Of course.”

  Amanda handed the two pages over to him.

  He quickly scanned the cover letter before turning his attention to the second page. “Oh wow.”

  “What does it say?”

  “‘Dear Amanda, I’m writing to let you know that a situation has arisen that I didn’t foresee, and in light of our correspondence over the years, I thought you’d want to know. There’s no easy way to say this, but I’m dying.’”

  “Oh my God,” Amanda said, gasping.

  “‘I’ve been diagnosed with stage-four brain cancer and have been advised to get my affairs in order. As you might imagine, my only concern is for Stella.’”

  Amanda tried to process what she was hearing, knowing that Stella’s adoptive father had died when she was seven, but it was too big, too much, and she almost couldn’t hear Landon’s voice over the roar in her own ears.

  “‘When we first adopted Stella, I bristled at the idea of having to share her with you, even through periodic updates and photos. I wanted her to be all mine, especially after her father died, but she’s never been all mine. She’s yours, too, and as I got to know you through our letters, I realized how lucky I was to have someone else out there who loves her like I do. Which is why, when I received this devastating diagnosis, my second thought was about you.

  “‘As you know, I don’t have a lot of family, and we’ve moved so much due to my job that there really isn’t anyone else I can ask to finish raising my beloved child who would love her and care for her the way I do.’”

  By now, Amanda was rocking on the sofa. She’d wanted to shake things up, but she’d never imagined anything like this.

  “‘It’s a big ask. I know that. But there it is. I’m asking, and I thought you might want to hear from Stella, too.’”

  Landon shuffled the pages and read from the third one.

  “‘Hello, it’s me, Stella, and as you know, I’m twelve years old.’”

  Stella. Tears filled Amanda’s eyes as the old familiar ache took up residence in her chest.

  “‘My mom and I talked about what we should do after we found out why she’s been having so many headaches.’”

  Tears ran unchecked down Amanda’s face. She was filled with disbelief and the strangest feeling of hope that made her feel guilty in light of what they were dealing with.

  “‘My mom said you gave me up because you were too young to take care of a baby. Because of that, we thought your situation might be different now, and it might be possible for you to take care of a twelve-year-old who is a good student and a good kid. I really am! I do what my mom tells me to do. I work hard in school and get really good grades. I also play soccer and do dance. Before we consider other options, my mom and I decided we should reach out to you. She called the agency, and they agreed to forward our letter to you because of our situation. They said you checked a box on the adoption form allowing contact before I turn eighteen if anything changed for me. I know it’s a lot to ask of anyone, but if you are as interested in meeting me as I am in meeting you, maybe we could start there and see what happens? If not, that’s okay. I understand this is a very big thing to ask of anyone, especially someone who doesn’t even know me! The agency said if you contact them, they’ll put us in touch. I hope to hear from you, but if I don’t, I’ll just say thank you for bringing me into the world. Love, Stella.’”

  Oh my God, Amanda thought. Could she be any sweeter or cuter? She wiped away tears that continued to fall. “Can I see the letter?”

  Landon handed it to her.

  She scanned the loopy, middle-school handwriting and read the letter for herself, devouring every word all over again.

  “She seems like a very special young lady,” Landon said.

  “So special.”

  “How do you feel about what she’s asking?”

  “I’ll do it. Of course I will.”

  “You don’t want to think about it?”

  “What’s there to think about? She’s my child, and she’s going to need a home.”

  “It’s so awesome that that’s your first impulse, but you’re not under any obligation to do this. You know that, right?”

  “I do. I know that, but it doesn’t matter. I want her. I’ve yearned for her from the minute I signed those papers. I knew it was the best thing for both of us at the time, but she’s right. Everything has changed for me since then.”

  “For what it’s worth, I’d do the same thing in your shoes.”

  “You would?”

  “Absolutely. So I’m only playing devil’s advocate when I remind you of the list of things you want to do.”

  “None of that matters now. The only thing that matters is Stella.” Her voice broke as she spoke of her child.

  “That’s a beautiful name.”

  Amanda nodded and covered her mouth, trying to contain the sob that came from the deepest part of her.

  Landon put his arms around her and held her while she cried, smoothing his hand over her back.

  They stayed like that for a long time, until the room had gone dark and her tears had subsided.

  “Thank you.”

  “I didn't do anything.”

  “You were here, and that helped tremendously.”

  “I’m happy to be here with you, and I’ll do whatever I can to make this easier for you.”

  “I’m going to get
to meet my daughter.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  Amanda thought of the trip to Paris she’d impulsively booked that would have to be canceled. Or, maybe she could take Stella with her.

  Stella.

  Her child wanted to meet her and maybe come to live with her. Emotions she’d never experienced before flooded her system in a wild burst of endorphins. “Maybe this is why I survived that fire. So I could be there for her.”

  “Maybe so.”

  “Wouldn’t that be something?”

  Landon smiled and nodded. “It’s so sad about her mom, though. She’s going through a lot at only twelve.”

  “I know. I thought that, too. This is so, so, so not about me...”

  “It's a little bit about you.”

  “I just, I wonder… How soon do you think I’ll get to meet her?”

  “Probably pretty soon. If you call the agency in the morning, they’ll help you set something up.”

  Amanda put her hand on her stomach, which was suddenly full of butterflies. “This day turned out much differently than I expected.”

  “My Gramps always says, ‘You never know what’s around the next bend.’”

  “It’s so true. I couldn’t have seen this one coming. That’s for sure.”

  “Do you feel like you could eat?”

  “I doubt it. I’m buzzing like I’ve had a dozen cups of coffee.”

  “How about a movie, then?”

  “I thought you had to work?”

  “I do, but I have a radio, and I’ll get there eventually.”

  “It’s fine if you go. I promise I’ll be okay. I’ll sit here and stare at the TV while I think about how I’m going to get to meet my daughter.”

  Landon smiled at her. “I’m happy for you.”

  “I’m happy for me, too, but I have to remember what she’s going through and keep telling myself it’s not about me.”

  He took hold of her hand and brushed his lips over her knuckles. “I’m going to keep reminding you it’s about you, too. Of course it is.”

  “I’ll understand if this is too much for you.”

  “Huh? What? It’s not too much. Why would you think that?”

  “We just started, you know, something… And this sort of changes the game.”

  “It doesn’t change anything for me.”