The Prodigal Heart

by Karen Cogan

  On Saturday morning, Rachel hurried out to Terri's waiting car for a ride to work.

  Terri put the ancient Toyota into reverse and backed from the parking space. "Did you have a good time last night?"

  Rachel nodded. "Except for the part about my car."

  Terri gave her a sympathetic look. "I hope it doesn't cost too much to fix."

  "Me, too."

  After a short silence, Terri asked, "How's it going with Jonathon?"

  "A little confused. Some of the problems he's having with his mother-in-law have spilled over to us."

  "I hope you can sort it out. He seems like a nice guy. He must have changed a lot over the last ten years. You seem suited for each other. I know Eric thinks highly of him."

  Rachel nodded. "He has changed. Only now, he's so serious about his work, he puts it before everything else, even Ricky."

  "He's got to make a living."

  "I know." She stared ahead, not wanting to pursue the subject. How could she make Terri understand that life with Jonathon would have to offer more than money and position as a lawyer's wife? She wanted more.

  Terri gasped as they parked at the learning center. A jagged hole scarred the glass of the large front window. They unlocked the door and hurried inside to investigate, finding a large rock lying on the floor.

  "Kids! They never think how much trouble they cause when they do something like this. I wish I had them standing here right now," Terri spouted.

  Rachel stared at the rock. She could not shake the feeling that every time something bad happened, it was Nina's doing. It put her on edge, wondering what would happen next. Yet she had no proof and nothing to gain by voicing her suspicion. So, she helped Terri clean up the glass. She hoped anxiety about Nina would not haunt her for as long as she had anything to do with Jonathon.

  The mechanic called while Terri was at the discount store buying a sheet of plastic for the window. The good news was the car would be ready that afternoon. Rachel took a deep breath, hoping for the best as she asked for the repair cost.

  Three hundred dollars was an unwelcome addition to what it was going to cost to repair the front window. Yet, she had no choice.

  She sighed, agreeing to pick up the car that afternoon. They had few tutoring appointments that day, as most of their clients were on holiday the week before Easter Sunday.

  Thinking of Easter made her remember that Jonathon would not need to give her a ride to church in the morning. She dialed his number, still reeling from the onslaught of monetary worries. She was surprised to hear a young woman answer the phone.

  "Mr. Parker's not here right now. I could give you his office number or tell him to call you when he gets back."

  "That's okay. I'll call tonight."

  "Okay." The cheerful voice disconnected, leaving Rachel feeling uncomfortable.

  She called again in the evening, wondering if the young woman would answer. She was relieved to hear Jonathon's voice.

  She explained, "I wanted to let you know my car is fixed. I won't need a ride to church tomorrow."

  Jonathon replied without hesitation. "I'd still like to pick you up. In fact, Ricky and I planned to ask you to spend the afternoon with us if you don't have family plans. I thought I might talk you into helping with Ricky's egg hunt."

  "I'd love to. My folks retired in San Antonio to be near my sister and her kids. I went up for Christmas but I didn't plan to go for Easter. I'd have to make the drive there and back in one day."

  "Great. Then spend it with us. I'll pick you up for church at nine."

  She hung up feeling better. Jonathon wanted to spend the day with her. It would be just the three of them. No Nina, no young woman on the phone. Perhaps, everything would be all right.

  Easter Sunday arrived, warm and sunny. Ricky looked cute in his dark Easter suit. He sat beside them at church and fiddled with the bulletin, folding it and unfolding it until the end of the service. On the way home, he could hardly sit still. "Are we going to hunt Easter eggs?"

  Rachel smiled. "Possibly. However, I don't think the bunny has come yet."

  Jonathon studied Ricky. "Easter is more than hunting eggs, Ricky. Much more."

  He caught Rachel's eye. "I’ve have been reading my Bible lately."

  He longed to tell her how the words were changing his heart and life, but the unfolding was still too new and precious.

  She smiled and asked Ricky, "Did you understand what the pastor was talking about this morning?"

  Ricky nodded. "I understood. It's about Jesus and what he did for me. We're going to 'splain it to all the grown-ups this afternoon."

  Rachel cocked her head. "This afternoon?"

  Jonathon laughed. "It was supposed to be a surprise. The kids in Ricky's Sunday school class are re-enacting the Easter story. Ricky is playing one of the disciples."

  Rachel felt her heart warm. "That's wonderful. I can't wait to see it."

  When they got home, Jonathon nudged Ricky upstairs. "Go up and change clothes. I'll call you down when there's something to find."

  "Hurry, okay?" Ricky called.

  Rachel grinned at Jonathon. "I think he's on to you."

  "I think you're right."

  They hid the wrapped candy on the patio and called Ricky down. He skipped downstairs, holding a straw basket that looked as though it had weathered several egg hunts.

  "Where's the camera?" Rachel asked.

  "Camera?" Jonathon repeated.

  "Yes. Aren't you going to take his picture? He won't always be a small boy hunting Easter eggs, you know."

  "Right. The camera's in my desk drawer. I'll get it."

  Ricky sighed impatiently. "Why does Dad have to take my picture?"

  Rachel knelt down and straightened his shirt. "It's because you're so handsome."

  He screwed up his nose, making a silly face.

  She laughed. "You used to be handsome."

  After Ricky finished, Jonathon suggested a light lunch of scrambled eggs and toast.

  Rachel helped cook and Ricky ate just enough to satisfy the minimal requirement before delving into the candy.

  Jonathon turned to Rachel. "You deserve a reward for being a co-Easter rabbit. Now, if Ricky will get ready, we'll see a wonderful matinee. I think you'll enjoy it."

  She did enjoy it. She sat entranced as the children portrayed the events of the resurrection and joy of the first Easter Sunday. When they left, Ricky's observations about what he had learned warmed her heart like the warm spring sunshine that bathed them on their walk to the car. Deciding it was too pretty a day to spend inside, they drove to a park and sat on a blanket while Ricky played on the playground.

  Leaning against Jonathon's sturdy shoulder, she felt at peace. No matter what happened to her business or what might become of this relationship, she intended to enjoy this beautiful afternoon. As though sensing her mood, he put his arm around her and hugged her close, brushing a strand of hair gently from her cheek.

  "I want us always to be together. You and me and Ricky." He turned her face to his and looked into her eyes. "I want to marry you."

  The urgency of his voice took her by surprise. Catching her breath, she stared into a gaze of dark, imploring pools beseeching her to take the plunge. Sorely tempted, she tried to think what this action would mean to her future.

  "I love you, Rachel. I always have. Do you still love me?"

  Her pulse quickened at his words. She had never been good at hiding her feelings and she was sure he could read the answer on her face."Yes. I love you. I've always loved you."

  "Then what are we waiting for? Let's get married. Next week, next month, over the summer...whateve
r you say. But let's get married."

  She caught her lip. "I don't know. There are still some things we haven't worked out."

  "Like what? You said you loved me."

  "I do. Yet, there's still the issue of faith in God. It's important to me that both of us share this in a marriage."

  Jonathon took a deep breath. "Last week I asked Jesus into my heart. I thought my wicked past might keep Him from hearing me. But I've been reading the Bible since I started going to church with you. I kept repeating the promise from Acts 2:21 that everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. I feel a peace I've never known. I have a long way to go, but I'm learning and growing."

  Rachel's eyes filled with happy tears. "I've prayed so hard for you to accept the Lord, Jonathon. You'll never regret it."

  Jonathon smiled shyly. "So, will you marry me?"

  Rachel considered carefully. The idea of being unequally yoked had weighed heavily on her heart. Though she was delighted to hear his confession, there were still problems to be faced.

  "You travel so much. You'd be gone and I'd be left alone to take care of Ricky with Nina to worry about."

  The irony of this scene twisted in her heart like a dagger. She had loved him in high school, longed to have him propose to her then. Now, years later, when he finally did, she was the one with misgivings.

  He let his hand drop from her face. "Everything can't be as neatly outlined as your lesson plans. You can't program my job to fit perfectly into your schedule. Nothing is ever going to be that flawless. I thought you'd be happy I'd made something of myself. I thought you'd be proud to be my wife. The only way I could be less busy is to be less successful."

  She took her time, thinking before she spoke. "I am proud of you. I'm proud of the way you've turned your life around. But remember, I've got a business, too. Before I can take on the role of wife and mother, I've got to find a new partner."

  His voice held impatience. "I offered to take care of that."

  She bit her lip. "I know. And that was generous. But I have to do it myself."

  He sighed. "Have it your way. When things are good enough, just right, and perfect, let me know and we'll get married. Just don't take too long."

  He rose and called to Ricky, leaving her to ponder his words. Were they a threat? Was he giving her a deadline?

  And if she didn't meet it? Then what?

  They walked back to the car with Ricky skipping behind them. A quick look at Jonathon revealed nothing in his expression, only an inscrutable silent mask. Bolstering her resolve, she ignored his displeasure. Under no conditions would she be manipulated into marriage. They had waited ten years. They could wait however long it took until the time was right.

  Ricky's childish chatter helped her disregard the brooding countenance of the handsome man who had won her heart. Nonetheless, she knew his mood had cast a pall that the bright sunshine couldn't penetrate.

  She declined his invitation to stay for a snack supper.

  He didn't speak to her again until they reached her apartment. Turning, he said, "I've been thinking. I know I pressured you and I'm sorry. It's just that my life's been a mess for so long, I'm ready for things to settle down."

  She ran her hand along his cheek to touch the dark hair that was neatly trimmed above his ear. "The answer is yes. I want to marry you...when the time is right."

  He smiled. "I'll be out of town for the next ten days. I'll call you when I get back."

  She flinched at the length of his absence, and then decided not to object. She said simply, "I'll miss you."

  "I'll miss you, too." He kissed her lightly. From the backseat, Ricky announced his hunger. She turned to him with a grin. "Your dad is going to feed you. Don't forget to teach him some of those games we played on the computer."

  Jonathon groaned.

  Rachel waved genially as he drove away.

  Alone in her apartment, she tried to sort the confused emotions that battled in her mind. She definitely wanted to marry Jonathon. Yet, only on terms she could accept.

  She faced the next morning feeling a mix of excitement and anxiety. Today was the day Paula Jeffries had asked her to present the in-service on Attention Deficit Disorder.

  She had her notes in order, her speech fully memorized. Her experience with Paula Jeffries convinced her there were teachers who needed information about this disorder and what to do if they spotted a problem. Yet, she worried about doing justice to her topic.

  She clutched the steering wheel as she parked in the visitor's lot. She had fifteen minutes before her talk. Taking a deep breath, she gathered her papers.

  She swallowed hard, fortifying herself with the conviction that she was doing this for Ricky, as well as for other children who were struggling to cope unaided and misunderstood. These were children who needed to be reached before their self-esteem suffered.

  She entered the auditorium by a side door as the previous speaker answered questions. She returned Paula's welcoming smile as she took a seat beside her. Paula leaned over. "I'll introduce you as soon as she's done. You'll be great." She patted Rachel's arm.

  As Rachel struggled to calm her rapid heartbeat, Paula rose to the stage to introduce her and state her credentials. After that, there was nothing to do but come forward. She stood alone in front of a hundred teachers, cleared her throat, and began.

  The audience was attentive and, feeling passionately about her topic, she soon warmed to the crowd. The time flew, and before she knew it, she had finished.

  Hands rose when she asked for questions. When she finally sat down, Paula's encouraging smile reinforced what she already knew. It had gone well. "The teachers have an hour and a half break for lunch. I'd like to treat you to a hamburger," Paula offered.

  "I'd like that. But you don't have to treat."

  "I insist. Come along before the crowd gets there."

  They rode in Paula's sedan; spotlessly clean except for the backseat which was piled with student papers. "I never get caught up on grading," she lamented. "Guess I'm getting old. This is my last year and I have mixed feelings about retiring. The long days on my feet are getting hard, but I'll really miss the children."

  "You're retiring this year?"

  "I'll be sixty-five next month. I've put in thirty years with this district. I can hardly believe it."

  "It will be their loss. I've been impressed by how much concern you've shown for Ricky this year."

  "I was intrigued by this child's potential once he got the extra help he needed. I couldn't believe what a difference it made. He's surpassed what I thought he was capable of doing. I'm just sorry that, with such a large class, I'm not able to spend more time with each student."

  As they parked and headed into the fast food restaurant, Rachel was struck by a sudden insight. Perhaps the answer she had been seeking was right before her. As they waited for their order, she weighed facts. Paula was retiring this year and would miss her contact with the students. Terri was moving, leaving Rachel in need of a new business partner.

  Inspired by the idea, she broached it as they sat down to eat. "You seem challenged by children with special learning needs. I've seen your interest in Ricky." She bit her lip and grouped her thoughts as Paula watched her in polite interest.

  Continuing, she said, "My partner is moving and I've been looking for someone who could replace her. Now I've found out you are retiring, I think you would be perfect if you're interested."

  Paula raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "I'm interested in hearing more. What kind of financial commitment would it take?"

  "Not much really. We have the business built up, but since I can't tutor twice as many kids, I need someone to take Terri's spot so I can cover
the rent and utilities. She put in about three thousand as a start up cost, but we could spread that over time if you want to buy in. If not, I'll pay her off and become the sole owner. Either way, I need another tutor."

  "I'll definitely accept your offer to tutor. As far as buying in, I'll need to think about it. I have a small nest egg, but I won't get rich on teacher retirement."

  "Can you start next month?"

  "Sure can."

  "You're the answer to a prayer."

  "Actually, you are. I've been feeling a little depressed about not having anything to do when I retire. My husband passed away three years ago and I'm all alone."

  "It seems we both got what we needed."

  Rachel left the restaurant with a sense of relief. It would be tight for awhile, but with Paula taking Terri's clients, she could stay in business. She drove to the office with a lighter heart.

  A short while later, Terri came back from lunch in high spirits from having spent her break with Eric. Her eyes lit with relief when Rachel told her the news about Paula. "I'm so glad. I've been feeling guilty about leaving you in the lurch."

  "I feel really good about this. Since Paula's retiring, she'll have more time and energy to devote to the job than someone who planned to tutor part-time while they kept teaching."

  Terri nodded. "Remember there's no hurry about buying my investment. I'm going to try and teach next year and with Eric's new job, we should be able to get along okay."

  "Thanks."

  With the problem of her business off her mind, she found her thoughts increasingly drawn to Jonathon. His conversion took a great weight off her heart. Yet, what if they were to marry? How would she care for Ricky? Maybe the girl who looked after him now could continue to watch him during the evenings when Jonathon was out of town and she was at work. She pondered the situation, always coming back to the same conclusion. To marry Jonathon now would free him from any feelings of responsibility he had for Ricky. She would become a single mom when he was out of town, and that would only cause tension in their marriage.

  More than a week later, she was still stewing over the problem and wondering what she would tell him. He had been due back in town the previous night and would be sure to call soon.

  Early in the afternoon, while she was teaching a skills lesson, the phone rang. She answered distractedly. The voice on the other end made the hair on her neck prickle.

  "I thought you might like to know what your boyfriend is up to." Nina's voice sounded slurred. "That cute little babysitter didn't go home last night after Jonathon came in. I know. I was watching. I sat there until three o'clock in the morning. That's how much he loves you, sweetie."

  Rachel felt as though her heart had stopped beating. She dropped back into her chair. "I don't believe you."

  "Well, I hate to break the bad news but it's true. Out with the old and in with the new. Just like it was with Eva. How does it feel to be on the receiving end?"

  Rachel sucked in her breath. It wasn't true. It couldn't be. "You shouldn't have been there. It's not right to hide and watch the house. You're imagining things and you need help."

  Nina gave a snort. "I didn't imagine anything. You've been replaced, just like Eva, and just like I was with Ricky. He needs me, you know. It's your fault he doesn't have me." The sentence ended in a sob, cut short as she hung up the phone, leaving Rachel clutching her end in frozen disbelief.

  Her hand shook as she replaced the receiver. She tried to collect her thoughts. A horrible idea wedged itself in her mind. Was this what Jonathon had been threatening when he had warned her not to wait too long to make up her mind about getting married? Was he already attracted to this young woman?

  She could pick up the phone and call him at work and demand an explanation. Yet, she fought the urge. Her office was hardly private. She could hear Terri shuffling papers in the next cubicle. Gritting her teeth, she determined to make it through the afternoon. She wouldn't think about it until tonight. Then, she would demand an answer.

  All afternoon she wavered between believing Nina had made up the story and fearing it was true. Tortured by doubts, she spent the next few hours vainly attempting to concentrate on her students.

  The tacos Terri bought for dinner tasted like cardboard. Rachel managed to choke down a few bites before making an excuse to retreat to her cubby where time moved interminably until, at last, it was eight o'clock. Leaving the game she had used with her last student scattered on the desk, she stuck her head in Terri's work space, "Would you mind locking up? I've got a splitting headache."

  The glance was sympathetic. "I thought you looked a little pale when we were eating. I'd be happy to lock up. I hope you're not coming down with something."

  Rachel forced her tight lips into a smile. "I'm just tired. I'll be at Jazzercise tomorrow, so don't think you can miss."

  Terri chuckled. "Yes, Mother. Now go rest that headache."

  In truth, a savage throbbing pounded in her temples. She squinted as she drove home, protecting her eyes from the brightness of the street lights. Would she be as able to protect her heart from the truth if Jonathon should tell her he had found another love?

  She strode stoically toward her door and composed her thoughts. She would be calm. She wouldn't play the part of the jilted hysterical woman, no matter what he said.

  The phone rang four times before he answered. He sounded harried. "Hello."

  "It's me. Did I catch you at a bad time?"

  "I was wrestling Ricky into bed, literally. Once I got him settled, I was going to call you." His voice receded as he said, "Ricky, go back upstairs."

  Then he was back on, huffing as though he were lifting the child. "Let me get this little monkey in bed and I'll call you back. Okay?"

  She hung up, feeling suspended as she waited anxiously for his call. Pain hammered at her temples, inspiring her to head for the kitchen and take an aspirin. She swallowed it quickly and began to pace, practicing the words she wanted to say.

  Five minutes later, the phone rang. His voice, more relaxed now, inquired, "Did you miss me? I missed you. Ten days out of town seems longer than it used to. All I can ever think about when I'm gone is you."

  She took a deep breath and plunged ahead. "There's something I need to ask you. Nina called today and told me the babysitter stayed all night. She thinks there's something going on between you."

  "What?" The exclamation was terse. "Why would she think that?"

  "She said the girl never left after you came home last night. Apparently, Nina was watching the house."

  "She should mind her own business. If I catch her out there, I'm going to call the police. I can't believe I ever left Ricky in her care."

  Ignoring his anger, she persisted. "Is what she told me true?"

  "If you have to ask me that, I don't think our relationship is what I hoped."

  He continued grimly. "I got in after midnight. Andi was asleep upstairs and I didn't see any reason to wake her. We got up this morning, got Ricky off to school, and went our separate ways."

  The image of Jonathon spending his early hours with this girl touched a raw nerve. Hadn't he said, "they" got Ricky off to school. It sounded like a little family.

  "You don't see anything wrong with spending the night in the same house with Andi?"

  "What was I supposed to do, wake her at midnight and chase her off?"

  "You could have spent the night at a motel."

  "Don't be ridiculous. I'm not going to a motel when I could spend the night in my own house. Besides they'd wonder why I hadn't come home."

  "Are you attracted to her at all?”

  "No. It hurts that you trust me so little that you would let Nina prompt you to make th
is stupid accusation. You're everything that is decent, sane, and whole in my life right now. If you don't believe me, I don't know what I can do to convince you."

  "It would help if you gave some thought to how I feel. You told me not to take too long making up my mind about getting married. Then you slept in the same house as Ricky's sitter. Does a live-in nanny suit you as well as a wife? Is it what you really want? We would get married so I would be available when you need me?"

  In the depth of her heart, she knew her words were rash. Yet, Nina's call had upset her deeply.

  Cut by her words, Jonathon replied slowly, "I'd never expect you to drop everything to care for Ricky. I assumed we would keep Andi for evenings and week-ends. Yet, with this ridiculous jealousy you're displaying, I see that wouldn't suit you. What do you want, Rachel? I don't see any way to please you."

  "Don't blame me. You know where I am all the time, and when I go home, I don't have a man sleeping in my apartment. For all I know you have a girlfriend in every city."

  His sigh was long and defeated. "You want proof I've changed. I can't give you any. Either you believe me or you don't. Which is it?"

  Her hesitation spoke more than she could say. In a voice that was terrible in its control, he said, "I think I know the answer. Good-night, Rachel."

  Shocked by the finality of his dismissal, she set down the phone and stood in the kitchen, feeling hot tears burn in her eyes. This was not how she wanted it to be. Stormy as it had been, their romance had held promise. Was it now to end in this fizzle of doubt?

  Dropping miserably onto the couch, she buried her face in her arms and cried until no more tears would come. Then, feeling dull and heavy-hearted, she plodded off to shower. When she got to bed, she escaped her pain in the anesthesia of sleep. Early in the morning, her dreams were punctured by restless spells of waking. Checking the clock several times, she was relieved when it was time to arise.

  Terri was in high spirits when they met at Jazzercise. She puffed, breathing hard, as they completed a warm-up. “I can’t believe it! Only two weeks until the wedding."

  "Do you have everything arranged?"

  "Since it's a small wedding, there's not much to do. My parents are flying in next week. I still need to choose between two wedding gowns. Would you run by the bridal shop with me when we get done and give me your opinion?"

  Rachel wasn't in the mood to judge wedding gowns. She was even less in the mood to explain the reason to Terri.

  "Sure. I'll give you my opinion, for what it's worth."

  As they looked at the gowns, Rachel couldn't help imagining what she would choose. Lace, with beads of pearl and a high neckline, like the one in the window. She imagined walking down the aisle. Her fantasy evaporated abruptly as she realized she could imagine only Jonathon at the other end.

  Terri stepped out, wearing the second gown. "Well, which will it be?"

  Rachel studied her critically. "This one. I think the high bodice suits you."

  Terri nodded, smoothing the silky skirt. "I think so, too. This one, it is."

  Rachel left Terri to finish the fitting and headed back to the center. The mail had arrived and she set the bills aside. At least with Paula replacing Terri, there was one thing off her mind. With or without Jonathon, the center would go on. So would her life.

 

  The week dragged slowly. Each night she hoped Jonathon would call. On Saturday, she took an extra shift of students to relieve Terri, who was picking up her parents from the airport.

  Having skipped her dinner break, she stopped at a drive-thru for a burger. It was late when she reached home, hungry and tired.

  The phone rang. The sound of Jonathon's voice would have thrilled her had his tone not sent a chill down her spine. "Has Nina called you today?"

  "No. Why?"

  "I think she may have Ricky. I got home a little while ago and the sitter told me he hadn't come in from playing hide-in-seek. I went outside and talked to the other kids. They said Ricky got into a car with a woman that matched Nina's description. We called the police and they came out. They've checked her house and she's not there."

  His voice shook as he added. "I'm afraid I'll never see Ricky again."

  CHAPTER TEN