Beyond Always (Lex and Amanda Series)

by Carrie Carr

  She brushed the blonde curls away from her daughter's eyes. The older Melanie became, the more she looked like Amanda. And Lex had a hard time telling her no. "Close your eyes, sweetheart. Everything's all right." She continued to comb Melanie's hair with her fingers.

  Down the hall, Amanda quietly opened the door to Lorrie's room. "Lorrie?"

  Thanks to the glow from the night-light in the adjoining bathroom, she could make out Lorrie's thrashing form beneath her blankets. Amanda crossed the room and pulled the covers back. "Lorrie?"

  Lorrie cried out, opening her eyes when she felt Amanda's touch on her shoulder. "No!"

  "Shhh. It's okay, sweetie. You're all right." Amanda sat on the edge of the bed and continued to talk softly. "Wake up, honey. Everything's all right."

  Lorrie blinked and rubbed her eyes before she sat up. "Mommy?"

  "I'm right here. You were having a bad dream." Amanda rubbed Lorrie's back, which was damp from sweat. "Do you want to talk about it?"

  Leaning into the touch, Lorrie took a trembling breath. "It was scary."

  Amanda used her free hand to turn on the lamp beside the bed, bathing the room in light. "How's that?"

  "Better." Lorrie's eyes closed and she started to sway.

  "Why don't you lie back down, sweetie?" Amanda helped her get more comfortable. "That's it."

  Lorrie opened her eyes. "You and Momma are okay, right?"

  "We're both fine. Was that what your dream was about?"

  "I kept looking for you, and everyone told me you were dead." Lorrie wiped her face with her hands. "It seemed so real."

  "I'm sorry you had a bad dream, honey. But, I promise we're okay." Amanda leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Do you think you can sleep, now?"

  "I think so." A yawn punctuated Lorrie's answer. "Love you, Mom."

  Amanda lightly stroked her cheek. "I love you, too."

  She adjusted the covers and sat quietly until she was certain Lorrie was asleep. Beneath the bed, she heard the sound of claws on the wood floor. Amanda dropped to her knees beside the bed and coaxed the frightened dog out.

  "Come on, Freckles." She scratched the rat terrier's head and then patted the blanket. "Hop up and keep her company."

  Freckles sprang onto the bed in one quick move. She circled twice beside Lorrie's hip before settling against her.

  "That's a good girl." Amanda gave her one final head scratch and stood.

  Usually Freckles slept in a cushy dog bed in the corner of the room, but Amanda decided that Lorrie's peace of mind was more important than worrying about a dog-scented quilt. She stopped at the doorway and turned, hoping that Lorrie would be able to sleep peacefully for the rest of the night.

  Chapter Six

  ONCE THE TEMPERATURE rose above freezing and melted the snow, it seemed as if the entire town of Somerville had come to pay their respects to Jacob Cauble. There were no seats available in the large Methodist Church, and many were left standing against the back wall. After the service was complete, they began to gather in small groups as a line formed to speak to the family.

  Amanda stood beside her grandmother at the front of the church and greeted the well-wishers who passed and gave their quiet condolences. The funeral service was open to everyone but it had been decided that the interment would be for the immediate family only, hence the large crowd. She felt lost and wished she had accompanied Lex and the children outside. To keep grounded, she glanced to the other side of Anna Leigh for her father. He looked years older as he spoke with each person who came up to him.

  "Thank you." Michael Cauble shook hands with yet another person he didn't know. He turned to his mother. "How are you holding up? Can I do anything for you?"

  Anna Leigh kissed the cheek of a woman from the Ladies Auxiliary and accepted her commiseration before speaking. "I'm quite all right, Michael. Please don't worry about me."

  At the sound of someone clearing their throat, Amanda turned around to see two familiar women in front of her. "Oh. Hi."

  Shelby Fisher, dressed in black jeans and black shirt, held out her hand. "I'm truly sorry for your loss, Amanda."

  "So am I," Rebecca added quietly. She was wearing a simple black skirt and gray blouse, and her red hair was pulled back into a bun. "If there's anything we can do for you, please let us know."

  "Thank you." Amanda leaned closer. "Would you mind going outside and checking on Lex and the kids?"

  "Sure." Rebecca kissed Amanda on the cheek. "If you need any quiet time, we'd be more than happy to watch the kids for you."

  "I may take you up on that."

  As the pair moved toward Anna Leigh, Amanda introduced them. "Gramma, these are friends of ours. Shelby Fisher and Rebecca Starrett."

  Anna Leigh gave them a genuine smile. "Thank you both for coming. Lorrie and Melanie have told us..." She caught herself. "Told me, so much about you."

  Shelby took her hand and squeezed it lightly. "Please accept our condolences, Mrs. Cauble. If there's anything that you need done around your house, have Amanda give me a call. I'll be honored to help."

  "Thank you, dear. I'll do that." Anna Leigh studied Rebecca for a moment. "Forgive me, but have we met?"

  "It's possible, Mrs. Cauble. I'm an assistant manager at Carson's Western Wear. Have you shopped there?"

  "Of course. I'm sorry I didn't place you."

  "No, that's all right. But if you need anything, please call either of us." Rebecca shook her hand before following Shelby down the line.

  "You have lovely friends, Mandy. The dark-haired one reminds me somewhat of Lexington. Although smaller."

  Amanda put her arm around her grandmother. "She's a lot like Lex. As a matter of fact, she works at the ranch. And Rebecca gives me another adult to talk to that's closer to my age. She comes for coffee and to spoil the kids."

  "Speaking of the children, where are they?" Anna Leigh noticed an empty space on the other side of her granddaughter. "I didn't think Lexington would leave your side."

  "Lorrie's been having some problems coping with everything. Lex took the kids outside to get away from the crowd." Amanda gave a small wave to her departing friends, who stepped through the side door of the church. "But I asked Shelby and Rebecca to check on them."

  ALTHOUGH THE GROUND was no longer frozen, the wind was cold enough to bring a chill down Lex's spine. Not for the first time, she wished she had worn her duster instead of her suit jacket which matched her black slacks and complimented her dark gray shirt. She leaned against a tree in the church's playground, holding Eddie as her two girls played on the swings.

  "Go, go!" Eddie bounced in her arms and pointed to his sisters. "Momma, go!"

  "Sorry, son. You're not big enough to be on those swings. Besides, if I put you down, you'd find the first bit of mud you could. And then we'd both be in trouble."

  "Need a hand?"

  Lex turned and saw Rebecca and Shelby. "Hey."

  She grimaced as Eddie's enthusiasm bubbled out as a screech when he saw the newcomers.

  "Bibba!"

  "Hello, handsome." Rebecca moved closer and held out her hands. "How about we give your poor momma a break?"

  "Be my guest." Lex relinquished her son and chuckled at his excitement. She relaxed against the tree as Rebecca took Eddie to the slide and slowly guided him down the hard plastic surface.

  Shelby tucked her hands into her coat pockets. "Kinda cold out here, ain't it?"

  "Yeah. But the kids were getting antsy." Lex turned to her friend.

  "Thanks for coming, Shelby."

  "Sure. Um, I'm really sorry for your loss. We saw Amanda inside."

  Lex blew out a heavy breath. "Is she all right?"

  "Hard to say. I mean, she wasn't falling apart or nothin', but..." Shelby shrugged. "She didn't look great." She stared at her partner, who was laughing at Eddie's antics on the slide. "You're a damned lucky woman, Lex."

  "Yeah, I know." Lex noticed where Shelby's attention lay. "Have you ever thought about kids?"


  The ex-rodeo rider laughed harshly. "Oh, yeah. I'm the perfect mother type."

  "Don't be so hard on yourself. Hell, look at me. I never thought I'd be in this position, but here I am."

  Shelby lowered her voice so she wouldn't be overheard. "I know you were kinda pushed into it, weren't you?"

  She spoke of how Lex and Amanda had taken Lorrie's care from Amanda's sister, Jeannie. She had suffered a stroke during Lorrie's birth, and her husband had been killed in an automobile accident shortly thereafter. "I mean, you didn't really have much of a choice, did you?"

  "Not at first, maybe. But when we had the chance to adopt Lorrie, I couldn't sign the papers soon enough."

  Once Jeannie had recovered, she realized that Lex and Amanda had been the only parents Lorrie knew for the first two and a half years of her life. As hard as it had been for her, Jeannie did the right thing for her daughter, and gave her up. "When Amanda told me she wanted another baby, it scared the hell out of me. But I'd do anything for her, and now I'm glad that I did. And then, with Eddie, well, I couldn't imagine my life without any of my kids."

  "Huh." Shelby rubbed the back of her neck. "I don't think I'd make a very good parent. I never had much of a role model."

  "You're a good person, Shelby. That's the most important thing."

  Lex gestured toward Rebecca. "What does Rebecca think about it?"

  Shelby snorted. "Hell if I know. It's not something that's ever come up. I mean, I see her with your kids and wonder if she wants one of her own. Not like I could do anything about it."

  Lex laughed at her expression. "There's ways around that, you know." She patted her friend's back. "You might want to talk about it with her, sometime."

  "Yeah." Shelby exhaled in relief when she saw Amanda leave the church and walk outside. "Here comes your better half--" her voice trailed off when she realized that Lex had stepped away the moment Amanda came out of the building.

  Meeting her wife halfway, Lex embraced Amanda in the middle of the playground. She felt Amanda's body tremble, which caused her to strengthen her hold. "I'm here, sweetheart."

  Amanda rested her face against Lex's chest and cried.

  For her part, Lex continued slowly to rock Amanda from side to side in an attempt to soothe her. "Hang in there, love," she whispered.

  "I...I...don't know if I can handle the cemetery." Amanda sniffled and wiped her face with a wadded tissue. "But I want to be there for Gramma."

  She looked down as she felt arms around her hips.

  Lorrie had seen Amanda come outside. Needing the comfort of both parents, she huddled close. She had heard her mother's comment. "I don't want to go either."

  Lex kissed Amanda's forehead before holding her arm out to her oldest child. "Come here, lil' bit."

  From a few feet away, Shelby cleared her throat. "Um, if you want, we can take the kids home with us."

  "Mom? Can we?" Lorrie looked up at them with a tear-stained face.

  Amanda glanced at Lex and caught her slight nod. "I wouldn't want to impose on Shelby and Rebecca like that."

  Shelby put her hand on Lorrie's shoulder. "Actually, I could use Lorrie's help. Rebecca's birthday is coming up soon, and I was hoping for some ideas."

  "Mommy! Momma! Look how high I can get," Melanie demanded from the swing. "I can almost kick the sky!"

  Lorrie wiped the tears from her face with her hand. "She's crazy."

  "Lorrie," Amanda warned.

  "Sorry." Lorrie lowered her eyes and stared at the ground. "Can I--" she caught herself. "I mean, may I go with Miz Shelby and Miz Rebecca?" She raised her face and looked into Lex's eyes. "Please?"

  Lex considered the question. "Go get your sister while we discuss it, all right?"

  "Yes, ma'am." Lorrie hugged Lex before she ran to the swings.

  Amanda waited until Lorrie was out of earshot. "Are you sure you're up to them, Shelby? Not that I don't appreciate the offer, but Lorrie's become a handful lately."

  "Oh? What's wrong?"

  Lex snorted. "Hormones."

  On her way to join the trio, Rebecca overheard Lex's comment. "Turning into a teenager early, is she?"

  "Mommy!" Eddie reached for Amanda.

  "I see where I rate." Rebecca relinquished her little friend. "How are you doing, Amanda?"

  "Okay." Amanda hefted the toddler into her arms and kissed his cheek. "Did you have fun with Ms. Rebecca?"

  Eddie patted her face and chin. "Gink, pease."

  Amanda smiled and kissed his fingers. "I can take a hint."

  She turned to Lex. "Did we bring his sippy cup?"

  "Yep. It's in his bag. Which of course, I left in the truck. Be right back." Lex jogged toward the gate that led to the parking lot.

  Shelby put her arm around Rebecca. "Darlin', I offered to take the kids with us while Lex and Amanda go to the burial."

  "That's a good idea." Rebecca turned to Amanda. "I noticed Lorrie was having an especially hard time."

  "She's been having bad dreams all week. Poor thing is terrified of one or both of us dying." Amanda brushed a stray tear from her cheek. "Melanie, of course, takes everything in stride. I think she's handling it better than any of us."

  Rebecca leaned against her partner. "Kids are so different. I don't know if I could be as good a parent as you or Lex."

  "Mommy, Lorrie said we have to leave. Can't we swing some more?" Melanie asked, as she tugged on Amanda's black dress.

  "No, honey. But, Ms. Shelby and Ms. Rebecca asked if you'd like to go home with them for now."

  "But I wanna swing."

  Lorrie stood a few steps away, with her arms crossed over her chest. She was wearing black jeans, matching turtleneck and a dark green barn coat. "Quit being such a baby, Mel."

  Melanie turned and glared at her sister. "I'm not a baby."

  She stomped her black patent leather shoe for emphasis. The navy-blue dress and matching overcoat had been a Christmas present from her Grandpa Michael and Grandma Lois. It was covered with tiny red birds, and she had begged to wear it to the funeral. "You're a grump."

  "Are not," Lorrie argued.

  "Are too!"

  "Girls, please!" Amanda shifted Eddie in her arms. "If you don't behave, I'll take you back to the ranch and you can spend the rest of the day in your rooms."

  She looked at Shelby and Rebecca. "Are you sure about this? We'll keep Eddie with us, so you'll at least have a fighting chance."

  Rebecca held out her hand to Melanie. "We'll be fine. Come on, sweetie. You can help me beat Shelby at Monopoly Junior."

  She had a few children's games for the girls, who often came to visit with their parents. "How about you, Lorrie? Would you like to come home with us?"

  Lorrie nodded, until a sharp look from Amanda reminded her of her manners. "Yes, ma'am. Thank you."

  "Well, come on, then." Shelby motioned for the sullen girl to come closer. "Remember," she whispered. "I'm going to need your help."

  For the first time in several days, Lorrie smiled. "Okay."

  "AMEN." REVEREND HAMPTON closed his Bible and raised his head. He crossed to Anna Leigh, who dabbed at her face with a handkerchief. "You don't have to be strong all the time, Anna Leigh. Let your family and your faith see you through."

  "I will." The sun cut through the cloud cover and glinted off the silver casket. Anna Leigh stared at the reflection. "It was a lovely service, Reverend. Thank you."

  "No thanks are necessary. Jacob was a good man, and an even better friend. He'll be missed by all who knew him."

  The clergyman lightly touched her arm before addressing Michael, who stood beside her. "Michael. You're always welcome to services."

  Michael clenched his jaw in an attempt to keep from breaking down. "Thanks. I may bring Mom in the next week or so."

  "Very well."

  Anna Leigh turned to her son. "I'm perfectly capable of taking myself where I want to go, Michael." His solicitous behavior was already more than she could stand. "I'm not feeble-minded or made out
of porcelain."

  "Mom, please. Let's not get into that here."

  Lois tugged on the arm of his jacket. "Michael."

  He jerked his arm from her and stomped away.

  Lois gave her mother-in-law an apologetic shrug and followed him.

  "He's going to blow," Jeannie whispered to her husband.

  "Should I go after him?" Rodney asked.

  "No. When he gets like that, it's best to leave him alone. He'll calm down, eventually." Jeannie kept a tight hold on Rodney's hand. "Can we pick up our kids? I want to spend the rest of the day with them."

  Their seven-year old, Teddy, was recovering from a bad cold. He and Hunter were staying with Wanda and her husband.

  "Sure. It's going to be a madhouse at your mother's, anyway."

  On the other side of Anna Leigh, Amanda blew her nose and leaned into her wife's body. "Dad's been driving Gramma crazy all week."

  She glanced at the stroller in front of her. Eddie was sound asleep beneath his favorite blanket.

  Lex rested her chin on Amanda's shoulder and tightened her arms around her. "Yeah. He's trying to be helpful, but it's coming off as bossy. Maybe one of us should talk to him."

  "I've already tried. He about bit my head off."

  "He what? When?"

  Amanda turned in Lex's arms so they were face-to-face. "Yesterday, on the phone. I called Gramma's house to see if she needed anything, and he answered. From what I could hear, he practically took the phone away from her."

  "Not good." With her protective streak in full mode, Lex stared at the back of the retreating man. "Maybe I should see what I can do."

  "No, I think--"

  Anna Leigh's voice cut into their conversation. "Are you girls ready to go? I'm certain that Martha and Charlie are tired of waiting at the house for us."

  With so many people planning to drop off food and flowers after the funeral, she was grateful to them for staying behind.

  Lex loosened her hold on Amanda. "Only if you're ready, Gramma."

  "Yes, I believe so." Anna Leigh stepped forward and placed her hand on the casket. "Would you give me a moment, though?"

  As soon as they started toward the cars, she leaned closer. "My darling. This is not what we agreed on, was it? I wanted to fall asleep in your arms for the last time, not be here without you." She covered her mouth with one hand and lowered her head.