PS... Trust Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance Book 8)

by Emjay Soren

  “Well then, it’s now my mission in life to get you to a show.”

  She laughed and shook her head. “Look, I already find you attractive, Chad. I don’t need you all sweaty on stage to make my knees weak, so the whole ‘I’m a Rockstar, baby’ vibe… you can drop it.”

  I hate that she thinks I’m just some act to get in her pants, but the truth is I don’t need to fake shit and she deserves to know that. I said all in and that means no bullshit. I take a deep breath and shift gears before looking at her. “Carrie, it wasn’t a line. To be honest, I don’t need lines to get girls. They come willingly.”

  I waited for her to say anything knowing her house was close, but as we drove she stayed silent. I want her to know me, but she never will unless she gets over whatever fucked up image she has in her mind of who I am. All I can do is respect her boundaries and try again tomorrow. I pull into the driveway and park the truck. I don’t even get the chance to look at her before she opens the door to leave.

  "Where you going?" I ask in a panic, scared I blew it with my honesty.

  She stopped and looked at me confused. "I figured this was the end of the trip."

  "Do you have to go?"

  You should because I am the guy who will try to kiss you.

  "No."

  "Good." I jumped out and dropped the tailgate, taking her hand in mine. "I like the view here."

  She looked at me and laughed. "What view do you see? The backyard has the view of the lake.”

  I smiled because she had no idea the effect, she had on me. "This one..." I cup her cheek… "I like looking at you... I like you, Carrie."

  I want so bad to kiss her and throw all my cards on the table, but I had to prove to myself and the world it seemed, that I was here for the right reasons. "I think I like you too. You freak me out though. You’re intense, in a good way."

  I’ll accept that for damn sure. "How so?" I ask and brush my thumb along her cheek.

  "Because I am super inexperienced with this stuff and I know you aren’t."

  "I’m not looking for any strange, Carrie. I like you. I can get sex anywhere." I hated how blunt I was. I know I sound cocky, but she needs to know that I could be anywhere else with any woman and I’m not. I’m sitting here with her hand in mine happy as fuck to just have the honor of taking up her time.

  "But I like you, and regardless of your brother’s bullshit, or the fact I’m four years older. I think we should go on another date before you decide to brush me off."

  I don’t know what comes next, but I know I am all in and already ruined for anyone else.

  Chapter Six

  Chad

  Hey beautiful…how’s my girl today?

  This was becoming a ritual, the texting. It was torture not being able to see her as often as I would like. She worked every damn day and I was slammed with promo shit for the band and booked out two weeks in advance for tattoos. I called her every night and most mornings before we both had work, but today I was booked all but the hour I had before my next client.

  Your girl?

  She responded and I had to smile. I closed the curtain to my booth and leaned back hoping to chat for my break. This was the first time I had called her my girl. She has always been mine, but today I had to tell her. I needed her to know she was mine before I put hands or lips on her.

  That’s how I see you these days. It ok? I reply, hoping it is ok. Carrie doesn’t put herself out there easily and the image of me through the years has her second guessing everything.

  If I say yes will that make you my man?

  Fuck yes it does. But, I reply calmly.

  Carrie girl I have been your man since the night you agreed to go all in.

  I hope she is happy about that. Fuck, why cant I go slower, calmer?

  “Blake, we have some walk in’s, can you come here real quick?” Bobby asks while I wait for her to respond. I am kicking myself for moving too fast. She doesn’t know where my head is or how bad I have wanted her for so long. She thinks this is random and here I go throwing everything at her.

  “Yeah.” I say and leave my phone on my drawing table. I would rather be distracted than wait on her to brush me off.

  I head out to see the waiting are packed with bikers. “This is Chad Blake, he’s been here about six years and one of the top artists in the shop.” Bobby introduces me to the guy in front of me looking over my book.

  “Hey man, nice to meet ya.” I say and shake his hand.

  “Name’s Jake.”

  “Nice to meet ya Jake. You have anything in mind?” I ask as I assess the amount of walk ins with this group and the artists we have.

  “Yeah, I would like the MC logo with a red ribbon and wings somehow incorporated?” I nod as he speaks taking it in as I look for Noah.

  “Yeah give me a few minutes to draw it up. You have a picture of the logo I can use?”

  He hands me a photo of the logo and takes a seat. “Hey where’s Noah?” I ask Bobby.

  “Fuck if I know. He hasn’t answered shit today. I’ve been cancelling and rebooking his clients.” Bobby says and my stomach plummets. I recall the conversation a few weeks back about his dad making waves.

  “I’ll try reaching out in between clients.” I say and Bobby starts with the next biker waiting.

  It’s almost one by the time I get home from the shop and get my phone on the charger. The studio was insane and after rearranging everything to accommodate the bikers I didn’t have time to think outside of worrying about Noah. I look at my phone and my stomach drops.

  All in is proving to be the best damn decision I have made in a long time. I really like you Chad, even more- I want to be your girl. You terrify me and excite me at the same time and I don’t know what to say or do. I’m scared that it’s all a stage and before long you’ll move on to more experienced and desirable girls.

  Fuck! She sent that at eleven-forty-seven this morning. She probably thought I ignored her because of the depth of her admittance. She laid it out for me and I didn’t fucking respond!

  I try and explain hoping she is awake.

  The night got slamming busy. A group of bikers came in all wanting commemorative pieces for a fallen friend. We had a waiting list like never and I didn’t want to send some lame message in response to yours. Call me we need to talk- x

  I wait twenty minutes and text again, hoping she is asleep and not pissed. Who the fuck have I become, honestly? I don’t know the protocol here. Do I keep texting, do I call? Do I leave it and go to bed. My stomach rolls when I think of Noah not reaching out all day and now Carrie.

  Haven’t heard from you yet, and I am not above blowing up your phone. Call me- x

  And then another one.

  I don’t know what I was thinking not hitting you a text back but I will never do it again Carrie. I just wanted to tell you… I feel the same.

  Oh my God! I am about to panic. Worry for her and Noah, after the threats of their dad, his insane behavior the last few weeks. I worry she is pissed because I ignored her all day. I dial her number now as the panic get’s the best of me.

  I get her voicemail and slam my hand on my dresser. “Carrie… I … fuck, Carrie. I feel exactly like you baby. I wanted to tell you this, but not over text or the phone. I wanted to come to you tonight and lay myself at your mercy, but I got slammed at the tat shop and just got home. I was not ignoring you, Carrie. I wanted it in person, but I’ll say it now. I want you, only you, and without question I will do whatever you want at any pace… call me baby…”

  I call Noah next and if he doesn’t answer I am headed over there.

  Two rings and he answers sounding like shit and maybe drunk. “The fuck man? What the fuck you need?” He slurs and I want to kill him.

  “Where the fuck is your sister? Where the fuck have you been all fucking day?”

  “Are you my dad?” He asks and laughs like that’s a joke.

  “No, but you go missing and now your sister isn’t responding… you tell m
e to look out and when I do you think I’m joking? Fuck you Noah.”

  I hear rustling and Noah curse. “Let me check man, hold on.” He says and I hear a door open then shut. “She’s in bed man.”

  I feel like I could pass out. Thank fuck she is safe, that they both are. I would rather her hate me than be in danger. “Good. What the fuck happened to you today?” I ask, still pissed he bailed. It isn’t like him. Noah doesn’t pull that sort of shit. He takes his clients seriously.

  “Shit that is none of your business.” He says and ends the call. I don’t know what is up with him lately. I get he hates the idea of me with his sister, but it is more than that. He is off his game in every way.

  I pull up the texts between Carrie and I and try to salvage my crazy texts from before.

  Just called Noah and he said you were asleep. So I will say this… I am sorry if you fell asleep thinking I didn’t care or that you weren’t enough. Carrie, you are everything and it scares the fuck out of me in the most unbelievably wicked way… yours most definitely- Chad x

  She called me after I sent the last message and I answered the first ring. “Hey…” I didn’t know what to say, I was glad she called.

  “Hey. Sorry, I crashed and just woke up when your message came through.”

  “Sorry I woke you… wanna call me tomorrow?” Fuck, she makes me act like a crazy fool. I feel like an asshole for waking her up.

  “No. If you want to talk, so do I.”

  “The fact you’re willing to talk to me makes me want to talk all night.” I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry I made you think I was ignoring you, Carrie. I just got busy.”

  “I wasn’t worried Chad.”

  The way she said it, with relief and a coolness that just isn’t Carrie, I had to laugh. “Liar.”

  She feigns shock. “What? No, Chad, really, I barely thought of you.”

  I laugh and its silent for a moment. “I want to know what you’re wearing, what your room looks like. I want to know everything so I can see you clearly in my mind while we are apart.”

  “Damn, Carrie…” I never thought I would hear her talk to me like that, but it was welcome anytime. “I’m wearing boxers. Only. You can see my room anytime and I love that you want to think of me like that.”

  She sounds shocked that I answered, but it was too late we were playing this game now. “Now tell me what you’re wearing because that’s all I need. I know what your room looks like.”

  “Tank top and boxer shorts.” She was nervous but answering me. Good girl.

  “Mmm. Nice.”

  “Well, I guess that cuts out some of the loneliness.” She says with a giggle and I want to be beside her.

  “Not even close, Carrie. The only thing that would help that is if you were here with me now.”

  “Well, I would be there if I didn’t have a crazy brother to contend with.” I knew she was coming around and that had me smiling.

  But, like always her fear of who I am and what she thinks I expect makes her doubt herself. “I wasn’t inviting myself over, I mean… I didn’t…”

  I chuckled at that. “No backing out of that now, Carrie. I’m on my way to you, meet me outside.” I hit end before she could argue. She might be scared or nervous, but I would prove that I just want to be near her. This wasn’t about sex, it was about us getting deeper.

  I made my way there quick and text her to meet me outside.

  Carrie

  “No backing out of that now, Carrie. I’m on my way to you, baby, meet me outside.” With that the phone went dead.

  Oh, shit.

  I jumped from my bed and immediately got dressed before I started primping my face for this little tryst, or whatever it was. Was he coming over so we could have sex? What was the playbook for after midnight meet-ups? Whatever it was, there was no way I was backing out.

  I opened my bedroom door to see if there were any noises coming from Noah’s room. When I heard nothing for three agonizing minutes I tip-toed across the hall towards the stairs. I jumped about a hundred feet and screamed bloody murder when Noah opened the bathroom door just as I was creeping by it.

  “What the fuck, Noah?” I screamed and jumped back grasping my chest.

  “What!” He asked with glazed eyes and a dopey smile on his face. What the fuck was up with him.

  “Are you drunk?” I asked and stepped closer where I could get a better look at his face.

  “No, just got home from work. It was busy, I’m beat.”

  He was lying to me. Bald face lying, and that was not something we did. “Bullshit, Noah.” My voice went harsh immediately and I gripped his chin forcing him to look at me. “What is wrong?” I asked through clenched teeth.

  “Back off, Carrie! Damn!”

  Noah never talked to me like that, like a child in need of punishment. I took in the glassy eyes and the fact that he was a pale shadow of the brother I knew and loved, and I knew. I dropped my stare to his hands and saw the needle and spoon, a spoon that was now burnt and wet with a slimy brown substance that I had seen too many times to be fooled.

  “Oh my god, Noah.” I gasped and stepped back from him completely disgusted. “No, no, no, no, no!” I screamed and smacked his hands when his loot scattered to the floor. I pushed him back and he hit the wall hard. “Why?!?! For fuck’s sake, Noah, why?!”

  “It’s under control, Carrie. Fuck, calm down.” He was so calm, his high keeping him from brooking any argument. “I just needed a little, I got shit on my mind.” He didn’t bother with excuses, he simply walked away from me. He slammed his door with enough effort to make my teeth rattle. Seconds later I could hear the blasting echo of Alice in Chains ‘Down in a Hole’ coming from his room, and knew I had no desire to sleep in this house tonight.

  I walked back to my room and grabbed a few pillows, blankets and my cell charger and flipped the light switch before storming down the stairs. I opened the door to the small boathouse in the back of our property and lit the small propane lantern before I set to task making my bed on the old pull out couch.

  There wasn’t much to be said about the place, but it was mine. I had a small desk in the corner with a rolling chair and a pull out sofa for the nights I stayed up writing, or in this case, when Noah got high. It had been where I practically lived when Noah started using four years ago. As my soul supporter back then, I was desperate for him to change, but also terrified of leaving him or of telling Seth and Lilly. I restored the boathouse to livable standards and made it my home away from home. I came out here to write, or sometimes just to think, and it had been my safe place for years. It was quickly becoming my hideout once again.

  My phone beeped. I had forgotten about Chad in all the shit that went down with Noah. All day I had been looking for a distraction from my Chad muddled mind. What I wouldn’t give for that all encompassing feeling again.

  Out front where are you?

  I quickly responded.

  Come out back to the boathouse. I’m inside.

  I tossed my phone on the small desk in the corner and leaned back on the fold out bed I made. I had a passing thought that Chad would get the wrong impression at seeing the bed, but before I could fold it up he tapped on the door and walked in.

  Every time I saw him he took my breath away. He was dressed in perfect fitting jeans that looked soft and well worn, though I was certain he paid greatly for that look. He wore a deep grey Henley with a Ramones vintage tee over the top. His head was wrapped in the black bandana that made my insides boil in precarious temptation. Just his hands and neck were showing the ink on his skin. In this moment I had an inappropriate thought that he would be the angel on my shoulder while Noah was the devil to my left. I had never seen Noah that way before, but knowing Chad had suffered with me in Noah’s former abuse, I knew he would feel the same now.

  Chad knew who Junkie Noah looked like.

  He took one look at me in my jeans and v neck black top and sauntered over, eyeing me like a piece of candy.


  “Fuck, you’re beautiful, Carrie.” He said and took my hands in his, pulling me to him and pressing us tight while he stroked my back and rained kisses along the top of my head. This sexy man, a real life Rockstar, could be anywhere, in any bed right now. The fact he chose to come to me, knowing there was no promise of sex, well, it wrecked me quite easily.

  I felt my eyes swelling with the need to cry; blinking back the tears I took a deep breath and inhaled all that was right in my world. It was an astounding emotion to know it was him that was right. He smelled like a man, musky, just a hint of soap. He’d likely showered when he’d gotten home and the scent that now enveloped him was uniquely Chad. It was fucking amazing.

  “I’m so glad you’re here, Chad.” I spoke softly into the fabric of his shirt and pulled him tighter to me, feeling my tears fall against all hope of holding it in.

  Chad noticed and squeezed me tighter. “Please, tell me that whatever has you so choked up right now has nothing to do with me not responding to your text earlier.”

  His hands stroked gently up and down my spine and he made no move to stop anytime soon. I drank the comfort in like a dying woman in a desert and let him hold me.

  Sometime later we had shifted from standing to lying side by side on the pullout bed. I was slowly drifting off, but I didn’t want to sleep. “It wasn’t you, Chad.” I whispered, not wanting to break the moment of peacefulness.

  “What was it, baby?” He asked just as quietly. Even his whisper was sexy as hell. He kissed my forehead and waited for my reply.

  I knew that once I told him what I was upset about, the peacefulness between us would fracture and dissipate, but I had to tell him. “Noah was shooting up in the bathroom right before you got here.”

  Chad

  “Noah was shooting up in the bathroom right before you got here.”

  I feel sucker punched. “Fuck…you sure?”