PS... Trust Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance Book 8)

by Emjay Soren

  I laugh and go to my truck. “See ya there.”

  “Carrie?” Noah yells as we walk through the door, Cal, and Shame behind us.

  She comes from the kitchen with an excited smile on her face. I pull her to me and kiss her sweet. “Hey babe.”

  “Oh, for the love Chad, what is it?” She giggles.

  “We just got asked to open up for Sinners of the Slipstream!” Noah says and she looks confused.

  I cup her face in my hands, “Sinners of the Slipstream sing ‘Bad Redemption.”

  “Seriously?” She is surprised and smiling ear to ear. She looks around to the guys and Noah nods and she starts clapping. I pull her close as Noah comes to her side and Cal and Shame behind us in a group hug as well cheer in excitement.

  “We leave in two days though sis.” Noah informs her and she stiffens immediately. I pull her chin to me so I can see her eyes.

  “How long?” She asks and I hear her nerves.

  “Eight days, it’s just the Washington tour.” Noah says with a shrug of his shoulders and makes his way to the kitchen and starts taking down shot glasses from the top shelf. He pulls down the Skyy Vodka and starts pouring five shots. We want to celebrate together, but I feel like I need to calm her fears.

  “Baby what’s got you freaked out?” I ask, close to her ear in hopes I don’t put everyone’s attention on her.

  She shakes her head no and walks to the kitchen and I guess I’ll let it go for now. “Damn girl!” Cal says and slams his shot back, Shame and Noah laughing and following suit as Carrie slams her shot. The doorbell rings right after the shot, “that’s Sassy, I called her and told her to meet me here.” Shamus said with a sneaky smile. “I haven’t told her yet.”

  I lean against the counter, taking a shot of my own and we all chat together with excitement, but I watch her trying to figure out where her head’s at.

  “I would like to make a toast!” She yells out, big ass smile and perfect pink cheeks and it’s all fake. She isn’t happy about this. Maybe she is for the recognition, but she isn’t happy we are leaving.

  “To my big brother, my man and my other two favorite boys!” She looks at me with that same smile, “Chad,” she calls to me with a quirk of her finger. “You guys deserve this!” She says it with conviction that makes me think I’m taking the wrong cues and maybe she is okay with this.

  We all cheer and decide we need to throw a party to set this shit off right. Carrie seems on board as we plot and plan, all of us texting to get the word out.

  “Hey…” I pull her into me and kiss her on top of her head. “Where you headed off to?”

  She looks up at me and I kiss her quickly, my hands on her ass holding her tight to me. “I'm gonna go outside and call Candy. I don’t know if Noah told her, but I want her to hear it from me not the masses.”

  I nod, kiss her real quick and let her go as I go to hang with the boys and celebrate.

  Carrie

  I stepped outside and called Candy, waiting for her to answer I let my gaze fall on the bay. This was home and my dad couldn’t take from us what was rightfully ours. Noah fought hard for this life, blood, sweat, and tears got us here and no way would I let Noah see my fear, not when he was so close to getting what he wanted most out of life.

  I feared our dad knowing I would be staying behind and that terrified me. I had a gun though and my aim was spot on. I wouldn’t hesitate to kill our dad if he came looking for me and that thought only heightened my fear. No way would I let Cody Beckett have my fear. I almost didn’t hear Candy answer because of the rage my thoughts were in.

  “Carrie you there?”

  “Have you heard the big news?” I ask feeling like I’m walking on eggshells my nerves are that rickety right now.

  She sniffed and I could tell she was crying. “Candy what’s the matter Chica?” I feel my heart squeeze when I see her face in my mind’s eye, crying over Noah and I just want to tell her it’s all going to be okay.

  “Yeah it’s just been a ton to process you know?” I did know. I was constantly processing something or other when it came to Chad. I had yet to deal with heartache of this magnitude. The fact that I felt like I would deal with this level of heartache…it was alarming.

  “Have you tried talking to Noah Candy?” I asked trying my best to stop thinking of all the bad shit that could go wrong between Chad and I, and focus on the bad shit that was going on between my big brother and the sister of my heart.

  “Not since I left him the painting. He texts me but I can’t respond.” She is still sniffling, and I hate knowing the strongest woman I know is this shattered inside.

  “What do his texts say?” I sit on the bench and look out over the water thinking about the painting and the PS note she left at the bottom.

  “Uh…shit really. ‘I miss you,’ or ‘please just meet me so we can talk.’ He told me he meant what he said about loving me and that he needed a second chance.” Her voice broke as she described the pleas and I could hear the confusion and desperation in her cry.

  “Have you thought about talking to him?” I ask and I try to be careful and chose my words wisely because I can’t pit myself against either one. I love them both and I hurt for them both.

  “How can you ask me that Carrie?” She wails but keeps going. “You and Chad might just be starting out and things aren’t physical yet but imagine giving all of yourself over to him, having him seduce you with promises and touches before destroying it all after he confessed his love.”

  I realize that I haven’t spoken to Candy other than through text since she left the party after catching Noah. She had no clue how far I had fallen in this relationship with Chad. I had wanted to see her and tell her all of it in person, but the time seemed to be now and over the phone.

  “Well…” I say biting my lip not sure how to say it and decided that blurting it out is best. Why I decide that is beyond me, but I do it anyway. “Chad and I have been having sex. A lot of sex. That doesn’t mean that I know where you’re coming from as far as the betrayal but I know what it means to feel the man you love inside of you doing things that you could only ever let him do.”

  “You guys had sex?” She asks me, the shock in her voice wasn’t unnoticed.

  “Yes.”

  “When?”

  I told her about going to the Pier and his confession and my freak-out after we had sex. I then quickly told her about coming home to Noah and seeing the painting and the talk we had. “He told me he loved you that night. He said he knew it was a shit move what he did, and he is terrified that you will never talk to him again.”

  “I can’t believe you have been having sex and haven’t told me.” She was obviously still hung up on the fact of Chad and I doing the deed and completely bypassed my telling her about Noah loving her. She sounded hurt by my confession and I wanted to explain.

  “I had talked to Noah and I knew that you were dealing with some heavy stuff and I didn’t want to unleash my news and my happiness and my fears on you while you were trying to cope with all the Noah bullshit.”

  “Carrie, I need to know these things no matter what. Just because I have some shit going on it doesn’t mean I don’t care about your stuff, especially when it involves Chad Blake. This drama with Noah has been brewing for two years now and I knew it would end one of two ways: good or bad. That doesn’t mean that I can’t be there for you when big life altering moments happen. You can’t always be the one in the background smiling and being polite. You had sex Carrie. With Chad fucking Blake, the guy you have been crushing on since the day you met him and that is worthy of some serious girl time and chit chat.”

  I loved this girl so much. It was times like these that shined through showing me why Candy was such a good person. “I know I should have called you and I’m sorry if I hurt you by not coming clean sooner. I honestly just wanted to be there for you Candy.”

  “You are always there for me Carrie and I am always here for you no matter what the situation calls
for we are always there for each other. Was that why you called? You asked if I had heard yet?”

  My thoughts came rushing back, the fear momentarily forgotten, was back once again and pressing down on me. “No that wasn’t it. I was however going to beg you to wave a white flag for the night and come over to celebrate. Thick as Thieves were picked to do a Washington state tour for eight days with Sinners of the Slipstream and we are throwing an impromptu party. I know this thing with you and Noah is twisted and painful, but I need you here celebrating Chad’s success with me.” I was totally laying it on thick with my use of the word need but after her speech on ‘Besties 101’ I figured I had it in the bag.

  “They got invited to play with Sinners?” She asked, her voice full of awe and wonderment. Sinners of the Slipstream were the biggest alternative rock band to come out since Nickelback, Three Doors Down, Buckcherry or Rise Against came on the scene. The Sinners asking our boys to join the tour in their hometown was a huge break.

  “Yeah they leave in two days.” I think to try my luck at pulling her heart strings. “I think that you should talk to Noah and say your piece, tell him how much he hurt you and make him gravel and worry while he’s off being semi-famous for those eight days.”

  “Carrie, we both know Noah and he doesn’t gravel or pine for girls. They fall at his feet when he does nothing more than smile at them. I’m positive that he will be well taken care of on the tour.”

  “So then come and settle on old fashioned jealousy. Make him pant and keep him on his toes. I really think that if he thought he had an ice cubes shot in hell at getting you back to him he would pass up every chick that looked his way. He’s messed up emotionally for sure but he’s not a pig.”

  She scoffs, “Carrie I’m not a random girl that won’t leave so stop playing the ‘it’s not you it’s him’ card to me. I know your job as his wingman and frankly I’m insulted you would try it on me.”

  I had been his wingman for so long that it was easy to say the words without thought or consequence, the difference was, this time, I meant them. “I’m not, and I would never play on your emotions for Noah’s sake. Anyone but you Candy so frankly I’m offended by your assumption. I won’t make excuses for him Candy. What he did was wrong on a million different levels, but it doesn’t mean he’s not sorry and fully aware of how bad he fucked up. That is worth something Candy, he knows what he’s in jeopardy of losing if he hasn’t lost it already.”

  She is silent for so long I fear she hung up on me. “Cans?”

  “I’m here.”

  “You okay Chica?”

  “I’m scared to see him Carrie. I want to see him so bad and that terrifies me because I know I’ll let him back in.”

  I felt the weight of her admission and wanted to sigh in relief. “Then maybe that’s what you need to do.”

  “Would you be so forgiving?” She asks me coldly and the question stops my heart.

  I don’t want to think of Chad touching another woman, the thought makes me literally ill and I know that I would never be able to forgive him if he did that, especially if I witnessed it. Chad says he loves me, and Noah told Candy the same thing… I feel as though love should have made the decision to walk away all the easier. I can’t lie to her and I know I’m about to assist in breaking my brothers very fragile heart.

  “No Candy, I don’t think I would.”

  I hear her gasp at my answer, and I know she was wishing that I would have lied to her because the truth is so ugly. “I’ll come to the party Cares but just to congratulate the band and to visit with you.”

  That was her telling me to keep her away from Noah at all costs without involving me directly. “Okay. We can go out to the boathouse and have some girl time. By the time you get here I’ll be beyond annoyed by all the drunks.”

  We hung up and I stood, making my way to the bay. Candy knew so much about Noah and she knew so little too. She didn’t know about the drugs, or the darkness inside of him. She didn’t know about our dad showing up at the tattoo shop. All those things played intricate parts in his betraying her with another woman.

  I couldn’t get her question from my mind though. Had it been Chad and I in this situation, would I truly be able to let him go…would I be able to forgive him? Fuck me, but I didn’t ever want to know. All the talk of tours and cheating had only raised my insecurities and managed to make me even more self-conscious.

  I believed Chad when he spoke about loving me silently for so long, but like Noah, his heart was with me, yet he was sleeping his way through Washington’s supply of easy women. I had even found it sweet in my own fucked up way that he had been with women thinking of me and wishing for me. Looking at it from this new angle had me feeling less than because of it.

  I felt arms encircle my waist and smelled his cologne Aqua de Gio mixed with the Rockstar wearing it and my stomach fluttered into knots. His effect on me was almost deafening the way he became my focus. “What ya doin’ baby?” He asked me, his voice a soft whisper compared to the sound of the bay.

  I placed my hands over his arms and leaned back against his chest feeling small in the best way. I leaned my head to the side, a silent offer of my neck. His lips were on me almost instantly and I loved how well Chad could read me. I groaned as his lips scorched a pattern to just below my ear. I couldn’t contain the groan of pleasure as I shivered loving how he affected me. “I just got off the phone with Candy.”

  “Mmm-hmmm.” He hummed, his lips and teeth trailing against my collar bone. I was calculating my steps from where I stood on the bay to how fast I could get him to the bed in the boathouse when I felt his hand slip below the hem of my shirt, his palm flat against the expanse of my tummy.

  “I think I convinced her to come by… oh God, Chad” I gasped as he licked a trail down the center of the back of my neck, the wetness of his tongue and the heat of his breath had me shifting my thighs for friction.

  “That’s good baby. It’s not a real party without Candy here.” He was full of shit though, his voice said it all with every word. His focus was on me and me alone, he could care less in that moment if Candy came or not.

  His fingers continued to graze the band of my jeans, his fingers dipping below the denim and sliding from side to side. He was beneath my jeans sure, but he was too far from where I really wanted him. “Chad…”

  “Tell me baby.” He spoke directly in my ear, his fingers lazily stroking back and forth.

  “I want you.” I said it. I came right out and told him what I wanted knowing he would deliver to me anything I asked.

  “You can have me baby.” He whispered and I almost came from the feel of him everywhere and nowhere at once. He slipped his hand from my jeans and yanked gently on my arm spinning me, so we were now chest to chest. His arms were around me, his hands resting low on my back above my ass. I had no choice but to look at his face or his chest and I chose the better of the two.

  The minute our eyes met I could see the same untamed lust in his eyes as what I was feeling in my body. He was so effortlessly sexy it was unfair how effortless it was. His charisma did all the work for him. It wasn’t just his looks, though they only helped in the devastation. It was all charisma and swagger with him. He had two sides, both equally perfect and devastating. When he was with me, he was gentle and kind but managed to be forward and commanding all the same. He was honest and passionate and full of love unlike any man I knew. That was Chad the man I loved, Chad my everyday tattooed, pierced sexy boyfriend. In bed though, in bed I had Chad Blake, lead singer of TAT and he knew what he was doing.

  Right now, I had his eyes on me, for me and I wanted nothing more than to see myself through his eyes. “Chad?”

  “Yeah baby?” His voice was still that soft raspy whisper and it made my toes curl and my spine tingle. It was his sex voice, laced in promises to come.

  “Why me?” My voice was just above a whisper and I couldn’t look at him when I asked. I needed to know the answer to that loaded question as much
as I needed him inside of me. I wasn’t as commanding as him, I didn’t steal the spotlight or command a room full of strangers. I was easily the most confused woman in the world when it came to appearance. I would never be able to pull off a fangirls level of sexy. I didn’t know what it was about me that made him see me or want me and I needed to know why me before he left me to eight days of temptation.

  “Why you? Elaborate baby.” His hands were still on me, but they had lost the path for their intent and I felt cold without his hands stroking me.

  “Why me over all the others? What makes you want me and love me so much when you have your pick of beautiful perfect women?” I bite my lip and look down tempted to leave the safety and warmth of his arms. I try and step back, but his arms are like iron casings locking me to him.

  “I’ll answer that when you tell me why you’re asking.” His sex voice was gone as he spoke, his eyes frozen on mine.

  I try again to step back and this time he lets me. I fall to the sand at my feet and curl my knees against my chest and look out over the bay again. I can hear the music and the laughter coming from inside the house and I feel like a dick for bringing this up now when we were supposed to be celebrating. “Is it because of the tour?” He asks when he sits down beside me and pulls me against his shoulder. His feet are stretched out and he leans back on his hands, looking casual and effortlessly perfect once again. The man exudes sex even when doing the most mundane things, like sitting on the beach.

  “Yes, but it’s not that big of deal.” I lied.

  “Liar,” he whispered as he kissed the cap of my shoulder before whispering against my ear. “A filthy mouth will only get you in trouble later.”

  I gasp at the feel of him so close, threatening me with sexual banter. I adore him. He laughs at my reaction to him and tugs me by the arm until I am sitting over him, my thighs spread to straddle him. He pulls me in for a gentle kiss on my lips. “That’s one of the reasons I love you Carrie. You react to everything I say or do, even if it’s bad or we’re fighting. I can always see how you feel for me just by watching you.”