For the Love of a Boy (Father Series Book 2)

by Morticia Knight

  “Ah, here she is. Third floor.” Daddy pressed the elevator button.

  Seth furrowed his brow. He’d been so excited to be going to Portland. However, so far it was kind of a let-down. “Aren’t there any tall buildings in Portland? And didn’t you say there were a lot of bridges and a huge river?”

  Daddy tilted his head. “Quite a few, yes. It’s a very interesting, eclectic city. Some of the buildings are quite old, yet others are very modern and unique.” He chuckled. “If it wasn’t for the traffic and unending press of humanity, it would be a great place to live.”

  The elevator doors swished open and they stepped inside.

  “This building is pretty plain.”

  Daddy pressed the button for the third floor then regarded him. “Oh, I see what you’re saying. We’re not actually in Portland right now. This is Hillsboro, a suburb. There’s quite a bit of urban sprawl surrounding the city.”

  “Oh.” Seth added checking a Google map to his mental list of activities for the next time he was on the computer.

  They reached their destination and as they exited the elevator, Daddy placed his hand at the small of Seth’s back. “We can plan a weekend trip to Portland sometime if you’d like. It truly is a remarkable city. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that you might enjoy seeing it.”

  “That’s okay. I never mentioned anything.” He glanced sideways at Daddy. “Didn’t you say that club where you met Everett is in Portland?”

  Seth already knew the answer was yes, but he hadn’t been able to find a way to bring up the subject of the club before. Now here was his opportunity at an inopportune moment.

  They reached the door to Dr. Clay’s suite. Daddy narrowed his eyes as he regarded Seth, his hand resting on the doorknob. “Yes, I did. Let’s revisit this topic after your session, though.”

  Once they entered the office, Seth realized he’d been hasty in writing off the building as plain or boring. Maybe the outside part, but Seth found Dr. Clay’s suite to be interesting and beautiful. While Daddy checked them in with the receptionist, who was behind a glass partition at the far end of the waiting area, Seth looked around.

  Two walls were painted a muted, deep purple with another one a pleasant forest green. The only wall done in the same drab cream shade the rest of the building boasted was the reception wall. Hanging on the colorful walls were several prints. The primary subject matter was landscapes with a fantasy theme such as sparkling waterfalls, majestic mountains or mystical forests. A bubbling, stone water fountain stood on a glass table in one corner, and a variety of plants filled the room—including a tall one that reminded him of a palm tree. That one was on the ground in the corner opposite the fountain.

  Daddy had already taken a seat on one of the two available sofas, but Seth couldn’t stop inspecting everything. He didn’t touch. Even if he’d been compelled to, the lingering conditioning to keep his hands to himself was so ingrained that it had effectively killed the desire. He snorted. It was a miracle he’d ever been able to get an erection with Daddy. And that he not only could, but always wanted to. That in itself had to mean something.

  Seth had never told Daddy, but he was convinced they were meant to be.

  “Seth Johnson?”

  He turned his head in the direction of the voice. A petite woman stood in the threshold to the inner office, smiling and holding the door open. Seth wasn’t sure, but he thought she might be around Daddy’s age. She wore a turquoise and green tie-dyed tunic over black leggings with short, slouchy black boots. The flowing shirt complemented her deep brown skin perfectly, along with her tightly coiled, copper-colored curls that danced past her shoulders. Her beauty intimidated him.

  “Hi. I mean, yeah. I’m Seth.”

  He cleared his throat then looked to Daddy for direction, who had already risen to his feet. Daddy made his way to Seth’s side, and he almost let out a loud sigh of relief.

  She regarded Daddy then turned to Seth. “Is this your Daddy, Malcolm?”

  Seth almost choked on his own spit, unable to respond as Daddy extended his hand to shake Dr. Clay’s.

  “Yes, I’m the one you spoke with on the phone.”

  Her smile brightened as she accepted his offer. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She returned her attention to Seth. “I prefer meeting with my clients alone for most sessions. However, Malcolm explained your situation and that part of your agreement to come to therapy included having him with you. Is that correct?”

  “Uh…” He couldn’t keep his hands still. How could she be so casual about everything? He wasn’t sure he could hold it together. Daddy had told him she understood their dynamic, but not that they’d be talking about it.

  He grabbed Daddy’s hand, clutching his fingers so hard, he was afraid he’d hurt him. However, the instinct to do so had been immediate and urgent.

  “This is about your comfort, Seth. If you need to change the parameters of any session, please don’t hesitate to let me know.” She studied him and he felt exposed under her gaze. “Let’s all sit down together in my office and continue our conversation there. I have a questionnaire for you to fill out to start. It’s to give me an idea of where you’re at right now and to let me know the most immediate issues you’d like to work on. That will give you a chance to get used to being around a stranger in strange surroundings.” She smiled again. “Does that work?”

  “Yes. Thank you. I don’t mean to be so…” Seth wasn’t sure what it was he was being. He didn’t think Daddy would appreciate it if he called himself weird. “Sorry. I freeze up sometimes.”

  As soon as the words left his mouth, his mind jumped to Daddy’s reward system. He hoped he hadn’t lost out on a blow job because of them. His face heated.

  She nodded, her features filled with compassion. “That’s a very common response for people who’ve been through what you have, Seth. The process that drives that reaction is something we can address in today’s session, if you’d like.”

  “Okay.” He took in a deep breath. “That sounds like a good idea.”

  “Then we have an excellent starting point.”

  She gestured for them to go through the door, past the threshold that Seth hoped would lead to a type of sanctuary, a place where he could shed a portion of the agony that still clung to him like a disease. Seth caught Dr. Clay’s eyes and something in her expression eased his mind.

  He smiled back at her and took the plunge.

  Chapter Five

  Malcolm took a sip of his iced tea, then set it on the table next to his mostly empty plate. Seth was still polishing off his burger from the upscale 5th Street Public Market eatery where they’d chosen to grab a quick bite. He’d wanted to get them fortified for the Christmas shopping they had ahead of them. The chance to relax after the emotionally draining therapy session had been needed as well.

  At first, Seth hadn’t wanted to eat anything. And while Malcolm was prone to coddling him, he knew that going without food wouldn’t help his emotional state any. So, on the way back from Hillsboro, they’d stopped at a park to walk around a bit, take in some cool, fresh air. The diversion had given them some distance between Seth’s appointment and their next destination. The park visit had done the trick.

  “That was really good, Da—” Seth glanced around. “Um. It was really good.”

  “I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Malcolm nudged Seth’s toe under the table with the tip of his boots. “You can use my name, you know.”

  Seth tugged his ear, his gaze still wandering the room as if verifying no one was listening. “Yeah.” His eyes locked on Malcolm’s. “It’s like I said, though. I don’t want to think of you in any other way. Does that bother you?”

  His poor baby looked so insecure. The day had taken a toll on them both. “Not at all.” He bumped Seth’s toe again. “It pleases me.”

  Seth’s eyes widened before his lips curled in a smile. He bumped Malcolm back. “Oh. Okay.”

  “And sweetheart, if you’re too tire
d, we can always save the shopping excursion for another day. I’m sure we’ll be coming back here, as well as hitting the mall, more than once before Christmas anyway.” He chuckled. “I might’ve overshot my expectations for today. I forget how long a drive that is to Portland and back.” He shook his head, smiling. “Used to do it all the time without a second thought.”

  “I’m okay, but if you’re too tired we don’t have to stay.” Seth wiggled on his chair. “Um, so were you doing that drive all the time because of the club there?”

  It was the second time that day Seth had brought up the club. Malcolm was filled with curiosity but would tread carefully. “Yes, that was the main reason. When we take our Portland trip, I can drive you past it so you can see what it’s like.”

  Seth dropped his gaze and began to fiddle with his crumpled napkin. “Sure.” He bit his lip. “I might get a better idea of what it’s like if went inside, though. I mean, only if you want to.” He noticeably swallowed, still not meeting Malcolm’s eyes. “You probably don’t want to.”

  “I wouldn’t mind. It’s been a long time, so I’d be curious to see how the place has changed.”

  Seth lifted his gaze. “You would?”

  “Sure.”

  Malcolm studied Seth, trying to determine how serious he was about going or if he was simply testing his boundaries. The lure of the unknown might have gripped Seth, but actually following through could still be too much for him.

  This coddling is out of control.

  But how could he help it? At the same time, he couldn’t hold Seth back, discourage him when he was expressing interest in something. Seth deserved to have his desires taken into consideration even when all Malcolm wanted to do was protect him from anything and everything.

  Malcolm decided to take the plunge. “So, if we went to the club, we’d need to add getting you something appropriate to wear to our shopping list.”

  If Malcolm wasn’t already so on edge about Seth’s wellbeing, he would’ve burst out laughing at Seth’s reaction. His expression of horror told Malcolm that his poor boy was likely imagining some of the lewd fashion he’d seen men wearing at the fetish sites.

  “Um, that’s okay, never mind. We don’t have to go.”

  “Can I ask you something first, sweetheart?”

  Seth nodded as he tore the paper napkin to shreds. “Always. It’s the same for you as it is for me. Ask anything you want.”

  Malcolm grinned, prouder of Seth than ever. “Thank you, baby.” He straightened in his chair and leaned forward to keep their conversation more private. “Were you picturing having to wear skin-tight leather and chains? Something too revealing?”

  Seth glanced up, wincing. “Yeah. That’s what I was thinking. I know it’s no big deal in a place like that, but I’d faint. Besides, wearing that sort of thing isn’t me. I’m not...flashy or whatever. Maybe it’s part of that conditioning Dr. Clay was talking about, but I’m very uncomfortable drawing attention to myself.” He shrugged. “Someday I might feel differently. But I kinda doubt it.”

  “I kinda doubt it, too.”

  Seth drew his eyebrows together. “You don’t want me to wear things like that? I could try it at home, just for you.”

  Malcolm shook his head. “I wouldn’t stop you from wearing them, but what clothes you wear means nothing to me. I’m not interested in changing who you are, remember? I love everything about you.”

  “I love everything about you too, Daddy.” He snapped his jaw shut then took a quick glance around. “That was close. I don’t think anyone heard.”

  Malcolm rubbed his forehead. “Even if someone did, it’s none of their business.”

  “Yeah, but it’s part of that attention thing I was talking about.”

  “Ah, got it.” Malcolm nodded. “I understand. Anyway, when I talked about shopping for clothes, I meant that the club isn’t a T-shirt and jeans type of place. Attendees are expected to dress more sophisticated. In your case, I was thinking a nice pair of black slacks with a dress shirt and tie. Something trendy, though. Not like what you’d wear to church.” He winked.

  Seth snorted. “I hope not.” He pressed his lips together, seemingly lost in thought. “I think that would work.” He peered up at Malcolm again. “You said there were two parts to the club, right?”

  “Yup.”

  “Can we start in the dancing section first, see how that goes before we go to the other part? Or if everything goes okay, maybe save the other part for another time?”

  “Whatever you’re comfortable with is what we’ll do.”

  “I appreciate it…” He leaned closer. “Daddy.”

  Malcolm offered him a soft smile. Some days his heart was so filled with Seth, he thought it might burst. “What about dancing? Is that a possibility? Totally fine if it’s not.”

  Instead of appearing worried or scared, Seth’s features brightened. “It’s so cool that men can dance together there. I don’t know how, but I could try.” His cheeks reddened. “I’ll probably look silly. It’s just that being able to be in public with you that way is exciting. Does that sound dumb?”

  “Not at all. Is it a date then?”

  Seth broke out in a wide grin. “It’s a date.”

  “Awesome. Let me grab the check then we can get going. Have we decided what the status is on shopping yet?”

  Seth regarded him with concern. “Are you too tired?”

  “I’ve got a couple more hours in me now that I’ve eaten. You?”

  Seth nodded vigorously. Malcolm could tell Seth didn’t want to go home yet.

  “Me too. And anyway, we’re already here, right? I love all the decorations and the big fountain in the square. After seeing Dr. Clay’s office, I’ve decided I love fountains.”

  Malcolm tilted his head. “Oh? Huh. They are very soothing. Maybe we should get a little one for the sunroom. What do you think?”

  “I think it would be amazing.”

  Seth’s happy grin energized Malcolm even more. Seth was right. They were already there, and anyway, the Market boasted an incredible toy store that would be perfect to pick up some items to donate to the annual Toys for Tots Christmas drive. He could also check out a few of the women’s boutiques, see if he could find something for his mom. Having Seth help him choose her present would be another way to include him, too.

  The sun was out, but the way Oregon weather worked in the winter, the clear skies meant it was even colder. He’d made sure they both had their warm jackets and scarves before they left. If he wasn’t so sure Seth would get too stressed about it, he would’ve also loved to hold his hand.

  After strolling through two ultra-chic stores, and observing Seth scrunch up his nose at every potential mom gift Malcolm had asked his opinion on, he’d decided to go to a store that carried more classic styles. It occurred to him that he might be choosing what he’d like for her, not so much what she’d like to have.

  Seth tugged on his sleeve right before they stepped into Pendleton. “You know your mom better than I do. Maybe I should let you pick out her present.”

  “Actually, I think you’re on to something. The more I think about it, none of those things I showed you are really her style. They’re not her. Like you were saying about the club outfits on you.” Malcolm took a chance and gave him a quick squeeze before letting go. “Thanks to you, she’ll probably be getting something she truly enjoys for once.”

  Once they were inside the store, Seth seemed much more interested in the type of merchandise carried there than the other places they’d gone to. Malcolm noted that Seth still grappled with sticker shock, but Malcolm hoped he’d soon become more relaxed with the money they spent.

  Malcolm didn’t consider himself over-indulgent, although lately, he’d had to struggle with himself when it came to Seth. While he realized Seth wasn’t material-driven, he knew how much he’d gone without his whole life. Witnessing Seth’s joy when he could give him something he’d never had before sometimes seemed as if it was more fo
r his own benefit, rather than Seth’s. He chuckled to himself. He supposed it made them equally happy.

  After debating over several items, they both agreed his mom could get a lot of use out of the weekender bag trimmed in leather. Seth proclaimed the classic design to be acceptable. Malcolm didn’t bring the subject up, but after Seth inquiring at Thanksgiving about them having guests, he wondered if Seth was getting closer to being ready to meet his parents.

  “All right, let’s see what the toy store has to offer.”

  Seth reached for the Pendleton shopping bag. “Here, let me carry that.”

  Malcolm frowned as he handed over the bag. “Thank you.” It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate Seth’s offer, but he’d sounded frantic—as if he had to carry the purchase.

  As soon as they set foot in the large, bright toy store with open-beam ceilings, Seth appeared to be on the verge of a panic attack. He hadn’t expressed any concerns when Malcolm had brought up going there and had even seemed excited about picking out presents for the toy drive. Malcolm’s Daddy side wanted to whisk Seth out of the shop, rush him back to the safety and privacy of their home and hold him in his arms the rest of the night. However, that wouldn’t address the underlying issue. If nothing else, Malcolm needed to uncover what was happening to his boy right now.

  “Sweetheart? Could you come with me over here a sec?” Malcolm wanted to get him out of the flow of traffic and somewhere a bit quieter.

  Seth blinked several times, his gaze not landing anywhere for more than a second or two.

  “Baby, come on.” Malcolm didn’t grab Seth, only laid a soft hand on his arm, but he started anyway.

  “What?” Seth blinked again, then seemed to come back to the present. “I’m sorry. Where did you want to go?”

  “Over here.”

  Malcolm guided him to a darker corner, away from the crowd. He’d also decided to ignore the ‘sorry’ he’d uttered. He sensed whatever was going on with Seth wasn’t something that could be handled with levity. As soon as they were relatively alone, Malcolm observed Seth more closely. He concluded Seth wasn’t quite as agitated as he’d been when they’d entered the store.