by Dawn Burton
“Ok,” was all he could manage as just the thought of coming on her magnificent tits was enough to make him wanna come right now. He watched as she rocked on him, her generous breasts swaying and bouncing up and then back down, jiggling as they did, being splashed with water from the shower spray the whole time. He could have just stayed there and watched that scene forever, and he knew it was one he was going to rely on many times in the coming months, but he felt a need in him, an urgent ache and he pulled out, twisted her gently onto her back, and then held her breasts together, pumping his cock up the valley between them. His need burst into a bushfire of flames as he watched his tip appear between the glorious mounds of flesh and then disappear back down into the hidden softness before reappearing, over and over again, and he threw his head back, roaring as he came, letting go of her breasts so they bounced back and then emptying his cum all over them.
He scrambled down to lie next to her, holding her to him as his heart pounded and he struggled to breathe. “Oh god, oh god, oh god. I’ve wanted to do that for so long, but I never found the right pair of breasts to do with it. Please, I genuinely love the rest of you, but please, please don’t ever take these away from me!” She shook with laughter, making her breasts wobble against his chest all the more. “Stop that! You’ll get me hard again and then I’ll have to go again, and then you’ll laugh some more, and then I’ll have to go again, and then we’ll be trapped here all night again and again at the mercy of your amazing breasts.”
“Hmmm, we can’t have that now, can we?”
They washed each other clean, wiping the remnants of their sex off each other, then towelling each other dry and heading back to the bedroom. Tay asking if she wanted tea or coffee before going down to make it. She settled down to read, and Taylor put his headphones to listen to music, spending an hour lost in their own worlds next to each other.
Annie suddenly became aware of the bed shaking and she looked at Tay in alarm. His right leg was bent at the knee and jumping wildly, and he seemed to be breathing oddly, long breaths in and long breaths out. Shit, was he having a panic attack? She gently put her hand on his arm, “Tay?”
He shook his head briefly, breathing and shaking, his lips seemed to be moving. She leant in to listen; he was whispering something rapidly. Jumbled words, over and over, slowly reworking, reordering, slowly making sense. Lyrics! He was working out lyrics. Did he write them down? Put them into his phone? She pulled a notepad and pen out of her bedside table drawer, just in case.
He shouted, “Yes!” and opened his eyes, wildly looking around. “Pen, paper.” She shoved them at him, and he began writing furiously, scribbling and crossing out, checking, re-reading, and nodding to himself as he hummed a tune. It took about fifteen minutes, but eventually he raised his head with a smile. “Got it. Well, the basics now anyway and then I’ll tweak it as it goes on. Can I grab a guitar from downstairs to practice on? I’ll pop to Far Gosford Street tomorrow and buy one.” He jumped out of bed as Annie smiled and nodded.
“Erm, Tay? You might wanna put some trousers on if there’s kids down there.”
“Shit, yes, of course. Sorry.” He pulled his jeans on over his trunks, running towards the stairs, Annie smiling at his retreating back.
He returned clutching an acoustic guitar, tuning up as he sat on the bed, softly singing lyrics, more making the pattern and sound of the words rather than clearly annunciating what he’d written, scribbling on the notepad as he went. Annie settled back to her book, guessing he’d be occupied with this for a while longer and not wanting to put him off by watching him.
An hour later, her stomach grumbled. She liked cooking but couldn’t be bothered tonight. Pizza! “Tay, shall I get us some food?”
“Huh?” he said distractedly, not looking at her.
“Food. Pizza?”
He just made a non-committal noise, returning to his song. Oh well, she wanted pizza so he could have some cold later if he wanted. She dressed and headed downstairs, chatting to some of the kids in the lobby for a while, before walking down to a local takeaway and getting a couple of pizzas, garlic breads and wedges. She returned, picking up a glass of wine, debating whether to get one for Tay but deciding she’d let him make the choice.
She opened her door carefully and almost bumped into him coming out.
“Hey, where did you go?” he asked brightly. “I was just coming to look for you.”
She snorted. “I knew you weren’t listening to me! I asked you if you wanted pizza. You didn’t answer so I went to get some anyway. Do you wanna come out here and eat, or are you still being artistic?”
“Oh god, sorry! I do get a bit wrapped up in it when the inspiration hits. I wasn’t rude, was I? I told Hilly to fuck off and nearly hit him when he was trying to get me off the tube once at our station. Probably best to just ignore me when I get like that and do want you want. I’ll give you the first play tomorrow if you like. I just need to let it settle in my head, so while that happens, pizza sounds great!”
They moved back into the lobby kitchen and Annie spread the food out as Tay made himself a coffee. “Nope, you weren’t rude, but I definitely got the impression that you just wanted to be left alone, so it’s cool now I know that. I was worried you were having a panic-attack at first.”
“Ah, yes, I can imagine they look fairly similar at first, but…I think…yes, my eyes are open but masked with a panic-attack, and they’re closed when I’m composing, because I have streams of lyrics or music flying round my head and I almost have to clear my head and kind of meditate until the spinning stops and something starts to form and make sense.”
“Useful to know. So the eyes have it.”
They chatted as they ate, Annie quizzing Taylor on how the Audial songs she knew of came about, asking Taylor if he’d run her through their other songs over the next few days. They sat around for a while, chatting to others in the lobby, before they cleared up and headed back to bed.
Annie yawned and nestled into Tay’s arms. He kissed her forehead, “Thank you for supporting me today with my family and sorry you had to put up with Bitchface. Have we done enough living, making you feel alive, letting you just feel, since getting back?”
“Mmmm,” she replied sleepily. “There’s always room for more touching, for more feeling, but I fear sleep is about to claim me.”
“Then let me hold you close as you go. I’ll be by your side all night long and I promise to resume the touching and the feeling in the morning. Goodnight my love.”
Chapter Nine
The next day passed in a blur of touching, feeling, shepherding the kids out of the door, starting to tell them that Annie would be away for two weeks, more touching, more feeling, chatting, and just continuing to get to know each more.
Tay had flicked through Annie’s notepad and found a couple of poems she’d drafted once, and picked up on a particular line, ‘a blackened whisper on the wind drowns out the voice of reason, and if that is how I am seen by the mob, is me or them that is guilty of treason?’
“I like this sweetheart, it’s the idea that all it takes is one negative view from someone else to drown what we know is true of ourselves, isn’t it?”
Annie lifted her head from under the pillow where she’d hidden it, embarrassed at her amateur efforts. “Yeah, and the thought that what is it that matters and defines you existentially; is it how you see yourself or how others see you? And if the two don’t match, then which version is the betrayal of that real ‘you’?
"For years I’ve been labelled the party animal, the crazy, wild girl, and although that would have appeared to be true for a while, I always felt like I was just playing the role others had chosen for me. And then when I stood up for myself and stopped playing the role, it almost didn’t matter, because I still got, and still get, given the label. So, am I what people see when they look at me, or am I what I think I am inside?”
He nodded. “Surely we all need to be true to the person inside in order to be at
peace with ourselves, but meeting the person that sees that you, the person inside, then that validates you. And just so you know, when I look at you, I see such a caring, kind, quietly confident woman, who is as happy curling up with a book as she is capturing the hearts of her audience up on stage. You know, there’s something in this as a song, and I can hear the tune already, a down verse and a kickass fireworks chorus. Let it fester in my brain and I’ll see if inspiration hits. I can see the video too, both of us separately being party animals at a wild party, but then we meet, and whenever we look at each other, we see that caring, loving, quiet side of each other. The ‘calm us’ overlaid on the ‘wild us’.”
“Ok. So, do you always use pen and paper for writing your songs down; it’s pretty old-school?”
“Yep, that’s me! I like the connection, the forming of thoughts into letters on the paper, making them real, giving them a life of their own. Typing into a phone and voice recording it at this stage is ok if there’s no paper around, but it doesn’t have the same physical connection, and I literally then still have to write it down when I find paper to make it right. I have scraps of paper everywhere, but I always know which bit is for which song. So, this is going in this pocket, but in this pocket, is one I started on Saturday after meeting you, but I’m still waiting on the chorus for that.”
“Wow, liking your system! Did you still want to get a guitar? I’ve got a few bits to do so we could split and then meet for lunch? Cosy Club at 1?”
“Perfect.”
They walked into town and then split up for a couple of hours, Annie getting a few bits that she wanted, going for the wax, pedicure and manicure appointment she’d had booked in, then ducking back to the lingerie shop in Spon Street to pick up some new sets for her two weeks away, going more daring, more obvious, more sexy than she had ever done before, excited to show her body off to her man. She dumped her shopping in her dressing room, then went the short distance back into town to meet Tay.
He was sitting at the bar, surrounded by three girls when she climbed the stairs and saw him, as they took selfies with him. She felt a stab of jealousy, but his evident relief when he saw her and was able to say goodbye to the girls because his date had arrived, cheered her up, as did the huge hug and kiss he gave her. “Save me,” he whispered in her ear.
They got a table in the corner, overlooking the Lady Godiva statue in Broadgate, and looked at the Peeping Tom clock, checking their watches.
“Five minutes to go. Me, Charlie and Manda used to drive Mum mad wanting to stand down there and watch the clock. I can only just about remember when the space over there was tiered grassy banks, with a big well in the middle of it, so we’d run up and down, begging for a penny to put in the well, waiting for the clock, me crying because the big ones wouldn’t wait for me as we ran. And then we’d want to go on the roundabout in the market, although it was on the outside of it then, not inside like it is now, or on the Black Horse ride in C&A, which is New Look now. And we’d laugh, and laugh, and fight and bicker, then be best of friends as we shared a tube of smarties, then back to arguing over who’d get the tube cap with the letter on it, before catching the bus home.
“Oh, and then at Christmas time, it’d be the magical sleigh ride in the Co-op; you’d walk through the door, sit down, go on a sleigh ride with moving reindeer that glowed white at the front, and then when you came out the door, you’d be in a different bit to where you’d come in. Took me years to work out how they did it. It’s in the Transport Museum now, I think my mum said; we’ll have to borrow Portia or Mia and go next Christmas so I can show you. Cov was a great place to be a little kid. Bet that sounds all terribly twee to you, though.”
Tears filled Annie’s eyes as she reached out for Tay’s hand, “I’d give anything to have twee memories to tell, give anything to have had siblings to share my childhood with, because then maybe I wouldn’t have been so alone. My memories are of nannies taking me to museums and art exhibitions because my father wanted my time to be spent productively. I remember visiting London Zoo a couple times and that was great, but it’s all silent in my head because there wasn’t any laughter, there wasn’t any running around, any bickering, any noise. It was like being a mini grown-up from the word go, expected to behave, expected not to make a fuss, expected to stay out of the way of the grown-ups.
“Summers were the best because we’d go down to Cornwall while my parents would stay in London, and then I’d have four glorious weeks of freedom. I could run wild with the local kids, and I would laugh and laugh and laugh. I lived for those four weeks of the year.
“Then when it came to secondary school, I got packed off as a boarder to Cheltenham, and although it wasn’t quite Harry Potter, it was wonderful compared to London. But my 14th birthday happened in the Whitsun holiday, and between then and the next summer holiday, my role had been carved out for me. Every holiday after that was made up of partying at night and recovering in the day. Holidays to Cornwall ended, my childhood ended and my innocence ended.”
Tay gently wiped the tears she hadn’t realised were falling down her face, the coarse skin on the pad of his thumb scratching her cheek and reminding her she was alive and loved by this man, and she tipped her cheek into his palm. The clock chimed behind them and they turned to watch the mechanics of Lady Godiva appearing on horseback and Peeping Tom opening his window and peering out.
Once it was over, they turned back and Annie raised her glass, having gathered herself, “To new beginnings.”
They clinked, the waitress came over to take their order, and a little more baggage from the past was silently let go.
Annie picked at the tablecloth. “Hey, I know we jokingly touched on you being the father of my children, but…do you want kids? Where would you want to raise them? And how many?”
Taylor ducked his head to catch her eye. “I wasn’t joking.”
“Oh.”
“Yes, Miss ‘Oh’. We’re forever remember? So, yes, I want children, with you. I see Adie with Mia and it makes my heart ache for that. So, yes, kids. Kids tomorrow if you wanted. We could certainly practice lots, anyway,” he smirked at her. “And as many as you want. Depends on what you think, how you find being pregnant, the reality of you being a mum, me being a dad, and so on. I found being a three difficult as one of us was always left out, and that was usually me, and you clearly didn’t enjoy being a one. So, an even number? Two? Four? And I don’t see any reason why they wouldn’t just slot into whatever we’re doing, wherever we’re doing it, certainly while they’re little anyway. So there’s room at yours, if you are happy to make that our base? I’d definitely like to be around my mum and dad if possible. Although, I have got it in mind that I’d like somewhere rural where we could just go off and get lost in fields and trees, so if you agree, maybe we could look at getting a second place somewhere near here, and splitting our time depending on where we’re needed?”
“Wow, sounds like you’ve got it all planned out.”
“Sorry, didn’t mean to take over, I have a habit of over-planning in my mind as it helps keep my anxiety in check, and I can just see all this unfolding into our future, but that’s not taking account of what you want. Sorry.”
“S’ok. As it happens, that all sounds fine with me. I’m just not used to having my life mapped out beyond the next month. Like I said before, everything I’ve set up so far has been carefully crafted so I can run away if I need to, and as long as I kept funding it, the projects would just keep going with minimal disruption. But this, me and you, needs me to commit and agree not to run. Which I absolutely am doing, but it means removing my safety net option, which feels scary, but oh-so right.”
“Firstly, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice if you think you aren’t integral to all of your projects, because I can already see you’re the glue that brings people together, and secondly, there’s no timeline on this. I’m ready when you are, but I’m more than willing to go as slow as you need. You’re only 26, you might not wan
t to get tied down to an old man like me yet, but as long as this is the future we’re working towards, there’s no rush.”
She frowned, “You’re not an old man. I barely see any age difference between us. And just so you know, I am tied to you already. The thought of not having you in my life is far scarier than the thought of you being in my life. I know we’ve given ourselves a stay of execution, but I’m already panicking at the thought of how I keep going when I have to say goodbye to you in two weeks’ time.”
“Me too, but we’ll survive. We’ll make plans. I’ll come back, even if it’s just for a day. We have a break in June, around my birthday, hey, didn’t you say yours is around that time? Mine’s the 1st so it often falls in Whitsun too, so that means we’ve just got April and May to get through. Two months, eight weeks. I’ll do what I can to get back. Sorry to ask again, but maybe you could have a think about if you could fit another week in? Sorry, I know that’s really shitty of me to put it on you,” he winced.
She nodded, “Let’s see how these two weeks go, and then plan after that. And my birthday’s the 2nd June, how weird is that?!”
“Oh, a double-birthday. We’ll have to do something extra-special for that.”
She smiled, then looked round. “I’ve just realised, no guitar. Did you not find anything?”
“Erm, well, yes. I found the perfect acoustic guitar, and then an electric one, and then an amp, and then some leads, and then a portable recording system, and then some mics. So I bought it all, and the guys are dropping it at the house about 3ish. Is that ok if I set up somewhere?”
“Of course it is. It occurred to me earlier actually, do you want the studio wing as yours to set up in whatever man-cave way you want? No-one else has access into there apart from me, unless someone has stayed in the guest rooms upstairs in which case the cleaners go in, but there are bi-fold doors so we can close the actual studio bit off as yours and secure it. I had grand ideas of booking people to do writing courses, or painting courses, or learning languages as a complete package with accommodation and catering, but realistically, it’s never going to happen because its too low down my list of priorities, so if you want to make it yours, then that would help me because I can just scrub it off the list. It’ll need some work, but if you want it, it’s yours to do what you want with.”
