by Dawn Burton
“I…erm…yes, I am. His sister, I mean, Lady Annabel. I was just popping in to see how our parents were. Like I do. Every few days,” Amanda cast a look over at Taylor, the message in her words clear.
Annie stared at Amanda, who had the grace to blush, and a few seconds of awkward silence descended, before Julia said, “We’re just about to have lunch actually, Amanda, so…did…you want to join us? But I’m sure you’re busy with your hectic lifestyle you’re always telling us about, so it’s fine if you need to get going?”
Amanda shook her head, “No, it’s fine, I can spare a bit of time. It’ll be nice to see my brother seeing as that doesn’t happen very often.” She walked towards the table and sat down opposite Taylor.
He shrugged, “I offered you tickets for Birmingham, sis, but you said you had something on, so I checked you were free with Alec and I sent you, him and Portia tickets for Wembley, with a hotel booking, train travel, backstage passes, the lot, but you didn’t come.”
“I was busy, and then with all the running around I have to do for Mum and Dad, when I do finally get a bit of time to myself, I don’t have the energy left to be dragged to the other side of the country just to see you,” she retorted pointedly.
Annie moved her hand back onto Tay’s leg to give him support. “So, Amanda, it sounds like you are on the go a lot. Do you work?”
“I…well, no, I’m not employed as such, but I run my house and I look after Mum and Dad, and my daughter, and my husband, so I’m very busy. And I do a lot of charity work.”
She felt Tay tensing and shifting beside her, tutting under his breath. She smiled, “Oh great, what charities do you work with? Do you volunteer?”
“Well, it varies, you know. I…I help with the summer fete at Portia’s school, the PTA, and things like that…” Her voice tailed off, then she defensively asked, “And what about you, Lady Annabel, do you volunteer much yourself?”
“Oh, I have my own charity that I run, and I like to get stuck in. I’ve provided a couple of minibuses and vetted drivers for older people in Coventry to go shopping together and visit social cubs, and I go with them most weeks, which is always fun. I fund free music lessons, I provide accommodation for vulnerable young people to help them adjust while they are transitioning to work or college, and I provide bursaries for anyone who wants to do something that benefits their community. Oh, and I’m currently looking at supporting another charity that’s trying to get fresh fruit out to every school in Coventry and Warwickshire. So there's always lots to do if ever you find yourself at a loose end.”
Amanda shifted in her seat, “Oh. Well, if you have money then I guess it makes it easier to do these things, but when you’ve got your bills to pay, then you don’t always have as much time as you’d like for these things.”
“Come off it, Amanda!" Tay snorted. "You’re sitting in a house I bought you, supervising the cleaners I provide, taking Portia to the school I pay for, in the Range Rover I got you. Your biggest bill is your phone bill, and you have all the time in the world to get off your backside and do something.”
“Don’t you dare judge me, Taylor, after all I do for our parents, while you swan off around the world, living the high life, not thinking twice about those you leave behind! And what do you do to give back, hey, what’s your charitable deeds or are you just going to sponge off your new girlfriend?”
“Please!” cried Julia. “Not in front of our guest. Let’s just have a nice lunch, please. Sandwich, Annie? Sausage roll?”
Taylor ignored his mum, pushing to his feet, “Leave Annie out of this. We give 10% of our profits to homelessness charities and we all donate any fees for charity performances. I fund a scheme to help new bands start up, and when I was recovering from my breakdown, one of the best things I did was dogwalking for the local dog shelter. I’ve also donated money and filmed a couple of videos talking about suicide and the effects it has on the families involved for a mental health charity. So, yes, I do my bit, but there’s loads more I could be doing. But unlike you, I don’t pretend it’s enough. I don’t pretend I’m enough, because I’m not and I know I’m not.
“And I’m always thinking of you guys. I feel guilty that I’m not here physically, but that’s why I provide security and safety for you all through material things. And it’s why I speak to Mum and Dad every other day for a quick two, three-minute chat unless there’s something more to say, no matter where I am, so that I can make sure they are ok, to let them know I’m ok, and to say goodnight to them.”
Amanda stopped, surprised. “You speak, that often?”
“Yes,” replied Julia. “We speak to him more than we speak to you, although obviously we see you more.”
“Oh great, so now, not only are you the golden child in their eyes, you also beat me at how often you speak to them. I give up. I can’t win in this family.”
“It’s not about winning, love,” said Julia softly.
“After everything I do for you two,” Amanda threw her arms up.
“Like what?” said Philip, suddenly. “You come walking in with no thought about what we’re doing or what privacy we might want-”
“Whoa, old man,” shouted Taylor affectionately, covering his ears, “we don’t wanna hear about that!”
Philip shook his head, ignoring him. “You come in, tell us how busy you are, making us feel guilty for you coming when we didn’t ask you to, drink a cup of tea while you tell us what you’ve been doing, briefly ask us how we are and then you’re off again. If you’ve got that much to do, love, then go off and live your life doing it. Just be happy because you never seem to be. Stop worrying about us. We’re old but we’re not ancient just yet. We’ve got our health and we’ve got each other for now. So stay in touch but make time for yourself, Amanda, because if we take anything from Charlie’s death, it’s surely that life is too bloody short. Excuse my language, Annie. Now, Julia, pass me the cherry tomatoes.”
Taylor sat down with a shake of his head and a whispered “Sorry” to Annie. She smiled at him, kind of just wanting the lunch to be over now. She turned to Philip and Julia. “I can see some herb beds out there. Who’s the gardener?”
“Oh, that’s me, love,” said Philip.
“Could you show me what you’ve got when we’ve finished eating? Is that rosemary there? I tried to get some going late last summer, but it just didn’t take so I’d love to see what you’ve done with it. I’ve got various seedlings in my greenhouse, so when I come back from the tour with Tay, I can start thinking about what’s going to go where.”
“You’re going on tour, with Taylor?” asked Amanda.
“Yes, she’s flying out with me on Saturday, starting in LA for two weeks,” Tay squeezed her hand on the table.
“Be careful out there; you do know dear Taylor has a habit of losing family members on tour, don’t you? I don’t know what he does to them out there, but they go on tour with him and end up dead or missing. It’s two so far, our brother, and his ex-wife, oops, I hope he’s told you about her, sorry if he hasn’t. But there’s something rotten at the heart of it all that neither of them could cope with; something or someone anyway. You better be stronger than they were to put up with it all.”
There was a second or two of silence before the room exploded.
“Amanda!” sobbed Julia, starting to cry.
“That was fucking low, even for you, Amanda!” shouted Taylor furiously kicking his chair back.
“I think you’d better leave Amanda,” said Philip, “your mother just wanted a nice lunch for Annie, and you’ve ruined it. When you’re ready to apologise, me and your mother will be waiting for you, but god knows how you’re going to make this up to Taylor and Annabel.”
Amanda ran out of the room, crashing the front door behind her. Annie whispered to Taylor that she was going to the cloakroom, wanting to give them all a bit of space. She washed her hands, drying them and looking at herself in the mirror. She just wanted her and Taylor to be alone now. She was
still recovering from the shock of telling her own story and now she was getting embroiled in his family’s dramas. She sighed.
She came out of the cloakroom and saw Taylor sitting on the stairs waiting for her, his head down and his arms folded up over the top of him protectively. She sat down between his legs, nudging them apart and nestling into his torso, her arms snaking around his waist.
“Can we just go home, Annie? Back to yours?”
“That’s fine by me. I’ll call a cab. Are you ok?”
“I don’t know. I hate the fact that there may be something in what she said. Maybe I am rotten, maybe I am the common denominator, maybe you should stay home because then at least you’ll be safe from me.”
“No! Don’t you dare think that. It’s just circumstance, and there has to have been a lot more going on with each person that you just don’t know about, and probably never will know about. But both of them chose to do what they did, and you are not responsible for the choices they made, even if there is the common link of you between them. And they aren’t my words by the way, they’re the words of one of my many therapists, said about my parents, but equally applicable to me and you. We were both in the middle of people choosing to take destructive actions around us, while we were taking our own destructive actions, but ultimately, we all choose to do what we do to ourselves, even if those actions are not always taken with a clear, sober, drug-free, mentally-well mind.
“You weren’t inside Charlie’s mind, inside Lizzie’s mind. I wasn’t inside my parents’ minds. We can only be responsible for ourselves, right now, no-one else. And I know right now that you are a good person, with a good heart, and I love you, Tay.”
There was a cough and they looked up to see Philip standing in the doorway, his arm around Julia. “Sorry to interrupt. But every word she said is right, son. We’ve all got to let Charlie go, your Mum especially, but also you. You’ve got a lovely lass by your side now, and it’s time to walk into your future and leave the sadness in the past. All of us will always carry Charlie in our hearts. But he chose to say goodbye, and we need to too.”
Taylor stood and went to his parents, hugging them.
Annie had a thought. She hesitated but decided to go with it. “Hey, is there anywhere here that was special to Charlie, or is he…near here anywhere?”
“He’s scattered down Canley Ford, love. Why?”
“I know it’s not really picnic weather, but what if we wrap up warm and go there this week, eat a soggy sandwich, share stories of the good times, maybe look at some photos and then…then tell him you’ll always remember him but that you are letting the sadness go? Does that sound stupid?”
“It sounds…perfect. Mum?” Taylor looked to his mum, who searched his face, the tears forming again, before she slowly nodded.
“I…I think it’s time. I’m so exhausted, all the time, and it’s never going to change unless we allow it to. Philip?”
“Yes, Let’s do it. We’re free Wednesday lunch? We can meet you there. Near the allotments.”
Annie winced. “And Amanda. If she wants to.”
“No,” said Taylor decisively. “I’m not exposing you to her poison again.”
Annie looked at him levelly. “It wasn’t a question. This is a family thing, and you can’t do this without giving her the choice of whether to be there. If anyone shouldn’t be there, it’s me, but I hope you’ll allow me to join you.”
Philip whistled. “Son, you’ve got a smart one there. I hope I’m not insulting you by saying you are a fair bit younger than Taylor, and I’m fairly certain in saying you’re a woman, but you’ve got a wise head on them young shoulders, and a mighty big pair of balls.”
That broke any tension and Annie and Taylor laughed while Julia swatted at Philip, shocked.
Chapter Eight
After apologising for how the lunch had gone, being told it was lovely to meet Annie, and promises to think of special stories and photos to share on Wednesday, Tay and Annie were hugged to within an inch of their lives before being released into the taxi and then they were off, speeding home towards Watch Close.
“When we get in, we’re going straight to bed for the rest of the day,” murmured Annie.
Taylor nodded agreeably, “You’ll get no argument from me. But a lot has happened over this past two days. Are you ok? Do you want to talk about anything?”
“No! No, I fucking don’t! I’ve bottled stuff up for years and kept a lid on my emotions, not letting anything out, and now, in the space of two days, I’ve just released my deepest darkest guts onto you, and you’ve released your deepest darkest guts onto me, well, I’m just assuming that that’s your lot. But I am drained, and fed up of talking about things, about raking up shit that we can’t change. I just need to live, to feel things, to be alive, to scream your name so loudly that I can’t hear anything else, and just be. Please, please don’t make me talk anymore!” She flopped back onto the taxi seat dramatically.
He chuckled, reaching out for her hand and raising it to kiss the palm, thumbing over her inner wrist. “I love the sound of your ‘angry-posh’ voice! Ok, so no talking, but lots of feeling, and screaming, and being alive. And yes, don’t worry, my guts have been well and truly spilled with nothing else left to come out.”
She shook her head, looking out of the window, quietly muttering, “What the fuck? ‘Angry-posh’ voice? Oh for my peaceful, quiet, life. Where’s that gone, hey? Oi! Don’t stop, loverboy,” waving her hand at him to carry on with kissing and touching, while she continued grumbling to herself until the taxi pulled up outside the gates.
He jumped out and came around to where she was getting out of the taxi, and they walked through the gates. He opened the front door, then scooped her up, shouting a cheery hello to the handful of kids in the lobby, jogging through to the kitchen and holding her in place while she keyed in the code. He ran upstairs, taking them two at a time as she laughed and clung on desperately. God, he loved the sound of that laugh, throaty, dirty and full of promise. He vowed to try and elicit that sound from her every day.
He threw her bag, his wallet and phone onto the bed, and walked to the showers, turning them on at full icy-cold pelt as she shrieked and writhed in his arms, still fully clothed. “Is this alive enough for you? Is this feeling enough, sweetheart?” She was laughing too much to be able to respond and he turned the heat up then set her down, pushing her up against the tiles and trying to undo her top but getting frustrated so just ripping it. “I’ll buy you another one.”
“It was a £2000 Stella McCartney exclusive item,” she gasped. “I had to wait three months for it. There isn’t another one.”
Shit! He froze, “Oh baby, I’m really sorry, I didn’t know.”
She grinned, her teeth chattering, “Gotcha! Not really.”
“Bitch!” He stripped the rest of her clothes off, followed by his, pulling her into his arms and kissing her passionately. He started to speak but she put her finger on his lips, halting his words. He kissed her again, taking her bottom lip between his teeth and biting it to test her reaction. She rose up on her toes and hissed at him, so he repeated it again, a bit harder. She sunk her nails into his shoulder blades and clawed down his back, the hot water stinging the trail she made.
Then suddenly they were on each other, play-fighting and kissing, biting, nipping, pulling, twisting, slipping on the tiles, down onto the shower floor, battling to get on top, grabbing hands and hair, laughing, laughing, laughing so hard. And then Tay had her pinned down, holding her wrists above her head, his right leg nestled between hers to hold her left side down, and he was gently kissing her mouth, telling her he loved her. He moved his right hand down to between her legs, running his fingers up and down her slit, teasing so lightly as she arched her hips and begged him to touch her. He slowly found her clit and with the softest of movements, started circling his thumb round and round. He kissed her mouth, her neck, her shoulders, bending to lick and suck on a nipple, groaning as he nudged at her bre
ast and felt it fall back into place.
He increased the pressure on her clit, unfurling a finger to tease at her entrance before slowly pushing his way in, feeling her wetness and her softness welcoming him into her. He let go of her wrists, bending at the elbow to bring his hand down and push the wet curls back off her beautiful face. Their eyes connected and he felt it deep inside, felt that connection burn a permanent link to her.
He felt her tensing, saw her breathing increase, the pulse in her neck throbbing wildly and he wanted her, wanted to sink his cock into her and never leave. But he waited, biding his time, wanting to give her as much pleasure as he could. Her eyes widened and her nostrils flared, he knew she was about to come, and then she exploded on his fingers, a shouting, shuddering explosion that racked her body. He held her close, pushing her hair back and stroking her back, bringing her down as she slowly regained her composure.
He smiled smugly at her, “Now surely that was alive enough? Surely that was feeling enough for you?”
She shrugged, “Yeah, it was alright, I suppose.”
“Alright? Alright?” he said, widening his eyes at her. “I employed every trick known to man to bring you to the absolute height of pleasure, and you tell me it was ‘alright’?”
She snuggled into him and laughed, “OK, it was a-maz-ing! You have fully earned the right to wear the ‘King of the Orgasm’ crown with that performance.”
“That’s better.” He bent his head to kiss her again, loving the way she was his and he was hers to touch and taste. His erection pressed into her thigh and she smiled knowingly.
She moved down his body, kissing his wet skin, licking the droplets of water gathering on him, until she reached his cock. She licked up and down the underside, looking at him as she did so, cupping one palm around his tip and gently squeezing as she moved her mouth up and then took him as deep as she could. She repeated the move with long, slow licks and caresses, then deepthroating him. She moved up and straddled him, sitting on his cock and pushing it up inside her. “I’m going to ride your cock now and you will watch my breasts bounce as I do, and then when you’re ready to come, I want you to pull out and come all over me, ok?”
