Unapologetically (Brighton Academy Series Book 4)

by Cala Riley

  It wasn’t until Finley taught me about music. We were seven. He was having a hard time at home, so he came to stay with us. I found him in the sitting room against the wall with his headphones in. He had a stricken look on his face, lost in the sounds.

  “What are you doing in here?” I nudge him to get his attention.

  He pulls out one earbud. “What is it, Tin Tin?”

  I repeat my question.

  “I need some time alone. It’s nothing against you; I’m just not in the mood to talk.”

  Even at seven, I remember thinking he was mature beyond his years.

  “We don’t need to talk. Can I sit here with you? I promise to be quiet.” I look to my feet, feeling vulnerable.

  When a sigh leaves him, I look up. He gives me a small smile before patting the ground next to him. I can’t help but smile back as I sit next to him. I’m careful to keep my distance, but Finley doesn’t care. He slides closer, putting one earbud in my ear while the other is in his.

  A soft melody plays. Then the voice comes on, crooning the lyrics.

  “Listen to the lyrics, Tin. Each word has a deeper meaning. It hits everyone differently. Think about how it makes you feel.”

  As the song plays on, Finley begins to softly sing along with the words. It speaks of a man promising that he will try to fix whoever the “you” is in the lyrics. Finley shakes next to me, but I don’t look. I can hear the emotion in his softly spoken lyrics. I know he’s crying. I don’t want to embarrass him.

  Instead, I lay my head on his shoulder, his instantly lying on top of mine. I reach out, taking his hand in mine. He lets me.

  For hours that night, we sat like that as he shared all of his favorite songs with me, a common theme echoing throughout them all—Sadness. Depression. Agony. Torture.

  Finley relates to these songs.

  That’s the moment I made him a silent promise.

  I’ll fix you, Finley.

  I shake out of the memory. From that day on, Finley always shared his music with me. Then he started dancing with me. With each softly sung lyric, I fell further in love with him.

  With a broken boy who could never love me back.

  Pulling up to a beautiful but modest stone house that looks to be newly built, I push thoughts of Finley aside.

  I check Xavier’s address one more time to make sure I’m at the right place before getting out of my car and walking up to the door to ring the bell.

  Xavier answers almost immediately. “Hey, you made it. Find it okay?” he says as he gestures me inside.

  “I did, thanks. This place is beautiful.”

  “I’m sure my mother would love to hear that. She’s mortified that my dad wouldn’t let her buy a larger house this time. But since we won’t be here long, what's the point?”

  “Does it really matter?”

  Xavier laughs. “To my mother, image is everything. Come on, let's head upstairs. I turned one of the extra bedrooms into a movie room.”

  “Nice.” I follow him up the stairs and down the hall to the left.

  “That’s my room”—he points to a door on the right—“and this is the movie room.” He turns and enters the one across the hall from his bedroom.

  “Convenient,” I tease.

  “You know it.” Xavier winks. “I have all the streaming services, so it’s just a matter of deciding what we want to watch.”

  “You mean you haven’t planned what movies we’re watching?” I gasp in horror.

  Xavier freezes.

  “I’m kidding.” I step close to him and rub his arms in a soothing motion.

  “Had me worried there for a second.” He chuckles. “But I know how the men in your family like to make decisions for you, so I thought I’d give you the chance to decide for yourself.”

  “That's sweet.” I’m completely taken back.

  Has anyone ever done something so sweet for me before?

  The doorbell rings, breaking the moment. “Come on, you can leave your bag in here.”

  After tossing my bag onto the couch, I follow Xavier back downstairs. I grab the bowl of candy off the entry table while he opens the door.

  “Trick or Treat!” two little kids say.

  “Happy Halloween!” I tell them as I hold the bowl out.

  Each child takes one piece. “Thank you!” they yell as they run down the driveway to the next house.

  Xavier chuckles. “To be young again,” he muses. “Should we sit out here?” He points to the front steps.

  “Sure.” I step out with him and set the bowl next to me. Xavier sits down next to me.

  “Tell me your favorite Halloween costume you ever wore—wait, let me guess….” He looks me up and down. “You were Snow White at least once, am I right?”

  “Twice,” I mumble, making him laugh. “What about you?” I lean into his side and push his shoulder with my own. He wraps his arm around me.

  “Hmm… I think my favorite was Captain America.”

  “A Marvel guy, huh?”

  “Can I just say it’s sexy that you know that?”

  The woman who had just walked up with her child gasps, making me blush and her little boy laugh.

  “I apologize. Happy Halloween. Please take two pieces.” I tell them.

  The little boy grabs two pieces of candy before going back to his mom, who's mumbling under her breath.

  “Ugh, that was so embarrassing.” I groan when they walk away.

  “Nah, that was nothing. But we better keep it PG just in case,” Xavier teases, making us both smile.

  In no time at all, we’re out of candy, so we head inside and shut off the porch light.

  “That was fun,” I say over my shoulder as he follows me up the stairs.

  “It was. Thanks for doing it with me.”

  “Of course.”

  We enter the movie room, and I take a seat in the middle of the couch.

  Xavier grabs the remote off the TV stand before sitting down next to me and putting his arm around me, pulling me into his side. We channel surf until we stumble upon Hocus Pocus.

  “Stop. Let’s watch this,” I suggest.

  “Really?”

  “What? It’s a classic!”

  “Classically bad,” he teases but sets the remote down.

  “I’m going to pretend like you never said that.”

  We watch the movie in silence for a few minutes, until I have to admit, “God, CGI has come such a long way since they filmed this.”

  “Right? Thank God for the little things,” Xavier jokes. I bury my face into his neck and giggle. When I go to pull away, Xavier nudges my chin with his finger. “Can I kiss you, Tinsley?”

  I gasp, and my belly fills with butterflies. I turn towards him, tucking one leg under me and throwing the other over his lap before nodding.

  I meet him in the middle. Our lips connect in a slow, sweet kiss. He kisses me once, twice, then three times before opening his mouth and running his tongue along my bottom lip, making me gasp and giving him the chance to invade my mouth. We make out for who knows how long before we pull away, resting our foreheads against each other. Xavier brushes my hair out of my face before kissing my forehead.

  “I knew your lips would be ridiculously soft,” he murmurs. “But….” He trails off.

  “No chemistry,” we say in unison, making us both laugh.

  “Don’t get me wrong, I loved kissing you. Those pillow lips are what dreams are made of,” he assures me.

  “But kissing each other isn’t an all-consuming thing.” I sigh. “Damn.”

  “I agree. But let the record show I’m down to kiss you whenever. Hell, you got me hard, but not so hard I feel the need to rip your clothes off and ravish you right here, right now.” He smirks.

  I roll my eyes. “As if I would let you.”

  “Friends then?”

  “Friends.”

  “Want to kiss on it?” Xavier leans forward to kiss me again. I cover his face with my hand before pushing him
away, laughing.

  “What are we going to tell our dads?” I chew on my lip.

  “They can't make us do anything we don’t want to, Tinsley. Push comes to shove, and we’ll figure it out. But let's not worry right now. Let’s just have a good night.”

  “You’re right.” I cuddle back into his side and enjoy the rest of my night, refusing to let the black cloud that is my father ruin this for me.

  ✽✽✽

  Finley

  “What are you doing here?”

  I give Sage a weak smile. “It’s Samhain. I thought I would see if Tinsley needs an escort.”

  Sage narrows her eyes at me. “A little late, don’t you think? Shouldn’t you have asked her days ago?”

  She’s not wrong. I should have asked her way before today, but I was preoccupied. After I saw her with that preppy rich boy, I made myself scarce. I threw myself into my schoolwork and fighting.

  Most days I fall into bed to pass out, usually too tired, drunk, or high to let my thoughts consume me. Just the thought of her with that guy makes my blood boil and my hands itch for a fight.

  Then I woke up today and realized what day it is. As much as she deserves to be happy and to have a guy to give her everything she ever wanted, I couldn’t stop myself from coming here.

  “I lost track of time. Is she here?” I glance up the stairs.

  Sage sighs. “No. She’s out with Xavier.”

  I growl but try to cover it up with a cough. “Oh. They’re still a thing?”

  She gives me a knowing look. “Yes. You would know that if you ever showed your face anymore. What’s going on with you?”

  Shaking my head, I turn to head back out the door, but her soft touch on my arm stops me.

  “Come in. Reed’s working in his office, and I’m all alone. I’ll make us some coffee.”

  I open my mouth to refused, but she drags me along behind her.

  Once in the kitchen, she points at a chair before making her way to the coffee machine. In silence, she makes us each a cup, bringing mine to me with a little cream and two spoonsful of sugar, just the way I like it.

  “You remember how I like my coffee?” I tease.

  Her smile is warm. “Of course, you’re family. I make it a point to take care of my family.”

  My heart aches at her words. It’s a knife in my gut, because she’s right. They are my family, and I’ve not been around to be a better brother.

  When I don’t speak, she says, “She’s not at Samhain tonight.”

  My eyes snap to hers, a question I’m not willing to voice in them.

  She reaches out, patting my hand. “Seems she wasn’t a fan of it last year. Instead, she went to hand out candy with Xavier. You wouldn’t know anything about why she didn’t seem to enjoy herself last year, would you?” She sips her coffee, waiting for my response.

  After several moments, I finally relent. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t follow through with it.”

  I don’t have to spell it out. She knows what “it” is.

  The look of disappointment on her face kills me. Sage might have only joined the family in the last couple of years, but disappointing her feels like I’ve disappointed my parents—if they ever cared enough to be disappointed in me.

  “No wonder she doesn’t want to be involved this year. You know she’s been in love with you for years. Why did you even agree to go with her if you had no interest in her?”

  I grind my teeth. “It had nothing to do with interest. She deserves better. She’s also my best friend’s little sister. I couldn’t defile her like that. She deserves more than losing her virginity in a public orgy.”

  “Seriously? You didn’t have to take her virginity. Fuck, you could have just kissed her, held her hand, or showed her any kind of intimacy, and she would have had the time of her life. Reed didn’t fuck me that night. So, I ask again, why did you bother to take her if you were going to rob her of that experience?”

  I swallow past the lump in my throat. “We decided as a group it would be best if it was me.”

  It’s a cop out, and we both know it. Reed didn’t want her to go at all, but Sage reminded him we couldn’t take that away from Tinsley if she wanted it. Once he saw reason, they started going through the options. Each one caused my gut to clench. I wanted to kill all of them for even being an option for her. Before I knew it, I was offering to do it.

  At first, they were livid, but I spun a web of lies about protecting her virtue and the fact that she would be safe with me.

  Both ended up being true, but the honest answer would have been because I’ve been in love with Tinsley Yates since we were eight years old. She might not remember it, but I do vividly.

  We were playing in the garden on the side of her house when a snake popped out of nowhere. She jumped behind me, clinging to me. As wrong as it was, I felt invincible. I was her hero. I chased the snake off before holding her while she cried.

  When she calmed down, she looked at me with those bright eyes like I hung the damn moon. Fuck if I didn’t feel like a king. Then she thanked me before quickly pressing a kiss to my lips, like an eight-year-old would, before running away.

  She avoided me for a week after that, but I didn’t mind. Tinsley Yates was my first kiss, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

  It wasn’t long after that when Reed sat me down, having a discussion with me. He was only two years older, but he must have seen something change between us because he told me we had to protect Tinsley—that no one would ever be good enough for her and we needed to keep the nasty boys away. Then he made me promise that I would treat her like a brother would a sister and be her protector when he and Keaton couldn’t be around.

  I have taken that promise to heart ever since. Always protecting her, even when she didn’t want it. Keeping my hands to myself, even when they ached to be buried deep in her luscious brown hair.

  I must’ve been lost in thought because Sage clears her throat, bringing me back to the present.

  “You can lie to yourself all you want, but we both know the truth. You need to decide. If your feelings for her are real, then be brave and tell her. Give her a chance to make her own decision on whether you’re worthy. Reed and Keaton will be upset, but they will get over it. If you aren’t brave enough to admit those feelings to yourself or anyone else, then you need to let her go. Be her family and love her from afar. Let her move on and find happiness, even if it kills you. She doesn’t deserve this back-and-forth thing you have going on. She deserves a man who is all-in. A man who will treat her like the queen she is. I’ll support you either way, but you need to make up your mind before it’s too late.”

  I mull over her words. I want to be the man Tinsley needs, but I know I never will be. There’s this cloud of doom hanging over my future. She doesn’t deserve to be put through that.

  Nate’s words echo in my head.

  “Either we grab what we want and damn them to hell with us, or we let them go and watch them live from the outside. It’s a no-win situation. I’ve never been one to deny myself something I want. To hell with the consequences. You do what’s best for you, man.”

  Damn if I don’t want to take what I want, fuck the consequences.

  “What if it’s already too late? She’s been seeing this Xavier kid for a month now.”

  Sage offers me a soft smile. “Xavier’s a good guy. He treats her well. She likes him, but he’s not you. She’s still smitten with you. She can lie to herself all she wants, but she doesn’t want Xavier. If she did, they would’ve kissed by now. Instead, they act like friends. That’s not to say that their relationship won’t change, but right now that’s the status quo as far as I know.”

  I rub my hand down my face. “I hear what you’re saying. I’m not sure I’m strong enough for her or that I’m what’s right for her. As much as I care about her, I refuse to hurt her. I’d rather gnaw off my arm than hurt her.”

  She lets out a sad laugh. “You’ve been hurting her for ye
ars, Fin.” Sage pats me on the shoulder. “She’s been waiting for you to ride in on your white horse and save her. Now she’s seeing you’re not the knight she built up in her head. It’s bringing her out of the clouds and down onto a more level playing field. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be her hero still.”

  Nodding, I pull Sage into a hug. “Thank you. I needed a pep talk. We could have used you before the championship game last year.”

  She chuckles as she pushes me off her. “You guys killed it. You didn’t need me.”

  “Need? Probably not, but we want you here. You fill a hole we didn’t realize was missing. Thank you for the advice. I think I’m going to sleep on it.”

  “Anytime.” As I walk away, she calls out to me. “Hey, Fin?”

  I turn to look at her.

  “You need to realize that what you think is best for her isn’t what she thinks is best for her. Stop trying to decide for her, and help her make them for herself.”

  Chuckling, I rub my hand over my face. “I’ve always heard of Sage wisdom but didn’t realize I’d ever get the chance to receive it.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Get out of here, Abbot.”

  All the way home, I let her words roll around in my head.

  Could I be what Tinsley needs?

  ✽✽✽

  Chapter Five

  December

  Tinsley

  I’m sitting at my desk studying when I hear a knock on my door. I turn and see my father standing there, leaning against the doorframe.

  How does he always know when the boys are gone?

  “Hey, Daddy.” I force a smile.

  He walks into my room. “Is that anyway to greet your father?” he asks with an edge to his voice.

  I go to him, put my hands on his shoulders, and kiss his cheeks. “When did you get into town? Are you home for Christmas?” I step back, barely stopping myself from crossing my arms.

  Don’t let him see he makes you uncomfortable, I keep reminding myself.

  He walks around me and takes a seat in my chair. “I need you to do whatever you have to do to make Xavier marry you.”