The Nurse's Secret

by Sue MacKay

  Noah groaned. How horrid could he be? Stacey would no doubt think of all the windows that’d need cleaning and the floors to vacuum, rather than want to live in such a huge house. ‘Stacey, I’m being a prat again. Say no if you want to.’

  She shook her head, still smiling. ‘I want to know more about you, Noah. I’ll come.’

  * * *

  Stacey slapped at her face, wiping the moisture away and probably smearing mascara over her cheeks. If there was any left after her crying jag when Holly had woken again and said, ‘Mummy.’ Her body ached, her heart ached more. There was a set of drums in her skull doing their best to give her a headache, and succeeding. She wanted to curl up on the bed, holding Holly close, and cuddle her all night long. Equally, she’d be afraid of holding her too tight and hurting her.

  Eyes closed, Noah was sprawled in the chair. Was he asleep? Or was he going over and over the fact he was a father? He hadn’t said outright she couldn’t be his. Instead, he’d said he believed her, even though the doubts had crept back in since then. He had also been more willing to listen than she’d have believed. But he hadn’t said a word about accepting he was a father, about what he’d want for his daughter’s future, and how much time he’d want to spend with Holly. As in have her for nights, or weeks.

  She’d feel bereft, not having Holly at home. A chill crept into her stomach, spread throughout her body. Could she trust Noah not to hurt her? To understand her feelings and the sense of loss just sharing Holly time between them might bring on? Of course, she was being selfish, and had known this might happen, but she couldn’t help herself. She didn’t know a life without Holly in it all the time. She spoke aloud, hoping he heard.

  ‘I put Holly before all else. I have to go to work, but she’s well cared for by my family and the nursery she attends two mornings a week.’ The neighbour left the gate open and that’s why they were here. Would he hold that against her?

  Those eyes she’d first fallen for opened and locked onto her. ‘Relax, Stacey. I give you my word I will not take her away from you. You’re a devoted mum and love her to bits. I’ve seen that already.’

  She couldn’t relax but some of the chill warmed. ‘Thank you.’ When his gaze returned to Holly she realised he hadn’t made a move to hold her, or even touch her. Standing up, she crossed to the bed and lowered the rail. ‘Come and sit by your daughter.’

  At first she didn’t think he was going to, but after a couple of laden minutes he crossed to the bed and did as instructed. Slowly he reached out and ran his finger down Holly’s arm, avoiding the needle and tube feeding her pain relief. The look of wonder in his eyes stole Stacey’s breath away. Noah was accepting his daughter. Step one passed. Mind you, who couldn’t fall for her little girl? She was so sweet and cute and downright wonderful.

  A shiver ran down Stacey’s spine. ‘What if she’d been injured even worse than she was?’

  ‘Don’t go there. She wasn’t. Be grateful for that. She’s still got a little way to go before she’ll be back dancing and singing, so you need to stay strong.’

  He was right. The nurse in her was returning and bringing along a load of common sense. ‘I wonder when she’ll be able to go home.’

  Noah glanced up. ‘Don’t rush it. Keep her here as long as possible. It’s best for her.’

  ‘I know.’ Bending down, she carefully lifted Holly off the bed and placed her in her father’s arms. She didn’t need to tell him to be careful. ‘There you go.’

  As he gazed down at Holly, she moved away to sit on the chair and watch Noah falling in love. He had the right instincts, and Holly was going to be the winner. And Noah. She was glad he knew about his daughter. He’d already missed out on too much. Whatever unfolded between Noah and herself, this was the right thing to have done.

  If only he could fall for her as he had for Holly. Watching his fascination with his girl, the love for Noah that’d been growing day by day came to the fore, filling her heart, making her wish she could kiss him, and hold him. Do that now and he’d think she was trying to win him over about Holly. There’d been moments between them all week whenever they had been close that had made her wonder if he felt something for her, or if he was only thinking of the sex they’d shared.

  On Monday she’d wondered if she might come to love him. Today, even before this moment, she’d known deep down she was close, if not there. Only time would tell. And Noah’s thoughts on the future involving the three of them.

  Watching him, the tension holding her tight since the phone call to say Holly had been hurt began softening. Her neck moved without pain, her hands weren’t opening and shutting into balls any more, and her toes had stopped tapping a rhythm. Her eyelids dropped, cutting off the picture mesmerising her, but it was still there inside her head as she relaxed against the back of the chair. She wasn’t alone here. She had her daughter’s father to share this. Very different from her parents’ support. Not that she could relax entirely. They had a long way to go.

  * * *

  Noah’s mouth dried as he gazed down at the little girl in his arms. His girl, his daughter. Holly. Holly Wainwright. Holly Kennedy. Wham. Holly Kennedy. That was her name. No, that wasn’t fair to Anastasia. But he wanted his child to carry his name. Taking a peek at Stacey, he let out a long breath. She was asleep. He could avoid that problem for now.

  But it wouldn’t go away unless he gave in. Like a lot of the issues they’d have to face and sit down for a full and frank discussion about. Not tonight. It was after eleven, and Stacey was shattered. She needed sleep. He’d remain here until she woke up, whatever time that was. And continue holding Holly. Unless she woke up. If she did she’d get a fright to find it wasn’t Mummy holding her.

  Damn, she was gorgeous, he repeated to himself. Biased, by any chance? Naturally, he smiled, and again looked at Stacey. Another gorgeous female in his life—if he was careful and didn’t let her get away. She’d given him something he’d only ever dreamed of. He owed her big time. She could’ve kept quiet and he’d have been none the wiser, unless they’d started getting serious about each other, and he had been wishing for that—when he wasn’t looking for excuses to run before he got too involved. Which proved yet again how genuine she was.

  Stacey wasn’t someone to ignore truth. Deep down, he accepted that. It was what he’d been looking for, for so long.

  ‘Hello, someone looks comfortable.’ The night nurse assigned to Holly appeared at the bedside.

  ‘Holly or Stacey?’

  ‘Both. I’m glad Stacey’s sleeping. She was exhausted.’ The nurse talked in a low voice, obviously not wanting to wake anyone. ‘And this little one needs all the sleep she can get.’

  ‘It’s the best cure for concussion,’ Noah agreed.

  ‘I’m going to take Holly’s temperature.’

  Noah remained still, holding Holly a little tighter in case she felt the ear thermometer and woke with a start.

  ‘Temperature’s normal,’ the nurse commented as she read the thermometer. Then she straightened the sheets. ‘I think we should put her back into bed now—so she can move her legs and good arm in her sleep,’ she added as Noah tried to come up with a reason to keep holding her.

  Standing, he laid his precious bundle on the bed and tucked the top sheet up to her chin. Then he leaned over and kissed her forehead. Tears filled his eyes immediately.

  A box of tissues appeared in his blurred vision, and he snatched a handful. ‘Thanks,’ he said gruffly.

  ‘It always gets to you, doesn’t it? They’re so vulnerable and you’re supposed to be able to protect them from this sort of thing, but the real world’s different from our hopes and dreams.’

  Noah gasped as he realised this woman was presuming he was Holly’s father, and had been there for her whole, short life. About to put her right, he hesitated. Why would he do that? She was a nurse on this shift and had nothing else to do with t
hem. He was still getting his head around the fact his life had changed so completely in such a short time. Talking about it to a stranger didn’t seem like a great idea. If he talked to anyone it would be to the other woman in the room. When she woke up.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  ‘BECAUSE YOU’RE A nurse I’m letting you take Holly home later this afternoon as long as the nurses don’t find a reason not to,’ the paediatrician told Stacey when she did her round on Monday morning. ‘She’s through the worst, but you need to keep an eye on her concussion. Any sign of change and I want her back here immediately.’

  ‘Believe me, I’ll have her here fast. Can you run through everything with me one more time?’ Stacey asked. ‘I can’t quite relax yet.’

  ‘Medical staff make the worst caregivers of their nearest and dearest.’

  ‘Don’t they ever,’ Stacey agreed. She hadn’t expected to get quite so stressed when it came to Holly, though. ‘I’ll give you both a lift home,’ came the deep voice of the man she’d been waiting to see all morning.

  How long had he been standing there? Not long or she’d have noticed. Her skin would’ve tingled, and her stomach tightened.

  Got it bad, girl.

  ‘Hi, Noah. You’ve heard the good news, then?’

  Holly was staring him with a little smile. Oh, hell, now what?

  Holly, meet your dad. Holly—

  Stacey froze, staring at her girl, whose world was about to change radically. Not that Holly would understand much past ‘This is Daddy’. If she understood that. Neither could she bring up the subject in front of the paediatrician and her entourage of nurses and registrar.

  ‘You’re okay with that? Last night you were happy for her to stay in as long as possible.’

  ‘I hadn’t expected her to improve so much. She’s restless and being at home might be better for her, or for everyone else around here anyway.’ Rubbing Holly’s arm softly, she grinned. ‘My girl’s got some of her noise back.’

  The paediatrician spoke to Noah. ‘I’m very happy with the concussion, and Stacey’s fully aware of what to look out for. As she says, little children do better at home surrounded by those who love them than in here, with strangers coming and going all the time.’

  ‘I guess.’ Noah sounded doubtful. The father in him coming out? Not the doctor?

  Stacey laughed for the first time in days. ‘She’ll be fine, promise.’

  ‘Mummy, I want a story.’

  ‘What’s the magic word?’

  ‘Please.’

  ‘Noah, can you stay with Holly while I get a book?’ Deep breath. ‘Holly, this is Noah, Mummy’s friend.’ Talk about a cliché.

  Noah stepped forward. ‘Hello, Holly. I see you banged your head.’

  She raised her arm in front of him and knocked on the cast. ‘It’s broken.’

  ‘That’s not your head, silly billy.’ Stacey tickled her under the chin. A giggle erupted from her girl, and Stacey relaxed some more. ‘That’s a very normal sound.’

  Holly rubbed her forehead. ‘Hurts, Mummy.’

  ‘That’s because you banged it. You’ve got to be careful.’ She turned to Noah. ‘Thanks for the offer of a lift but you don’t have a car seat suitable for Holly.’

  He pulled out his phone and brought up a picture of a car seat. ‘There’s this one or...’ he flicked the screen ‘...this one. Both seem suitable but you need to make sure for me.’

  She took the phone and studied the top-of-the-range seats. ‘Either one will be ideal.’

  ‘Good. I’ll order it now and pick it up shortly. I’d like to meet your parents again now that this is out in the open.’

  ‘No problem. They want to talk to you, too.’ She didn’t like his controlled tone. Now he’d had more time to think about everything, had he come up with things not to his satisfaction?

  ‘Do they? Good.’ He sounded as though he expected them to give him a set of rules to follow, and that he already had his own ground rules to put in place.

  ‘They want to clear the air and start over as they mean to go on.’ She’d never seen him in this mood before and should’ve expected it. He’d had hours to go through everything, would’ve been churning things over and over. Now she needed to brace herself for the battle, for more questions fuelled by his doubts.

  ‘Tell me about your previous relationship.’

  Hadn’t she already done that? Stay calm. They were in a ward with staff, patients and parents. This was not going to be the entertainment. Reaching the bed, she sat beside Holly and opened a book.

  ‘Har-ree.’ Holly pointed at the picture of the hairy monster.

  ‘Sure is, sweetheart.’ She began reading, ignoring Noah pacing over the small space between her and the window. Once the story was finished she handed over the book to Holly to run her fingers over the pictures. It would take a few minutes, giving her time to deal with Noah’s question.

  ‘Angus and I grew up two houses apart. We were playmates, then teenage friends, then we fell in love and finally got engaged. Then he met someone else.’

  ‘How did you feel about that?’

  ‘I was gutted. I loved him. I believed we were meant for each other.’

  ‘And now?’

  Her chest rose and fell. ‘I’m over him. In a way he was right when he said we’d been friends too long before we became lovers and there was something missing from our relationship. It took me a while to see that.’ It had taken Noah, and even then she wasn’t trusting herself to believe she’d fallen for a man she’d only known for a few hours. ‘Why’s this important?’

  His guard didn’t slip. ‘I know very little about you.’

  About the mother of his child. She got it. He wasn’t interested in her as a woman, and she’d best keep that in the forefront of her mind. Pain knocked her. So much for thinking they might have a future together. It wasn’t happening. She had to be realistic. Rubbing her chest, she snapped, ‘I could say the same about you, but I trust you to be considerate to me and Holly throughout what lies ahead,’ and was pleased to see him jerk his head back.

  ‘I’ve landed you with a child and no lead-in time.’ At least she wasn’t expecting marriage and a full-time relationship. Her heart ached for what could’ve been if only he felt the same. But she obviously hadn’t done any more than turn him on for as long as it took to make love. Often. Watching Noah, the same tingling was going on in her palms, a familiar heat unfurling deep down, a longing she’d only known for him.

  ‘So it would seem,’ he said.

  ‘You’re still having doubts about Holly’s paternity?’ she demanded. ‘We can have a DNA test done.’ Her heart throbbed painfully at the thought of not still being believed over something so crucial.

  Again Noah jerked his head and stared at her, his teeth digging into his bottom lip. After a long, leaden moment he shook his head. ‘That won’t be necessary, but thank you for understanding and offering.’

  She didn’t feel any relief. If anything, she was more uncomfortable. He was right about one thing. They didn’t know each other, were mostly going on gut instinct. Which sometimes was safer than knowledge. Less overthinking.

  ‘No, story.’ Holly was holding out the book Stacey had just read, this time towards Noah. ‘No?’

  ‘Noah, his name’s Noah.’ Or Daddy. Stacey gulped as she glanced at him. And was struck by the awe shining from him at his daughter. She could relax on Holly’s behalf. This was going to work out for her, one way or another. But for her, she’d be waiting in the wings for any snippet of acknowledgement. No kisses, or passionate lovemaking. He wasn’t interested in her.

  Except there’d be a child’s car seat ready by the end of the day so he could give them a lift. He had a way about him that brooked no argument when he was adamant about getting something. Another thing to watch out for when it came to discussing parenting with
him.

  * * *

  At ten past five he appeared on the paediatric ward. ‘Ready to go home?’ he asked. ‘I’ve got everything sorted.’

  ‘She’s been given the all clear as long as I stay at home with her tomorrow. I’d already arranged to take the day off. We’ll see where we go after that. Dad’s already put his hand up if I have to come in. There is a shortage of nurses due to the flu.’

  ‘It’s the same in Theatre,’ Noah acknowledged. Then he turned to her and gave one of his heart-wrenching smiles. ‘How’re you feeling?’

  Surprised. ‘Happier now we’re leaving here.’ Deep breath.

  Tell him what you think.

  ‘Thanks for this. I’m glad you haven’t walked away.’

  Now who looked surprised? ‘Anastasia...’ Noah hesitated. Started again. ‘I meant it when I said I won’t do that. As you can imagine, I was awake most of the night, going over what you’ve told me, and I completely accept it’s the truth.’

  ‘Just like that?’

  ‘Not quite. After my previous relationship I’m a little short on trust, but every argument I put up during the night crumbled away when I went through the little I know about you.’

  Did that mean what it sounded like?

  ‘I don’t know where you and I are headed. I do know that from the moment we bumped into each other last Monday I’ve wanted to spend more time with you.’

  Hope flared. She deliberately squashed it. ‘Isn’t it a bit soon to be telling me this? Shouldn’t you wait until you’ve totally accepted your daughter into your life?’