Merry Wrath Mysteries Boxed Set Volume III (Books 7-9)

by Leslie Langtry

  "You're right. I know you're right." And I did. I'd been hiding intel from him like my cats hide my shoes after they barf in them.

  "We have to work on our communication," he said before walking out the door.

  He didn't even hug me. Rex was upset.

  Now I was upset. What was wrong with me? I had this incredible man who loved me and wanted to marry me. And I snuck around behind his back, investigated when he told me not to, while hiding clues and intel from him. I was screwing up the best thing that ever happened to me.

  Nothing I could do about it right now. It was time to get ready for the parade tomorrow. After that, I'd apologize to Rex. Again.

  I took a deep breath and laid out the costumes on the couch. Philby appeared and tried to drag off the werewolf head. I put it back, but once more, she pounced on it. After hissing and lying on her side, holding it with her paws and gutting it with her back legs, she wiggled it over her head, stood up triumphantly, and proceeded to strut around the house like a hunter.

  We had everything but the ghost sheet. It took me a while to find a plain white sheet that wasn't fitted and was clean. I tried to approximate a child's size as I cut out the eyeholes.

  Dinner consisted of a package of Oreos and a glass of white wine. Did you think I'd pair red with the cookies? That's just madness! On the breakfast bar, I drew up four large signs that each had one era. On a fifth piece of poster board, I wrote down our troop number. This might not be enough to win first place, but it would explain what we were trying to do.

  Philby continued to prance around in the mask. Martini came around a corner, saw the werewolf head, and hissed violently. I could swear I heard Philby laughing.

  It took a long time to find zip ties to attach the poster board to the trailer. Then I had to find a way to punch holes in the posters so I could tie them on. We were running out of time. The more things I accomplished, the easier tomorrow would be. At some point I dragged the chicken wire skull down to the basement. I'd find something to do with it later.

  At two in the morning, I called it a night and fell into bed fully clothed.

  * * *

  When I woke up, Philby was lying next to my head, wearing the werewolf mask. Two very real green eyes stared at me through the eyeholes. I jumped up to see Martini curled up inside the vampire mask, fast asleep.

  Daylight was just starting to break through the curtains. It was only six, but it felt like I still had an enormous list of things to do before the girls arrived. I just had one thing to do first.

  The call went to voice mail, and a grumpy, gravelly voice shouted, "What? I heard the beep, Edna! I say what now? Alright, alright! This is Oliver Bar…"

  The message ended with a tone. Apparently, the old farmer was a bit tech challenged. I left a message for him to call, worried that he wouldn't even know how to retrieve it. If he didn't call, I'd just try again later. It was a long shot, really. It was highly possible that there was no connection between Oliver Barnes, the murder, or the gold theft.

  I could worry about that later. Right now, I had a costume to create.

  Philby followed me from room to room, still wearing the mask. This must be the feline equivalent to killing something and then walking around in its skin. Cats were creepy.

  I spent the next hour trying to put together an 80s outfit. A jean jacket over two polo shirts, collars popped, was all I could think of. I added a string of pearls. What else would prove the witch was from the 80s? There was a lot going on during the Cold War that I knew about. Every spy worth their salt did. I had an idea.

  There was a box of buttons I'd gotten at some Girl Scout event. I was going to use them for a craft opportunity at a meeting. It pays to have backup because sometimes the lady with the snakes or the guy who can make things out of mayonnaise don't show up and you need a craft to fall back on.

  Cutting up some construction paper, I wrote REAGAN on one and DEVO on another. That gave me the idea to paint a flowerpot black for the witch hat. DEVO wore flowerpots on their heads. I saw that on a music history documentary.

  I knew the girls were here from the screaming in the yard. There's a big difference between an adult screaming and a child. I'd learned the nuances between a scream of fear and a scream just because. Maybe I could write a manual for leaders sometime.

  Kelly and the girls poured into my house. When they saw Philby in the werewolf mask, ten cell phones appeared and took pictures.

  To my surprise, the girls had done a decent job of coming up with costumes. They'd also decided who would wear them. Without fighting, crying, or stabbing. Impressive.

  Hannah was the werewolf. Inez was the vampire. One of the Kaitlyns was the ghost, and the only monster without a mask (the witch) was portrayed by Ava. The rest of the girls were wearing representations of the eras.

  None of the parents stayed to help.

  While Kelly and I loaded hay onto the flatbed, the girls worked on their "monsters." This could actually work! We wouldn't get first place, but I was pretty confident we'd get second or third. I could bribe the judges. I made a mental note to stuff a $100 bill into my back pocket.

  Kelly grunted as she lifted a hay bale up onto the flatbed. "These are heavy. I got them at the feed store in Bladdersly."

  "Looks good though." I organized a row of bales down the middle of the flatbed. "How can we make sure they stay on the flatbed?"

  The image of girls falling off, into the streets, made me a little nervous.

  "Robert will drive very slowly." Kelly tossed the last hay bale onto the float.

  I put the posters around the edge of the float, two on each side. We were ready.

  "I forgot the candy," Kelly groaned.

  Now that was a crisis. She jumped into her van and sped off while I arranged and rearranged the hay bales over and over. In the end, I set them up like four chairs. That should work.

  The girls were quiet inside the house. That was never good. On three separate occasions, quiet girls in my house meant trouble. Once, the electricity was out for a week. The electrician never did figure out how the girls constructed a power disrupter. The second time, I found toilet paper everywhere. That's right, my house was TP'd on the inside. And the third time…well, I'm still not ready to talk about that.

  I raced inside to find them all sitting in the living room, the TV on, fully dressed. Philby was no longer wearing the mask. The poodle skirt–wearing werewolf was. I watched as the fat cat jumped up onto the couch and tore the mask off the girl. The feline Hitler impersonator shoved her head inside and raced off to the back bedrooms with Hannah hot on her heels. There must have been a scuffle because I heard a loud hiss before the girl emerged with her mask.

  The costumes looked amazing. Inez had a tie-dyed T-shirt, a leather vest, and a headband full of flowers over the mask to become the most peaceful vampire ever. Kaitlyn wore a ghost sheet under her leisure suit. She'd only cut enough to cover her head and tuck inside the jacket. Since it was Ava's father's, the suit was too big, but it promoted the general idea.

  Ava wasn't wearing the outfit I'd put out. Instead, she was wearing a purple leotard with tights, leg warmers, and a sweatband.

  "How did you make your costume?" I asked.

  "Mom said it's Jane Fonda. She was an exerciser and a traitor."

  I was going to argue this point but decided against it. I tossed the denim jacket around her shoulders and had to admit, it was a pretty good costume. She refused to wear the flowerpot on her head. That was sad.

  Kelly burst through the door with a stack of Halloween buckets that looked like pumpkins and a mattress-sized bag of candy. I'd never seen so much in one place. We started filling up each bucket. It was decided that the monsters would have candy but weren't required to throw it. I didn't want anyone falling off the float.

  Outside, Robert had backed his truck up to the hitch and was hooking it up. Finn giggled from her car seat in the truck. I wanted to give her candy, but Kelly put a stop to that, saying it was a c
hoking hazard. I agreed but made a mental note to spoil that kid rotten when she was old enough to eat junk food.

  "It's time!" Kelly said as she ushered everyone onto the float.

  We joined them, and Robert drove us, very carefully, to the high school, where the parade would start. Volunteers led us to our spot in the lot. I felt a surge of relief when we parked. We'd done it. Somehow, Kelly, the girls, and I had pulled this off. It's all about teamwork. Coming together to make things happen. Now all I had to do was bribe the judge, and the day was ours.

  It seemed like half the town was in the parade. Who was left to watch, I wondered. People milled about, shouting instructions. It was chaotic. The four monsters took their places on the float, and the girls stood on the ground beside them with their overflowing buckets.

  "I think that's the judge." Kelly pointed at the back of a man twenty yards away.

  "We're going to win!!!" I shouted. "It's Rex!" I wondered why he didn't tell me. Maybe it's better that I didn't know. I didn't need the bribe after all. That was good because now I could buy Philby a werewolf mask of her own.

  Kelly squinted. "How can you tell?"

  "I'd know that back anywhere."

  "Don't tell the girls," Kelly insisted. "They'll act too familiar, and someone will see it."

  "Not a word."

  Would it be fair for Rex to pick his fiancé's float as the winner? Who cared. And, if he didn't pick us, the wedding was off.

  Okay, the wedding wasn't off. But still. I might not tell him if I ever found another poop clue.

  "You shouldn't be here when he judges," Kelly whispered.

  I nodded. That was a solid idea. I took off, wandering around the massive staging area. My confidence grew as I saw the other floats. It looks like everyone struggled with that silly theme. After seeing a collage of candy bars from different eras, a bunch of square-dancing zombies, and a giant pumpkin with different years carved into it, I was pretty sure our idea was the most original and unique.

  That's when I found a float covered in dead animals doing things dead (or living) animals didn't do.

  "Randi!" I waved and walked over. "Wow! What a great float!"

  Good thing we competed in a different category. The bull on two legs wearing a bumblebee mask while handing out candy to four coyotes in various superhero costumes was pretty good. I wondered if their brother being the judge would be good or bad for them.

  "Merry! So nice to see you!" Rex's sister threw her arms around me. "Isn't this fun?"

  I nodded. "What an interesting idea! Was it hard to make the bull stand on two legs?"

  She shook her head. "Not really."

  For a moment, Stan's collection of stuffed deer heads popped into my head. I'd forgotten about that. There was a connection there. Was it alright to ask? Was there some sort of client/taxidermist code that said you couldn't tell people what you'd stuffed for them?

  "No problem. Where's Ronni?" I tried to sound disappointed, but secretly, being barked at by Rex's sister didn't appeal to me.

  "She ran back to the shop. The bull's bumble bee tutu tore." She looked around me. "I heard your mother was in town. Where is she?"

  My mind was working furiously on a solution to asking about Stan. "Oh, um, she had to run out of town for something."

  "I'd like to have you all over for tea next week." Randi smiled.

  "That sounds great. I'll have Rex call you." I looked at the bull. Was it my imagination, or had he moved? "I hope business has been booming," I ventured.

  Randi nodded. "Oh yes. You'd be surprised by some of the orders."

  I looked up at coyotes on the float. I swear one of them winked at me.

  "I have a question. Do people provide you with the dead animals to stuff?" I couldn't believe Stan hunted all those…any of those deer.

  "Yes. They have to supply the animals." Randi reached up and picked a piece of fluff from the coyote dressed as Spiderman. "We get people all the time who think we do the hunting. Can you imagine?"

  She laughed so I laughed too. But in all honesty, I could see Ronni stalking and killing animals for fun. I made a mental note to keep her away from my cats. For a moment, I wondered what kind of diorama they'd put Philby and Martini in. Some sort of der Fuhrer meets Elvis thing, I guessed.

  I snapped my fingers to make it look like the idea had just struck me. "I was at a friend's house the other day—he had walls full of deer heads. Do you know him? Stan Coombs?"

  Randi's eyes darted back and forth nervously. "Oh? I'm not sure I do. We do so many deer heads."

  My spy-dy sense was tingling. She knew Stan. Now that was interesting.

  "It was beautiful work," I insisted. "So tastefully done! It had to be you! I hope he recommends you to his friends."

  My future sister-in-law softened a little. "Oh, right. That house by the country club. Yes, we did those. He ordered them all six months before we moved here."

  My eyes went wide. "Really? How did he know about you guys? Did he find you on the internet?"

  "We have a mutual friend in Washington DC," she said quickly. "Ronni should be here any minute, and it'll be time to go soon."

  My stomach had started that long slide to my ankles, and my palms began to sweat. This wasn't good news. "I'd better get back to my troop. Good luck!"

  "And to you too!"

  I kept walking through the parking lot. My mind was racing. Were Rex's sisters involved in all of this? They did just move here, which was convenient if they were working with the thieves. It seemed a little coincidental that they'd done work for Stan before moving here and that they had a mutual friend in DC. Maybe they smuggled the coins and other ill-gotten gains using dead animals? Was that possible?

  Suddenly, I didn't want to investigate anymore. Why did I have to push Randi to find out what her relationship to Stan was? Couldn't I just have left it alone? I finally had the chance to have sisters (even if one of them hated me—it still counted) only to find out they might be criminals.

  After years of separation due to a little family fallout, Rex was just getting back on track with the twins. How could I tell him what I'd just found out? Would that be the last straw in our already strained relationship? Argh! Why couldn't I have just left this all alone?

  I blamed my past career. Spies are trained to follow every lead, no matter what. But usually that line of inquiry didn't lead to a wrecked engagement and the estrangement of siblings. My gut twisted as I walked blindly through the lot, chastising my curiosity.

  Which is how I ran smack into Juliette Dowd.

  "Watch where you're going!" the angry redhead snapped.

  Oh good. I could take my despair out on her. I put on my most innocent expression. "Have you seen my fiancé, Rex? I've been looking everywhere for him…"

  Juliette screamed and stormed off. At least there was one good thing about this parade.

  For my own peace of mind, I shut out my conversation with Randi and tried to focus on getting back into parade mode.

  Zombies seemed to be the big theme here, as I passed dozens of them, all in various states of decay. Even a few of the floats followed the zombie idea—one had a giant zombie with his intestines dragging behind him as he munched on a leg. And Kelly thought our ideas were too much?

  I wasn't sure how zombies fit into the Through the Ages theme. Maybe that would work to our benefit. A troop of Cub Scout zombies were throwing rocks at each other nearby. I couldn't tell if they were bored or trying to make each other look more authentic. After seeing one pair hit each other over and over, I settled on stupidity as an explanation for their actions. Oh yes, we were definitely going to win.

  Just as I was one float away from ours, I spotted a float that had me worried. A two-story haunted house topped a huge flatbed. Each window had a monster from a different era. There was a Marie Antoinette vampire, a gorilla dressed as Charles Dickens, two witches wearing Victorian era clothes, and a mummy dressed like John Travolta and disco dancing. It was a good float. A huge b
anner told me it was from a local business.

  My stomach dropped. It was our idea but way better. But what had I thought? That we could come up with something completely original the night before? Okay. I'd settle for 2nd place.

  When I saw Kelly and the girls, my heart sank. Our float really looked pitiful compared to the adults' haunted house. Maybe the girls wouldn't notice the float behind us. Kelly was smiling, so I joined her. I guess the amazing float didn't intimidate her.

  "We won!" She brandished a huge trophy.

  "How did we win?" I pointed to the monster mansion.

  She shook her head. "We compete in the kids' division. That means a float made by kids." She pointed at the four monsters. "Besides, you should've seen the workout Ava did when Rex stopped by. Inez held up a peace sign, and Kaitlyn did a disco pose. It was adorable."

  "Huh. I guess I thought we were competing against all floats."

  "The Dad's Club tries to insist kids build their floats, but it's so obvious that the board still makes them compete in the adult category."

  We tied the trophy to the front of the truck and got ready for our promenade down Main Street. We were in the middle of the parade, which I could see at a distance starting to roll out of the parking lot.

  It was pure chaos. Adults running around looking for their kids, kids running around hiding from the adults, and the loud warming up of the school marching band. At least our girls were sticking to us. I did a head count just to make sure. It would be a nightmare to lose one of the kids in this crowd.

  "The rest of the candy," Kelly shouted to be heard over the noise, "will be on the back of the float. Ms. Wrath and I will hand it out. If you run out, come back to us, and we'll give you more. Don't try to get it from the moving float yourself. That's how you get run over."

  I had a job? I must have missed that. Oh well. It was a good job. I didn't have to hand out any candy to the kids lining the streets—I just had to do refills. I could keep my eyes on the girls from the back too. Not that they'd try anything…at least, not in public.