Dreamwalker

by J. A. Culican

  “I have heard about Xagu and figured as such,” Svan acknowledged as he stood in place with his hands folded over one another.

  “I brought him here, from dreamwalking,” I blurted out.

  “That I was not aware of, but given your inability to follow rules, I am not surprised.”

  “I tried to save my brother, but Xagu rushed me. I fell backward. Then I woke up here, and Xagu was with me,” I blubbered and hoped Svan would understand. It wasn’t my intent to bring Xagu to Western March.

  “You must excuse me. I have some cleaning up to do.” Svan avoided my gaze as he left the room.

  “This is crazy.” Sade rushed into the room just as soon as Svan left. “All of the ur’gel are coming to Western March?”

  “Yes, I found their camp last night. They know Xagu is here. They don’t know he is dead yet,” I admitted and waited for Sade to scold me.

  “Well, I guess it’s a good thing you dreamwalked last night. We’ll have a head start on them,” Sade chimed as she shook her head.

  “I’m the reason that Xagu came here in the first place. This mess is all because of me.” I was frustrated at everything that had gone wrong these past few months. Angry for meeting Beru and ever dreamwalking.

  “You are.” Sade pulled the chair up to the side of the bed and rested her feet on the edge. “But being a dreamwalker is not a choice.”

  “People are going to die because of me.” I choked back more tears.

  “Can you stop crying?” Sade rolled her eyes as she wobbled in her chair.

  “I can’t help being emotional,” I said, annoyed at how insensitive she could be at times.

  “Then choose not to use emotions,” Sade grumbled, moving her head in a circle until she cracked her neck. “It’s easier.”

  “Why?” I pushed.

  “What does feeling emotions accomplish?” Sade leaned in, her eyes narrowed.

  “That you have a heart.”

  Sade sat back, unnerved at my response.

  I didn’t think she was heartless, but that was all I could come up with.

  “I know what it’s like to lose everyone you love. My family had been murdered right in front of me.” Sade shot daggers out of her eyes at me. “You have no right to say that to me.”

  I shook my head and hated I had gone that far with her.

  “You’re right. I don’t. I’m not myself right now,” I confessed to her. I needed her strength and her wisdom.

  “For the record, I do cry.”

  “Over spilled milk?” I tested her with a smile.

  “You scared me.” Sade hesitated. “I’ve never been good with friends. I’ve never had a friend.”

  “You have at least one.” I smiled at her and reached my hand out, and she didn’t hesitate to take it.

  “Okay, can we get back to fighting now?” Sade joked with me, and we both managed a big belly laugh.

  The door opened, and Svan entered. He appeared to be in a cheerier mood.

  Sade pulled back, and we shook off our moment together.

  “Iri is handling it as we speak.” Svan sat down at the end of my bed. “Now, Aria, I want a detailed encounter about your dreamwalk last night. No detail is insignificant.”

  I nodded and took a deep breath in before I began.

  “I went back to the original camp where they had been holding Gavin, but they weren’t there. I had been able to pick up on Gavin’s energy and found them at a different camp. It wasn’t like the other one. It was disorganized and too many ur’gel were fighting to be the leader. They knew Xagu had been in the tent with Gavin and me, and then he disappeared,” I spurted out, trying to cover as much ground as I could.

  “Where is the new camp?” Svan leaned in.

  “Just inside the Lower Forest, before the desert,” I replied.

  “They’re close.” Svan was disappointed in my response.

  “Is there anything else that has been different than the first trip?” Sade asked.

  “There’s a dark sorcerer. I had never seen him before. He wasn’t acting with the ur’gel.” I pondered as I tried to remember what he looked like, but my head hurt.

  “A dark sorcerer?” Svan’s head popped up from his notes, and his eyebrows lifted.

  “Yes. He came from the shadows. It had been difficult to see his face, but he oozed a mist from his mouth and nose, even though it wasn’t cold.” I shivered thinking of it.

  “What did he ask of you?” Svan demanded, his voice quick and his face showing the most interest since meeting him.

  “He’s holding Gavin, not Xagu. Or at least Xagu thought he had been the one holding my brother.” My voice quickened as Svan became more intense.

  “Why would he want Gavin?” Sade asked.

  “He wants Beru.” My gaze drifted to Svan for his reaction.

  Svan sat with his chin in hand as he stared down at his paper.

  Sade and I were quiet as we waited for him to talk.

  “I understand now,” Svan broke the silence. He had our attention. “Why they want Beru so badly.”

  Svan stood and walked over to the window. It had the best view of the desert before Western March.

  “Are they coming?” Sade asked.

  “Soon.” Svan looked back at me. “The dark sorcerers are a group known only as Shadows. They have haunted this area for decades, maybe even longer.”

  “What do they want?” Sade asked.

  “It’s been speculated over for many years, but Beru or the prison were never mentioned before.” Svan held his finger up, as in a warning.

  “What’s everyone want with Beru?” Sade sat back down in her seat and tapped her feet on the ground.

  “We shall soon find out.” Svan turned his back to us as he watched out the window.

  “I think it would be a good idea for you to lay low when they arrive. You’re weak and might be their target once they find out about Xagu.” Sade said, her decision made.

  “I have to get to Gavin when they arrive. They are taking him with them.” I pulled the heavy blanket off me.

  “They won’t bring him here,” Svan said from the window. “He’ll more likely be in a grave.”

  “They won’t kill him.” Sade leapt forward and grabbed my hand. “He’s too valuable.”

  “I know they won’t kill him,” I replied, angered at Svan. “I’ll go to him when they arrive. They’ll leave him with the women.”

  “Don’t be irrational, Aria,” Svan came toward me. “There will be no more dreamwalking.”

  “I won’t need to. They will bring him with them.” I lifted my legs over the side of the bed.

  “They set up camps close to where they attack,” Sade said to Svan as she held out her arms to me as if I was a toddler.

  “I’ll go with a group of my people, and we will return with Gavin,” Svan said firmly.

  “Thank you, Svan.” I held back tears for Sade.

  “There is one condition.” Svan’s facial expression was stern. “You’re not to bring Beru out of prison. No matter what. If you do, it will be nothing like the loss we are about to encounter. This will seem like a speck in the sand.”

  I only cared about Gavin. As long as I had him back, I could forget about Beru.

  Or could I?

  “Drinks!” Astor yelled as the barmaid brought our table another round. It was after midnight, and Sade had gone back to Svan’s to rest, while I decided to keep Astor company and out of trouble.

  “Now, I want the full story on Idok and why he ran from you.” I giggled from feeling tipsy.

  “I’m testing my boundaries.” Astor used an accent. “And I guess they didn’t include hair.”

  “That poor man, Astor. Promise me you won’t try to do anything else against him.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

  Astor piped up, “I intend to be on my best behavior. Lesson learned.”

  I leaned back in my chair as I shook my head and rolled my eyes. I somehow didn’t believe Astor.

&nbs
p; “Enough about me. Now that Sade isn’t here, let’s get down with some girl talk.” Astor moved his chair closer to me.

  “Once a touchy subject, tell me about this love of your life.” Astor leaned into me and winked.

  “There’s nothing to tell.” My cheeks flushed, unsure if it was from drink or that the closest thing I had had to love were moments with Beru.

  “Those eyes tell me a different story.” Astor pushed on the bottom of my glass as I drank.

  I slapped his hand away and shook my head at how immature he could be.

  “I’ve never been kissed.” I turned my head from him, embarrassed at that fact.

  Astor raised one eyebrow. “And I’ma s’posta believe that?”

  “It’s true.” I covered my face and avoided Astor.

  “We’ll find you love.” Astor frowned as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. He was much drunker than I and would forget whatever I had said tonight.

  “That’s the furthest thing from my mind right now,” I said as I brushed Astor off me.

  “Maybe that’s exactly what you need.” Astor switched my empty glass with a full one.

  “Sade told me about your brother. If anyone can get him back its Svan.” Astor waved the barmaid over again for more drinks.

  “Did she tell you that the ur’gel are coming?”

  “Everyone knows about the ur’gel coming.” Astor seemed to sober up a little. “The D'ahvol will stop them at the base of the mountain. Don’t worry about it.”

  Astor finished off another drink in one go.

  “I almost kissed someone once,” I changed the subject and smiled as I remembered the moment.

  “What stopped you?” Astor asked.

  “Rejection, I guess. Maybe I wanted it and he didn’t.” I blushed as I shared such a private moment.

  “And the kiss?” Astor leaned in for the good bit.

  “We almost kissed.” I smiled at Astor for his goofiness.

  “Just get to the good part.” Astor waved his hand at me to continue.

  “That’s it. An almost moment.” I drifted off into the memory of Beru’s body mere inches from mine. His sweet scent and how tempted I was to taste his lips.

  “So why didn’t the kiss happen?” Astor leaned in, enthralled with my little story about nothing.

  I grimaced and averted my eyes to the table.

  “Did you ever talk about it after?” Astor begged for more information.

  “No. It was a onetime thing that I’m not even sure was a thing.”

  “So, you don’t know if he wanted to kiss you.” Astor pulled back at his realization.

  “No, I mean, I guess.” I hadn’t thought about what Beru had wanted in that moment.

  “Have you seen this person since?” Astor sat back with his drink, his eyes squinted as he tried to piece this story together.

  “Yes.”

  “And...”

  A vision of Beru as he sat naked in a bath flushed my cheeks. That had been the next time I had seen him. I was certain he had known I was there, dreamwalking, but he acted like he was alone.

  “Let’s change the subject. What about you? Any loves?” I prayed he would just talk about himself like he usually did.

  Astor smiled and pushed the end of my drink again, but I stopped him.

  “If the ur’gel do make it here, I will be of no use to anyone.” I moved my glass away from me.

  “I think I know who you are talking about.” Astor smiled mysteriously.

  “How would you know?”

  “You’re not so quiet when you dreamwalk.” Astor winked at me.

  “Stop!” I screamed then laughed in embarrassment.

  “Oh yes.” Astor hung his head back with dramatics and made me laugh even more.

  “Did Sade hear me?” I sobered up at the thought.

  “Everyone heard you, darling.” Astor leaned in again and did a double wink.

  “Well, nothing happened. If that’s what you’re wondering.” I took a drink from my almost empty glass.

  “Except you seemed happier after seeing him.”

  I hesitated to share my true feelings about Beru. How I questioned how he was being portrayed. I didn’t feel that Astor would judge.

  “I don’t know what to think,” I cautioned.

  Astor waited for me to go on.

  “He’s just not what I would expect as a Lieutenant of Dag'draath.” I shrugged, not even sure how to put into words how I felt.

  “You know him better than anyone, Aria,” Astor added.

  I did know him better. Others relied on tales from over two hundred years ago. Beru wasn’t evil. He was a product of his environment, harsh and isolated. My visits brought out the human side in him.

  “I don’t feel like I can defend him,” I warned. Certainly not to Svan. He wouldn’t even hear me out. I’d given in to not defending Beru and trying to forget him.

  “I know that you wouldn’t like him if he’s as evil as everyone says he is.” Astor rubbed my back.

  “If I tell you something, promise to keep it between us?” I asked as an added backup in case he did remember this conversation tomorrow.

  “Always.” Astor leaned back and placed his hand over his heart.

  I shook my head at his antics. He was a relief in the company I had been keeping lately.

  “In my last dreamwalk, I tried to take Gavin back with me, and it should’ve worked.” I swirled what was left of my drink, conflicted if I should tell him what I had seen.

  “Yes, and?” Astor’s eyes widened as he waited for the punch line in my story.

  The image of the sorcerer had been as clear as day in my mind. The way he floated on the grass, the coldness as he had come closer to us. The raspiness of his voice as he taunted me. He was the real “thing” that held my brother back, and Svan was my only hope in getting him back now.

  “You can’t start a story and stop.” Astor waved his finger at me.

  I grabbed it.

  “Okay, when I visited with Gavin, something came out of the shadows at us.” I tried my best to mimic Astor and his theatrics in my drunken stupor.

  “Yes?” Astor waited for me to reveal more.

  “A dark sorcerer,” I yelled, then fell back into a fit of laughter. How was that for an ending?

  “Aria, that’s not funny,” Astor warned, stiff-faced.

  “I know.” I sat back up straight, self-conscious. Where was the fun-loving Astor now?

  “What did it want?” Astor leaned in with a serious look on his face.

  “Beru,” I replied.

  Astor hung his head back and let out a large sigh, and he remained in that position for an awkward amount of time.

  He was definitely going to remember this in the morning had been my first thought. The second was I couldn’t tell him anything more about my feelings for Beru. I called the barmaid over for another round of drinks to break up the discomfort.

  “Thank you,” I replied as she placed a pitcher of beer on the table.

  “This isn’t good. Does Svan know?”

  “Yes, he knows everything,” I responded.

  “Everything?” Astor said.

  “Everything except my thoughts on Beru.” I laid my arms on the table and put my head down as I felt guilty about my true feelings.

  Astor rubbed my back and hugged me.

  “You can’t help how you feel,” Astor whispered in my ear. “No one can change your heart, not even you. It wants what it wants.”

  I wanted so badly to forget Beru, not to want to free him because I believed he needed another chance. I fought with myself every day to hate him. To forget the conversations we had, the closeness we almost had.

  “Let’s get out of here. I’ll walk you back to Svan’s.” Astor got up and pulled at my arm.

  Astor paid our tab, and he linked his arm in mine as we left the tavern. The air felt cool, and the city calm. Most of the D'ahvol had likely been on the frontline all evening.

  �
��Your connection with Beru isn’t one you can shake.” Astor matched my thoughts.

  “I just can’t help wondering what the missing pieces are,” I added. There had to be something else, a reason he fought for the God of Darkness.

  “Have you asked him?”

  I shook my head no. I didn’t want to accuse him of anything. I had also hoped to gain his trust.

  “No. He wouldn’t have opened up to me as much as he did if I had,” I mused. Maybe I was wrong. What if he did want to set the record straight?

  “Then you’re not to blame yourself,” Astor scolded me and pulled me closer to him as we walked.

  I needed the comfort of a friendly shoulder. My thoughts drifted back to Noble, as that had been his role in my life. He had been my constant support and knew how to bring the best out of me. I missed that balance. I supposed I could look to Sade for that now.

  As we walked to the front of Svan’s front door, Astor stopped and leaned in to hug me.

  “I think you need one of these.”

  I hugged him with everything I had left in me and selfishly pretended he was Noble.

  “Get some sleep.” Astor pulled away from me and waited at the door until I was safely inside, even though I was by far a better fighter than he.

  Inside, all was quiet. Svan had left with his crew to find Gavin, and the servants were long asleep. I walked to my room and expected Sade to be in bed, but she wasn’t. Instead, she had left a note. Gone to the frontline. Be back by morning. I smiled to myself at her dedication and felt guilty for not having gone with her.

  I flopped back on the bed, still nervous about the ur’gel advancing, but intent on having a good night’s sleep. I needed to feel like myself again. My head was jumbled with random thoughts, some that haunted me. The face of the sorcerer. Gavin being tortured. Beru being the man people were saying he was, and of course, Denny.

  I shook my head and tried my best to clear my mind. I didn’t want to dreamwalk tonight. I was certain if I did, I wouldn’t make it back. I was too damaged. Not to mention drunk.

  I rolled over on my side, partially annoyed with myself for wanting to see Beru again, partially not.

  “No,” I said aloud. I hoped that would reinforce my need for sleep.

  I can’t see Beru tonight. I can’t see Beru tonight. I flipped on my back, stared at the ceiling, and wished falling asleep would come easier tonight.