So Totally

by Gwen Hayes

  “Well, no.”

  “Okay, then you should know that if you have sex with Tommy, you are essentially having sex with everyone he has, too.” I was dying for a pointy object to end my misery by this point.

  Heather made a gagging noise. “That is disgusting.”

  “I’m not trying to scare you. I just want to make sure you are completely ready. If he’s the one, great, but if you think you would regret it or you’re not prepared, you should wait.” Yes, wait until you meet my dad and then only have…relations…enough to make sure I’m born. Then, please, for the love of all that is holy, never speak of it again.

  “You are going to make a great mother someday, Carrington.”

  I rolled back over. “You’re going to do it anyway, aren’t you?”

  She giggled. “Yeah, probably.”

  Ha-ha-ha, God. Ha-ha-ha.

  MY grandmother hovered closely. “Are you all right, Carrington? You look a little green this morning.”

  “I’m a little nervous. New school.” I shrugged. And instant coffee doesn’t help, Grandma, I wanted to add, but couldn’t, of course. Her coffee was basically metallic water with a taste that lingered long after you enjoyed it the first time.

  “You’ll be fine,” Heather told me. “All the guys are going to love having a new girl to chase. And you’ve already met a lot of people.”

  I nodded. I’d never been to a new school before. Except for kindergarten—and Heather took me that time too. Come to think of it, she’d picked out my clothes both times too. Today, I shoehorned myself into a pair of her 501 Levi’s and a longish shaker-knit sweater (to hide the buttons in case they gave under pressure) and, of course, jelly shoes.

  When we got to school, the campus looked like pretty much the opening scene of any teen movie from the ‘80s up. Appearance alone made for easy profiling, but lucky me, I also had a tour guide.

  “Those girls are the Duranimals.” Heather pointed to a cluster of girls smoking on the corner. Their bi-level haircuts were moussed in such a way that their bangs jutted out over one eye. They also rocked a lot of paisley, pearls, ruffles, and shoulder pads. “AKA New Wavers. They think they are making a statement by dressing differently from everyone else, but I think it’s kind of silly since they all dress like each other anyway. They aren’t really unique.”

  She pointed to a hatchback AMC Pacer with strains of Scorpions coming from the huge speakers in the back. “Those guys are the stoners. They’re actually really some of the nicest guys in school…when they’re here. They listen to a lot of heavy metal. If you can’t see their eyes, which will be red, you can recognize them by their concert t-shirts. You probably won’t see them in first period or right after lunch.”

  There was an awful lot of hair in that car, and I wondered if the guys in the backseat had to scrunch down whenever the driver needed to go in reverse.

  We meandered from the parking lot onto the lawn. She pointed to the ultimate in preppy boys standing in front a door. “Young Republicans. They iron their jeans.” They also tied their sweaters loosely around their shoulders, right over their polo shirts. Collars up.

  “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. You probably have the same groups at your old school too.”

  I shrugged. “They were a little different.” Emo, anyone?

  Sissy joined us, wearing acid-washed jeans and a matching acid-washed denim jacket. Her bangs were amazing. Instead of ratting them out to make them tall, she curled them so they looked like a sausage roll perched on her forehead.

  “Ohmigawd, Jake is such an asshole,” she whined.

  “What now, Sissy?” Heather asked.

  I looked at the Swatch watch I’d borrowed this morning. I wanted to hit the bathroom mirror before classes started.

  “I think he wants to break up with me,” Sissy said.

  Ugh. Didn’t we just have this conversation yesterday at the arcade? I had a hard time caring about all these life-and-death hookups and breakups now that bigger issues bore down on me. Like imploding the future by inadvertently asking the wrong person for the time of day.

  “Heather, why don’t you take care of Sissy? I need to use the restroom and check in at the office to make sure my transfer came through okay.”

  She nodded and put her arm around Sissy, and I took off in the other direction to the bathrooms in the gymnasium foyer. There were other girls standing near the sink, which probably meant nothing would happen. The time change took place when I was alone last time. Still, I casually walked up to the mirror and pretended something was in my eye.

  I blinked three times, and my reflection joined me. I tried to “think fast” myself and move really quickly, but whatever I did, so did the girl in the mirror. The whole experience was completely normal—right down the square of toilet paper that stuck to my shoe when I exited the bathroom.

  Kevin was waiting for me in the foyer. He perused my body from head to toe, then back up to my breasts before he waggled his eyebrows.

  “Don’t be a troll, Kevin.”

  He blushed and grinned. “Sorry, habit. Can you meet us in the library after school?”

  “Sure. You already have information?”

  “Some.” He tried to put his arm around me but thought better of it when I shot him a death glance. “Time travel is complicated.”

  “Really? I had no idea.” Sarcasm overload. Must. Hold. Back. “I’m sorry, Kev. I’m grumpy times two today.”

  “I understand. I should go; people might see you talking to me.”

  “You afraid I’ll ruin your rep as a player?”

  Disbelief covered his features. “I figured…well…you know…that you wouldn’t want to be seen with me. Your social status will plummet.”

  “Hey.” I grabbed his shoulder. “I don’t care about that stuff; you’ve really gone out of your way to help me.” And it was true. I didn’t care about popularity or social status anymore…at least not here. “I’m glad you’re my friend.”

  “Really?” His voice croaked and he reddened. He cleared his throat and lowered his voice back down to James Bond level. “I’m glad you’re my friend too. Just out of curiosity, do you by any chance let your friends past your underwear?”

  I punched his arm, and we pushed through the doors. My heart leaped at the sight of Nate leaning against one of the posts.

  Nate holding a to-go cup of what smelled like coffee.

  Which he held out to me.

  “For me?” I asked.

  He smiled. “Fresh ground.” He lifted the lid and the aroma kick-started my salivary glands. “There’s a café about a block from here that specializes in gourmet coffee and chocolate.”

  I wrapped my hands around the cup he offered. “It smells like heaven.” He watched me carefully as I sipped. I tried not to, but my eyes probably rolled back into my head a little.

  “The lady said that she thought a latte was similar to a café au lait, which they don’t serve, but she added more cream than usual.”

  “It’s perfect, thank you.”

  Kevin looked from me to Nate and then jiggled his eyebrows in that disgusting way again. “I’m going to go to class. If you know what I mean.”

  Nate pushed Kevin on his way past us. “He’s a little…”

  “Pervy?”

  Nate laughed and stuffed his hands into his jacket. “Yeah. That. You check in yet?”

  “Mmm, no,” I answered from the inside of my coffee cup.

  “I’ll walk you.”

  “Can we just stay here a little longer?” I asked. “I’m not really ready for grown-ups.”

  “It’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.” I must not have looked convinced. “Drink your coffee, we have a few minutes. I figured you gave the mirror a shot this morning. Nothing?”

  “No. I’ll keep trying. I wasn’t alone in the bathroom, and I have a feeling the time travel gods prefer me that way. Kev and Paul want to meet me in the library after school. Can you come?”

  As he was
about to reply, a girl with blunt bangs and short, bobbed hair tugged on Nate’s sleeve. I suffered insta-hate. Bam. From her army jacket to her Docs. I seethed with an uncomfortable, unreasonable rage.

  “Hey, Joy.” He smiled at her, and the coffee in my gut soured.

  She maneuvered between us. “A bunch of us are meeting at Caleb’s tonight. You in?” She hadn’t let go of his sleeve. She just kept fingering it with her blue-painted, stubby little—

  Oh fantastic. Tell me I’m not jealous.

  “Can’t tonight.” His eyes met mine over her shoulder.

  She followed his line of vision like it was rope she needed to keep track of—with me at the end of it. “Who’s your little friend?”

  I knew I wasn’t invisible. Why did everyone insist on discussing me as if I weren’t right there? “I’m Carrington.”

  She curled her lip and winced at me while she sneered. Not an attractive look, but the feeling was mutual. At least I wasn’t about to pee on his leg to mark my territory. Not like Joy.

  A lot passed between us in just a few seconds. Mentally we were circling. Of course, I was the one he comforted on his bed last night. And notice, he hadn’t bought her a treat on his way to school that morning.

  “This coffee is delish, Nate.” Only I said it to her.

  Nate must have felt the electrical storm snapping between us, because he broke in with, “I’ll show you where the office is now, Carrington. Catch you later, Joy.” He spun me around and directed me toward the admin building.

  “Bye, Joy.” I waved over my shoulder.

  She stalked away and Nate asked, “What was that all about?”

  I stopped short, every circuit overloaded at once, and I sensed a major disturbance about to bust loose, but I couldn’t hold it back. “You’ve had sex with that girl, haven’t you?”

  Oh my God. Tell me I didn’t just say that. A flush crept over my face. I felt it like sunburn.

  “What? What is wrong with you?” He grabbed my elbow and whirled me so that I faced him, sloshing coffee on us both. “What the hell kind of question is that? Is that considered normal conversation in 2011?”

  “I knew it.” I wrenched my elbow from his hand. “Is she your girlfriend?”

  It shouldn’t matter. I had no claim to him, and he hadn’t done anything wrong. Except fire up my synapses. And hold me closely on his bed last night.

  “I don’t have a girlfriend.” Whew. “And this”—he gestured between us—”is exactly why.”

  Hey!

  “There is no this.” I mimicked his gesture, sloshing more coffee.

  “I couldn’t agree with you more.”

  “You’re not my type, anyway.”

  “I would get tired of your obnoxious….brattiness within a week.” He grabbed the cup and poured what was left on the cement.

  “You never stood a chance with me to begin with,” I countered.

  “I could have you right now if I wanted you.” He threw the empty cup over his shoulder.

  “You’d have to slog through all your skeezy ex-girlfriends to find me. I imagine they are all about to come out from under their rocks any minute now.”

  “Why am I even still talking to you? Let’s just get you to the office so I can be done with you.”

  “I know the way to the office, moron. I’ve been going to this school for two years now.”

  I turned, flipping my hair over my shoulder, and trudged toward the admin offices. What in the fresh hell was wrong with me? I didn’t really want Nate, did I? And he certainly didn’t want me. I’d fixed that but good.

  Or did he? There was no doubt about it; we both got worked up around each other. I didn’t imagine the way he held me last night…on his bed. Or the coffee this morning.

  Why did I have to go and ruin everything? I’ve never been the jealous type before. When you live in a small town, it’s nearly impossible to date anyone who hasn’t dated one of your friends. You have to observe the proper waiting period—but after that, the boys are fair game again.

  I couldn’t possibly know if he’d had sex with Joy. It was none of my business anyway. Tell that to my boiling blood. Because I knew, despite all rational reasoning, that they’d slept together—and man, did it ever piss me off.

  First bell rang. I heard Nate catching up to me, felt his hand on my shoulder spinning me around.

  His intense eyes burned with a fire I didn’t understand but wanted to. The muscles in his jaw ticked and the one under his right eye twitched. At least I had the same psychotic effect on him that he had on me.

  He was going to kiss me. We both knew it.

  Neither of us understood why.

  “This is the worst idea in history,” he said.

  “It’s not a good idea in the future either,” I added.

  And then his firm lips met mine. I clutched his shoulders and he held on to me while the tornado of worries, doubts, and confusion swirled around us but couldn’t separate us.

  Another bell rang. It was time for school to start.

  First period passed in a blur. I remember being very aware of my lips. They tingled, like the rest of me, and I was sure that anyone who looked at them would know I’d just been kissed. Hard.

  Once I sat in my seat and the teacher began waxing poetically about math (seriously, he said, “Algebra is poetry”), my brain turned to mush, and I could think of nothing but kissing Nate.

  Didn’t I have bigger worries? Getting worked up about a boy while trapped in the wrong time zone seriously defied intelligence. Unless I planned on staying, which I did not. I missed my iPod and my cell phone. And my parents. Even my dad, which was pretty big news because I hadn’t really given him much thought since Mom started training for a career in the wino industry.

  Dad didn’t mean to be a jackass, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t one. I loved him but couldn’t stomach his bride-to-be, Gina. She inspired a fair share of my “why I hate my life” list. She wasn’t even the woman he left Mom for. Gina was his rebound after he destroyed my mother’s life the first time with Betty Balloonboobs.

  Oops. Sorry, was my bitter showing?

  I wondered what my mom was doing. How my mom was doing. She would have had to call Dad when I came up missing. That must have sucked. My stomach burned at the thought of her worrying. She needed me. I couldn’t have picked a worse time to get, well, lost in time.

  What if I never figured out how to get home? Maybe you should plan ahead, just in case your triumvirate of brainiacs gets stuck. Maybe buy some stock in Microsoft. I wondered when they went on sale.

  Which got me thinking about my place in the world. Was I there for a reason? Knowing the future carried a heavy burden. Was I suddenly responsible for saving the world or something? Should I warn everyone ahead of time about global warming? Could I save Britney Spears? What about the Macarena—was I supposed to turn my cheek to that one, or fight for the dignity of the world, not to mention all that was holy?

  I sure packed a lot of drama into what used to be a simple life. Two days ago, I just wanted my driver’s license and a nice boyfriend. I didn’t ask for the extra social responsibility. Or the jelly shoes.

  DO you know what hasn’t changed in nine thousand plus days? Cafeteria pizza.

  Jake and Sissy made up, apparently. At least their tongues had anyway. They sat across from us sucking face while we tried to ignore them. I also pretended not to be scanning the crowd for Nate. We didn’t have plans to meet for lunch. In fact, after the kiss, we didn’t say another word to each other. We’d broken it off awkwardly and went our separate ways.

  Heather and I reached for the same tater tot. “So,” she said, “when are you going to tell me about why you were kissing Nate Berliss before first period?”

  Oh good, another thing that hasn’t changed. Gossip spreads like the flu in 1986 too.

  “It was no big deal, Heather.”

  “Are you kidding me? You’ve been here for like two days and you’ve already vapor locked a juni
or. He isn’t who I’d have picked for you, by the way. I mean, he’s cute in his own way, but he hangs out with the seriously odd.”

  Hot. Hot. Hot. My face was on fire. “Really, it was just a kiss. I doubt he’ll want a rerun.”

  “Is he a good kisser?”

  Perfect. God and I seriously needed to have a talk about his sense of humor. I’m willing to bet that every time you discuss “kissing” with your mother, somewhere a puppy dies. “You’re embarrassing me.”

  She laughed at me. “You embarrass too easily.” She nudged my shoulder. “He must be pretty damn good, judging from your blush.”

  An atomic bomb would have been nice right then. Instead, Sissy came up for air and joined the convo. “Jennifer witnessed it. She said there was no tongue but lots of heat.”

  “I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll see you guys later.” I jumped up and shot out of the cafeteria and across campus to the gym foyer. That bathroom better be empty.

  I burst through the door, checked for feet in the stalls, and thanked my lucky stars for a change. I grasped the sink and stared into my reflection chanting, “There’s no place like home…there’s no place like home.”

  The bell rang.

  “Come on,” I begged. “Please. I’ll be good. No more keg parties. I’ll get better grades. I’ll…I’ll watch Steel Magnolias with Mom however many times she want to see it. Please, come take me now. I really don’t want to go to PE.”

  So, it didn’t work. I attempted to force a time travel between periods for the rest of the day, but the big shift never occurred. However, I did gain a reputation as “that new girl with the weak bladder.”

  After last bell and one more Hail Mary in the washroom, I wandered across campus to the library. Most everything about the school was the same as I remembered it. Even the artwork in the library. Which meant that either they picked out high-quality goods when they decorated the school, or the district was too cheap to spring for new. Either way, I flip-flopped between being comforted by the sameness or being heebie-jeebied by it. You try déjà-vuing all day and see how you feel. I kept going to the wrong class and mixing my schedule up with my old one. And don’t get me started on my locker combination.