First Comes Like

by Alisha Rai

  Were they done talking about the past? Because for once, he wanted to pry into that box. “No prenup.”

  “Yes, prenup. Or she could take you for half your wealth a week after marriage.”

  “I don’t care if she does. That money isn’t mine.” If anything, it was a relief that she’d get something out of this if he wasn’t a perfect husband. Dev braced his hands on the arms of the chair. “Go back to what you were saying.”

  She made a dismissive noise. “There’s no need to dwell on the past. There are, of course, things I wish I’d done differently in life. Things I wish I’d said. But those things can’t be done or said now.”

  “Why not? We have time. Say them. Do them.”

  Shweta looked away, blinking, then shook her head. “No. I don’t think so.”

  She sounded final, so he dug out another box. “Luna told me you paid Rohan to keep her. Is that true?”

  Shweta pressed her hand to her chest. “How on earth did she find that out?”

  “Is it true?”

  Shweta’s lips thinned. “Luna is family. I couldn’t tolerate the thought of family being raised somewhere else, like you were. Rohan was a good boy, just selfish. He needed some urging, and I gave it.”

  “Did he keep her tucked away for her own protection or because he was ashamed of her? Because she didn’t fit the perfect Dixit mold?”

  Her face dropped, and for a second, she wasn’t a Bollywood legend, but a tired older woman. She’d shrunk, he realized, in the past year, her shoulders growing more stooped. “I think you know the answer to that.”

  Dev’s grip tightened on the arms of his chair. He did know, and he hated it. “I miss him, but I also didn’t like him very much.”

  Her smile was wry. “Welcome to being a part of a family. We don’t choose every member, unfortunately.”

  People come in and out of our lives, and we have to enjoy the parts in the middle. But I think it’s okay to not enjoy all the parts. “You’re so close with Luna. She hasn’t hugged me the way she hugs you.”

  Shweta feigned interest in her nails. “I do miss her.”

  “Why didn’t you fight me on custody?”

  “I fought your uncle once for custody of you because I was selfish. I didn’t encourage him to see you. I regret that. Adil is a good man and would have raised you and Rohan to be good men.” His grandmother gave a tired shrug. “I love Luna like she’s the daughter I never had. But I knew she’d be better off with you. I knew you would give her the best home you possibly could, and you’d protect her.”

  Dev frowned, disquieted. He didn’t like that his distant relationship with his grandmother had blinded him. He’d taken Luna across the world from the one person who had shown her unconditional love.

  “Speaking of Luna, perhaps you should go tell her about the wedding? She’ll be excited.”

  Dev didn’t know about that. She’d reacted so poorly to the news of the engagement. And given what Aji had confirmed about Rohan, he didn’t blame her. Still, it was his responsibility to tell her. “You’re correct. Are you going to bed?”

  His grandmother got a faraway look in her eyes. “No. I sleep late. I’ll go listen to the ocean. It sounds different here, no?”

  “Very different. Different isn’t bad.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  Dev hesitated, but there were so many more things he wished to say to his grandmother, he didn’t know where to start. So he ended up only wishing her good night.

  The house was big enough that he didn’t come across any Ahmeds on the way to Luna’s bedroom. The door was slightly ajar, and Luna and Arjun sat on the end of the bed, controllers in their hands, both of them intent on the racing game on the television. “You’re still playing,” he said.

  Arjun raised a finger. “Hang on, I’m about to— shit!”

  “Language,” Dev reminded his cousin, but it was drowned out by Luna’s whoop of victory.

  His niece held out her hand. “Pay up.”

  “No gambling.” Dev sat in an armchair close to the bed. God, he was boring, but he didn’t know any other way to be.

  “Don’t worry, we’re playing for candy.” Arjun pulled a wrapped sweet from his pocket. “I’d be broke if we were playing for money. Did you have a good dinner?” There was no animosity in his voice for not being invited.

  Was good the right word for going from a rushed engagement to a rushed wedding? “Yes, we did.” He paused. “Arjun, can you excuse us? I need to speak with Luna.”

  “Sure.” Arjun tousled their niece’s hair affectionately. His face was softer than Dev had ever seen it. “See you later, beti.”

  Dev smiled at Luna once his cousin was gone. “You had fun with Arjun Kaka?”

  “Oh yes. When Baba was around, he came by once a week, at least, and always played with me.”

  She’d seen Arjun more than she’d seen him. Had Luna and Arjun also been close? Had he taken her away from two people who had loved her? “Do you ever wish we’d stayed in India?”

  Luna tossed her controller to the bed and curled her legs under her. “Sometimes. Mostly I miss Aji and Arjun Kaka. It’s nice that they could visit.”

  Do you wish you could have lived with them instead of me? Only that was far too heavy a question to lay on his niece right now, before he’d talked to her therapist. “I have something I need to tell you. Jia and I decided that we’d like to hold the wedding tomorrow.”

  She froze. “Your wedding?”

  “Yes.”

  “Your and Jia’s wedding?”

  “Yes.”

  The famous Dixit muscle ticked in her small jaw. “Why? You said there would be time.”

  “I know. And there will be, but we thought . . . it’s convenient, to do it now, while your grandmother is here. This will purely be to make things legal. We’ll have a big reception later down the road.”

  Her face darkened. “She’s going to live with us right away?”

  Luna was jumping ahead of them with logistics. He didn’t know what was going to happen after the wedding. Was Jia planning on moving in? Her home was big, but she had roommates, and they couldn’t all move in with her. Did she want some time to herself? She’d never even lived on her own. Perhaps she needed a taste of independence before she launched into wedded life.

  Later. He’d deal with that later. “Do you honestly see her as a wicked stepmother?”

  “You don’t know what someone’s like right away!”

  “I would never bring anyone into our home who would hurt you,” Dev said simply. “You’re my number one priority, Luna. I’ll put you first. Do you trust me?”

  The naked longing in her gaze broke his heart. He got up and came to sit next to her, pulling her close to him. “I don’t want to lose this.” Her voice was muffled.

  There was no way he would let her lose her stability. “You’re not losing anything. You’re gaining someone who is going to do their best to love you and care about you as much as I do.”

  Her answer was a skeptical hmm, and he squeezed her. “Give her a chance? Please?”

  Luna’s sigh was long, but there was acceptance in it. “Fine. No promises, though.”

  JIA HAD TRIED to sleep, but after talking some more with her parents and then calling her older sisters and navigating their surprise and dismay—though Noor had been pretty pumped about that inheritance—she’d been too wound up to settle down. Plus, one of Dev’s texts had worried her. Can you please include Luna tomorrow?

  It was too much to hope the child would welcome her with open arms. Of course she’d include Luna when they were getting ready. Hopefully, she’d warm up quickly.

  Around midnight, Jia crept downstairs. She quietly opened the back door and slipped outside, taking a deep bracing breath of the chilly night air. She stopped at who was seated at the patio table.

  “Auntie,” she said, surprised. “I’m sorry, I didn’t expect anyone to be out here.” She pulled her sweatshirt tighter.

&nbs
p; “I actually feared you and Dev might be out here together in a tryst. Truly, he’s nothing like the other men in his family,” Shweta said dryly.

  Jia tried to resist the urge to smooth her clothes. She and Dev hadn’t done anything yet, so there was no need to get embarrassed in front of his grandmother. Except for the parade of thoughts that ran through her mind about Dev’s arms and legs and back and everything every time she saw him. “I came out for some air. If you’ll—”

  “Have a seat.” Shweta nodded at the chair next to hers.

  There was no way to avoid a direct order from an elder, so Jia walked over and sat down. Shweta produced a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from her flowing nightgown. “Do you smoke?” she asked Jia and lit up.

  “No.” Not your place, not your place . . . “Should you be smoking?”

  Shweta took a long drag. “You should have asked me that question thirty years ago. A little late now, hmm? Might as well enjoy a cigarette now and then before I go.”

  Jia bit her lip. “I’m sorry you’re sick.”

  “I’m sorry, too. Of course, Dev told you I may have exaggerated my condition for your parents?”

  “He did, yes.” Jia had been relieved for Dev’s sake. Who faked a medical illness to get their own way?

  She thought Shweta might apologize, but instead, the older woman stared out at the sea. “Is Burbank far from here?”

  “An hour, maybe?”

  “Ah. I slept with a dashing producer at his home there thirty-five years ago or so.” She cast a glance at Jia’s face and chuckled. “Don’t look so shocked. You should have seen me then.”

  “I’m more shocked that you’re telling me you did it, not about the act. And I saw you then. You were stunning.”

  “I was. I thought I wasn’t. At that age, I was playing the mother of men who were older than me, while my husband was still playing the hero with nineteen-year-old actresses.” Shweta shook her head in disgust. “He played the hero with them offscreen too.”

  “I’m sorry,” Jia said, though she wasn’t sure if she was supposed to say anything at all.

  “I fear Arjun, Arjun’s father, and Rohan followed in Vivek’s footsteps. Philanderers. I told myself boys will be boys, but I should have done a better job with them.”

  Jia shifted. This was getting into deeply personal territory, and she didn’t think she was supposed to be listening to it.

  “You know Rohan’s the reason Dev left Mumbai, don’t you? After Rohan died, you could see how guilty he felt for not grieving him more. I don’t blame him for running away. I often dreamed of starting fresh somewhere, but I didn’t have the courage. That’s the man you’re marrying, Jia. Resourceful and clever and brave. He takes after his father.” Sadness darkened Shweta’s eyes. “Possibly his mother, too, though I didn’t know her well.”

  “You care for him deeply.”

  “He’s the best of us,” she admitted softly. “Him and Luna. I want him to be happy. I apologize for pushing the two of you this evening, but I have spent a lot of time lately thinking of the things I regret. Ensuring his future is set will give me ease.”

  “I understand. My parents want the best for me and my sisters too. But you can’t push someone into doing what you think is the best for them. You have to kind of hope that they just find the best.”

  Shweta’s gaze was unwavering. “Are you saying you’re not the best?”

  Jia scoffed. “I’d never say that.”

  “I wouldn’t either. In spite of your background and inability to speak our language, I believe I will be getting a decent granddaughter in you.”

  “You’ll get someone who won’t tolerate you speaking that way about her.” Jia lifted her chin. “I’ll try to learn your language, but all of me is more than decent.”

  Shweta laughed, the dry bark turning into a cough. She shook her head when Jia almost came to her feet. “I’m okay,” she wheezed.

  Jia drummed her fingers on her leg. “You won’t be staying in California for long?”

  “Oh no.” Shweta looked out at the ocean again. “I don’t belong here. I only came to see my grandson taken care of.”

  Anticipation and nerves fluttered in Jia’s belly. “I’ll take care of him.”

  Shweta smiled faintly. “I believe you will. I’ve watched your videos, you know. If you wished it, you could go into acting. You have a very expressive face.”

  That was high praise, coming from Shweta. “Acting’s not a part of my plan.”

  “What is?”

  “I want to have my own line of makeup, especially focused on girls of color.”

  “Then why don’t you?”

  Jia shook her head. “Not yet.”

  Shweta nodded. “Be careful how many times in your life you say not yet, beti. You’d be surprised how quickly time flies.” Her long fingers stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray on the table. “I suppose I shall go rest now. I won’t be able to stand it if I have puffy eyes tomorrow.”

  “I know a great trick for that.”

  “I’m sure you do.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “ARE YOU sure you want to do this?”

  Jia paused in curling her hair. Her mother stood behind her. Her hands had probably gone numb from all the wringing she was doing.

  Jia was anxious, too, but for other reasons. They’d decided to hold the ceremony around sunset to capitalize on golden hour lighting—her insistence—and though that was hours away, she had a ton of things to do before then.

  She’d called Rhiannon and Katrina in the morning to break the news to them. They’d been shocked, but rallied quickly to support her decision and take down her instructions on what clothes to pull from her closet.

  She’d texted Lakshmi, too, after a brief hesitation, and invited her to the ceremony. They weren’t besties yet, but she hoped soon she’d be able to count the other woman a vital member of her girl group. Unfortunately, Lakshmi was out of town, but had conveyed her congrats. She hadn’t seemed surprised at all.

  “Jia?”

  Jia tried to focus on her mother. “Yup. Hand me the pins from over there?”

  “You sound calm,” Ayesha remarked and fetched the pins.

  “Too calm,” Farzana said grimly.

  “I thought you’ve always wanted me to be calm.” Jia placed the curling iron down and used her fingers to loosen up the waves. She twisted the tamed strands into a bun and pinned them into place.

  “I didn’t want you to be calm about having a shotgun wedding.”

  Ayesha covered her mouth when she yawned and plopped down on the bed. Her hair was still wet from her shower. “I think for it to be a shotgun wedding, she’d have to be pregnant.”

  “Don’t even joke about such things. Jia, we can work through this, figure out what to say to put off Shweta without insulting her. I haven’t had practice dealing with many pushy potential in-laws, but I watched my mother manipulate the mothers of every suitor who came to my door. I shall leave the window open for a future marriage between you and Dev while still ensuring that it doesn’t happen now.”

  “I want it now.”

  Her mother’s smile slipped. “Dear, be reasonable.”

  Ugh. Yet another phrase Jia had heard a lot in her life. “I am being reasonable.”

  Farzana started pacing, like she hadn’t even heard Jia. “I will still not sacrifice my daughter’s happiness. You are my priority, just as her grandson is hers.” Farzana shook her head. “Of course, the inheritance complicates things, but he has the capacity to earn money. You’ll be taken care of one way or another. Your father and I have discussed this. It is unacceptable to shove you into a marriage with a man you barely know.”

  “I can take care of myself.” Still, Jia was touched. She’d misjudged her mother and how much she wanted rich husbands for her daughters due to her own leftover immigrant trauma of arriving in a new country broke and hungry. This level of ferocious mama bear protection was so heartwarming.

&
nbsp; Too bad it was coming at the wrong time. There was a certain amusing irony in the fact that her mother was dead set against Jia marrying the man she’d originally fake dated to impress her. Later, when she had time and didn’t have to think about which eyeshadow palettes she needed, she’d laugh at this. “I know him. Don’t worry about it.”

  Farzana released a deep sigh and leaned back against the poster of the bed. “I swear to God, child, I will never understand you.”

  Jia grimaced. “I know. I wish you could. I’m sorry I’m disappointing you. Again.” She was sorry, and yet, the panic she might normally feel at disappointing her parents was nowhere to be found. Did she not need anyone’s approval anymore?

  The heroine swans offstage to do whatever the hell she wants, Teflon courses through her veins.

  Okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but not much. Bless Lakshmi.

  Farzana’s chest rose, and her next words surprised Jia. “I learned many years ago that any disappointment I feel with any of my daughters is my issue to deal with, not yours.” She walked over to the vanity and touched Jia’s face. “I love you. I want you to be happy. Your heart is so kind and precious. I suppose that’s why we’re all so protective of you. We never want to see you hurt.”

  Jia curled her hand around her mother’s, holding it to her cheek. “I always thought you were hovering over me because you thought I was a goofball who couldn’t tie my own shoes without help,” she said lightly, though she wasn’t joking. Her chest had gone all tight.

  “No. You can do anything you put your mind to.” Farzana dropped a kiss on her head. “We’ve known that from the time you were a baby. You dream so big, but dreams don’t always come true.”

  “I don’t see much point in putting dreams away on the off chance they won’t come true.” She noticed Ayesha freeze in the mirror. “Right, Ayesha?”

  Her twin cleared her throat. She busied herself folding a shirt. “Right.”

  Her mother inhaled. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

  “I don’t think I will be. But if I am, it’s how I’ll learn and grow.”

  Her mother nodded. “You know my feelings, but I will support you, if you truly want to do this. InshAllah, you will be happy.”