Darcy, Defined

by Suzanne Williams

  “Where else am I going to look to find you a boyfriend?” she asked.

  “A boyfriend?”

  “Yes! Now that my relationship is settled it’s time to find one for you.”

  “I don’t know. I’m finally starting to make peace with my life the way it is. I’ve spent a lot of months wishing for a boyfriend, and now I’m kind of over it.”

  “Ok then, don’t think about it. Let me figure it out for you.”

  I laughed, nervous to get caught-up in another disappointing and potentially embarrassing romantic pursuit. “I think I learned my lesson after your party. I’d had a crush on Matt, but it turned out that he and Maya had a more natural connection. I think if I ever have a relationship, it should be one that develops naturally.”

  “Wait,” said Paige, scrolling through her Peeps app. “What about that guy that Maya had a thing with before Matt. Nick something. A sophomore, right?”

  I was surprised that Paige had even known about that. As it turned out, the popular girls do pay attention to what the outcasts do, they just do a good job of pretending not to. “Nah. That would just seem petty. Plus, I don’t think he’s my type.”

  “Ok, then he’s out. What about Hollis Schafer? Or Mike Kim? They’re both single.”

  “Really, Paige. You don’t need to set me up. First, I need to focus on figuring out me, who I am. Then, maybe I’ll try my luck at dating again.”

  “Do you go to therapy?”

  “No. Why?”

  “That sort of sounds like something a therapist would tell you to do. I mean, it’s good. You should figure out who you are. But there’s no reason you can’t do that while having a cute guy by your side.” Paige clicked her nails on the counter-top, scrunching her eyebrows in contemplation. “What about that guy you mentioned at lunch? The one you met at the gardening club.”

  “Sean. Yeah, he’s nice, and cute. I’ll see him again tomorrow. But I’m not going to get my hopes up for anything other than friendship with him. That’s just a recipe for disappointment.”

  “What’s his last name?” Paige asked, already in the process of searching for him on Peeps.

  “I don’t know. You’re not going to find him on there. Sean is a fairly common name.”

  “Where does he go to school?”

  “Academy for the Arts.”

  A minute or so later Paige held her phone out in front of me, a picture of Sean on the screen. “Is that him?” she asked.

  “Um, that’s a little creepy. How did you find him so fast?”

  “You call it creepy. I call it resourceful. I’m good at sleuthing.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind in case I ever need a private investigator.” We began looking through his photos, many of which were of his drawings. “Did he do these?” asked Paige.

  “Yeah. Isn’t he good?”

  “Really good.”

  Going through his page, I couldn’t help but feel like a peeping Tom, although I suppose that is the premise of the Peeps platform. “Is it weird that we’re looking at this?” I asked.

  “If he didn’t want these photos viewed, he wouldn’t have shared them.”

  “Yeah, but what if he only wants them viewed by people he knows?”

  “Then he should change his privacy settings.”

  We continued scrolling, until we got to a picture of him with a red-headed girl. Her face looked familiar. I knew I’d seen her somewhere. After a few seconds of mental searching, I realized that she was the girl that he’d drawn in his sketchbook. “See,” I said. “He has a girlfriend. And she’s gorgeous. I don’t stand a chance, so let’s just put the creeping Peeps away and focus on something else, like my essay. Want to help me brainstorm?”

  “Darcy,” said Paige reproachfully. “Just relax. First of all, we’re just looking at his public photos. There’s nothing weird about it. Secondly, we don’t know that’s his girlfriend. They could just be friends. And even if she is his girlfriend, you can still like him. They’re not married or anything.”

  “I know. I know. I just think it’s better if I don’t expect anything.”

  “Okay, so don’t expect anything. You could still flirt a little though. It couldn’t hurt, right?”

  “Ok,” I said, hoping to just end the discussion. “I’ll try flirting and see what happens.” It occurred to me, though, that I didn’t exactly know what flirted entailed. The only time I’d made-out with a guy, we had both been drinking, were both desperate for affection, and flirting wasn’t really necessary. Or, had I been flirting a little without realizing it? I had felt more relaxed around Tristan because he wasn’t the one I was necessarily trying to impress. Maybe that’s why I’d been able to have fun with him, before being put in the friend-zone. And maybe I’d even flirted with Sean a little the day before, nudging him with my shoulder. Was that all Paige had had to do to secure her boyfriends? “So, did you have to, um, flirt with Tom when you first started to have feelings for him?” I asked.

  Paige smiled, leaning her chin against the palm of her hand. “I don’t know if we really flirted exactly. I mean, we were volunteering in a hospital. We were just drawn to each other, so it wasn’t really something I made a big effort in trying for. There was never a need to be extra or anything. I just remember smiling whenever he was around because I felt so happy to be near him, and he was always so helpful. If he saw me carrying supplies, he would rush over to help lighten my load. One day I had been volunteering in the nursery of the maternity ward, helping to hold and feed the newborns. There was one baby who’d been born with Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome. She was so small and sweet, and I felt so bad that such a tiny baby could have so many health problems. After I put her down, I went out into the hallway and started crying. Tom walked by and saw me, and he came over and gave me this hug, and he just let me cry on his shoulder for a minute. I felt so secure doing that. I could tell he didn’t have an agenda. He just wanted to be there for me, just like he wanted to be there for all the patients at the hospital, and it felt good.”

  Paige paused for a moment, letting out a sigh that could have blown out birthday candles. I wondered if she was thinking of the baby with or reminiscing about falling for Tom, or maybe a mixture of both. “Later that night we were both outside in front of the volunteer housing center and he asked if I wanted to take a walk to the beach with him. So, we just walked, without really saying much, and after a few minutes he started to hold my hand, and it just right. I felt guilty at first because I knew Matt would feel hurt, but I also knew that I had to follow my heart.”

  In that moment I felt like a child who had just been tucked into bed with a story, almost ready to drift off into dreamland, but I needed a complete happy ending to feel satisfied. “So, what about the baby? Will she be ok?”

  “I think so, although she’ll probably have some developmental issues. The hospital has some really great doctors, though, and I know they’ll continue to check in with her. I plan on going back next summer. Maybe I’ll even get to see her again, if she’s still getting medical care at the hospital.”

  “You know, Paige,” I said. “I used to think that all the volunteering in places like Costa Rica mostly consisted of hanging out at the beach, but as it turns out, I was wrong. You did a lot of important work at the hospital, and you really care about the patients there.”

  “Yeah, I do.” She leaned in toward me and briefly rested her head on my shoulder. We got to work on finishing off the potato chips, then went to my room to “do homework,” but mostly goofed around and talked about everything: family, what I thought my father might be like, what she thought her half-brother might be like, whether or not civilization would survive another ten years, whether or not we should keep sitting with Audrey and Ava during lunch.

  When my mom got home, she was pleasantly surprised to see Paige in my room with me. She invited her to stay for dinner, but Paige declined, politely. “My dad usually works late,” she said, “which means it’s just me and my mom for dinner.
I probably shouldn’t make her eat alone.”

  “Of course you shouldn’t,” said my mom, standing in the doorway of my bedroom. “Darcy knows that feeling all too well.” Then she smiled and walked into the kitchen, filling up a pot with water to boil for pasta.

  Paige packed up her backpack and slung it over one shoulder. “See you tomorrow,” she said on her way out of my room. “Nice meeting you, Ms. Walsh,” she called out to my mom.

  We both said goodbye and watched as she got into her car and drove off. “I’m glad you had a friend over,” said my mom. “Did you have a good time?”

  “I did,” I said. “We did.” The afternoon with Paige had been exactly what I’d needed after losing my best friend. It occurred to me as I shut the front door and walked into the kitchen to help my mom with dinner, that maybe I now had a new one.

  Chapter 12

  The next day I couldn’t wait to get back to gardening. All day I wondered what the next group of kids would be like, hoping they’d be as likeable as the ones I helped on my first day. On the bus I attempted to do some pre-calc homework, but I was too anxious and excited to focus on it. After a few minutes I shut my textbook and allowed myself the pleasure of gazing through the window and daydreaming until the bus came to my stop at Washington Park.

  I walked to the school and made my way over to the cafeteria, where I saw Sean sitting in the same spot as the last time. I went over and took a seat beside him.

  “Welcome back,” he said.

  “Thanks.” I knew it would be a few minutes before the kids came in, so I tried to think of something to talk about, but nothing amusing or interesting came to mind. I looked around the room, as if I might find some inspiration somewhere in the elementary school lunchroom.

  “We’re working with the second, third and fourth graders today,” he said, saving me from my quest to find a conversation starter.

  “Oh. What are they like?”

  “They’re not quite as sweet and innocent as the younger ones, but they’re still pretty good. There are two boys that we have to try to keep separated because they’ll end up fighting if they get too close. I’ll show you which ones when they come in.”

  “That’s good to know. I’ll try to make sure one of them stays with me the whole time.”

  “That’s exactly what I was going to suggest.”

  “So, do you like working with kids?” I asked after a brief pause.

  “Most of the time,” said Sean, “but I don’t think I could do what Mr. Brooks does. It can get pretty intense. I mean, some of these kids need so much, and I’m glad that I can help out sometimes, but I wouldn’t have the energy to do it all week long.”

  I nodded. “I don’t know if I could either, but wouldn’t it be amazing to know you were making an impact on them? That you were providing them with the knowledge and encouragement they need to succeed?”

  “You sound like you might have a teaching career ahead of you,” said Sean.

  “Maybe,” I said. “I don’t know what I want to do yet, but teaching could definitely be on the list.”

  After a moment the bell rang and the kids came streaming through the doors. The balls were bouncing, the sneakers were squeaking and cartons of milk and fruit cups were being set out on the tables. Mr. Brooks made his announcement to the Junior Gardeners of the day, and the second, third and fourth-graders scrambled over to line up behind him. Sean pointed out the two boys that needed to be separated, and I could see why. One was standing behind the other, shoving him from behind, while the one in front made elbow jabs in defense. “You should take Damien,” said Sean, pointing to the one in the front. “He’s the easier of the two.”

  I tapped Damien on the shoulder to get his attention and introduced myself. “Your friend there is going to walk with Sean,” I said. “Would you mind walking with me?”

  I led Damien away from the other boy, named TJ, making sure at least five or six other kids stood between them.

  “He’s not my friend,” said Damien as we moved back in the line.

  “Hmm,” I said. “Why don’t you and TJ get along?”

  “He’s always messing with me,” said Damien, as the line began moving outside. “I just want him to leave me alone.”

  For a moment I didn’t know how to respond. Was TJ the bully and Damien the innocent victim just trying to stick up for himself? Was there a reason TJ singled him out? I didn’t know enough about either kid or kids in general to know those answers, nor did I know how to handle the situation long-term. “Just stick with me for today,” I said, “and I’ll make sure TJ doesn’t bother you.”

  Damien looked up at me, sniffing and wiping his nose with his sleeve. I got the feeling that he wanted to trust me, but wasn’t totally sure if he could. I wondered if that was how Damien felt about the other adults in his life. Something about his stoic demeanor gave me the impression that he was a good kid who was stuck in a difficult situation. All I could do, on that day, was to help him have fun and hope that Sean could keep TJ busy enough to stay away from Damien.

  When we arrived at the garden, Damien and the other kids were eager to grab their watering cans and get to work with watering and harvesting the vegetables. I could immediately see that this group of kids worked more independently than the littler ones. They knew to water the roots of the plants rather than the tops and to give each plant an equal amount of water. Sean told me that we still couldn’t trust them with the sheers, which irritated a few of them, who insisted that they could handle it. From what I could tell, they were probably right, but still, I knew that I couldn’t risk breaking the rules for anyone.

  Only once did TJ and Damien need separating. While waiting in line at the pump to fill his watering can, TJ stuck his foot out in front of Damien, attempting to trip him. Damien kept his balance, but shoved TJ in retaliation. Fortunately, Mr. Brooks witnessed the event and intervened before a bigger brawl could ensue. He pulled TJ aside and made him sit in the gazebo. I ushered Damien back to his plants, and could see that Mr. Brooks had some strong words for TJ, but I wasn’t close enough to hear what they were.

  I looked over at Sean who was also observing Mr. Brooks and TJ in the gazebo. Then he looked at me, and for a moment the two of us looked directly at each other. As if mirroring one another, we simultaneously smiled and waved, which made us both laugh simultaneously. Behind me I heard some girls giggling. One of them said ooh la la, and I realized they were watching me and Sean. I turned toward them, feeling my cheeks flush. “What?” I said to them. “We’re just saying hi.” They giggled some more. “Let’s get back to work,” I said. “Those tomatoes aren’t going to pick themselves.”

  TJ came back to join the group a few minutes later. It seemed like whatever Mr. Brooks had said to him had made a profound impact. For the rest of the time in the garden, TJ was on his best behavior, not so much as looking at Damien. After the day’s veggies were harvested, the kids brought everything to Mr. Brooks to be washed. Then they enjoyed their salad and pretzel snack while Sean and I leaned against the railing of the gazebo.

  “I think we did well today,” he said.

  “Me too.”

  He held out his hand in front of me, and I threw mine down to give him a moderately forceful hand-slap. “What are you doing after this?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “My only plan was to go home and do my homework.”

  “Well, it is Friday,” he said. “Don’t you think we should do something fun?”

  “Like what?” I asked.

  “My parents have this thing they’re going to tonight, so they gave me money to order pizza. It’s probably enough to order like twelve pizzas though.”

  “Lucky,” I said, trying to sound playful. Am I flirting, I wondered. I think I am.

  “I know. They do that sometimes. Maybe they feel bad about leaving me alone or something. Anyway, I don’t really want pizza, but there is a diner nearby that has a dope all-day breakfast menu. You want to go there with me? It’s my treat,
obviously.”

  “Yeah,” I said enthusiastically. “I love breakfast food.”

  “Cool,” said Sean.

  When the kids were done with their snacks, Sean and I helped Mr. Brooks with cleaning and getting everything prepared for the following week. Then we walked the kids back to school, still making sure to keep Damien and TJ separated, although all the kids seemed much more peaceful after their time in the garden.

  When we arrived at the cafeteria, the kids immediately started running after the dozens of balls that were rolling and being bounced around. “It’s almost time to go home,” yelled Mr. Brooks. “Fifth and sixth graders, make sure all the balls are put away. Everyone else can help.”

  Sean and I retrieved our belongings from the corner table. Mr. Brooks turned to address us. “Have a good weekend, you two,” he said. “Thanks for all your help.”

  We waved and said goodbye then headed out through the back door. I followed Sean, who told me that the diner was about five blocks away from Taft Elementary, and just one block past his school. “This is it,” said Sean, as we walked by The Academy of the Arts. We stopped for a moment to take it in. The building itself was truly a work of art. It was mostly light gray, with different colored windows, alternating between concave and convex. On the grassy area outside the school were several round, wooden structures, with fence-like bars going all the way around. Sean explained that they were “creative pods,” places where students could sit to draw or do school work. “The idea is that they let you feel connected to the school while still providing security and privacy. At least, that’s what the teachers say,” said Sean.

  “They’re amazing,” I said.

  “We can try one out,” said Sean. We walked over to the closest one, and went around to the back side to find the opening. Inside was a circular bench that spanned the inside of the pod. “We probably won’t have these much longer,” said Sean.

  “Why not? They’re so cool.”

  “Kids get busted for smoking in them a lot.”

  “Hmm. I guess they’re not ideal for high schools then.”