Second Thoughts

by Terry O'Reilly

  “Well, I’m not hidin’ it. I don’t advertise it either. My boss knows, but I keep it low key at work. I have to go to schools to do presentations on our book lines. There are still a buncha jerks out there that think cuz a guy is gay he has to be a predator.”

  “Same here, about being out, I mean. Being a teacher, you have to be careful. Hate that, but comes with the territory. What about your family? Nick asked.

  “They know. I came out to them while I was at school. They weren’t thrilled, but they accepted it. The shit really hit the fan, though, when I brought Denny home.”

  “What happened?”

  “We came home for my sister Eileen’s high school graduation. I told them ahead of time I was bringing my boyfriend, but I guess seeing me with a guy was over the top for them. It didn’t help that Denny kept making a big show of being affectionate with me in front of everyone. He wouldn’t listen to reason and kept saying the only way they were gonna get over this was if they got used to seein’ guys acting ‘normal.’”

  “Well, even a straight couple makin’ out in front of a family or in public makes people uncomfortable. I wouldn’t say that was normal.”

  “Exactly what I told Denny,” Jesse said.

  “How did he react?”

  “He just got mad and clammed up. Was kinda quiet and distant for the rest of the visit. We haven’t been back to see my folks together since. How about you?”

  Nick shook his head. “Well, I’m starting a new job and so I’m not out there. I don’t think I will be, either. Like you, I won’t hide it, but I won’t announce it. I expect the young, single teacher will be the target of everyone who has a sister or niece or someone who needs to find a guy. They’ll be fixin’ me up right and left.”

  “You’ve got that right,” Jesse quipped, thinking about his earlier conversation with their neighbor.

  They both chuckled.

  “Of course, in the service it was ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ I kept a real low profile there, though. If they found out you were gay, a lot of ’em, including officers, expected you to put out. They acted like you wouldn’t have any problem with that cuz gays are just sex crazy or something. Problem was some gays were like that.”

  “We’re no different than anyone else, really,” said Jesse. “We run the gamut just like the straight guys do. How about your family?”

  “I don’t know.” Nick stopped and looked like he was thinking hard. “My mom might suspect cuz she kind of defends me when Dad starts in with, ‘When you gonna get married and settle down?’ or ‘A man needs a good woman by his side,’ and stuff like that. Mom just says for him to keep his nose out of my business.

  “I have two brothers. One’s younger. They’re both married. They’re always askin’ when am I gonna have a girlfriend. Mom steps in there, too, and says, ‘He’s waiting for just the right person to sweep them off their feet.’ Notice she doesn’t use gender specific pronouns.”

  And some lucky guy is gonna be swept off his feet for sure, Jesse thought.

  At that point, Charlie came back with their meals. They ate their salads and soup, and talked more about their lives in high school and college. Jesse found they had very similar experiences. Both had known they were gay most of their lives, from junior high on. Both dated girls in high school, but gave it up in college. Both had their first man-to-man sex with an older man. Jesse’s experience was more traumatic.

  “Yeah, I really was in love with him,” Jesse said. “He always insisted we meet at a local motel. I was so naïve, it never occurred to me he was hiding something. Then one day we walked out together just as his wife was driving into the parking lot of the Bob Evans next door. They saw one another and that was the last I saw of him.”

  “Well, God, I bet that was hard,” Nick offered.

  “Yeah, it was. I was shell-shocked for a long time. Didn’t take another chance for a couple of years.”

  Nick related how a college grad assistant, who was helping coach the track team, introduced him to the gay experience while he was on the team at Michigan when he was a freshman. They were together for a semester. Then they sort of drifted apart. No sweat on either side. But it showed Nick that gay sex was his forte.

  Charlie appeared. “You guys good, or can I show you the dessert menu?”

  “Guess the salads gave us away,” Jesse quipped.

  “Yeah kinda.” Charlie smiled.

  “We’re good,” Nick said.

  He presented them with the check, which Nick took and paid for with a credit card. Once outside, Jesse thanked him for the lunch. He waved it off.

  “Where to next?”

  “Dominick’s Grocery.”

  Jesse picked up a cart when they arrived at the store and headed for the produce section. Nick tagged along. Green mission accomplished, they went to the wines and beers. Jesse picked out champagne and a Merlot, then it was on to house wares and candles. As they walked along together, they talked and laughed. They stopped at the pet section and checked out the rawhide and chew sticks. Nick insisted on getting a package for Shelby as well as Clyde. Once more, Jesse was reminded how different Denny and Nick were. Denny hated to shop and never would have bought anything for their dog.

  “Next stop, Sid’s,” Jesse announced, immediately anticipating what would be revealed in that setting.

  Arriving at the gym, Jesse signed them in at the front desk. A very pretty young woman was on duty. She immediately sat up, put her shoulders back and smiled coyly.

  “Hi, Diana. This is Nick Warden. Just moved to town.”

  “I do hope you’ll consider taking a membership with us, Mr. Warden. I think you’ll find we’re a full service establishment.”

  Jesse was sure she had emphasized the words “full service” in a rather suggestive way. He looked at Nick, who smiled back at her, and said, equally suggestively, “I surely will give it every consideration.”

  As they walked away from the counter toward the double doors to the men’s lockers, Jesse whispered, “I think you just made her day.”

  “Too bad she’s gonna be disappointed,” Nick replied.

  Another round of easy laughter followed their exchange.

  The lockers for guests were in the next aisle over from Jesse’s. Disappointed, he left Nick there and proceeded to his locker. He changed quickly, hoping to get at least a glimpse of his new friend, but again was disappointed as Nick rounded the corner just as he was pulling his tee over his head.

  “Dang, you’re fast,” Nick said, with a laugh.

  “You, too,” Jesse returned. He couldn’t help but notice how well Nick filled out his tee and workout shorts.

  He led the way to the main gym, stopping to pick up towels from Sam.

  “Hey, Jesse,” called the old man, “see you got yourself a new friend. ’Bout time.”

  Jesse was embarrassed by the towel man’s remark, but tried to pass it over. He knew Sam had never liked Denny. On more than one occasion the two of them had had words over seemingly insignificant issues.

  “What’s with him?” Nick queried.

  “Nothin’,” Jesse answered. “He’s just a bit weird. He’s gay and is in heaven with all the men he gets to ogle at this job.”

  Nevertheless, Sam’s comment had rattled him.

  Leading the way, Jesse opened the doors to the small workout area. It was equipped with aerobic apparatus, resistance machines and free weight stations. The usual Saturday afternoon crush had begun: the clang of dumbbells, the whir of treadmills and the blare of overhead televisions all assaulted the ears.

  “What’s your usual?” Nick asked over the noise.

  “Usually do circuits with the machines—three, sometimes more. Denny says circuits are for sissies. He likes the macho free weights.”

  “Well, I guess I’m a sissy then cuz I like the circuit trainers, too.”

  The two men each went to one of the circuit training machines. They punched in their workout codes and desired resistances, then began.
Jesse kept a close—but covert—watch on his new friend as he worked the various muscle groups. He couldn’t tell for sure, but he felt Nick might just be checking him out as well. After making three rounds of the machines, which each stressed a different muscle group, they were both sweating and breathing deeply. Since they had already done their aerobics with their morning run, they headed for the locker room and showers.

  Stripping off his workout clothes, Jesse donned a towel and walked around the end of the row of lockers. He was successful this time. Nick was just straightening up from picking up his clothes. He stood, totally naked, looked directly at Jesse and smiled. Jesse realized he had just taken a sharp intake of breath at the gorgeous male specimen standing unabashedly in front of him. He felt himself blush.

  Nick picked up his towel, wrapped it around his waist and walked toward him, still smiling that warm, friendly smile.

  “Glad you like what you see,” he said.

  “Look. I…I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I think you look wonderful.”

  Actually Jesse couldn’t remember being so attracted to another man in all his life.

  “But I have Denny and—”

  “And I respect that,” Nick said. “But that doesn’t mean we don’t still have eyes and can’t appreciate what we find good to look at. I think you’re one hell of a man yourself. Come on. Let’s take that shower and enjoy the view.”

  In the shower, they talked and laughed. They also casually— but unashamedly—checked each other out. Jesse noted that Nick was tall, blond and had the muscular build of an athlete with broad shoulders and a narrow waist. His ass was smooth and rounded, his uncut dick, now at half-staff, thick and long. His nuts were full and plump. He was completely hairless except for a patch of reddish blond hair around the base of his cock. Nick was in every way the opposite of Denny, who was short, very muscular and hairy. Jesse couldn’t help making the mental comparison.

  Shower finished, they headed for the dry sauna for a quick sweat. They sat quietly next to each other and let the deep heat relax their muscles, tight from their workouts and morning run. It felt very good to be with Nick. Jesse was completely relaxed and happy.

  Back to the shower for a quick rinse with cool water, then to dress and head for home.

  Nick parked his Honda in front of the townhouse. The men got out. Jesse got the bag of groceries and his gym bag from the car. They stood on the sidewalk facing each other.

  “Hey, man, I had a great time today,” Nick said.

  “Yeah, me, too.” Then because for some reason he didn’t want the day to end, Jesse added, “Come on over for a bit. We can have a beer while I get stuff ready for Denny’s homecoming.”

  “You sure? I don’t want to be in the way.”

  Then, on some unexplainable impulse, Jesse put his gym bag down, reached up and put his hand around Nick’s neck, pulling him close. “You’re never gonna be in the way.” Then realizing what he had just done and said, he dropped his hand and backed up.

  “Okay, just let me get my smelly gym stuff in the washer and I’ll be over.”

  “Bring Clyde with you,” Jesse added. “He probably needs some company after being cooped up all day. I know Shel would like to see him.”

  “Will do.”

  They parted company. As Jesse walked by Mrs. Kloswick’s, he thought he noticed a movement of the lace curtains in her front window. He smiled.

  Entering the house, he was greeted by an enthusiastic Shelby, whose happy tail was wagging furiously. Leaving his gym bag in the hall, he put the bag of groceries on the counter and let her out. She wasted no time doing her business in the small back yard and returning to the house.

  “You’re gonna have some company while we wait for Daddy Denny to come home,” Jesse told her.

  She sat at his feet and stared intently into his eyes as if trying to comprehend the message she was being given.

  Jesse ruffled her ears and went into the kitchen to unload the items he had purchased for dinner. While engaged in those activities, he found himself thinking of the day he had spent with Nick. Images of the fine body the man possessed, snatches of laughter they had shared, the ease with which they had talked, flashed through his mind. Then suddenly he realized something. I’m preparing an anniversary dinner for my boyfriend, and I’m obsessing on another guy.

  He didn’t have time to dwell on that thought because he heard the front door open and heard the scratch of paws on the hardwood floor.

  “Hey, we’re here!” called Nick.

  Jesse came around the corner from the kitchen to find Nick kneeling on the floor with two writhing animals. Both were trying their best to communicate their happiness at being together and being with this human. Jesse leaned, smiling, against the door frame and took in the sight, one that made him feel warm inside.

  Nick untangled himself from the ecstatic canines and stood up. The dogs took off for the living room, where they began a game of wrestle and roll.

  “Well, make yourself at home, Clyde, you old hound,” Nick called after them.

  “You, too,” said Jesse warmly. “Come on in here while I get stuff started.”

  They went into the kitchen.

  “Here are those chew sticks I picked up for Shelby,” Nick said, handing Jesse the package.

  “Thanks, I know she’ll love ’em.” Jesse placed the package on the counter.

  He got two lite beers from the fridge and handed one to Nick.

  “To having great neighbors,” said Nick, holding his bottle up and toasting Jesse.

  “To great neighbors,” Jesse repeated, tapping his brew against Nick’s.

  When Jesse had gotten the moussaka into the oven warming on low heat, and had made the salad and refrigerated it, they went out to the patio, set the table and put the champagne on ice. When it was finished, Nick stood back and said, “Well, the stage is set for a repeat performance.”

  “Yeah, only with a different cast,” Jesse replied, once again finding himself experiencing strange feelings at making another comparison between Nick and Denny.

  Jesse and Nick returned to the living room with two fresh beers. They sat on opposite ends of the couch facing each other. The dogs, tired out from their wrestling match, lay in a puppy pile on the floor between the men.

  As they sat talking quietly, the sound of the front door opening interrupted their conversation.

  “Surprise!” came a loud voice. “I got an earlier flight back, babe. Get ready to open your anniversary package!”

  Denny rounded the corner with his hands encircling his ample crotch.

  CHAPTER 3

  “Well, that was a whole lot of fun,” Nick said sarcastically as he and Clyde exited Jesse’s townhouse and walked toward the sidewalk. The basset looked up at him with his sad, droopy eyes. He looked that way all the time. But in light of what had just transpired, Nick felt it was appropriate.

  Nick had recognized Denny as soon as he had come into the room. Although surprised at how short he was, Jesse’s description of him as muscular and Mediterranean fit perfectly. If anything, Denny was even more handsome than Nick had imagined. He had black wavy hair, startling blue eyes, intensified by a deep olive complexion and beautifully symmetrical features. A subtly cold smile and haughty, arrogant manner, however, diminished the effects of his attributes.

  As he walked with Clyde toward his house, Nick couldn’t help but go over the scene played out just moments before.

  As Denny had come into the living room, he’d dropped his hands from his crotch. “Oh, am I interrupting something?”

  Although he’d delivered the line casually, Nick had heard a steeliness in Denny’s voice and saw the smile fading from his face.

  Both Jesse and Nick had stood. The dogs, too, had gotten up and gone to greet him. Nick noted that, although Shelby had seemed happy to see the man, her response to him was much more subdued than one would expect from a dog to its owner and definitely much less enthusiastic than the greeting he had
received the night before.

  “Don’t be silly,” Jesse had responded, crossing the space between them and giving Denny a hug and a kiss.

  “This is Nick Warden, our new neighbor.” Turning to Nick he said, “Nick, this is Denny Christopoulos, my boyfriend.”

  Nick had come forward and offered Denny his hand, who took it without smiling. Nick recalled how the handshake was neither firm nor weak, but just sort of perfunctory.

  “And this?” Denny had added, pointing at Clyde with his foot when the men had stopped shaking hands. The dogs had been sitting, waiting patiently for recognition while the exchange had been going on.

  “That’s Clyde. He belongs to me,” Nick had said pleasantly, kneeling and giving both dogs a ruff, feeling they deserved some acknowledgement.

  Denny had walked past them and into the living room. “Well, thank God. For a minute, I thought Miss Bleeding Heart here had gone out and rescued another one from death row.”

  “Dennis—” Jesse had started.

  “No, I rescued this one myself,” Nick had said, standing and facing Denny.

  The two men had looked at each other. Nick had begun to dislike the guy already.

  Denny had walked to the patio door. Evidently seeing the table set for two, he’d turned back and said, “Well, I’ll let you two get back to your little dinner party.”

  “Dennis Christopoulos! Stop acting like a jerk!” Jesse had exclaimed. “You know very well the party is for us.”

  “Look, I’m gonna go and let you two get on with your…celebration. I still have a lot of unpacking to do. It was nice meeting you, Denny. Jesse, I’ll see you around,” Nick had said, wishing to get out of the way and let the couple get back on an even keel.

  Denny hadn’t responded. He had just nodded his head in Nick’s direction.

  Jesse had walked Nick to the door.

  “I’m sorry, Nick. I don’t know what’s gotten into him. He’s not usually this rude.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Nick had replied. “Just go back and straighten things out with him. Have a good time this evening.”

  Nick had spontaneously reached out and squeezed Jesse’s shoulder. Jesse had smiled at him.