by V. Vaughn
“I knew it.” A low rumble comes from his chest.
“Easy, boy,” I say to Alec as well as his bear. “Doug and I dated very briefly. I never developed feelings for him but—” I glance over at Alec. “I think he might still have them for me.”
Okay, I know Doug does, but dealing with shifter egos is a delicate matter.
“That’s why you’re going with me?”
I shake my head and decide he doesn’t need to know Doug insisted on it, because the truth is, I’d have gone with Alec anyway. “I’m here because you need a friend. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”
“You’ve always had a big heart. Thanks.”
We don’t even get through a song before Alec returns to the subject of my relationship history. “So, this Dr. Doug was recent?”
I should have known he’d need reassurance. “A few months ago. Two dates and we didn’t sleep together.”
“Good. Before him who was it?”
I let out a small gasp at his audacity. “You have no right to go there. How’s Emery? Last I heard you two were going to tie the knot.”
He chuckles with what I think is satisfaction. “You’ve kept up with me.”
“Have not. It’s just—” I straighten my shoulders in defiance. “People at the diner talk. And it’s hard not to hear things about you.”
“Uh-huh.” Alec grins. “Emery was a relationship built on mutual needs.”
I snort. “I’ll bet.”
“Not that kind. She needed a guy who could keep her face plastered all over the media.”
“Her ass too,” I say when I remember how often the woman’s been caught nude by the paparazzi.
“Yours is better.”
I glance over at him as pride fills me. I do know he’s always liked that attribute of mine. “Damn straight it is.”
He laughs and then says, “Hillary, I’ve never fallen in love with anyone but you. Emery never meant anything to me. Dating her kept me from having to deal with the groupies. In all honesty, the times we got together were for public appearances.”
I believe he’s telling me what he thinks I want to hear, but I appreciate it.
“Besides,” he says. “I’ve was so busy with football practice and games I didn’t have much time for a relationship. Life on the road sucks, honestly.”
We reach Doug’s office, and I park the car. The weight of Alec’s medical condition sits like a low, dark cloud over us, and I want to say something to help him feel better.
I want to tell him that it’s all okay and everything will work out. But I don’t know that. Maybe his career is completely over and thinking Doug can help is just a pipe dream. But what’s really keeping me quiet is that a piece of me wishes Alec would stay in Heartland.
Chapter 10
ALEC
The waiting room feels stuffy and hot. Sweat runs down my back as I sit in the uncomfortable chair and wait for my name to be called. Why does it always take so damn long? We’ve been here for fifteen minutes already. Why schedule appointments if they can’t be kept?
Hillary is sitting beside me, and I inhale a little deeper than I need to occasionally to get a whiff of her lemon scented perfume and her personal musk. It’s soothing and sexy. Just the right combination to help keep my bear calm.
She glances at me every now and then but doesn’t say a word. I hate that. I’m not good with silence. Especially not her silence. I’m more nervous about what it means than what the doctor has to say.
I’d give my earnings from my entire career to know what she’s thinking right now. Does she wish she wasn’t here with me? Is she anxious the way I am? Does her bunny feel the proximity of my bear? Does she feel anything at all?
It’s hard to sit still. My legs bounce up and down, and I fiddle with the tiny piece of fabric coming off the arm of the chair. It’s tempting to just finish the job and rip the entire piece off, but I refrain. I don’t want to get dinged for being a vandal.
Finally, Hillary leans in and whispers, “If you don’t stop bouncing your feet, you’re going to drive my bunny nuts.”
I sigh. “I’m sorry, I’m just so damn nervous.”
“I know.” She sets her hand on my knee. It’s familiar and more comforting than she likely senses. “No matter what happens, Alec, you’re going to be fine.”
Besides her touch being comforting, it’s arousing. My body remembers everything her hands can do. Did do. And I want it again. I wish we could just leave, that I could take her home to my bed and spend the rest of the afternoon replaying what we used to have. My cock thickens as I recall the sound of her moans and the way she—
I get up to move, and when I get across the room, I turn to look at Hillary. The woman I’m so in love with yet can’t have. I turn to the water cooler and grab a paper cup. Water glugs when I fill it, and I swallow down the contents in one gulp.
I look up at the clock on the wall, and I can hear the tick of the second hand as it moves over one notch at a time. Like a ticking timebomb about to blow. Panic surges through me. I don’t want to be here. This is stupid. He’s probably one more guy who’s going to tell me there’s no hope. I don’t want to hear this doctor say it too.
“Maybe this is a mistake,” I say, running my hands through my hair. I’m sure it’s standing straight up like I just took my helmet off after a brutal game.
“It’s not. It’ll be okay.”
I shake my head. I can’t handle this anymore. “Let’s go.”
The door to the doctor’s office opens and a nurse comes out, holding a clipboard. “Alec Thompson.” She looks my way and smiles. “You can come in now.”
I hate the nurse’s smile. Why should she be happy, when I feel like I’m marching to my doom?
Hillary grabs my hand and pulls me toward the door. “Come on.”
I follow along like a child who has no choice, and I’m really glad she’s with me. I squeeze her hand as we walk into the office and release it to sit down in one of the two leather chairs placed in front of a big, wooden desk. I want to grab Hillary’s hand again to keep our fingers intertwined forever. Heck I want to just keep walking out of here. Away from everything and everyone to go off into the sunset with the woman I love. My mate.
I don’t get the chance, because the doctor walks through the door, and Hillary hops up to give him a hug. I recognize her fake happiness when she squeals. “Doug! It’s so great to see you again.”
Even though I think she’s not as genuinely pleased to see him as she’s acting, it still makes my bear growl when she hugs him. He glances over her shoulder at me and grins like he’s just won some prize. It’s all I can do not to lunge out and slice my claws through his jugular.
Doug releases Hillary and reaches a hand out to me. I’m glad to see he’s under six feet tall and has the slight body of a man who doesn’t have a physical occupation. I might even squeeze his fingers harder than I should too, but not enough to damage his surgeon’s hands. I might need them. Something that would be wise to remember no matter how jealous my bear and I are feeling.
“It’s a pleasure to meet the great Alec Thompson.”
Hillary’s not the only one who can pour on charm when needed. I pull out my persona I use with even the most ruthless reporters. “Right back atcha, Dr. Doug. I’ve heard good things about you, too.” I did Google the guy last night and found he’s very good at what he does.
His face falls when he places himself behind the desk, and we all sit. “I reviewed your records last night. The lack of progression in healing for multiple weeks is concerning.” He shakes his head. “Dr. Mayfield is a talented man, and I’m rather impressed with some of the things he’s tried with you over the years. The animal suppression technique—” He blows out a breath in admiration. “Groundbreakingly brilliant and I can’t wait to use it myself.”
Hillary leans forward in her chair with impatience. “You’ve got some tricks up your sleeve too. Right, Doug?”
He gives her the
kind of smile I suppose he thinks is sexy. “I do, babe.”
I dig my nails into the arms of the chair to control the rage that fills me. Hillary lets out a small groan, her nice girl act gone now. “I’m talking about Alec’s knee.”
“Yes. Of course.” Doug looks at me. “I agree with Dr. Mayfield. Your knee is never going to heal completely. The best you can do…”
More words come out of his mouth, but I stop hearing them. I blink and swallow down the bile that has risen in my throat. My career is over. Period.
There are no more second opinions. There are no second chances. It’s done. Forever.
Not only can’t I have Hillary, but I no longer have football.
“Alec,” Hillary’s voice breaks through my trance as she grabs my hand. “It’s time to go.”
I nod and let her help me to my feet but then pull my hand away. I look at Doug and know I should at least thank him. I open my mouth to try, but I can’t find the words. I walk out of the office instead.
“Hillary, babe,” Doug says as I move.
“Later,” barks out Hillary as she follows me. “Alec.”
I ignore her as the walls begin to close in on me. Suddenly I need to get out, and I speed up. My knee throbs as I jog down the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator.
“Alec!” Hillary’s voice echoes in the stairwell as she calls after me, but I don’t stop, I don’t slow down.
I’m limping when I finally burst through the emergency exit door out to the rear parking lot, and I hunch over, breathing heavy as if I’ve just sprinted the football field.
I gulp in air, trying to slow my heart, but it’s not working. I think I’m hyperventilating when my head starts to spin and my vision blurs. I slump down to the ground before I faint.
“Alec,” Hillary crouches down in front of me and grabs my hands. “Cup them over your mouth and breath in your exhaled air.”
I do as she suggests. I make eye contact with her and try to breath slowly until it works. As I gaze into her eyes, I realize I don’t deserve this woman before me. But I’ve never wanted her more than I do right now.
Hillary lets out a sigh of relief when my breathing returns to normal. “There you go.” Her brow knits as she places a hand on my cheek. “Talk to me. I’m good listener. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“It’s not what you’d expect.”
I wish I could take her hand and put it on my heart to show her that my pain right now isn’t about football. The truth is I knew in my heart that my career was over before I came home. No. The reason I’m freaking out right now is because football was going to be the one thing to keep me sane after realizing the love of my life doesn’t want to be mine, and now I don’t even have that.
Chapter 11
HILLARY
I know Alec isn’t listening to what Doug is saying. Not that he has too, because I’ll remember it all for him, but I’m a little surprised he doesn’t even thank Doug before stomps out.
“Hillary, babe.”
I stared at Doug in amazement. It pisses me off the way he thinks I can let a man who just learned his career—his dream—is over walk out and not follow him to make sure he’s okay. “Later,” I say as I rush after Alec.
I call to Alec a few times, but he’s hell-bent on getting out of the building with the same determination he had when he strode across the football field in high school.
When I finally catch up to him, I realize things are worse than I thought.
He’s gasping for air, and when he slumps to the ground as if he can’t get enough oxygen, I think he’s having a panic attack. His breaths rasp in but barely out. He’s hyperventilating. “Alec,” I squat down in front of him, and his hands are like ice when I grab them to lift them up. “Cup them over your mouth and breath in your exhaled air.”
Alec does as I say and stares at me. I see so much pain in his eyes it’s heartbreaking. This man I don’t want to care about is going through hell right now, and I can’t do anything to help.
“There you go.” I say, and I lovingly place a hand on his cheek. “Talk to me. I’m good listener. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“It’s not what you’d expect.”
“Look I totally understand that the news is shocking to you, but your life is far from over. You’re only twenty-five and have a lot of living ahead of you.”
I might believe he’s being dramatic, but I do realize that to him this is the end. And I suppose it’s a lot like how I felt when he left me. That realization hurts.
“No, Hillary, I don’t.”
My heart hurts for him. I know how it feels to think you have nothing to look forward to. “I get it. When you left—”
“When I left, I made the biggest mistake of my life.” He waves a hand over his knee. “Yes. Not playing football again really sucks. But do you know why?”
“You’ve lost your dream.”
He shakes his head. “Because it was all I had left. Without you too, what the hell is worth being around for now?”
I blink at him as I process his words. I feel horrible that he’s lost his career, but he chose to lose me. That doesn’t have anything to do with some accident or injury, that decision is on him. I consider responding to his outburst to tell him he doesn’t get to whine about losing me when I wasn’t taken from him.
But I’m not the type to kick a man when he’s down. I decide to treat him like a friend and help him through this hard time however I can.
“I happen to know a thing or two about feeling like you’ve got nothing. What we need to do is get ice cream.” I stand and pull him up with me.
He doesn’t look keen on the idea. I’d bet money that his bear is, though.
“C’mon. You know your bear wants to,” I tease. For such a talented athlete, it’s surprising Alec’s bear has a mighty sweet tooth that doesn’t care about nutrition.
He nods. “All right.”
I’m not used to gloomy, unsure Alec Thompson, and it’s unsettling. He was always upbeat and confident, often just plain cocky. I never knew a moment that ever knocked him down. It’s disheartening to see him like this, and I want to do anything to pull him up from his despair.
He’s quiet when I drive us back to Heartland and pull up at the ice cream parlor on Main Street not far from the public shifter park. I figure we’ll get cones and take them over to the park where we can stroll around as we eat them.
Alec follows me in, and while he’s reluctant, the low rumbling in his chest tells me his bear is happy we’re here. Alec orders a triple scoop of honey vanilla, and I order a single scoop of strawberry. I turn to Alec intent on cheering him up. “Remember how we used to come in here in high school? And spend all my waitress change on cones?”
He offers me a small smile. “You’d never let me pay, even when I knew you were saving up for college.” He frowns. “I was sorry to hear about your mom getting sick.”
After Alec left me, my mom got sick with cancer, and I didn’t go to college, instead opting to stay home and take care of her. She’s a survivor, but it was a tough couple of years. “Thanks.”
“Here you go,” says the girl who is helping us. She hands us both triple cones.
“Wait, that’s not what I ordered. I only wanted one scoop.”
“Oh. Oops.” She giggles. “I won’t charge you for it.”
I frown because I’m not sure I can eat this much ice cream. But I suppose it doesn’t matter, and once Alec pays, we make our way down the sidewalk to the park.
We’re silent as we both lick our cones, and I savor the sweet strawberry flavor. He leads us to a bench, and when we sit, I ask, “How is it?”
Alec grins at me and I notice he’s almost done. “Delicious. This was a good idea.”
I smile back. “I’m glad. You’re feeling better?” I lick my cone again, I’ve eaten a lot of it, but I’m getting full and have lost steam.
He pops the last bit of his cone into his mouth and mumbles over it. “Much.
”
I’m not keeping up with the melting of my cone, and ice cream dribbles over my fingers. I hold my treat out to Alec. “I’m never going to finish this. Do you want it?”
He leans in and bites the top off, making me giggle, and I say, “Like I had to ask.”
When he grabs the rest of my cone to finish it off, I begin lick to the sticky residue off my fingers. Alec watches and his chewing slows down as his nostrils flare.
I know that look, and my body responds out of muscle memory. A reaction I should not be having. But the hell of it is I can’t stop it. I pull my finger out of my mouth slowly as my insides heat up with desire.
Alec swallows hard as his lips part, his gaze trained on my mouth. He reaches out. “Let me.” He grabs my hand and wraps his lips around my finger. When he sucks it in, it’s my turn to swallow hard, and I nearly moan with the sensation of his tongue on my skin. White-hot pleasure is zinging through me.
“Alec—”
He releases my finger and moves to lick my palm as he gazes at me with heat in his eyes. Heat that travels straight to my core. “Oh.” I let out a small noise as I lean in closer.
Alec stops licking my hand and says, “You’ve got some on your lips too.”
The lips that are burning with the need for him to kiss me. A need so great I can’t think straight. So when he leans in and kisses me, I don’t stop him. Big mistake, because I’m a goner the moment his mouth meets mine.
It’s like I’m swirling in small whirlpool of bliss as we nibble at each other’s lips, and when he darts his tongue into my mouth, I open up to him only to be swallowed up into a place I’ve been so many times before. A place where time stands still and the only thing that matters is Alec. Touching me, holding me, kissing me as if he needs to in order to stay alive.
I finally manage to pull away when I need to breathe. “I—” I shake my head. “We shouldn’t.”
Alec takes my face in his hands. “Why the hell not, Hillary? Nothing about that kiss felt wrong, did it? We’re so good together, and you know it.”
