Wandering Star

by Steven Anderson

  “You really think I’m that devious?”

  “Of course you are. My point is that you’re wasting it on me. My love for you is unconditional.”

  She kissed my chest and I could feel sharp teeth. “Why do you love me?” she asked.

  “I fell in love with you right there, in the lab working with you every day, you arguing with me about every conclusion, pointing out every error in my analyses, making me better than I could ever be without you.”

  “So you want me to argue more with you?” She was continuing to work her way down my chest, nipping at the skin.

  “Yes, but gently, always gently.” She came back up and nuzzled her head into my neck humming softly to herself.

  “Alice, one thing is still bothering me. The blue t-shirt was so obvious that I can’t help thinking that you knew I’d figure it out. What are you really up to?”

  “You have no idea the plans I have for you. Now, hush, and let me sleep.”

  The shuttle arrived late in the afternoon and we watched it from when it was a small bright speck until its engines cleaned all of the red dust from the landing pad, obscuring everything. Alice and I didn’t wait for the dust to settle before coming out of the lab and starting the climb onto the landing pad. Lieutenant Kelang, Sara O’Dell and the team geologist, George Hallett came down the shuttle ramp and Alice hugged each of them in turn, welcoming them to Cleavus.

  I knew George from the Academy where he was a year ahead of me. Not a close friend, but still a familiar face from several classes and study groups. We always shortened his first name and just called him ‘Geo’. He shook my hand, a big smile on his face as he looked past me at the hills north of the town.

  “Look at the strata exposed on those hills. I had to see it for myself after reading through your survey this morning. Nice job, Ted, brilliant actually considering the tools you had available.”

  I smiled back at him and pointed at Alice who was introducing Sara and the Lieutenant to Mac. “She’s the brilliant one. I’m just adequate. Isn’t that what you always called me in our mineralogy lab?”

  “I did. You never could remember chemical compositions longer than it took to pass the next test.”

  “It’s good to see you, Geo.”

  He laughed. “After being stuck here for over three months I imagine you’d be happy to see anyone. It must have been lonely.”

  I looked back at Alice and Geo looked with me. “I’m happy to be leaving but it wasn’t lonely, not lonely at all.”

  “Professor Vandermeer’s daughter?”

  “You know the Professor?”

  “I worked for him for two months last year. Her I know only by reputation. If half the stories they tell about her are true she’s not someone you want to hook up with. She’s crazy and not in a good way.”

  “Quite a bit more than hooked up, Geo.”

  He turned back to me. “I’m sorry for what I said, then. All that time together here, not knowing when rescue would come, or if it would ever come.” He shook his head and looked back at me like I might be a little crazy now too. “It’s going to make it hard for you to reintegrate into RuComm.”

  “I know. Impossible.”

  “Maybe not impossible. There’s more to RuComm than drifting between planets doing surveys but you haven’t even finished your first hop yet. I guess it depends on what you want to do next.”

  “I’m not sure.” I looked back at Alice. The three of them were kneeled down now petting Merrimac, Alice laughing. I could feel how happy she was from fifty meters away. “As long as we’re together I’m sure it will work out.”

  “The Professor’s daughter.” He shook his head again. “You must really enjoy the adrenaline rush that comes from being in constant danger.”

  “Something like that,” I said while we walked back to the group.

  The XO stood up as we approached. “I had forgotten how nice it is having a dog around,” he said. “It must have made your time here more bearable, he’s such a big happy fellow.” He helped Sara stand and she held his hand a moment longer than needed, smiling at him. “Hard to believe the Bovita clan just left him here.”

  Now that they were no longer touching Merrimac, Sara took a step away from the Lieutenant, looking slightly confused. I glanced at Alice who was chewing her lower lip.

  “Sara, can you and the Lieutenant help us with a few things?” Alice asked.

  “Of course. I’m sure you’re anxious to be off this planet.” She looked at the abandoned buildings and lengthening shadows. “It’s desolate. Did you find anything that would have justified the original colony?”

  “No,” I answered. “There was nothing here of value that we didn’t bring with us.”

  We paused at the two graves at the bottom of the ramp and the XO removed his cap.

  “I’ll stay behind for the next shuttle,” he told us. “Our medical officer and a couple of volunteers will help me recover your friends. They will be treated with respect and we’ll get them home for you.”

  “Thank you, sir.” Alice responded.

  I sat next to Alice on the shuttle after our samples and bags were stowed. I took her hand and kissed it and she raised her eyebrow at me.

  “Pretty bold for a RuComm guy. Not worried about being caught?”

  I closed my eyes and leaned back in my seat enjoying the feel of the thrusters carrying us off the planet. “Past worrying. Past caring.” I turned my head to look into her eyes. “We’re part of the universe again. You’re not having second thoughts about me are you, now that there are tens of thousands of other men eager to be in love with you?”

  “How little you know me and the life I’ve led.”

  “I know all I need to know. I’ve seen you glowing when my mind was in yours and I’ve seen you glowing when you are breathless and sweaty in my arms. Your past is as far as the east is from the west for me. You can whisper it to me some night after we’ve exhausted ourselves in other activities if you want. I’ll still love you.”

  “Thank you.” She leaned back in her seat, closed her eyes and squeezed my hand. “Don’t let go.”

  Sara O’Dell was not happy with me when I refused her offer of separate quarters for Alice and me.

  “Ms. O’Dell,” I told her, “I would like to remain with RuComm if it’s at all possible, but Alice and I are in love and will continue to be in love. I will not deny it, hide it or sleep in separate quarters. If this ship cannot accommodate us then please put us back on Cleavus and we’ll wait for a ship that can.”

  Sara didn’t seem to know how to respond but the Captain did. She had been watching the exchange with a growing sense of amusement and sympathy for our cause.

  “Sara, give them one of the vacant double cabins. If you really are afraid that their story will erode team discipline I’ll make room for them in the crew quarters. They’ve been through hell together and it’s a miracle that they’re still alive. And Mr. Holloman still managed to complete his RuComm assignment. You should cut them some slack.”

  “Fine. You can have cabin twenty-one. Ask Star if you have trouble finding it. Please avoid displays of affection in the public areas of the ship. Will that be acceptable to you?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I appreciate you working with us.”

  I nodded my thanks to the Captain and she smiled back, her fingers buried in Mac’s fur scratching his neck.

  “Nice bluff,” Alice whispered to me while we walked to our cabin.

  “What? Asking her to drop us back on Cleavus?” I smiled at her. “Not a bluff.”

  “Oh.”

  “But I knew the Captain would back us up because…” I gestured at Merrimac walking along next to us.

  Alice nodded. “Yeah. Your dog worries me. Everyone that touched him today had their emotions messed with. It’s worked to our advantage but I’m scared; scared of
what we’ve done bringing him on board.”

  We entered our cabin and I glanced at the ceiling so Alice would know that Star was listening. Mac crawled under one of the bunks and watched us, looking contented.

  “Dogs are like emotional amplifiers. The dog I grew up with, the original Merrimac, was sad when I was sad and always comforted me. He was happy when I was happy, excited when I was excited but he never amplified negative feelings like anger. When I was mad it just made him anxious. I think this Merrimac is like that. The Captain sympathized with us. Mac just made the feeling stronger in her, like any good dog.”

  “What a comforting theory. Tell me what that means for our feelings for each other.”

  “It might have accelerated how quickly I fell in love with you but that was going to happen one way or another. What about you?”

  She came close to me, speaking softly. “I fell in love with you on the Margo Islands. No dogs there. Just people trying to kill us and you chasing after Corporal whatever her name was dancing in the firelight.”

  “Oh, I had forgotten about her. She was pretty.”

  Alice put her arms around me. “I saved you that night, do you remember that part?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “What are you feeling now, Ted?”

  “That I love you.” I kissed her and held her close, losing myself to the touch of her lips on mine and the feeling of her body pressed against me. After a couple of minutes I looked up at the ceiling.

  “Star?”

  “Yes, Mr. Holloman?”

  “Thank you for your understanding.”

  “Of course, Mr. Holloman, Ms. Vandermeer.”

  Alice looked at me curiously. “What else are you feeling, Ted? Vengeance? Is that what I’m feeling from you?”

  “You refuse to see the darkness in me. I keep telling you it’s there.”

  “Star kept you apart and it almost destroyed you both. I think I understand the need for a little revenge for you and Hannah.” She glanced at Mac who was still watching us from under the bunk. “Just don’t let it get amplified.”

  “Would you like to get out of this cabin for a while? It’s almost 1730 ship time. We can see what’s available for dinner that’s not packaged synthetics.”

  She smiled at me, looking beautiful. “Absolutely.”

  Alice was walking slower than usual on our way to the mess hall. “It’s the gravity,” she complained. “I gained almost six kilos coming up from Cleavus. Don’t you feel it too?”

  I nodded. “It’s like having a backpack I can’t put down. Give it a week and you’ll be used to it.”

  “Just in time to gain another five kilos on Bodens Gate.”

  “I could carry you if that would be easier.”

  “Would you? I’d enjoy that.”

  I looked at her smiling at me. “Have I told you that I love you?”

  “You may have mentioned it.” We entered the mess hall, which looked just like the one on Wandering Star.

  After we picked up our food I told Alice, “I’d like to sit with Lieutenant Kelang and find out more about what happened after Wandering Star was taken if it’s OK with you.”

  Alice shook her head. “Not during dinner. I want to sit with the team lead and thank her again for our quarters. Why don’t you set up a meeting with the Lieutenant for tomorrow and then come and join us?”

  I set up the meeting with the XO for 0930 the next morning and sat down beside Alice and across from Sara O’Dell. Neither of them did more than glance at me because they were so deeply engrossed in a conversation about which restaurants in Palma Sola were the best and why. I noticed that Alice had the same food selections on her plate as Sara, not by accident I was sure.

  I ate in silence, not listening to them, but instead took out my pad and started a letter to my father. It was hard writing about Jake especially since I knew that his parents would see the letter too. Sitting in a ship’s mess hall just like the one where Jake and I had shared so many meals made it even harder. After many false starts I decided it would be best to just tell about all we had done together since leaving Earth and to say how much I missed him.

  “Ted, have you been listening?”

  I looked up. “No, Alice, I’m sorry. I was writing a letter to my dad.” I could tell by the gentleness of her smile that she knew what I had been writing.

  “Sara and I have been talking about some of the planetary survey projects that RuComm is trying to staff. There’s a couple on Dulcinea that are starting soon and could use a geologist. It’s a twelve month commitment but fraternization with the native population is permitted.” She smiled at me, happy, like she was presenting me with the best gift imaginable.

  “That sounds great but I’d like to look them over before committing.”

  I could feel Alice’s frustration. “They both sound perfect, Ted. You don’t have to leave RuComm and we’d be on Dulcinea.”

  “I’ll send you the project and position descriptions,” Sara promised. “We’d need to know in the next day or two if you’re interested.

  I nodded. “Not a problem. I’ll let you know by noon tomorrow.”

  Alice didn’t say anything to me while we cleared our plates or as we walked back to our cabin but I could feel that she was hurt and angry.

  She turned to look at me as soon as the door closed, cold pale blue eyes looking back into mine. “So, Ted, you won’t know till noon tomorrow?”

  “No, I want to review the projects first, make sure I’d be a good fit.”

  “That’s a lie. Noon tomorrow would be right after we meet with the XO so you can find out more about conditions in the Warrens. But even that doesn’t really matter, does it?” She thumped me hard on my chest. “Your heart has already decided what you’re going to do. I don’t know which is worse, that you’re lying to me or lying to yourself.

  “Have you even thought this through?” she continued. “You’d have to leave RuComm if you want to search for her. You know that you’d probably be killed in your first few days in the Warrens, don’t you? Even if you survived, she’s probably already dead and then you would be stuck on Bodens Gate with no job and no way to live. Or maybe you’ll find her and she’s been broken, everything that made Hannah, Hannah burned out of her. Are you willing to spend the rest of your life trying to put those pieces back together? Because that’s what it would take. Maybe you’re thinking that she’s somewhere just waiting for you to ride in and rescue her. What happens then, Ted? What happens to us?”

  “Alice…”

  “Three weeks, Ted. In less than three weeks we could be back on Dulcinea where I don’t weigh as much as a damn cow and you could be doing work that you love and that you’re truly great at. Let it go, Ted. Let her go.” She buried her face in my chest and I could feel hot tears soaking through my shirt. “Please, Ted, just let her go.” She leaned back and I wiped her tears away with my fingers. “Ted, you promised that you would go where I want to go. Please take me home and be there with me.”

  “I will, but not yet. You made a promise too.”

  “I hate you.” She put her head back against my chest.

  “I know you do.”

  “I didn’t promise to help you destroy yourself. I didn’t promise to help you find her.”

  “Hannah is probably dead.” It hurt to say it, hurt more than I expected. “I have to know for sure. Or know that she’s beyond my reach.”

  “Why you? The government didn’t look for her. RuComm left her. Peter and Charlotte and Velena and everyone else that knew her got on the next ship to Earth. Damn it, Ted, why you? What would Jake be telling you right now?”

  “That I’m an idiot, and he would be right. Let me meet with Lieutenant Kelang tomorrow. He’ll probably talk me out of it.”

  “Lying again.”

  “And I’ll send a message to our emb
assy in Eindhoven. They probably have more information and that will be the end of it.”

  “Still lying.”

  I pushed her backwards until we came to the bunk. She sat down on it and I kneeled in front of her, looking up into her eyes.

  “Alice, let me be at peace about this. It will haunt me if I just walk away. I need to know that she’s not trapped there, scared, hurt, wondering why no one’s come for her. I’d do this for any of my friends.”

  “More lies.”

  “I would have done it for Jake. I would do it for you.”

  She looked at me, tears starting again, shaking her head slowly. “Why can’t I hate you?”

  I pushed her the rest of the way on to the bunk and sat down next to her. “Because that would be too simple. You like complexity in your life. There’s more opportunity for you to influence the outcome.”

  She hit my shoulder softly. “That was a rhetorical question. Please don’t try to analyze me right now. I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

  She closed her eyes and I kissed them gently, then each cheek and the tip of her nose. “Would you like me to tell you what you’re feeling?”

  “No, don’t tell me. Show me.”

  I started by taking off her shoes. I lifted her legs up onto the bunk, her head resting on the pillow. I rubbed her feet and then worked up along her legs, massaging through her pants until I reached her waist. I undid the pants and pulled them off of her then massaged my way back down ending at her toes. Alice kept her eyes closed and didn’t speak to me but her breathing had slowed and I could feel her relaxing.

  “Take off your shirt and roll over, please.” I told her.

  She did as instructed, moving the pillow out of the way and folding her hands under her head as she lay on her stomach. When I first met Alice her body had seemed extreme in its adaptation to Dulcinea’s lower gravity. Now, looking at her naked on the bed, the long lines of her body looked graceful and elegant. Any additional curve or softening of angles would have ruined the purity of her appearance.

  I forced my hands to move more slowly, trying to feel what she wanted. When I reached her lower back I kissed it, causing her to giggle.