The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant, Book 5

by Pamfiloff, Mimi Jean

  I don’t know if this will work, but everything I’ve learned, slaving over microscopes and running tests on my own blood for years, tells me it will. It must.

  I open the small valve on the chamber and flood it with Nice’s blood. I quickly seal it and attach it to my refrigerated centrifuge. I hit the power button and open the valve. The machine whirs to life, and we all watch, motionless with anticipation.

  After a minute and a half, a few drops of clear liquid dribble out the tiny spout and deposit into the vial.

  “That’s it. It’s done.” I take the vial, grab a dropper, and pull a small amount of serum into it.

  I take one last look at Miriam with my vampire eyes and offer her an assuring smile. “Here goes.”

  I place one drop on my tongue and swallow.

  “Anything?” Freddy asks.

  I shake my head, waiting for my body to react.

  “What’s supposed to happen?” Miriam asks excitedly. Stella looks like she’s watching the most amazing episode of My Little Pony.

  “Now the war starts,” I say. “Nice’s white blood cells will begin attacking my weaker strain of the vampire virus, leaving behind only healthy human cells.” Then those white blood cells will die off as they normally do.

  “Do you feel anything yet?” Miriam asks.

  “Not really. Of course, no one has ever attempted this before.”

  “Do you need a bigger dose?” Miriam asks.

  “I do not believe so.” Before the Uprising, I discovered that Clive, a first-generation vampire, had been using his own blood to create a pool of superstrong vampires, like me. He then continually drained them, giving that second-generation blood to his secret army of tenth-, eleventh-, and even twentieth-generation vampires all over the world. We put a stop to his blood farm, but later, during the interrogations of some of the generals, we learned that Clive had run into issues getting that blood to his army. It had to be frozen instantly, transported, defrosted quickly, and dosed before the blood disintegrated. Most of the supply was lost, but they still managed to get the job done by only using a drop of blood per soldier.

  How could a single drop of blood from a stronger vampire change the physiology of a weaker one almost instantaneously? That sparked my curiosity, and the answer led me here.

  “I think something is wrong,” I say. “I should feel something by now.”

  I take a drop of the liquid from the vial, place it on a glass slide, and look at it under the microscope. I do not see any dark spots. “The blood cells are still healthy, but I don’t know what could be the matter.”

  I have an idea. I pierce my finger with my fang, slide a drop of blood onto the glass, and put a drop of the serum on top.

  “What are you doing?” Miriam asks.

  “He is older and stronger. Therefore the white blood cells should attack the virus in my blood.”

  “You can see a virus with that microscope?”

  “No. It is not powerful enough, but I am not seeing a change in color of my own blood cells. There should be red and black spots together.” The entire glob of blood on the slide turns a charcoal gray. My blood disintegrated. “Nothing. His blood has no effect on mine. I don’t understand. It should pulverize the virus.”

  “Oh God.” Miriam groans. “I think I know the issue.” She gets up and walks over, glaring down at Nice. “I should have known. I should have put the pieces together.”

  “What?”

  “While we were in Miami, after you had mouth sex with Nice—”

  “What?” I bark.

  Miriam’s brown eyes go wide. “Did I forget to mention that?”

  I glare.

  “I’m sorry, okay?” she says. “But you were dying, and I didn’t know I could just force-feed you with my mouth.”

  I make a sour face. “So you let Nice do it?”

  Her mouth pulls to one side. “Only two bags’ worth.”

  Dear gods! I had mouth sex with Nice twice? I feel so dirty.

  “I’m really, really sorry,” Miriam says. “I had no clue there was a whole intimate connotation to it.”

  “Guys,” Freddy interrupts, “can you work out your feelings later? We have much bigger problems.”

  “Sorry. Right.” Miriam shakes her head. “I was about to make a point that Nice took me to the theater, but he spoke like a normal guy with only one accent. He even dressed in a plain suit and didn’t act all crazy.”

  This is very strange. “So perhaps he wanted to impress you in some way.”

  “No,” she replies. “He said that his whole cuckoo routine was an act to scare other vampires. He said it was the only way to have true power—to make other vampires scared.”

  “I am still not understanding.”

  “He’s a fake,” she says. “And not just the whole crazy goth psycho person. I think he’s not actually ancient at all. He slipped up during our conversation and said something about being a kid three hundred years ago. I wasn’t really paying attention—I was too worried about you back in the hotel room.”

  “But…but that’s not possible,” I say. “Mr. Nice was around long before me.”

  “When did you first meet him?” she asks.

  “I do not actually recall. It may have been after the Great War.”

  “So you don’t know for sure he’s older than that. Hell, maybe he’s not even the original Mr. Nice. Who would know, since all of the older vampires who could identify him are dead? And, if he is older, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s stronger, Michael. Nice could actually be a tenth-, twentieth-, or fiftieth-generation vampire. It all depends who made him. The point is, Mr. Nice is all smoke and mirrors packaged in a crazy wrapper.”

  “But the stories and rumors and…” I scratch the back of my head. “It would explain why the serum isn’t working. He’s not actually more powerful than me. But I saw him, Miriam. I saw him kill Clive.”

  She shrugs. “I’m telling you that in addition to being evil and insane, that man is a charlatan. And he probably just got lucky when he killed Clive. He had the element of surprise on his side. I mean, the Keepers killed quite a few first-generation vampires that way. And second and third and so on. Surprise was always their weapon.”

  “I did not know that the Keepers killed so many of our kind. I thought they only helped remove those who were a threat, with Clive’s blessing.”

  “There’s a lot you don’t know. They had their own objectives, and one was to kill off the powerful vampires. Even you were on my list.”

  “I was?”

  She nods. “I quit and became a librarian before I could find out who you really were and catch up to you—the Executioner.”

  So Stella was not joking when she said I was on Miriam’s kill list. This is a shock. “I don’t know what to say.”

  Miriam takes my hand. “I say it means we were always meant to be together. And if it’s as vampire and vampire, I’m okay with that.”

  I love this woman. I truly do.

  I look over at the machine. I drop her hand and get the needle and the chamber.

  “What are you doing?” Freddy asks.

  “Yeah. What are you doing?” Miriam says.

  “The serum will work. Just not on me.”

  “Michael…” Miriam growls.

  “You were never meant to be a vampire. Just let me do this for you,” I say, and jam the needle into the vein on my wrist.

  “But what about you?” she says.

  “Someday I will find a vampire whose blood is stronger, and then I will join you.”

  “But I might be sixty or seventy years old.”

  I smile. “I will still love you just as I have since the day we met.” I fill the chamber, pop it onto the machine, and hit the on switch. While it’s humming and turning, I go for a clean vial prefilled with plasma from the tiny fridge below the counter. I place the vial in just in time to catch the drops of clear liquid.

  Holding the vial, I grab a clean dropper and fill it with pr
ecisely one dose. “Open your mouth, Miriam.”

  “Michael, are you sure? It means that things will go back to the way they were. You a vampire and me a human.”

  I smile. “I do not care. Just as long as we are together.”

  Her eyes tear up.

  “Take the cure,” I urge.

  Miriam walks over and opens her mouth.

  Just as I am about to squeeze the rubber bulb at the end of the dropper, I am broadsided. The vial in my hand is snatched away.

  I blink—and Nice is standing across the room near the door.

  Oh hell. With all our yapping, we didn’t notice him waking up, and the restraints probably weren’t tight enough.

  Nice looks at Miriam and then at me.

  I am unsure what he thinks he is doing—perhaps planning to hold the serum ransom in exchange for something. Maybe he thinks he can use it as leverage and get out of here or take Miriam. He doesn’t know I can make more.

  I’m about to tell him his time on this earth is over, because now I really have no use for him, when he tosses his head back, swallowing the entire vial. “Human! Human again!”

  What in the world…?

  Suddenly, Nice falls to the ground and starts convulsing. I rush over to check him.

  “He has a pulse,” I say, pressing my fingers on his neck. “And he feels hot.”

  “Why did he pass out?” Freddy asks.

  “He took the entire batch,” I say. “Maybe the white blood cells attacked too fast. It could be a shock to his system.”

  “But it’s working?” Miriam asks.

  “Yes. Come over here and smell him.”

  “I’ll take your word for it.” She sees the filled dropper sitting on the floor to my side. It must’ve fallen when Nice sacked me.

  I pick it up. “Take it. And when you wake, you can watch me use Nice as a pincushion for my fangs.”

  “Why did he take that serum?” Miriam shakes her head.

  “I guess he secretly wanted to be human again.” And he’s probably smart enough to know I would never give him the cure. I’d rather see him rot for a few centuries as a miserable vampire and then dust him. But the gift of being human again? Nope. “At least we know the serum works. Go ahead,” I say.

  Miriam hesitates, her eyes toggling between me and Stella. “Are you sure?” she asks me again.

  “You were never meant to be a vampire.” I take her free hand and kiss the top. “You deserve the life you’ve dreamed of, so let me give it to you.”

  She smiles warmly, flooding me with her loving gaze.

  “Well…here goes.” She puts the dose on her tongue and waits.

  I watch with bated breath. “How do you feel? Anything?”

  Suddenly her eyes roll back, and she falls to the floor.

  “Miriam!” I crouch down and check her pulse.

  Nothing.

  Stella rushes over and starts to cry. “What’s wrong with Mommy?”

  Freddy picks up Stella and holds her. “She’s just fine. Your mommy’s body is just changing back to human. That’s all.”

  I check her pulse again. “Her heart rate is increasing steadily, and her skin is heating up.” I can even hear her stomach growling. “It’s working,” I say, my eyes lit with excitement.

  This is going to change everything. Well, everything but me. It is not the plan I’d hoped for, but perhaps we can salvage things. Freddy can still take over as me and keep the vampire world in check, a task far easier with half the population of vampires. Yes, I believe that many will take this cure. And lucky them, they already have human identities—social security numbers, mortgages, businesses, and jobs. The transition will be seamless into their new human lives. As for me, I can still assume Freddy’s identity. We will tell people he chose to stay a vampire, but that he still ran off with the king’s woman.

  “I am truly a genius,” I gloat, beaming down at my snoozing librarian. Even her sweet human scent is returning. I inhale deeply, filling my lungs with it. I love the way she smells, but more than anything, I love her. Her happiness is my happiness.

  “Brother,” says Freddy, “I hate to rain on your god complex, but what’s wrong with Nice?”

  I turn and look. “Where’d he go? And who left a baby on the floor?”

  I glance back at Freddy, who has one eyebrow raised.

  Stella points. “He changed, Daddy. I watched him do it.”

  Huh? My head whiplashes to the sleeping infant on the floor, with pale skin, fat pink cheeks, and a shock of fine black hair on his head.

  “Where’d the baby come from?” I ask.

  “From Nice’s mother,” Freddy says.

  “You mean—no. No, it can’t be.” The serum took away all of the vampire parts of him and left behind only baby human cells? What in the world? My cold heart starts thumping in my chest, and I turn my worry to Miriam. “This is bad. So very bad.”

  “Daddy, is Mommy going to turn into a baby?” Stella asks excitedly, like she’s thinking she’s about to get a new doll.

  I drop down next to Miriam and hold her head in my lap. The fine lines around her face begin to fade, and the skin tightens. “No. No. Mommy can’t do that. Because Daddy can’t marry a baby! Don’t you dare turn into a baby, woman! I forbid it.”

  My mind starts throwing out solutions. All right. Stay calm. All is not lost. I can find a nice—I mean, good family to raise her, and in twenty years, I’ll sweep her off her feet?

  Gods, no! I hate that plan. I can’t lose more time with her. Twenty years is a lot. “I’m going to turn her back. That’s what I’ll do.” I’m about to bite down on my wrist.

  “Michael, stop,” Freddy says. “You don’t know what effect that will have. As is, you’re already playing mad scientist.”

  “Well, now I’m mad. My beautiful mate is turning into a child!”

  “Only she’s not. Look. She seems to have stopped,” says Freddy.

  I study her face, and he’s right. She’s only lost a few years. In fact, she looks to be my age now. Twenty.

  I glance over at Baby Nice. Why would Miriam get a face-lift and he got a lifetime-lift? “The dose. It’s the dose! He took too much!” I raise my eyes to the ceiling. I don’t know if there is a God, but I have to thank her anyway. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I really didn’t want to raise my wife.

  There’s a loud knock on the steel door.

  “Go see who it is,” I say, picking up Miriam and laying her on the gurney.

  Freddy presses the intercom button next to the door. “Who is it?” he says in a stern “Michael” voice.

  “Who do ya think?” replies a shrill female.

  “It’s Lula.” I groan. I’ve been ignoring her, and that’s not the way to deal with things. “Let her in.” She will find out about the cure in a few hours anyway. Perhaps she might want to take the antidote and serve as a spokesperson, another example of success. “But remember to stay in character. Lula cannot be trusted.”

  Freddy nods and pops the lock. Lula strolls in wearing a poufy white dress, with Alex in tow. He’s about my height, with shaggy brown hair and cold eyes, but he is nowhere near as handsome or as dangerous as me.

  “What’s he doing here?” I growl, then remember I’m supposed to be Freddy. “I mean—my brother hates him. Not cool to bring him here.” Alex and I used to be very close friends during the Great War. That friendship ended when he threw me under the bus and almost had me executed. I understand he did it to keep in good graces with my enemies, all part of his and Lula’s plan to undermine the Uprising, but he could have trusted me and revealed what they were up to. Instead, they made choices for “the greater good” at my expense, after I’d risked my neck for him a thousand times on the battlefield.

  “Alex and I got married,” Lula says to Freddy, “which you’d freakin’ know if you bothered to answer your phone.” Lula looks down at the naked, pasty baby lying next to a pair of orange overalls. “There’s a baby on the floor,” she says matter-of
-factly.

  “Yes. We are aware,” says Freddy, pretending to be me.

  Lula’s gaze moves to the slumbering librarian. “Why is Miriam on that gurney, looking like she just had one hell of a face-lift?”

  Freddy sets Stella on her feet. “Be a good girl, little one,” he says dryly, “and go sit over there in the corner and play with some scalpels while I speak to Lula. You’ll find some nice frogs to dissect in the fridge.”

  “Oh. Fun.” Stella skips to one of the small fridges.

  “Lula,” says Freddy, playing his role magnificently, “we have very good news, which we are about to announce. I have found the cure for vampirism. Miriam is our first successful patient.”

  “Get the hell out.” Lula laughs.

  Alex walks over to the gurney and takes a whiff of Miriam. “She’s human.”

  “No.” Lula joins him and pokes Miriam’s face. “Wow. Wow. Wow! She is human.”

  “Yes,” Freddy says. “And we would appreciate it if you’d help spread the word that the cure will be offered to anyone who wishes to take it.”

  I go to pick up Baby Nice, who’s still sleeping like a…well, you know. “Sir, I think we might want to tweak the dosage first?” I say submissively. “Just a suggestion, of course.” I offer everyone a glance of exhibit A.

  Lula stares at the bundle of evil in my arms. “So…what’s with the baby again?”

  “Seems the cure has some, shall we say, anti-aging effects,” says Freddy.

  “Who’s the unlucky vampire who had the clock turned back to diaperville?” asks Alex.

  “That would be Mr. Nice,” Freddy says. “He decided to help himself to fifty doses of the serum.”

  Lula’s jaw drops. She looks at Alex and then back at Freddy before laughing hysterically. “Oh my god!” She points at Baby Nice. “Karma is the best! Can I have him? Can I? I’m going to make his life a living hell! Starting with some good old-fashioned spanking.”

  We all cringe.

  “Lula,” Freddy says, “no one is spanking Baby Nice. That’s too cruel. Even for a vampire.”

  “Tell that to a woman who didn’t have to sleep with him and play hide the rubber ducky.”

  Our cringing turns to appalment.

  “Lula, why are you here?” Freddy asks while I rock my hips back and forth in a soothing parental manner, holding Baby Nice. I stop the moment I notice I’m doing it, and Alex is trying not to laugh.