Battle Scars

by Cara Carnes

  Mom.

  “What’s wrong?” Jesse asked.

  “I should’ve told Mom I was going to be busy for a while. If she needs something, she won’t know where to find me.”

  “First, she’s covered twenty-four seven now. There are surveillance drones in the cottage. Second, Rhea and my mom are over there this afternoon. Mary and Dylan will stop in if we’re gone for longer than expected.” Jesse touched her hair. “She’ll be okay.”

  Ellie nodded. It felt odd trusting others to care for her mother. She’d been alone in the battle for so long. “She’s got tests at the hospital tomorrow. They’re important. I’ll need to take her.”

  “We’ll figure it out over dinner.”

  “You done?” Addy asked. “Half the town knows we’re here now.”

  Right. Ellie smiled back at Jesse, who leveled an intense look in Addy’s direction. The redhead just laughed and shook her head. In terms of unusual places, the Sip and Spin likely ranked at the top for most folks. Not every town could boast they had a laundromat in a bar. Or was it a bar in a laundromat?

  Ellie supposed it depended on the time of the day and who was partaking in what. Washers and dryers lined the left and right walls as you entered. Tables were spread about the rest of the area in between. Waitresses alternated between tending tables and schlepping laundry for those who paid extra to have their dirty clothes tended.

  The long bar took up the back area except for a narrow hall which led to the bathrooms. The dark-haired woman behind the empty bar froze when they entered. Though Dani’s gaze scanned them all, it paused on Ellie longer than she expected.

  Then slid to the back corner.

  Weird.

  Ellie glanced back there and noted three tables shoved together. Eleven guys sat drinking. They watched Riley, Bree, Addy, and Kamren. A few licked their lips. A couple grabbed their crotches.

  Oh boy.

  Addy headed toward them and motioned for Riley to grab a cue stick. The two women claimed the nearby pool table. Bree sat at a table nearby.

  “Get out,” Dani said through clenched teeth. “Whatever this is, get out.”

  “Dani,” Kamren said, unfazed by the rude greeting. “Two beers, bottled. Don’t ever trust the taps in Lonnie’s bar, Ellie.”

  Lonnie Haskell was Ronnie’s twin brother. Both were assholes. Ellie ignored the nausea pitching her stomach and forced her gaze to Dani.

  But all she could see was the young Dani from the video. Scared. Running for her life.

  Being raped.

  Ellie hadn’t watched anything beyond the chase, but she’d heard enough from the guys afterward. Jesse and Dallas had gone back in and watched the footage.

  “There a reason you’re darkening my bar with your new crew?” Dani slammed two beers on the bar. “Free if you get to the point and get the hell out.”

  Ellie tensed. She’d thought the two women were solid. Why was Dani acting like a total bitch? Ellie was about to say something about her attitude, when the woman’s gaze cut to the back table—the same one she’d looked at before.

  The group in the corner was trouble. Dani would do anything for her best friend—including keep her safe from those she deemed a threat. Like the cluster of guys in the corner. Ellie glanced there, but remembered what Addy had mentioned in the vehicle on the way over. The Sip and Spin was on surveillance, so Mary, Vi, and Zoey could do the geek thing and get everything about everyone in the bar.

  “You getting off soon?” Kamren asked, seemingly unfazed by her best friend’s act.

  “There a reason you care?”

  “Lots of things have gone down in the past few days. The sooner we get answers the better it’ll be for everybody,” Kamren commented. She took a swig of beer.

  Dani sighed. Hands on the bar, she leaned forward. “What sort of things?”

  Ellie wiped at the perspiration along the sides of her untouched beer. “Someone shot my tire and Phil threatened me.”

  “Sorry to hear that but not sure what I can do about it. I haven’t heard anything.” The woman scooped ice into a glass then upended two bottles until the liquid was halfway. “Why are you here?”

  “They want something she has,” Kamren said. “When are you getting off so we can chat?”

  “I’m closing. Double shift,” Dani replied. “It’s not smart being seen with me. We’ve got a new crew over in the corner.”

  “I saw. Friends of yours?” Kamren asked.

  “No. Half are from San Antonio, a crew Javier was tight with. Devil Horns or some stupid shit like that.” Dani glared at the corner again. “Others haven’t been around before.”

  “Do you need help handling them?” Kamren asked.

  “I won’t ever ask for help from Masons,” Dani said.

  Ellie’s heart clenched. The vehemence always there stung worse now that she’d seen the video and heard the young girl’s forlorn cries for Nolan—cries that’d turned to terrified pleas toward the end of what little she’d watched.

  “Cut the shit. Why are you here?” Dani asked.

  “I found a CD when Phil tossed me out of my house,” Ellie whispered. “I hadn’t ever looked at it. We did today. We need help identifying who was there that night.”

  That night. Dani’s dark eyes flared wide as she stood straight. Tears pooled in her gaze.

  “I’m guessing you know what’s on the CD,” Kamren whispered as she reached out to take her friend’s hand.

  But Dani pulled away and took a couple steps back. “You come into my bar wanting to talk about that shit?”

  “No. We came to tell you we need to chat,” Ellie said.

  “That’s not happening.” Dani grabbed a rag and wiped the bar down. “Everyone’s dead or hurt in a way they won’t ever be a problem. It’s done.”

  “For you, maybe. It kills me knowing you suffered and never told me,” Kamren said.

  “You had your own shit.”

  Ellie understood what the woman was saying. How many times had she told herself the same thing when she’d kept her issues from Jesse and everyone at The Arsenal? Even though the circumstances they were in were radically different, she and Dani had a lot in common.

  “I get it, you know,” Ellie whispered. When Dani glanced at her, she continued. “I’ve had problems I kept to myself because Jesse and everyone is always so busy. Mom taught me to handle my own troubles.”

  “That’s what we do,” Dani said. “Dom made them pay.”

  “Most of them,” Kamren whispered. “He didn’t get them all. Did he?”

  “You don’t go telling him that. I’ve moved on. It’s done.”

  “For you, maybe. There was another girl, Dani,” Ellie whispered. “She deserves justice, too. Help us give it to her.”

  The tears escaped Dani’s eyes. She grabbed Ellie’s untouched beer and took a swig. The bottle slammed to the counter with a loud thud. “You have a lot of nerve rolling into here throwing this in my face.”

  “Who led the crew? What did Phil have to do with it?” Ellie asked.

  Dani laughed. “The Masons only give a damn ’cause it affects you.”

  “They’d never condone what went down on those videos,” Kamren said. “The Masons are good men. They weren’t part of what happened to you. Point us in the right direction. You know me. I’m not stopping this hunt,” Kamren whispered.

  “Don’t kick this rock over, Kam.”

  “There’s not a rock anywhere I won’t kick over for you,” Kam said.

  The two women stared at one another. Ellie’d never had a good friend, one who could read her thoughts so easily.

  Jesse could.

  “Don’t make us take it to Dom,” Kamren stated.

  Dani’s expression changed. Anger. “Don’t you dare drag him into this.”

  “He’s already been pulled into it, hasn’t he? We’re short on options, Dani.”

  “Years. This has rotted for years. Why bring it up now?” Dani glared at Kam, then Ellie. “This
is you. You found that damn CD and dragged this out.”

  “No. Phil threatened me to get the damn CD. He’s never getting his hands on it,” Ellie said. “But I’m not gonna ignore what we saw. None of us are.”

  Dani remained silent, but some of the rage within her stance eased. Her shoulders drooped, and pain resonated in her gaze, so raw and untended that it struck Ellie hard.

  “The other choice is to turn the tape over to the Texas Rangers and let them investigate,” Ellie said. “If it were me, I’d rather have someone I know looking into it.”

  “Think about it,” Kamren said as she stood and threw a twenty on the bar. “We’re grabbing grub down the road. We’ll take our time in case you decide to help.”

  Sadness and fear reflected in Dani’s gaze. “I’ll go by the farm tonight. You, Dallas, and the kids only. No one else. None of those drones or the other freaky shit your crew’s got. I give you what I know, you give it to them, and you leave me out of it. Love you like a sis, but I’m not going down this road with you. I don’t do sentimental bonding over booboos.”

  “You think I do?” Kamren said with a smirk.

  “No,” Dani muttered. “That’s why I’ll give it to you.”

  Kamren reached across the bar and squeezed her friend’s hand. “Later.”

  9

  “Hey, Army. Catch.”

  Jesse barely caught the flying hunk of…meat? Though his eyes had adjusted to the pale pinpricks of light in the otherwise pitch black area, he’d barely seen the object hurling toward him. Pain rolled along his side from the movement. Broken ribs sucked. He took a few shallow breaths and remained frozen in place until the worst of the pain dissipated.

  Mind over matter or some shit.

  “Eat. It’s protein.”

  Jesse grunted and studied the small hunk of what Marine had declared protein. “What’d this cost?”

  “Don’t matter. You weren’t the one who paid.” The man tore off a piece of his own hunk and chewed. “How long’s it been since you’ve eaten?”

  Jesse had lost count of the days long ago. At first he’d maintained a solar-based count, but that hadn’t lasted long.

  “Chew slow,” Marine advised.

  It wasn’t the first time Jesse had gone without food. If he got out, it wouldn’t be the last. He tore off a small bite of the substance and chewed. Bile rose up his throat, but he swallowed and forced it back. Every morsel he ate gave him energy to get through another day.

  A growl escaped him as he took another. Gamey. Like a wild animal maybe. Ellie would make it taste better. She was a damn good cook. When he got back home, he’d take her out to eat at the fancy place in Nomad, though. Someone should cook for her for a change.

  “You’re thinking about her again,” Marine said. “What are you thinking?”

  Jesse studied the man warily. Why did he care about Ellie so much? He took another bite and glared.

  “You eat, you talk. That seems fair.”

  “She cooks,” Jesse said. “Best cook around.”

  “Oh yeah? What’s her favorite?”

  “Sweets. Chocolate.” Peanut butter. He kept the truth to himself.

  Say nothing.

  The more he said, the more he hurt. The more he kept quiet, the more he hurt. Fuck Marine. Fuck the assholes. He didn’t need them.

  Jesse closed his eyes and took another bite. This time he remembered Ellie’s beef enchiladas. She’d made them with his mom. It’d been the best meal he’d ever had. If he held his breath and chewed slowly, he could almost taste the chile con carne and beef. The cheese.

  I made green salsa just for you. I know it’s your favorite.

  But you hate tomatillos.

  It’s your favorite. I love you more than I hate them.

  “Army?”

  Jesse growled when Marine shook him. He’d done that more lately. Physical contact. “No touch.”

  “Jesus, Army. They’re doing a number on you,” the man commented as he sat on his ass right across from Jesse. “You gotta give them something. Anything. Then they’ll leave you be so you heal for a while. That’s the game, Army. Play the game.”

  No games. He wouldn’t ever talk.

  “You wanna see your girl again?”

  Jesse growled, low and long. Marine mentioned Ellie too much. All the time. Why? She was Jesse’s. Not Marine’s. He rocked back and forth. The motion hurt, but kept him focused on the now rather than the then. It was easier to slip into the then and remember.

  Remembering didn’t hurt.

  The now hurt so bad.

  “They cleaned your wounds,” Marine commented.

  They’d hosed him with cold water like an animal, then poured alcohol on him as he hung from chains. Jesse growled. Never again.

  “You’re gonna get out of this hole, Army. Hang on. Don’t ever let her go.”

  Jesse closed his eyes and went back to enchiladas with Ellie.

  “Jesse?”

  He jumped as someone jostled his shoulder. Dylan.

  Fuck.

  His pulse pounded in his ears. His vision blurred along the edges, but started returning if he blinked hard enough. Nausea pitched his stomach.

  “Is he okay?” The soft voice punctured his hazy fog.

  Ellie.

  Jesse looked around, not recognizing their surroundings a moment, then his brain kicked in. They were in the Marville restaurant. The eatery was inside someone’s house. He studied the gathering of people around him. His brothers had all shown up shortly after he, Brooklyn, Bree, Riley, Addy, Kamren, and Ellie had sat down.

  “He’s fine. It’s easy to get triggered by the small shit sometimes,” Nolan said. “Mine’s grass and trees.”

  “And worms?” Dallas teased.

  Jesse chuckled.

  “What was it?” Nolan asked. He leaned forward and set his hands on the table. Determination reflected in his gaze.

  Jesse had activated that gritty determination and resolve. He couldn’t back away. They weren’t gonna give him space anymore. “Food. Sometimes I remember the hunger.”

  It was all he could say. He wasn’t ready to admit to anyone—most especially Ellie—he’d survived starvation by remembering her cooking. Pathetic much?

  He regulated his breathing like he’d been taught and looked at Ellie, who’d switched seats with Marshall so she could sit beside Jesse. A tingle rolled through him when she touched his hand.

  “Do you want to go somewhere else?”

  “No, Peanut. I’ll be good in a minute.”

  She nodded, but doubt resonated in her gaze. She shifted to face everyone rather than him solely. The waitress came by and started taking orders. Red rose in Ellie’s face when it was her turn. She chewed on her lower lip, then glanced at Jesse. Then she studied the menu again.

  “What is it, Ellie?” Jesse asked, his voice low and worried.

  “I-I don’t want to order the wrong thing.”

  “Order whatever you want,” he said. “Why would that be wrong?”

  “Because it could trigger you,” she answered, her voice soft. “What should I order? Is a burger okay?”

  Jesse was floored by her statement. Too stunned to speak a moment, he was grateful Nolan suggested the waitress skip Ellie and Jesse for now. Ellie set the menu down and took a sip of her water. She was worried she’d trigger another flashback.

  He cupped her face and waited. He lowered his voice and leaned in to keep the admission to as few as possible. “They only fed prisoners if they gave intel. I wouldn’t ever give them anything. When the hunger got to me, I’d think about another time. I thought about breakfasts with my family. Things like that.”

  “Th-That sounds so…I can’t imagine.”

  “I remembered the enchiladas you made with Mom,” he admitted. “That’s what I was thinking about just now. The smells in this restaurant must’ve triggered it.”

  “We can go somewhere else,” she said quickly.

  “No.” He shook his head.
“They don’t get another second of my life, Ellie. If I run from something after I’m triggered, I’m regressing. That’s not acceptable.”

  Her blue eyes flared a moment. She relaxed deeper into the contact he’d maintained—his palm on her cheek. The softness of her skin drew his attention. He’d forgotten how soothing it was to touch her. Run his fingers along her ivory smoothness and…

  Jesse drew away. He had no business remembering what it felt like to touch her. He wouldn’t ever have her like that again.

  “Señor?” The waitress glared at Jesse.

  Right. Food. The thought made him want to hurl, but he knew better than to not eat right now. “Chicken fried steak, gravy on the side.”

  “I’ll have the same,” Ellie said.

  She hadn’t ever been a chicken fried steak fan, but Jesse kept quiet. At least she’d ordered food. He took a sip of the water in front of him and listened as everyone chatted. He glanced at the narrow hallway across the room, which he assumed led to the bathrooms.

  His mind itched. He needed to write down the flashback while it was fresh on his mind. The more he’d performed the process, the more necessary it’d become. It soothed and calmed his mind—which continued replaying the memory as though it were on a loop.

  “Go,” Ellie whispered.

  “What?”

  She reached down and tapped the pocket with his journal. “Go. Though, they’d understand.”

  Jesse wasn’t ready to journal in front of his brothers. The act was…private.

  He’d watched Mary journal many times since her ordeal, but him doing it seemed…

  Weak.

  Rationally he knew it wasn’t, but a part of him didn’t want his brothers and other operatives outside his team knowing he journaled as often as he did. Perhaps because the subject matter was so private and emotionally raw.

  Jesse had started therapy at The Arsenal to support Mary after her ordeal. He figured seeing a friendly face in group therapy would help. Group therapy was something he had no issues with anyone seeing. Hell, he actively encouraged operatives to go because it helped. He’d been the same way about the journaling at first.