Battle Scars

by Cara Carnes

  Jesse rubbed his chest. For once there was no ache there. It felt as though a final piece had been returned from the hole. “I imagined putting this on Ellie’s finger a lot when I was in the hole. It was so fucking dark I couldn’t see anything. I’d close my eyes and think of her—what I should’ve stayed home and had.”

  “You picked a day?” Nolan asked.

  Jesse smirked. There wasn’t any way big brother hadn’t heard the conversation they’d had in the back of the truck, otherwise he wouldn’t have known to get the ring and bring it to Jesse. “This weekend. We want her mom there and healthy enough to enjoy the moment. Try and keep Mom contained.”

  “We’re on it,” Dallas said. “Though keeping the operatives under control might be harder. The whole compound’s heard. You getting her back, making her your wife…”

  “It gives us all hope we’ll find our way back from whatever hells we’ve escaped,” Nolan commented. “We’ll get the tree ready for when you’re done here. Truck’ll be parked and stocked with what you need.”

  “I’ve thought about the offer,” Jesse said. “I want to turn the team over to Levi. He’s more than ready, has been since he arrived. It’s time he has a team. I’ll chat with him.”

  “It’s a good move, one that’ll strengthen us,” Marshall said. “Having you on strategy will help.”

  “A lot of the unmatched operatives want to help with protective recovery for Z’s underground. I thought I could do live training using those missions. That’d keep me in the field, but stateside for small absences only.”

  “Ellie is stronger. She’s not an operative, but she’d acclimate to you being gone if you want to keep your team,” Dylan said.

  “This is for me,” Jesse said. “She’s the most amazing woman I’ve met. I know she’d handle whatever we decided together, but you’re right. I fought too hard to come home not to be here now. Now that I have this.”

  He fisted their grandmother’s ring closer. It symbolized everything he’d fought to return home to.

  “Pleased as hell for you, brother,” Cord said. “I’ll chat with Z and the girls. We’ll coordinate a plan going forward. Bree suggested training Ellie on running the dots.”

  “That’d be perfect. She’s good with people,” Jesse said. “Then we’d get to work together.”

  “Get your ass in that room before Sinclair drags you in,” Marshall ordered.

  Jesse smirked at his brothers and headed in. There was still a long road until he was fully healed, but he was damn close to seeing the light.

  23

  They’d spent over two hours talking with Doctor Sinclair. The woman was a great listener and had given each of them action steps to see them through their recovery program. They had sleeping pills to take to help Jesse and Ellie both sleep better for an evening.

  Speaking with the woman about what’d happened with Jesse helped. While Ellie knew he’d never, ever intentionally hurt her, Ellie was terrified for him. What if he didn’t ever get a firm grip on the nightmares? God, he’d been through so much. He deserved peace.

  Cord was right, Ellie. You are the key to him fully healing. We’ll get there as long as you’re alongside him. He needs you just as much as you need him. This isn’t a fairytale romance movie where all the problems go away. Life is ugly and fraught with challenges. With a love like the one you two share, though, I have every confidence you’ll both recover fully.

  They would.

  Together.

  Ellie finally accepted that she had just as many wounds to heal as Jesse did. She would meet with Sinclair privately once a week and with Jesse as a couple once a week. Jesse would continue seeing her three times a week until he felt ready to taper down.

  Anticipation pebbled along her skin and tightened her nipples to achy nubs as Jesse drove them out to the tree. A couple of lanterns hung from the lowest branches and bathed the area in pale light. Blankets had been spread under the tree. She waited until Jesse came around, not because she needed his help but because she wanted his hands on her. And hers on him.

  The truck door opened. She turned, wrapped her legs around his waist, and claimed his mouth. Desire burned along her skin where he touched her arm, then beneath her shirt along her back. Up. Up. The bra she’d worn flicked open.

  His tongue delved deeper, pillaging her mouth as though he was ravenous. A groan escaped her when he severed the contact. Her shirt swept over her head along with the bra. She craved his touch, writhed forward in anticipation of his hands at her breasts.

  Jesse slowed the contact. Gentle strokes, followed by soft kisses and exploratory kisses down her neck, then back up again to the shell of her ear. Tingles burst beneath her skin as the need increased, a rapid pulse in her ears and arousal pooling between her legs.

  No one had ever affected her the way Jesse could. One touch undid her faster and deeper than Phil ever had. Years. She’d fantasized about having Jesse like this again for so long. One taste the other night had fueled the need, turned her carnal.

  They weren’t about sex. They’d never been about the mere physical.

  But God she needed him deep inside her.

  “Touch me,” she growled as she nipped his earlobe.

  Amusement tumbled from him in laughter she hadn’t heard in so long the rumble spiraled within her. Jesse. He kissed her neck and stroked her back. Long, slow, and confident sweeps down her spine and into her pants. Her panties.

  “You wore blue.”

  “Yes. For you,” she whispered. “Surprised you noticed the bra.”

  “I notice everything about you, Peanut. Everything.”

  Muscles bunched and flexed beneath her touch as he stooped and rested her in the center of the blanket. A sexy smile spread across his face. “Someone’s showing me up. They brought a mattress.”

  Ellie laughed and stretched out on the blanket-covered mattress. “I guess we’d better spend the night out here to make it worth the effort.”

  His smile faltered a moment. She nibbled along his lips and pulled at his shirt. “Love me, Jesse. No rules. No boundaries, remember? We set our own destiny.”

  He removed his shirt, then leaned down and continued the sensual torment in slow kisses across the swell of her breasts. Caresses up her sides made her shiver and rock against him. His weight atop her was everything she’d craved.

  A growl escaped her as she pushed him away enough to taste his skin and score her nails lightly down his back as she licked and scraped her teeth across his nipple. She sucked and tormented the flesh until he grasped her head and claimed her mouth.

  “Minx,” he said into her ear. “We’ve got all night, Peanut. We aren’t rushing this.”

  “Jesse.”

  He palmed her breasts. The contact sent a shockwave of awareness through her entire body. A firm pinch made her moan in response. Ellie leaned back and relished the heat of his mouth as he mimicked the torment she’d done to him. Pleasure arrowed from her nipples downward to the juncture of her thighs.

  Jesse kissed and nibbled his way to her other breast. By the time he’d navigated downward and removed the rest of her clothes, her entire body trembled with need. She reached to remove his pants, but he moved downward and kissed her mound. Hands on the inside of her thighs to keep her in place, he licked and taunted her until she writhed upward.

  He alternated rubbing her clit and licking the sensitive bud as he thrust fingers deep into her wet pussy. A release ignited through her faster than she expected. She rode the waves of white-hot pleasure as she clung to Jesse.

  “I could feast on you all night,” he murmured as he kissed his way up her body. “I love you, Peanut.”

  “I love you, Jesse.” Their kiss was languid as she helped him remove the rest of his clothes.

  Ellie didn’t want to rush Jesse or put any pressure on him. “Tell me what you want, Jesse.”

  “You.” He nibbled her earlobe. “Touch me, Peanut. Like you did last time.”

  Ellie sank into the ki
ss and wrapped her hand around his shaft. The damage was extensive. Rage flashed through her every time she saw the damage the monsters had reaped. It’d be easy to surrender to the nausea and anger, let it eat away at the moment until it died beneath the weight.

  They wouldn’t get another second of Jesse’s life. He was home. He’d survived.

  For her.

  She firmed her grip until he groaned against her lips. Although she wanted to taste and lick and suck him like he had her, she focused on working his cock with her hand like he’d asked.

  Jesse thrust into her hand. Breaths labored against her neck, he clenched his fingers in her hair. “Feels good. Never thought I’d have this again.”

  Tears tumbled from her cheeks at the raw emotion within his voice.

  “Harder. Please.”

  Ellie strengthened her grip and moaned as she claimed his mouth in a kiss. His cock hardened within her grip.

  “I can’t wait. I might…” He groaned as she wrapped her legs around him and guided him to her entrance. “I love you, Ellie.”

  “Show me, Jesse.” She kissed him again as he slid inside her. She clenched her muscles around his cock with each thrust, savoring the feel of him inside her. Nothing mattered but the fact that they were together.

  One.

  Ellie cherished every second she had with Jesse, no matter what they could or couldn’t do. As long as he was in her life nothing else mattered.

  Jesse reached between them and found her clit. She groaned as his thrusts quickened. Pleasure spiraled through her once more. Close. So close.

  His release came on the heels of hers. She collapsed into the mattress and relished his weight atop her. Legs and arms wrapped around him, she let her ragged breaths escape in time with his.

  Jesse reached over and grabbed his pants. He pulled something from a pocket.

  “This has been a long time coming, Peanut.” He slid a ring on her finger. “Marry me?”

  Ellie grinned and kissed him. Tears escaped her eyes. “Is this…”

  “Grandma’s ring. Gramps gave it to her right under this tree,” Jesse whispered. “We all agreed whoever married first would get it. Dylan and Dallas both said it was yours long ago. They knew I’d intended to propose before…”

  “It’s perfect, Jesse,” Ellie said. “And yes. Yes. A million times yes.”

  “I’ll chat with Logan. He’d mentioned some medicine that might help with my…” Jesse swallowed. “I might be able to get more function back.”

  “Don’t you dare worry about that, Jesse,” Ellie said. “I love you. I just came twice. What we shared right now was amazing. All I need is you. Nothing else matters.”

  “I woke up in the hole. Marine was there. He’d patched up my leg and kept me alive,” Jesse whispered.

  Ellie put her head on his chest and ran her hands along his stomach. His heart thundered beneath her ear. Dread crept within her gut. Whatever he was about to share was important. The enormity of the moment hung between them.

  “You never mentioned not being alone,” she whispered.

  “I wasn’t ready to share Marine.” He threaded his hands in her hair. “I escaped into my memories of you and my family. Resino. As long as I was here, I wasn’t there suffering. He’d chat me up, keep me focused. Kept telling me to give them something, anything to make the pain stop. But I was Delta. I wasn’t gonna break for those fuckers.”

  God. Ellie let the tears fall. Silence seemed like the best response because what could she say?

  “I started letting my guard down. Little by little I’d let him in. Then one day I passed out while they were beating me. The pain was…” He paused. “I couldn’t take any more.”

  “Jesse,” she whispered. She tightened her grip and kissed his chest.

  “He was a plant,” Jesse growled. “He’d AWOLed and joined them. When they couldn’t break me, he crawled out of the hole and took his turn.”

  “Oh my God,” Ellie whispered. “Jesse.”

  “He hurt me the most.” His voice was a barely audible whisper against her hair. He caressed her cheek with his thumb, as if seeking comfort in not being alone with the memory. “He raped me, Peanut. I’m not ever sharing that with anyone but you. I was tested when I was in the hospital, then again a few months later. I’m clean. I should’ve mentioned that before, but I never thought I’d ever…”

  “I love you, Jesse,” Ellie whispered. She peered up into his gaze. “Thank you for telling me about Marine. I want to hear whatever you want to share. I’m here for you. You know that.”

  Ellie swallowed and studied his expression. Wariness and shame resonated in his face, the way he looked to the side of her rather than at her. She grasped his face until their eyes met.

  “Nothing you share with me will ever change that I love you, Jesse. You are the most wonderful man I know. The bravest, strongest man I’ve ever met. I love you.”

  “I don’t deserve you, Peanut,” Jesse said. “I never should’ve left you.”

  Ellie smiled. “We’re together again. That’s what matters. You made it back home to me.”

  “You kept me alive,” he whispered. “You were my reason to continue.”

  Ellie kissed him. She’d likely never hear everything he endured, but she knew he needed more than her to heal. “You should tell Sinclair, Jesse.”

  “She knows. It was in the file she got that I had injuries that indicated…” He halted. Cleared his throat. “She knows.”

  “Okay,” she said. He’d broach the subject when and if he was ready.

  If not, Ellie would listen whenever he needed. She’d do anything for Jesse. She shifted deeper into his embrace and looked up at the stars. Nothing could be more perfect.

  Dawn crept along the horizon as Jesse made his way downstairs to the basement gym he and his team used. Most operatives used the large facility on the second floor, but he preferred the privacy of the lower-level area.

  Brooklyn and Lex were sparring on the mats across the way. Howie and Sol watched, offering friendly banter as they sipped coffee from large Styrofoam cups. Levi sat on the bench near the bag Jesse typically used every morning for at least half an hour before they arrived.

  The man raised an eyebrow and chuckled when Jesse sat. “I guess you had a good night.”

  The best. He’d stayed under the tree with Ellie for hours. Though he hadn’t been able to get another erection, he’d made sure she came twice more before they’d gone back to the cottage and showered.

  Sleep had eluded him most of the night, but for once he hadn’t minded. Because he’d had Ellie in his arms. He’d opened up more about Marine and how Levi had killed him rather than let the bastard get off with a cushy prison cell courtesy of the U.S. government.

  “I’m pleased as hell for you,” Levi said. “I see now why you fought so hard to get back to her. A woman like her is a treasure.”

  “She is.” Jesse leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “Never would’ve had this without you, man. I owe you more than you’ll ever know.”

  “You would’ve done the same.”

  “In a heartbeat. Whatever you need,” Jesse affirmed. “Whenever.”

  “Appreciate it.”

  “Spoke with my brothers briefly. Details need to be worked out, but I’m handing the team over to you,” Jesse said.

  Levi froze beside him. The man’s jaw twitched as his gaze slid over to the four operatives.

  “You’ve been more than ready for your own team. With Ellie in my life, I want to pull back and focus on her. I’m gonna take over strategy planning with Mary and Vi and training of the unmatched operatives,” Jesse said. “And I’ll likely use them to run stateside recovery missions for Zoey.”

  “It’s a solid plan.” Levi looked over at him. “You sure that’s what you want?”

  “Yeah. I lost too much time with her. I can’t risk losing more if a mission goes sideways.”

  “That could happen with those underground recoveries.”


  “True, but they’re no more than a couple nights usually. Zoey wants to train Ellie on running the dots.” Dots were the assets hidden within the underground network. Zoey, Bree, and Rhea had taken on the daily task of checking in with the women and children to ensure everything was okay.

  Though it sounded simple enough, the network was massive with caches of hidden supplies and professional contacts—doctors, police officers, anyone who might be of service to the people Zoey protected.

  “They need the help. She’ll be good at it,” Levi said.

  Jesse let his gaze settle on the team he was turning over. “We’ll wait until after the wedding to tell them, if that works.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll chat with my brothers, but just a head’s up…” Jesse paused. “Feel like a dick saying this, but you and Brook…”

  “It’s done. She was scratching an itch.” Levi looked down at his fisted hands.

  “That gonna be a problem?”

  “No.” Levi glanced at the lithe blonde. She body-slammed Lex to the mat. “She’s too good to let anything or anyone stand in her way.”

  “There’s more to life than the ops,” Jesse said. “There’s more to life than duty.”

  “Seeing you with Ellie reminds us all of that, man. It’s a shot of happy for us all.”

  Jesse chuckled. Heat crept up his face. “I’d best get my ass to the parking lot. We’ve gotta get on the road. Later, man.”

  Levi rose with him. They exchanged back slaps, then Jesse headed to the parking lot to meet Nolan. The sooner they got to the prison and got Dom the better.

  24

  “Why are we having a baby shower in a bar?” Ellie whispered not so quietly as she followed Vi and Zoey into the Sip and Spin.

  It’d been two days since Herman Perskins’ arrest. Natalie had been taken into a private hospital in San Antonio for evaluation. From what Brant Burton had shared, the woman had extensive psychological trauma that she’d need help overcoming.

  The bruising around Ellie’s eye had darkened but was slowly fading away. Riley had shown her some makeup tricks to help cover the area better. Though it was a crappy way to bond, Ellie was looking forward to having a little sister.