The Angel's Song

by Roberta Kagan

  “You ain’t gonna help me are you?” Clover asked as her shoulders slumped in defeat.

  “Cain’t. Like I said. I sure am sorry, honey. But I think lots of women fall in love with the wrong fella the first time around. Just let him go and get on with his life and you go on with yours. You take my advice and give God a chance to bring you your own special man and you gonna see how happy you’ll be when he does. You’ll forget all about this fella.”

  Clover didn’t answer. She was too disappointed to speak. Instead, she just turned away from the midwife and walked out the door and started the long walk back home.

  What am I gonna do now? Looks like there ain’t no place else to turn for help. If’n the witch won’t help me then I ain’t got a chance to ever be with Virgil. Him and that Viola gal gets to be happy and I gotta spend the rest of my life in misery. It ain’t fair. It just ain’t fair.

  The heat, the walk, and the dissatisfaction with the midwife left Clover exhausted. She was too tired to go on without a nap. So she stopped walking and lay down under a tree that was thick with beautiful, amethyst-colored flowers. Tears filled her eyes as she gazed upward. The sun filtered through the purple flowers shooting rays of light down on her. But Clover didn’t want to see the light. She was balled up in misery. Turning on her side, she cried until she fell into a deep sleep.

  It was a breezeless day, but Clover was used to the heat. It was cooler sleeping outside than it was in the small shack where she lived. As she lay there sleeping, she dreamt of a long green snake with emerald eyes. At first, she was afraid of it and wanted to run away. But she could not move. She was paralyzed by the snake’s intense gaze.

  “Hello, Clover. Do you recognize me?”

  “No …” she stammered. “Go away and leave me be.”

  “You real sure you want that, honey?”

  The snake spoke in a breathy, female voice. “You see, I know what you really want and if anyone can help you … I can.”

  “You can? You mean you got the power to make Virgil want me as his girl?”

  “I sure do. But it don’t come free. Nothin in life comes free,” the snake giggled.

  “I got four dollars.”

  The snake let out a hiss then a full laugh. “Money ain’t what I come here to see you for. Don’t be stupid, gal. Do you think I need money? I can have all the money I want. I wouldn’t waste my time coming into your dream if money was all I wanted.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Within a month after the wedding, Viola was pregnant. At first, she and Virgil were thrilled. But then, as time passed, they realized that they’d hardly had enough time to get to know each other as husband and wife before the child was on its way. The pregnancy was a difficult one. Viola had terrible morning sickness that lasted all day. For the first two months, she found it difficult to keep anything down. Every day when Virgil returned from the mines, he did all of the housework. Sometimes Viola was so sick to her stomach and tired that she couldn’t even finish washing the clothes. But Virgil never complained. He finished the wash even though he too was exhausted.

  Although Virgil didn’t have much experience cooking, he still tried to prepare things she thought she might eat. And because he was so worried about her, he even took some of the money he earned and walked into town to buy her chocolate. It seemed like a miracle when at the end of three months, she found it easier to eat and she finally began gaining weight.

  Virgil adored his wife. He loved the round curve of her baby belly. But since she’d gotten pregnant, something had changed in her. It seemed that she lost all sexual desire for him. Whenever he went to take her into his arms, she claimed she was either too tired or too sick. He hoped that when the nausea subsided, her sexual appetite would return, but it didn’t.

  When he asked her about it she moaned, “I don’t feel pretty. I just feel haggard, Virg. Look at my hair. It’s hangin like a dead rat and my skin is full a pimples. I’m gettin’ fat as a pig ready for slaughter. I’m just ugly.”

  “But I think you’re darn right beautiful, honey.”

  “I wish I could tell you that I was more in the mood, but I just ain’t. I’m sure every thing’ll be just right as rain soon as the baby’s born.”

  “What’re we gonna call him?” Virgil asked, changing the subject.

  “How’d you know it’s a him? Maybe it’s a girl.”

  “Ain’t no girl. I know’d it right away. You’re gonna give birth to my son. That baby in your belly is a Cooper boy. I am rightly positive of it!”

  “So what do you want to call him?”

  “Ain’t sure. Adam maybe?”

  She giggled. “Biblical name, huh?”

  “Yep. Course.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  On a warm September afternoon, about an hour before sunset, Virgil was on his way back from the mines, carrying his empty lunch pail. About a hundred feet back, he’d said goodbye to his friends as they each turned off the main road toward home. It was one of those rich autumn days when the sun cast a golden glow over the earth. He only had to walk another two hundred feet until arriving home when he saw Clover sitting under a tree waiting for him. She had the loveliest pink ribbons in her hair.

  “Well, hey there, Virgil,” she said. Her voice was soft and breathy and he couldn’t help but think that she looked amazingly attractive.

  In fact, I ain’t never seed her look as good. I didn’t even ever think she was pretty ‘till now, he thought.

  “How you doin,’ Clover?” he asked, wondering if someone had brought the leftover food to her house after the wedding. He and Viola were so immersed in the excitement of the day that he was sure neither of them had given a thought to Clover or her mother. A twinge of guilt shot through him. He and Viola promised to bring them food but in their joy, they forgot the poor and needy.

  “I’m doing real fine, Virgil. You look mighty good. You done put on a little weight. Marriage agrees with you, I see.”

  “Yeah, I’m happy.”

  She smiled and her eyes twinkled. “You sure is one handsome fella.”

  “Well, it’s been good seein ya, but I gotta be gettin on home,” he said, feeling a sense of weakness and vulnerability. “I oughta get outta here before I get myself into trouble.”

  “Not so gosh darn fast, Virgil. Ain’t you got no time to set down and talk with an old friend?”

  “Viola’s in a family way, Clover. And cause a that, I like to get home and help her out with the housework and such as soon as I get offa work.”

  “I see. That sure is nice of ya. But housework ain’t men’s work. And, you is probably tired after a long day in the mines. Why don’t you just set down and rest a while? I wanna show you somethin. It won’t take but a few minutes. Come on, set down.”

  “I can’t be sittin around. I gotta get on home. So show me what you want fer me to see as I’m awful tired and I still got a lot to do.”

  “Better yet, don’t set down here. Follow me.”

  ‘Where we goin’?”

  “You’ll see.” She smiled.

  “I ought not to.”

  “But if you follow me, you sure gonna be glad you did.”

  Curiosity got the better of him and he walked behind her until they were both standing under a weeping willow tree on the edge of the creek. The ground was a blanket of leaves in fall colors. The tree hid them from the view of any prying eyes. Clover turned to face Virgil and smiled, pulling her dress over her head. She was stark naked underneath. Her breasts were full and her nipples were pink. Virgil took a sharp breath. He knew he should run but his feet wouldn’t move. Viola’s body was swollen and broken out with pimples. His eyes were glued to Clover’s naked body.

  “You like what you see, don’t you?” she said, walking toward him.

  He shook his head. “I really ought to go home.”

  “Come on, Virg. For old times sake. You know you want to. And don’t nobody gotta know. It’d be our secret.” She took his hand and put it on
her womanhood. He sighed with an aching desire.

  Damn, she looks so good. And Viola and I ain’t been makin love in a long while. Poor Viola, she’s feelin so poorly most of the time. But I can’t help it. I got needs and it’d sure feel nice to hold a gal in my arms, he thought.

  But he said, “I’m goin’ home now.” Then he turned away from Clover and walked as quickly as he could toward his house. From behind him, he heard her laugh.

  “You’ll be back, Virgil Cooper. You’ll be comin to find me soon enough cause I got somethin’ you need,” she laughed.

  His feet took flight and he began to run. When he got to the cabin, he embraced his wife and held her in his arms for a long time.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Clover was right. Although Virgil ran away, ever since that day under the tree she was constantly in his thoughts. His mind couldn’t erase the vision of her naked breasts or the soft curve of her hips. The more he fought his desire, the more he wanted her.

  On Sundays he prayed, asking God to give him the strength to resist his wanton fantasies, which were growing more vivid with each passing day. His need for Clover grew more every time Viola refused his love.

  He began taking walks when he got home from work, in the hope of seeing Clover. At the same time, he prayed that he would not see her. Virgil’s life seemed to be turning upside down. He tried to put his full attention on his wife and unborn child. However, Viola would not let him get close to her at all. She was bloated and uncomfortable. He, on the other hand, became obsessed with his overwhelming, unsatisfied sexual needs.

  And then, one afternoon in mid-October as he was on his way home, he saw Clover again. She was sitting on the ground in the same place she’d been the last time, waiting for him.

  “Hey there, Virgil.” She smiled and her lips looked as red a ripe apple

  “Clover,” he said and tried to smile.

  “I been waitin fer ya.”

  “I gotta get home,” he said but his conviction was weak.

  “Yeah? Well, this is the last time I’m gonna come lookin’ fer ya, Virgil. Why don’t you just follow me back down to the creek? We can go back to that little spot where we was. It’s real private. And once we’re there we can scratch that itch you got.”

  “Clover, this just ain’t right.”

  “Why not? I ain’t askin you fer nothin’. Your wife ain’t never gotta know. And, well, hell, why not?”

  “Cause it ain’t right. I’m a married man now,” he said, shaking his head.

  “It’s your choice but like I done tol ya … I ain’t comin lookin fer ya again. This here was your last chance, Virgil.”

  She stood up and started to walk away. Her hips swayed in the soft cool breeze of the autumn afternoon. Her dress moved with her body. Virgil’s mouth was dry with longing. He knew he should go home but he wanted to stay even more. Clover was just about to turn the corner and then she would be gone out of sight.

  She just told me she would never come lookin’ fer me again. Either I do this now or it ain’t never gonna happen. I really should let her go.

  His penis throbbed and he wanted her so badly that he called out her name.

  “Clover!”

  His voice wasn’t loud but she heard him.

  She stopped then she turned. Even though she was too far away for him to see her face clearly, he knew she was smiling.

  Chapter Twenty

  It all happened so fast. He hadn’t meant for it to, but it did. And once it was over, he felt as if he were drowning in a rushing river of guilt. Clover was beautiful, naked in his arms. But looking at her, he felt sick and angry with himself.

  What did I just do to my marriage? I done broken the bonds of trust. Things between my wife and me ain’t never gonna be right again, he thought.

  “I gotta go home,” Virgil said, trying not to look in Clover’s eyes. “Viola is waitin. And I am real sorry for all this. I done a terrible thing.”

  “Oh come on now, Virgil. Why don’t you just stop with your self-righteous crap? You got needs and your wife ain’t satisfyin’ em. So you took what you needed from me is all. Don’t sit and ponder over it. It ain’t nothin’. It’s just sex is all, Virgil.”

  “How’d you know Viola wasn’t satisfyin’ my needs?”

  “Oh, let’s just say a little serpent tol me. Like that evil serpent that come and talk to Eve in the Garden of Eden,” she giggled.

  “That ain’t funny.” He shook her off his arm.

  “There ain’t no serpent. Stop worrin’ so damn much, Virgil. You want to know how I knowd? I’ll tell ya. You would not be here doin this with me if your wife was pleasin’ you, that’s how I know’d. If she was givin you what you need, you’d a been able to walk away from me real easy. But she’s so clean and good that she don’t feel right about doin this with you while she’s pregnant. And, what the hell, you might as well spend the next six months gettin your needs met with me.”

  “No. No,” he said, shaking his head. “We cain’t never let this happen again.”

  “Uh huh.” She smiled a knowing smile.

  “I mean it, Clover. What we done here today was wrong . It should a never happened in the first place.”

  “Sure, Virgil. But when you’re ready for it to happen again, you just come on by my house. I’ll be waitin.”

  Virgil got up from the ground. He brushed the leaves off of him and then off of his clothes and dressed as fast as he could. He felt dirty and he was livid with himself for giving in to his weakness. In fact, he was so consumed with self-hatred that he forgot his lunch pail sitting on a rock by the creek. If he had remembered to go and get his pail, he would have seen an emerald-eyed snake raise her head and peer up from under the rock. The serpent was watching him as he ran as fast as his feet would carry him away from the scene of his sin.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  As Viola grew larger, her feet and legs swelled, and she was moody and sad. She did not sleep well. It seemed to Virgil that Viola’s sun-shiny disposition completely disappeared. She cried often and when she wasn’t crying, she was quiet. Still, even though he felt she had changed so much that she was partly responsible for driving him away from her, he felt guilty for what he did with Clover.

  Sometimes, Virgil couldn’t sleep because he was so consumed with guilt. Late at night, he would get out of bed and sit outside the little cabin. He would stare at the moon and feel guilty and hungry for Clover at the same time. He hated the man he’d become. He so longed to talk to Viola, to unburden himself and confess the truth to her. But he couldn’t. He dared not. She was entering her last trimester of pregnancy and overly sensitive about everything. Something as simple as burning a pie crust could send her into a fit of hysterical weeping so how would she be affected by finding out her young husband was unfaithful?

  He dared not tell her. She might lose the baby and he could never forgive himself if that happened. But she still would not let him touch her, not even hold her or caress her. Whenever she rejected his affection, his thoughts automatically went to that afternoon with Clover.

  He was growing to hate Clover for the power she held over him. Sometimes, he would slip away during the night and hide in the trees, satisfying his own urges with thoughts of Clover. Once he finished he was angry with himself and filled with self-hatred.

  Things just gotta go back to the way they should rightly be with Viola and me once our child is born. Although I don’t know how they ever can after what I done. But I still love her. I’ll always love her. This pregnancy is just suckin the life outta our marriage, he thought, miserable that the baby would not arrive for another three months. And what kinda man am I, thinkin about that hussy Clover when I got me a real good woman? I should rightly be ashamed of myself. And I am. But damn, if I ain’t just eatin myself up with the desire to have that vixen just one more time. I can’t do it. It ain’t right.

  But he did do it. It happened three days later. The night before he went to see Clover, he tried to hold
his wife in his arms. Virgil needed Viola, but she pushed him away. The following day after work, he let the other fellows go on ahead, saying he had a few things to discuss with the mine boss. Then once he was sure he was alone, he left work and made a wrong turn on the path home. He knew where he was headed.

  When he arrived at Clover’s cabin, it wasn’t necessary for him to knock on the front door. She was sitting outside on the front porch as if she were expecting him. She wore a pretty white dress with a coffee stain on the front and as he approached, her face broke into a smile.

  “Well, hello there, Virgil Cooper. Looks like you had to get yourself a new lunch pail,” she said, motioning to the pail he purchased at the general store the day after he left his by the creek. “You should have come by to see me sooner. I have your old one. I done took it when you left it on a rock on that special day we had together. I’m sure you remember.”

  Clover got up. “Wait here. I’ll be back right shortly.”

  Virgil stood, waiting for her. He began to feel he should leave when she returned carrying his old lunch pail.

  “Here.” She handed it to him.

  “Thank you,” he said, taking the pail and looking down.

  “So now that we got that outta the way, why don’t you sit down and tell me why you come to see me?”

  Virgil felt foolish, but he wanted her so badly that his judgment was clouded. He knew it was wrong, but he sat down beside her.

  “I just wanted to come and see you’s all,” he muttered under his breath.

  “Let me guess … you want a little more a that special sugar that I gived you the last time we was together by the creek? Now ain’t that right. Ain’t that the reason you come here to see me?”