The Love Square

by Laura Jane Williams

  No, she advised herself. I can’t call him just because Francesco has a date.

  Her finger lingered on the call button.

  She put the phone back down.

  18

  ‘What? Are you kidding me? Yes, yes, yes!’ Penny squealed. ‘I’d kill to see Lizzo live! Thomas!’

  At the other end of the phone line Thomas let out a pleased laugh. ‘I was hoping you’d say yes,’ he told her. ‘I’ll have Chris email you everything you need, and I’ll see you here Thursday night then? Just give them your name at the door and they’ll show you through.’

  Penny sensed Francesco observing her from the other side of the pass and looked up, grinning. She pulled a face to signify her excitement, but Francesco raised his eyebrows in question.

  ‘What’s happening?’ he mouthed.

  ‘Can I bring somebody?’ she asked. ‘My friend Stu? He’s been looking after the café, and I’d love to say thank you to him. He’s as big a fan as I am.’

  ‘Totally. Bring him. Listen, I’ve got to go. But I’m excited that you’re excited. You’ll stay with me? At The Langham? Does Stuart need digs?’

  The Langham! Penny couldn’t believe the luxury she was being offered. She’d once gone to the bar there for a drink with Clementine and a round for two had cost a hundred quid. ‘No, he’s in my old apartment. It’s just me. I’ll drop my bag Thursday afternoon and see you there.’

  ‘I can’t wait,’ Thomas said.

  Penny put her phone into her apron pocket and walked to the pastry section.

  ‘What was that?’ Francesco said. ‘Aside from obviously very good news?’

  ‘I,’ said Penny, sashaying comically on the spot. ‘Am going to see,’ she wiggled her hips seductively. ‘Lizzo! Backstage passes baby!’

  ‘What?’ said Francesco. ‘When? How!’

  ‘Her tour manager comes to eat here sometimes,’ Penny said, noting to herself only after she’d said it that, Huh, that was a version of the truth. But, it wasn’t any of his business, really, was it. Especially not after how he reacted to Priyesh.

  ‘When are you going?’ asked Francesco. ‘And am I your plus-one?’

  Penny’s face fell. She didn’t want to disappoint him.

  ‘Pen, relax, I’m kidding. I heard you ask about Stuart. I think that’s a really nice gesture now I understand where you’re going. By the way, has he told you he finally asked out Safiya? She told me the other day. She quite fancies him, it sounds like.’

  ‘What?’ said Penny, excited for her café employee and his endless crush on their bread supplier. ‘He didn’t! All the more reason to invite him, now. I can meet Lizzo, and get the inside scoop on how he finally plucked up the courage. That’s very cool. He’s liked her for ages, you know. At least a year.’

  ‘You’re such a blatherer,’ Francesco said. ‘You can’t keep a secret to save your life.’

  ‘It’s hardly a secret now they’re dating, is it? But. Even if I am a gossip, I’m a gossip who also needs a favour …’

  ‘Go on,’ Francesco said, returning to his pan of spinning sugar.

  ‘I feel really bad asking this but – will you keep an eye on the place here? Keep me in the loop with what’s happening? The gig is Thursday night. I can have Manuela fill in as head and get a temp in as sous until Saturday lunch, so I get a proper break, and then I’ll be back for evening service on Saturday night. It’s just – everyone loves you here, and I know you’ll do right by me.’ She smiled at him. ‘What do you think?’

  ‘Of course,’ said Francesco, simply. ‘And don’t forget Charlie is the most competent front of house manager in the history of front of house managers, so if I were you I’d be zero per cent worried. Go. Enjoy. Bring us back some over-priced merchandise.’

  ‘Ahhh,’ said Penny. ‘Thank you! I’ll get you a t-shirt and a keyring. Cheers, pal.’ She let out another squeal.

  Francesco admired the shapes he’d made on the baking trays in front of him and asked, ‘Won’t this be the first time you’ve gone back to London since you took over?’

  ‘I try not to let myself think about that,’ Penny said. ‘Because I miss it. I thought I’d at least get Christmas there, but I celebrated here and in Cornwall didn’t I so yes, it will be my first trip back. I’m going to see Lizzo, get a coffee at Ozone, go to Arket in Covent Garden to maybe buy some new trousers …’

  ‘Your version of heaven, then,’ Francesco said.

  ‘Yup!’

  ‘Well please eat a bagel from Zobbler’s in my honour, okay? Oooooh, and maybe have an Old Fashioned in The Standard. You can’t get drinks like theirs up here. Or anywhere, really.’

  Penny looked at him at the mention of the hotel they’d stayed the night at together, but Francesco already had his head in the fridge. It was obviously only her who had memories of their romance. Although, by now they’d been friends for about four times as long as they’d ever been romantically involved, so maybe he really didn’t remember their romantic dalliance. It occurred to her that she was foolish for even lingering on the thought.

  ‘Okay,’ she said, fishing out her phone again. ‘Let me give Stuart the good news.’ She put a hand on Francesco’s shoulder and said, ‘Really. Thank you.’

  Francesco put his hand over hers and replied, ‘Penny. Anything for you.’

  ‘So,’ Stuart said as they descended the escalator to get on the Jubilee line to The O2 Arena. ‘Francesco is there day in and day out. Francesco with the hair and the eyes and the sex toys Francesco?’

  ‘Honestly, we are so far beyond that,’ Penny said. ‘He’s like my brother now, or something. It’s not like that. We’re best mates. And I’m his boss. He needed a job and a change of scenery and I need the help for the Bib Gourmand, so it’s changed all the rules.’

  ‘You’re friends, but he’s pissed off about you shagging the wine merchant?’

  ‘Only in a protective way,’ Penny reasoned. ‘I’m protective over him, too. Like I’m protective over you with Safiya – I’ll kill her if she hurts you.’

  Stuart beamed. ‘Can you believe my luck?’ he asked. ‘Me, dating Safiya Abadi …’

  ‘I’m happy for you,’ Penny said. ‘She is very lucky to have you.’

  ‘Thank you. And wait – let’s not get distracted. Francesco. He’s watching the pub as you come down here to hang out with the tour manager that you are also shagging?’

  Penny rolled her eyes. ‘I’m not shagging him now, am I? He’s been all over Europe with these tour dates.’

  ‘I’m just not buying it,’ said Stuart. ‘The second that man walked into the café the air changed. It was you, it was him, it was freshly baked bread. That doesn’t just go away.’

  ‘That’s the thing though,’ Penny said. ‘It hasn’t gone away. It’s … changed. We hang out a lot and talk and laugh, but it’s friendship. It’s a really beautiful friendship. And I need that. It was lonely up there. I miss London something crazy. It’s hard enough that I need a friend on my side, and that’s what he is. I couldn’t do it without him.’

  ‘Mmmmmm,’ uttered Stuart, unconvinced. ‘You just sound greedy to me.’

  Backstage, there were dancers and crew, other guests and a handful of celebrities.

  ‘F-me, I think that’s Blue Ivy!’ Stuart hissed. ‘Look!’ They were both beside themselves with excitement. It was all terribly glamorous, with dancers and celebrities and hangers-on milling about everywhere, and access to as much champagne as they wanted.

  Penny spun around. ‘With Solange! Damn. Be cool. Be so cool.’

  Solange and Blue Ivy walked past them, Solange making eye contact long enough to say, ‘Hey, how are you,’ but not as a question.

  Penny turned to Stuart and did a fake scream face, making him laugh hysterically, at which point Thomas turned a corner and clocked her.

  ‘Good scream face or bad scream face?’ he said, amused.

  ‘Hey, you!’ Penny said, going in for a hug to his kiss so that they ended up in a physi
cal touch mis-match. ‘Oh, sorry,’ she said. ‘I’m so clumsy. Ha.’

  Extracting her limbs from his, Penny pulled away awkwardly and said, ‘This is Stuart, who is looking after the café for me this year.’

  ‘Hey,’ Thomas said, shaking his hand.

  ‘This is so awesome,’ Stuart said. ‘Thanks so much for the invite.’

  ‘Of course,’ Thomas said. ‘Any friend of this one is a friend of mine.’ He winked at Penny. Stuart saw and looked to Penny for her reaction. She swooned.

  ‘Well,’ Thomas continued. ‘There’s a green room just down this corridor,’ he gestured to where he’d come from. ‘Lizzo will come by and say hi after the show. For now she’s in vocal warm up in her dressing room.’

  ‘We’ll get to meet her?’

  ‘You will,’ Thomas said. ‘But,’ he lowered his voice. ‘Is it cool if you don’t tell her how we know each other? You know – that we hooked up. Just say you’re a friend from back home, yeah?’

  ‘Right …’ said Penny, feeling uncomfortable at the instruction. Before she could ask why, exactly, Lizzo had to be shielded from the truth of their relationship, a woman dressed all in black and carrying a clipboard and a walkie-talkie interrupted to whisper something in Thomas’s ear.

  ‘I’ve got a fire to put out,’ he said, when she’d finished. ‘If you’ll excuse me?’ He went to give Penny a kiss on the cheek. ‘Enjoy the show, guys. I’ll find you after.’

  Penny and Stuart looked at each other once he’d gone. Neither spoke.

  Finally Stuart said slowly, ‘Is your man … sleeping with Lizzo?’

  Penny pulled a face. ‘I want to say no, but also … why can’t I tell her who I am to him?’

  ‘Because he’s sleeping with her and she doesn’t know he also has a little Derbyshire baby tucked away in the dales?’ Stuart supplied.

  ‘No,’ Penny said. ‘Surely not …’

  ‘Sorry about it,’ Stuart replied. His tone changed. ‘But also, not sorry, because Francesco is obviously “The One”. How have you not figured that out yet? Although of course, Francesco can’t get us backstage passes.’

  ‘You don’t actually think he’s sleeping with her, do you?’ Penny said.

  Stuart looked at her like she was stupid. ‘Let’s go and enjoy the show,’ he replied, gently. ‘Maybe let’s get you a drink, too.’

  ‘I don’t know if I am more upset to know who I’m sharing him with, or that I’m basically his secret.’

  Stuart handed her a glass of champagne from a small catering table down a side corridor.

  ‘Ethical non-monogamy though, remember? He told you upfront what the deal was.’

  Penny downed her glass. ‘I suppose so,’ she said, hurriedly adding: ‘Anyway. I’m here for the music. Let’s go find our box seats.’

  The morning after the concert, Penny stood in the walk-in shower of Thomas’s hotel room, remembering the look on Stuart’s face as he shook Lizzo’s hand after her show, and just how loudly he’d screamed in between singing along to every single song – exactly as Penny herself had done. It had been a superb night, and Lizzo had been lovely to them afterwards as well, although she was still none the wiser as to Thomas’s relationship to her. Wrapped in a big bath towel Penny walked through to where she thought Thomas still slept, humming one of Lizzo’s songs.

  ‘Morning sunshine,’ Thomas said. The table by the window was overloaded with food: pastries and juices, cooked eggs and jugs of bearnaise sauce. Thomas sat in his boxers.

  ‘This is breakfast?’ Penny said in awe. ‘All of this just for us?’

  ‘I didn’t know what you might want,’ he yawned, ‘so I ordered a bit of everything. You made me work up quite the appetite.’

  He craned his neck to give her a kiss, which she accepted.

  ‘Mmmmm,’ she replied. ‘Get your energy up and then maybe it will be my turn to come,’ she said, settling into a chair beside the table laden with food. She’d meant it to sound sassy, but it came out sour. Priyesh always put her pleasure front and centre, and she couldn’t hide the fact that Thomas’s selfishness last night had irritated her.

  ‘Okay, grumpy,’ Thomas said, unfolding a napkin.

  She didn’t say anything, popping a blueberry in her mouth instead.

  ‘What shall we do today? The whole city is our oyster.’

  She thought about it. ‘I’d like to walk around,’ she settled on. ‘Maybe down through Southwark to The Tate? I’d even like to go in, walk around there too.’ She bit wistfully into a pain au raisin. ‘So much culture, everywhere,’ she marvelled. ‘That’s what I miss most, I think. There’s just so much to do here, no matter what the hour, no matter what the day. It’s not like that up there, is it?’

  ‘Ahhhh,’ Thomas replied, pouring himself a coffee. ‘You see when I’m on the road what I miss is the countryside, and the hills, and Havingley.’

  ‘How lucky you are to have both,’ Penny said. ‘I feel like for me I have to choose one or the other.’

  ‘Not long now though, right? Didn’t you say you were going to give it a year?’

  Penny tore into a second croissant. ‘A year until I ask Uncle David what the new plan is, yeah. I’m enjoying it, I mean – most of the time – but I am keen to get back down here. I don’t like to bring it up to him though. No point guilt-tripping him.’

  ‘Let’s make the most of it whilst you’re here then,’ Thomas said. ‘Addressing, of course, the most important thing first.’

  ‘And what’s that?’ Penny asked.

  ‘Did you really not have an orgasm?’

  Penny held up her hands as if to say, nope.

  Thomas put down his coffee and in a flash leapt onto the bed, dragging her with him.

  ‘Come here then!’ he screamed, and Penny squealed in delight.

  They walked through London all day, the cold air making their cheeks rosy, stopping for hot chocolate and red wine and lunch and eventually dinner. They racked up twenty-five thousand steps and with every single one Penny felt herself get more and more nostalgic for the city that she missed all the way down to her bones. She felt free in London. It wasn’t anything to do with Havingley, or Derbyshire. It was everything to do with the fact that it wasn’t her choice to be there. The Red Panda wasn’t her choice. But to be in the place that felt most like home, for a few days, with Thomas, who was so good at adventure and making his own rules – well, it awakened something within her. It awakened a desire to regain control of her life, and to make her own rules, too. Francesco had said that’s what inspired him about her. It wasn’t like her to simply coast, and she had been. She didn’t like that. Thomas had helped her remember.

  ‘Listen, I want to tell you something,’ Thomas said, as, on Penny’s second night, they lingered by the Thames and darkness fell.

  ‘Tell me,’ said Penny, buzzed from the bottle of wine they’d just shared.

  ‘I want to tell you,’ Thomas said, ‘that you being here has been the highlight of this tour for me. I told you the road was home for me as much as anywhere else, but … I have a great time with you. Have had a great time, but also: I always do.’

  Penny smiled. ‘I like our little adventures as well. I like how you show me things. Places.’

  Thomas leaned in for a kiss.

  ‘Shall we keep doing it?’ Thomas said. ‘Adventures? Unofficially official?’

  She considered it. If they were unofficially official, and Thomas was never going to expect her to be monogamous because he’d never be monogamous himself, she could have these exciting adventures with him, and back at the pub keep having mind-blowing sex with Priyesh. It was quite the arrangement. Did that make her non-monogamous herself? She’d have to talk to Sharon about it. She’d never had more than one man on the go before.

  ‘Yes,’ Penny replied. ‘Let’s keep doing it. Unofficially official.’

  She thought about what Stuart had said about her being greedy. But who said a woman couldn’t have it all? She headed back to the pu
b feeling like the cat who’d got the cream.

  Francesco stirred his sauce on the hob as Charlie put their head around the corner of the kitchen and said, ‘That’s us done. See you tomorrow.’

  ‘See you tomorrow,’ Penny said, waving. ‘Thanks again for holding down the fort this week!’

  ‘No worries, Pen. I’m glad you had a good time.’ Charlie’s statement was loaded. They knew exactly what Penny had been up to.

  ‘Bye, bitch!’ Francesco said to them in a funny voice.

  ‘Bye, bitch!’ Charlie repeated, laughing.

  ‘I don’t get it. What even is that?’ Penny asked as Francesco scooped up his spoon and told her to taste what he was making. His face was encouraging, clearly expecting only compliments.

  ‘Good, huh?’ he said. ‘I love this time of year for meat.’

  ‘What pasta are we having with it?’ Penny asked, watching Francesco as he tilted his head upwards, as if coming up to the thought.

  ‘Fettuccini, I think,’ he replied. ‘This one would be good with the fettuccini.’

  Penny went to the dry store to locate it, returning triumphant and doing a little dance of celebration.

  ‘You’ve been like this all day,’ Francesco said. ‘Walking on a Lizzo high.’

  ‘I had a great time,’ said Penny. ‘Lizzo was amazing, and I got to hang out in the city a bit, and Thomas was on form, too.’

  ‘He’s the one who gave you the tickets?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘How do you know him again?’ Francesco opened the pasta and poured it into the pan of salted boiling water he’d prepared. He didn’t use the bowls to measure out how much to use – he said it was the Italian in him that could judge how much to put in by sight. ‘Pasta should be cooked in water as salty as the sea,’ he’d once told her, and now he added in extra, just in case. Penny felt like she’d never cook pasta without thinking of him ever again.

  ‘He has a house around here. We’ve hung out a few times.’

  Francesco paused. ‘As friends?’ he said, trying to sound nonchalant.