by C. Morgan
“Hey, are you in town already?” I asked without a hello. I guessed I sounded a bit too excited to hear from him. The truth was, I was bored out of my mind.
Nick laughed. “Yeah, I told you I would be here. How about meeting for a drink and we’ll catch up?”
“That would be awesome, man. I’ll text you the address. Where are you staying?”
“The Heights,” he said.
I should have known he’d be staying at the most expensive hotel in the city. His hotel wasn’t too far from mine but a little farther from our destination. “Oh, you should have come to the Williston Grand. I’m making it my semi-permanent residence since Beth kicked me out.”
Nick sounded impressed. “Damn, you must be doing well with the piano gigs. I’ve stayed there before. It’s nice.”
I wasn’t about to tell him that my mother’s company was paying for it. I sent him the address to LeRoy’s and hoped he wouldn’t mind hanging out there. Something about the place kept drawing me back, and not just because it was one of the only places where I was welcome—if LeRoy would forgive me for walking away the last time. I had let my emotions get the best of me.
“I got it,” said Nick about my text. “I’ll see you there in about fifteen to twenty, okay?”
“Sounds good.” I ended the call and turned off the TV. It wouldn’t take me long to clean up and be out the door, and I was already in a better mood just having something to do and someone to meet.
I hurried and was on my way just minutes later. When I arrived at LeRoy’s, Nick was walking up from the other side of the building. “Hey,” he said with a big smile. Nick was like everyone’s big brother and the one who always had sound advice, even at times when no one was asking for it. “What’s this place? It looks a little rough.” He gave me a sideward look.
I looked up at LeRoy’s bar front and realized how much better it looked at night compared to the day. It was old red brick with black trim and a big neon sign that read “BAR,” in flashing lights. But I knew he meant the company it must keep. “Nah, not at all. Just an older crowd, more seasoned.”
“Pickled in stale beer?”
“More like deep fried,” I said with a laugh. “You’ll like it, and the owner is a friend of mine. He’s some kind of music legend from the south. I swear, if I can get him talking, you won’t want him to stop. He used to tour with some of the greats, and he recorded with a few of them too.”
“Sounds all right to me.”
I took him inside, and we found LeRoy on his bench, playing his heart out. This time, he was lost in a song, one from a different time that I had never heard before.
“I like it,” said Nick. “This music brings me back to when I was little and would stay at my grandparents’ house.”
“Yeah, it’s great. The booze isn’t so bad either.” I sat at the bar, and he sat beside me.
We ordered a drink and then Nick turned to me. “So, how are things with you? Any better?”
“Worse,” I said, watching my drink be poured. I could already taste it.
“Is Beth really trying to keep you from Jack? It doesn’t sound like her.” The bartender put our drinks down, and Nick wasted no time tasting his. “Smooth.”
I took a drink and closed my eyes to swallow it down. He was right about that. It was smooth. Better than the last stuff LeRoy had poured me. “No, it’s not only that. It’s Jack. He’s going in tomorrow for tests. They think he has a hearing impairment.”
“Oh man, you go tomorrow?”
“Yeah, first thing.” I took another drink, but Nick shook his head. Before I could place the glass back on the table, he took it from me.
“You don’t need to be doing this. You have to make sure you can be there in the morning—and on time too.”
“I will be there.” I reached for my drink, but Nick put his other hand out to block me.
“No, Clay.” He pushed his beer aside too. “I can miss a drink with you if I have to. This shit? It’s always going to be here, you know? But you have to get your priorities in order.”
“I know,” I said. I hated to waste a good drink. “Just the one, okay? At least let me finish it. I won’t order again.”
“Okay, let’s take it slow and talk about this.” Nick finally surrendered my drink, sliding it back across the bar until it was in front of me. “So, what happened?”
“Beth took him for his checkup, and the doctor said he needed further testing. They know he has a loss in one ear, but she said we wouldn’t know more about it until the doctor gets in and sees for himself. It could be any number of things causing it. I just hope he’s okay.” My son deserved better. He was just too little to have something wrong with him.
Nick put his hand on my shoulder. “Damn, I’m so sorry. I’m sure it’s going to be fine. He’s strong.”
“He’s growing like a weed, too. I’ve just been thinking about him and how hard life is going to be for him if he’s deaf.”
“You don’t know that, though. It could be normal for him. A lot of people function and have a full life full of happiness and hope who have serious impairments.”
“What if it takes him away?” I hated to bring up death, but it was on my mind. “What if my son has a tumor or cancer? What if there’s some kind of blood clot or something that can’t be fixed? It’s one thing to not see him, but to lose him, to know I’ll never see him again? How do I survive that? I can barely stand to think about it.” My stomach tied in knots, and I could feel myself getting excited.
“I’m sure it won’t come to that, Clay. But if anyone knows how it feels to lose someone you love, it’s me. But don’t think the worst. Now isn’t the time for it. You have to have hope and strength too. You can’t let Beth carry all of this alone.”
“I want to be there for them both. I will be. But Beth would rather deal with it alone. She doesn’t want me around. She doesn’t love me anymore.”
“Well, you do it because you love your son. And because deep down, I know you still love her, too. I saw you in Las Vegas, Clay. You wanted to stray to prove something and to be that guy who wouldn’t let anything hurt him or bring him down, but there was something holding you back.”
“How do you know? You weren’t with me the whole time.” I tried to play it off. I didn’t want the men thinking I wasn’t at the top of my game.
Nick shook his head. “I know you better. I watched you. It was like every time someone got too close, you pushed them away. You didn’t cheat. You love Beth.”
“Yeah, I did, but then she took my kid away from me, and while I probably do still love her, I don’t know if I can forgive her for that.”
“Look what she’s forgiven you for. You flirt with everything that moves, even if you won’t stray, and you fight anyone who crosses you, and you destroy property.”
“I came back asking for her to give me another chance, and then I got a DUI.”
“See? Do you really blame her? You have to try harder and fight like hell. I know I would be. If I could only have a little more time with my Amelia…” He closed his eyes.
“Beth wants me to give up my music. It’s my passion. How could she even ask that?”
Nick sighed. “It’s easy. She wants to be your passion. And she needs your help. She’s scared.”
“Not Beth. She’s always been so strong.” I’d never really thought about it. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should get some other work for a while. You don’t have something I could do, do you?”
Nick laughed. “No offense, but I can’t hire you. You’d be more of a liability than a help, and besides, my crew is full. Have you talked to Zane?”
“I don’t really want to work anywhere else. Music is my passion. Maybe I should just go back to Las Vegas and take that job Grady’s friend offered me in his bar.”
“Oh, you mean Lex?”
“Yeah, he offered me a full-time spot, but I came back here to be with Beth and hoped we’d mend things. I just didn’t want to be too far away
from Jack, but if she doesn’t let me see him anyway, then what difference does it make?”
“It makes all of the difference. Have you ever considered that I am building a casino out here? There might be a new opportunity opening up soon for a full-time music man if you could keep your temper from getting in the way.”
“I don’t have a temper,” I said, snapping at him. “People just piss me off.”
Nick laughed. “It would give you time to dry out, get your family back, and help Beth with Jack.”
“I admit it could work. We’ll have to see. Besides, you still have to build the damned thing.”
“It was just an idea. I don’t think you should move away. She might hate your ass now, but I have a feeling she’s going to need you again before she knows it. Just be there when she does.”
He ordered himself another drink as I sipped on the first one, determined to show him I could show some restraint. LeRoy was too busy playing his heart out to visit, but he did say hello and meet Nick, who complimented his playing.
After a long talk with the man, Nick pointed to his watch. “It’s getting kind of late, isn’t it?” He turned his eyes to me. “I guess I need to call it a night.”
“Hint taken,” I said with a sigh.
“Don’t forget to set your alarm,” he said, paying for our drinks.
“Thanks,” I said as I took the phone out of my pocket. “I’m doing it now, and I’m going to arrange a wake-up call at the front desk.
Nick held out his hand for a shake. “Good man. I’ll see you later, okay? We’ll have to go out again before I leave town.”
“For sure.”
We walked outside and said our farewells on the sidewalk. “Tell Beth I said hello, and kiss that little one for me. I’m praying for you guys.” Nick gave me another pat on the shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Thanks, man.” I turned and walked away before I could let my emotions get the best of me. I called the hotel as I went to my car. “Yes, this is Clay Whitmore. Could you please give me a wake-up call for seven a.m.? Better yet, make it six thirty, please. Thank you.”
Chapter 10
Beth
My nerves were shot by the time I got up and dressed both Jack and me for his appointment. Just leaving the house was a chore these days with a nine-month-old, and since I didn’t sleep the night before, I couldn’t stop yawning.
“Mama needs to get it together, don’t she?” I said to him as I locked the house and carried him out to the car. I put him in his car seat and made sure everything was fastened a second time before shutting the door.
I went around and got behind the wheel as another yawn escaped, and I turned on the radio and rolled the window down just a bit to help me along.
I wasn’t holding my breath that Clay would be there, but I hoped deep down I wouldn’t have to go through this alone. Now that this was happening with our son, I needed him to step up more than ever, and I wished I’d never taken the custody to court so early. I should have just waited it out until after the divorce.
When I arrived at the audiology clinic, I checked Jack in at the front desk and went around to the waiting area where I found Clay sitting on the edge of his seat and tapping his foot. That was a sure sign that he was just as nervous as I was, and when we came in, he beelined for Jack and took him from me to give him a hug.
Jack went to him willingly, even though he was still sleepy and usually only wanted me at that time of the morning. “He’s still tired.”
“I think we all are,” said Clay, giving me a look. I knew he could see just how tired I was. I had dark circles under my eyes, and my hair was pulled back so I didn’t have to do anything with it. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”
“I wondered how you managed to beat me here.”
“I slept eventually. I just had a wake-up call and my alarm set.”
“Oh, I see.”
“And I brought you this,” he said, reaching for the coffee on the table beside him. “It’s still piping hot. I can’t even drink mine yet.” He sat down with Jack in his lap and bounced him in his arms.
“Thanks.”
“I got the flavor you always liked. I didn’t know if you’ve switched anything recently.”
“It’s okay. I’d drink it black right now if I had to.” I took the cup and turned the lid to my lips. I could feel the heat as it touched my lips, so I sipped it carefully. “You must not have been here too long.”
“Nah, just a few minutes before you. I almost called to see if you wanted me to pick you up on the way.”
That would have been nice, but I couldn’t blame him for not calling. I’d been adamant about not wanting to see him, but strangely, I only felt relief that he was there. I knew it was in Jack’s best interest to put all pettiness aside and focus on the problem together as his parents.
Someone called us from the front desk, and I went over to fill out the registration and insurance forms. “Did you both sign the letter of consent?” asked the woman.
“Yes, ma’am.” I gave a nod and then signed the next form she passed me.
“I’ll need your husband’s signature as well on all of these. It’s policy.” She handed me a clipboard and a pen.
“Oh, sure. Thanks.” I took them and went to sit by Clay, who still had Jack in his lap with his face rested against his little head. “You have to sign these.”
“No problem,” he said, reaching for the clipboard. He went over the paperwork and signed his name at the bottom next to mine. “What does this mean?”
“It’s for the insurance. I’ll give them the card, and they’ll fill it out.”
He nodded. “What are they going to do to him?”
“Dr. Lenz said it was just a series of sounds. They will see what stimulates him.”
“That seems simple enough.”
“Well, for now.”
“No, I mean they made us sign all of this. Couldn’t they do a simple hearing test on him? Remember when we did them as kids?”
“He’s not a child, and he’s a baby, Clay. They have us sign in case something goes wrong, and then we can’t say they did it with the tests. It uses different frequencies to determine the degree of loss.”
Clay sighed. “Oh.”
“I read a few things while I couldn’t sleep.”
When they called us back, we went together to the audiology room, and they made me hold Jack while the sound test was performed. Clay was asked to sit out of Jack’s sight, so they could tell if the stimulus they received was from the sound and not some outside source. After, they took him to a different room to do a CT scan and get a better look at the inside.
Once they did their series of screenings, the audiologist, Dr. Elmer, turned to write down a few things in Jack’s chart. Then he sent the assistant out to get a few forms before he turned to me and asked Clay to come closer.
“I’m afraid there is a significant hearing loss in the left ear, and I have a pretty good feeling that the same cause is present in the right, although it’s not nearly as bad. Your son has about ten percent hearing in one ear, and ninety in the other.”
I nodded, trying to keep calm, but I could already tell Clay was freaking out beside me.
“What does that mean for Jack?” Clay put his hand on my shoulder, and the weight of him was almost more than I could bear. I could tell he was moments from breaking. His voice was weak.
“I’ll have to keep an eye on it, but I want to wait until we get the CT scans back to take a look at the cause. From what I can see, there is no blockage or infection, and although I believe this to be something he was born with, it appears that his development is causing changes to the inner ear’s structure.”
“You mean he has a deformity?” I asked.
“It could be. Again, before I can say without a doubt, I need a look at that ear. It will also help me determine if the damage happened in the womb. And I’m hoping it’s just conductive. That would mean there is a chance we can repair it
, but if it’s sensorineural, it could be permanent without the aid of a device.”
My world tilted on its axis as I tried to let that sink in.
He continued. “I just need you to be prepared for the possibility that your child’s hearing loss might be a progressive situation, so we definitely want to keep a close eye on him.”
“Thank you, doctor.” It wasn’t the news I was hoping for, and when I turned around, Clay was gone. “I’m sorry. He’s taking it really hard. He’s a musician.”
“Ah, I see. Well, many great musicians have hearing impairments. It’s not the end of the line for Jack. You might just have to live life a little differently than expected. But he’s otherwise healthy, and he seems well fed and happy.” Dr. Elmer gave me a reassuring smile. “I’ll call you with the results, and we’ll go from there.”
“Thank you.” I was so shocked by the news that when I stood with Jack, I felt a little unsure on my feet. I gained my composure and balance and went out to find Clay leaning with his back against the wall as if it was the only thing keeping him vertical.
“He said it could have happened in the womb?” he asked as he started for the front.
I waited until we were out front to give him an answer. “Yes, in the womb, as in during his development or possibly after. The CT scan will tell more.”
“He called it damage, Beth.” Clay grabbed hold of my arm. “What the hell happened to our boy? Did you drop him? Did he fall? Did you play that ridiculous loud music you listen to? I’ve told you about having it too loud in the car. Or was it those fucking painkillers? Did you really stop those when you got pregnant?”
“Clay! You know me better than that. I stopped those over a year before. And I’d never play anything too loud with him in the car. And for your information, I damned sure didn’t drop him.”
“Well, something happened, and we’re going to get to the bottom of it.”
I couldn’t believe he was blaming me. I had heard all I needed to from him. I carried Jack to the car, where I put him in without Clay getting to say goodbye. Then I shut the door and opened the driver’s side.
