by Kat Mizera
He grimaced a little because it was kind of bitter, but he swallowed it down and then went back to sleep. There was nothing else to do.
When he woke up the next morning, something was different. He didn’t feel hot or clammy, his throat barely hurt at all and he’d actually slept a solid ten hours. Even the nurses hadn’t woken him, which was weird, because they were in and out every couple of hours. Ironically, he was starving and when he sat up, his head didn’t swim like it had the last few days. Either the meds the doctors were giving him were finally working or Miikka’s mother was some kind of miracle worker.
“Hello!” Miikka came in smiling, a duffel bag in his hand. “You are better?”
“I feel a lot better,” he admitted. “I don’t know what was in that thermos, but it worked.”
Miikka grinned. “Mother says hello also.”
“Tell her I said hi.” He paused. “What’s in the bag?”
“Clothes. You will go today.”
“You think?”
Miikka nodded vigorously. “Always work. I am sure.” He started blabbing in Finnish, something he did all the time, until he realized no one could understand him. Then he would stop, blush and try to explain himself.
He finally realized what he was doing, blushed, and laughed. “I go practice now. You need car?”
“I think Jake’ll come get me,” Aaron said. “But I’ll text you if he’s busy.”
“Okay. Bye, baby!” He sauntered out, leaving Aaron chuckling. He was a trip, and goofy as hell, but solid and loyal. Even with the language barrier, he was always around, doing whatever he could when necessary. Not for the first time, Aaron recognized how lucky he was to be playing with this group of men and silently vowed not to take their friendship for granted. Especially now that he’d made a huge fucking mess of his life.
Jake picked him up after practice since the doctor had released him, and they drove in silence to the new house. Aaron was already dreading walking in, but he had no choice. He was in the process of breaking his lease at the apartment, and would be paying the mortgage on this place starting in a few weeks, so he might as well make the best of it.
“What the hell is that?” he asked as they pulled into the driveway.
“I don’t know. It wasn’t here yesterday.” Jake got out and jogged up to the porch, where a large package was leaning against the front door. It was big, probably four feet by four feet, but only about five inches thick. Jake opened the door and moved it inside as Aaron came up more slowly. He was a thousand percent better, but still coughing and extremely weak. The doctor said it would probably be a week before he was ready to play again, but he would bust his ass to make sure he was. He’d never been sick like this before and it had been a little eye-opening, a warning to take better care of himself.
“Would you grab a knife from the kitchen to cut through the tape and open it?” he asked Jake once they were inside. Aaron sat on the couch, looking at the box curiously. What had Sara ordered for the house now? Everything already reminded him of her, and this was probably going to be another nail in the coffin of his soul, which had departed when Sara had. At least she was in Minneapolis now, right where she should be.
“Looks like a picture frame of some kind,” Jake said, wrestling with the awkward-shaped package.
Aaron grabbed the bottom and held on as Jake slid it out. He tore off the thin foam covering and then neither of them spoke.
“Oh, wow.” Jake looked from the frame to Aaron and back again. “This is your Christmas present.”
There were no words. Aaron stared at the framed, autographed, game-worn jersey of his childhood hockey hero and nearly burst into tears. She had to have spent…a lot of money on it. An authentic Mike Richter jersey couldn’t have been cheap. And she’d found one for him. Oh, fuckety-fuck, what had he done?
He closed his eyes, trying not to cry like a fucking baby. Men didn’t cry over shit like this. He was a professional goddamn hockey player and he wouldn’t cry over a motherfucking framed jersey. His body, however, wasn’t on board with that plan and to his horror, something wet leaked out of one of his eyes. He swiped at the errant tear angrily, shaking his head.
“Why would she do this? She probably spent…” His voice trailed off. “She needed that money for a car. Oh my god, I promised her a car.” He pressed his fist to his forehead and groaned. He didn’t even care if Jake saw him at this point.
“Sergei’s buying her a car,” was all Jake said.
“What?” His eyes snapped up.
“She needs a car to get from home to school every day, something reliable in Minnesota winters, and she doesn’t have the money, so Sergei and Dani are buying her one. Otherwise, she can’t go to school.”
“Sonofabitch.” Aaron would give Sergei the money. Sara didn’t need to know, but the car was his responsibility and this jersey was…amazing. He was flabbergasted.
“You really don’t love her?” Jake asked softly.
“That doesn’t mean I don’t care about her,” Aaron said, swallowing hard. “Or that this wasn’t the most amazing, thoughtful gift. I need to give her the money, though, because we talked about her getting a car and I told her not to worry about her savings, that I’d take care of it. I owe her the fucking car, especially seeing what she spent on this.”
“Yeah, you do.” Jake got up. “Well, I don’t have time today, but I can come help you hang it once you decide where you want it. I also went to the grocery store last night and put a few things in the fridge for you, so you could get through the next day or two. Miikka said he’s bringing you soup or something this afternoon, but he said it half in Finnish, so I wasn’t sure.”
Aaron nodded. “Yeah, something his mom makes. It’s good.”
“Okay, well, I’m out. Call if you need anything. Otherwise, I’ll check in with you tomorrow.”
“Thanks, man.” Aaron shook his hand and then sank back onto the couch. Damn, this really sucked.
34
Sara sat in the large auditorium, slumped in her chair and half-asleep. She hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since arriving in Minneapolis, and everything about being home felt wrong. From the too-small twin bed in her old room, to the miserable commute to campus, to missing Dani and her friends. Minneapolis wasn’t home anymore and she hated it more than she’d thought possible.
She’d hoped today’s orientation would get her excited about school, but so far, all she’d felt was apathy. Though she had a free ride this semester, the loans she’d need to pay for the next two and a half years were staggering and the curriculum was the most intense of anything she’d ever experienced. Some of the classes were intriguing, but most of them looked like drudgery, the kind of thing that would require hours of nothing but memorization, her least favorite thing in school.
When the afternoon sessions were finally over, and she was appropriately brain-dead, she headed out of the auditorium with the others. To her surprise, Dean Winters caught up to her.
“Hello, Sara.”
“Hello.” Sara managed a smile.
“Would you like to come to my office for a cup of coffee or tea? Ivan called this morning, asking about you, and since I hadn’t had a chance to get to know you yet, I thought I’d remedy that.”
“Oh, a cup of tea sounds lovely.”
“I taught in the U.K. for two years and I still miss afternoon tea—not the one that refers to the evening meal, but around three o’clock, a cup of tea and a scone or cookie or something.”
“I’ve never been there,” Sara said. “But my friend Dani and I did high tea for her birthday one year and we loved it.”
“Excellent.” They walked across the snowy campus in the quickly fading light. “So, what did you think?”
“I think I’m exhausted.” Sara said it in a lighthearted voice, but she was only half-kidding. Just hearing from the professors and reading the curriculum had her stomach clenching nervously. She didn’t know if she could do this now, after everything that h
ad happened.
“Here we are.” Dean Winters opened her office door and motioned for Sara to have a seat. “I’ll be right back, dear.”
Sara used the time to message Dani.
SARA: Having afternoon tea with the dean of admissions. How cool am I?
DANI: Way cooler than me. I’m all hot and sweaty, working out with half a dozen hockey players who need more deodorant.
Sara chuckled. She and Dani always joked about the guys stinking to high heaven when they worked out.
“The kettle will boil in just a few minutes.” She set a tray down with a variety of cookies. “One of my friends in Duffield sends me these butter cookies from a local bakery every year. I have to ration them.”
“I feel very special,” Sara said sincerely.
Dean Winters put out a box with a variety of tea bags, as well as pretty china cups and a bowl of brown sugar cubes. “I have the fake stuff if you’re diabetic or anything.”
“No fake stuff for me,” Sara said. “My best friend is an athletic trainer and she says the fake stuff is worse than the real thing.”
“I agree.” The older woman rose as the electric kettle whistled, alerting them that the water had boiled. She poured them each a cup as Sara selected a Lady Grey tea bag.
They were quiet for a few minutes and finally Dean Winters looked up. “You look very sad, my dear, and I will admit to being nosy enough to have asked Ivan about your life in Alaska. Your boyfriend. I apologize if that was intrusive, but I try to have a very personal relationship with my students. I’m the dean now, but I still do seminars each semester, usually for the juniors and seniors, either in surgery or a specialty section of the curriculum, just to keep my finger on the pulse of teaching.”
“Are you a veterinarian?” she asked her.
“I am, indeed. Thirty years. But my heart grew tired of the mundane, everyday tasks and I’d already begun teaching a class a semester here at the university. I sold my practice and decided to follow a new calling, to teach. That took me to London, but when I was offered the position here as the dean of admissions, I decided it was time to try something new again. I’ve reinvented myself a few times over the last decade.”
“Wasn’t it hard?” Sara asked softly. “I mean, do you miss being a vet?”
“Yes and no. I still have a veritable farm of animals at home that I love and care for. I work with members of the industry every day here at the university and I meet rising young vets every year. It’s a lovely compromise.”
Compromise. That was what she’d decided to do, in a sense, running Dr. Harjo’s office from the business end while still being involved with the animals she loved so much. And Aaron had ruined everything.
“You look so very conflicted.” Dean Winters’ eyes met Sara’s. “Ivan told me about your young man and how devastated you are. He also told me about your ideas to run his office, and actually help him make some money for once. He even mentioned Merlin and Ruby and…” She listed a handful of the animals Sara loved that lived with Dr. Harjo full-time.
“Yes.” Sara cleared her throat. “First, I was so disappointed I didn’t get in, but then Aaron and I got serious and I realized how freeing it was not to worry about student loan debt or studying or going back to school at this stage of my life… And then Aaron just…” Her eyes filled with tears and she took in a deep, shuddery breath. “Anyway, all my plans fell through right after you offered me this amazing opportunity. I’m still a little shell-shocked at the huge changes. Not to mention living with my parents again for the first time in nearly eight years...”
“My dear, you’re in the prime of your life. Do what feels right. You’ve certainly been through a rough couple of weeks and Ivan didn’t know what had happened with Aaron, but don’t let him derail your plans. If you feel the pull to be in Anchorage, go back to Anchorage. School will always be here. You have a degree and a half—you don’t have to do this if your heart isn’t in it. And frankly, you’ll struggle if your heart is elsewhere. This program is not for the conflicted.”
“I know. Today was eye-opening and I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“In a perfect world, where there were no repercussions for any decisions you made, what would you do?”
“Go back to Anchorage and start dating one of Aaron’s friends.” She giggled and Dean Winters did too.
“Well. I don’t know about that, but I see the allure.”
“I’m sorry. You probably think I’m incredibly ungrateful, and that’s the furthest thing from the truth. The timing just sucks a little.”
“Let me tell you a secret: There’s nothing holding you here after this semester. And my feelings won’t be hurt if you don’t stay. Take the semester, see if this is for you. Dive in and see how it goes. And if in six weeks you’re done, you’re done. We’ll put a note in your file that says ‘family emergency’ and that will be the end of it. No black mark on your record, no hard feelings with me, and the experience of a lifetime. Does that sound fair?”
Sara blinked away tears. “Yes. Very fair. Thank you. I… You’re very kind.”
“I left London because I thought coming back to the U.S. to be a dean of admissions was very important, what I’d been working toward. I left someone behind who couldn’t come with me. I still regret it every single day. So when I say I understand, I absolutely do.”
“So you’re not happy here?”
“I’m ecstatic here. I love my job. Unfortunately, it doesn’t keep me warm at night. It doesn’t make up for not having him.” She sighed. “But anyway, we’re not here to talk about me. Have a cookie. Tell me about Merlin.”
Aaron didn’t get back on the ice for another ten days, having to rebuild his strength as if he’d been on a drinking and partying binge for the entire summer. The muscle memory came back quickly, but his lungs took longer, protesting whenever he pushed himself. But he’d been doing nothing but working out and sleeping, which was what the doctors, trainers and even Miikka’s mother said to do. That was good for more reasons than one, because he didn’t want to do anything at the new house anyway.
He’d left the boxes where they were, not unpacking anything except the minimum number of pots and pans he needed, and a handful of his clothes and toiletries. Everything else was as Sara had left it, even the bed upstairs. He’d slept on the couch every night since he’d moved in, refusing to change anything or make the house a home. Without Sara, it didn’t feel like anything but an oversized storage unit and a hotel room to crash in after work.
He’d done this to himself, and he was willing to live with it, but it fucking sucked. He kept trying to claw his way out of the darkness, but nothing made him feel better, and even after three long weeks since the night he’d told her he’d never loved her, he still pictured the hurt on her face. A dozen times a day he ached to reach out, see how she was doing.
Dani avoided him like the plague, so politely distant it was like a smack in the face every time they were in the same room together. Which was almost daily since, you know, they worked together. Luckily, this was the All-Star weekend break, which meant he could lie on the couch in misery without having to face anyone, talk to anyone, or pretend he was okay. He would need to grow some bigger balls this weekend too, because the team left on a road trip the day after the break was over, going to Winnipeg and then Minneapolis. He didn’t think Sara would be at the game, but knowing she was only a handful of miles away might break him.
He slept for the first two days, but bright and early Saturday morning, his doorbell started to ring and it wouldn’t stop. That could only be Jake, so he hauled himself to his feet, ready to let him know what he thought of him showing up at nine o’clock in the morning during their weekend off. It wasn’t just Jake, though. Jake, Whitney, Kane, Hailey, Miikka, a blonde he’d never seen before, Donovan and Sergei stood there, carrying a bunch of bags.
“What the hell?” he muttered, opening the door a crack since he wasn’t wearing anything but boxers. �
�It’s early and I’m not dressed.”
“Oh, please.” Whitney brushed past him and the others to walk inside, eyeing Aaron pitifully. “Go put some sweats on. You think I’ve never seen a guy in his boxers before?”
“What are you guys doing here?”
“You still haven’t moved into your house,” Jake said, “so we’re here to do it for you.”
“I…” Aaron was freezing his nuts off, so he stepped aside to let the rest of them in and looked around for a pair of sweats or something. “Give me a minute,” he grumbled, heading upstairs to find clean clothes and brush his teeth. They weren’t going to leave so he might as well be gracious about their help.
By the time he’d come back downstairs, someone had made coffee, there was a plate of pastries on the island in the kitchen, and Whitney and the blonde he didn’t know appeared to be cooking.
“Aaron!” Miikka came bounding over to him like an overexcited puppy. “This is my sister! Tara, Aaron.”
“Hi.” The blonde smiled and held out her hand. “I’m sorry to intrude but they told me we were doing a good deed.” She spoke almost perfect English.
“Oh, hey. Nice to meet you.” He shook her hand. “Miikka talks about you a lot.”
“Miikka talks about everyone a lot.” She grinned. “But he’s the best big brother in the world, so I’m going to keep him.”
Miikka said something in Finnish and she replied, but then stuck her tongue out at him. He scowled before they both started to laugh.
Not for the first time, Aaron felt lonelier than ever. Not only had he lost Sara, he didn’t have any siblings so he would never have what Miikka and Tara had. He looked around. “Guys, I appreciate the help, but it’s not necessary. I’ve decided to rent the place and move back into my old apartment.”
35
No one moved for a minute and they all stared at him like he was crazy.
“It’s too much house for me to handle on my own,” he continued, even though it sounded lame as hell.
