“Yeah,” I said, feeling a bit sheepish as I held up the bags. God, it looked like I was preparing to feed an army. “I didn’t know what Rian might want, but I figured she might be hungry. We were in the middle of getting lunch when she got the phone call to come back here.”
“That’s really nice of you,” Angie said, and from the way she looked at me, brow furrowed, I wondered if she suspected something. I must be overreacting, though. She might have known about Rian’s daughter, but surely Rian hadn’t told her about us.
“You hungry?” I asked, sitting down next to Angie.
“Starving,” she admitted.
I held out the bags to her, letting her pick what she wanted. “How’s… Ronny anyway?” I asked, glancing toward the room.
“She’s not in there right now,” Angie said just as I started thinking of barging in there. Whether Rian wanted me there or not. I turned my gaze back toward Rian’s assistant. “They took her in for surgery. Rian went with them, although I doubt she’ll be allowed in the lab during the procedure.” She shook her head, looking mournful. “I still can’t believe this happened.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t your fault,” I said, carefully sitting down next to her. “Kids will be kids and all of that.” It sounded lame as the words came out of my mouth, but I didn’t know what else I could say to her. I barely knew the first thing about parenting. Undoubtedly Angie, who had three boys of her own, knew it wasn’t her fault, and my empty platitudes weren’t going to make her feel any better.
Yet again, I found myself wondering what the hell I was doing there. After all, Rian clearly didn’t want me around her daughter, for one reason or another. I was intruding by being there. I should go home or maybe try to go in to the office to get some work done. There were still some things to be ironed out with the new product line, and if I could video conference with Devin, maybe I could have things all ready to go by the time Rian was ready to get back to work.
Not that I had any idea when that might be. She would probably be even more protective of her daughter from here on out, and I wouldn’t be able to blame her for that. I wondered if she was going to be able to stay as the lead on this project. She definitely deserved it, with the pitch she had given—and god, was that only this morning? It felt like forever ago now.
Whether Rian deserved to be lead on the project or not, though, I couldn’t blame her if her attention was turned elsewhere for the foreseeable future. As much as I hated the thought of losing her talents at the company so soon, I wouldn’t be able to hold it against her if she had other things on her mind.
I had just gotten to my feet, thinking that maybe it would be better for me to leave, when a nurse wheeled a gurney down the hallway. I automatically stepped back to let her past, my eyes drawn to Rian on the far side of the bed. She looked pale but determined, and there was a small smile on her face. She was holding hands with the little girl in the bed, and I could tell she was damned proud of her baby girl. And that she was exhausted.
I took all of that in a moment’s glance. Then, my eyes fell to the little girl’s face. She was older than I had expected her to be, but that wasn’t what made my blood run cold. She was the spitting image of her mother, except for the eyes. Those eyes…
I shook my head to clear it of the image of those orbs which looked so similar to my own. No way. As she was wheeled into the room, Rian following after her, I felt rooted to my spot. Those eyes were so much like mine. And although I didn’t know too much about kids, I would swear that the girl was maybe six or so. Rian must have had her right after college.
It couldn’t be a coincidence, could it?
My heart was hammering in my chest, my body hit by a wave of emotion. Shock, anger, confusion—I didn’t even fully know what I was feeling anymore. This was worse than the betrayal I’d felt when Rian revealed she had a daughter she had never told me about. That had been a big enough secret, on its own. But this?
Was it possible the girl was my daughter? Was that the reason why Rian had never told me about her? My hands clenched into fists at my sides as I fought to control myself. If I went in there shouting now, there was no way she would ever let me near the girl again, whether I was her father or not. Nor did I want to scare that little girl whose eyes were so much like my own.
I needed answers, though.
I looked at Angie, wondering if she knew. Something in her eyes assured me that she did. The thought made me feel sick. What the hell kind of man did Rian think I was, that she didn’t even want to admit to me I had fathered a child with her? Did she think I’d be such a terrible influence on the girl?
All my logic went out the window. I stalked into the room and scowled at Rian. “We need to talk,” I said, my voice low and level but seething with anger.
She paled even further, if that was possible. I no longer felt concern for her, though, my own feelings taking precedence over my worry for her.
Chapter 16
Rian
I had been relieved when Wes didn’t follow me into the hospital. I hadn’t even had to think up some kind of excuse to get him out of there; he had just left. Of course, there was a part of me that ached at the fact that he hadn’t even tried to stick around. I mean, it wasn’t like we were in a relationship. I had been the one to rush out of there that morning before we had any sort of talk about what had happened last night.
Still, I guess I had thought that his tenderness the night before meant he cared for me. Or if not that, then at least the way he had quickly found a way to get us back to Nebraska, not to mention the fact that he had offered to drive me to the hospital.
I couldn’t dwell on all of that, though. I raced into the hospital and found out where Ronny was. When I got to her room, she was asleep in her bed, looking small and fragile and pale, and I immediately started sobbing. Angie had been there to hug me and tell me that everything was going to be all right.
Just when I had finally started to calm down, the doctor had come in and informed me that they were taking Ronny in for surgery to fix her broken arm and make sure there was nothing worse going on in there that they hadn’t seen in the X-ray. I nearly fainted at the thought of it: my little girl going in for surgery.
Immediately, I wished Wes was there with me. He might not know that Ronny was his, and now wasn’t the time to tell him, but his strength would have been so wanted just then. Damn the consequences.
Of course, now that he was here again, inexplicably back at the hospital and sitting beside Angie, I wished I had never hoped for his presence there. I could see from the look in his eyes that he had put two and two together. That he knew that Ronny must be his.
What could I do? Lying about it wouldn’t help the situation, and besides, he would never believe me. The gig was up. I had no choice but to admit that she was his.
I felt so tired right then that it was a wonder I stayed standing. As I faced the anger and hurt in Wes’s eyes, I wished that I were anywhere else. Or that somehow I had found the strength to tell him about her before now. Who had I thought I was kidding? There was no keeping something like this a secret forever, especially not once I found out that he was going to be my new boss.
I swallowed hard, barely able to continue to meet Wes’s eyes. I was just glad that Ronny was asleep now, worn-out from all the drama and woozy from the painkillers they had her on. Still, I didn’t want to have this conversation here.
Fortunately, Angie walked in just then. “Wes, you know now isn’t the time,” she said quietly.
Wes looked at her as though he didn’t even know her. His frown deepened. “I think this is between me and Rian,” he said, his tone icy. He turned his glare back on me. “In spite of the fact that you seem to think you can keep me out of all of it.”
I winced, looking down for a moment at my baby girl. I automatically reached out to smooth her hair back, my hand resting gently on her forehead for a moment. She barely stirred, and I sighed.
I turned back to Wes. “I owe you an explanation,” I s
aid slowly.
“A couple of them, maybe,” he said snidely.
I nodded, acceding the point. “You’re right,” I said. “But I can’t do this right now. Not here, and not right now. Please. I promise I’ll tell you everything later, but right now, I just need to be alone with my daughter.”
Wes’s face hardened. “Our daughter,” he corrected. “I’m right, aren’t I? She’s mine?”
I looked down at Ronny again. Asleep, she looked so much like me. Unless you knew what you were looking for: that little dimple in her left cheek, the shape of her fingers. Awake, her eyes were a dead giveaway. It was what I had been afraid of all along: that as soon as Wes saw her, he would realize she was his.
Well, he had realized it. What was I going to do but admit to it?
I nodded. “She’s yours,” I said softly. I looked up again, my breath catching in my throat. “Please, I can’t do this right now.”
Maybe that was selfish of me, but I couldn’t help it. The whole day had been such an emotional roller coaster already, and the last thing I wanted was to have it out with him here. I just wanted to collapse into a seat next to Ronny’s bed, watching over her as she slept, reassuring myself she was going to be okay.
It was the first time I had ever had to see my baby in the hospital, and if I had thought it was bad when she was sick, it was nothing compared to this. Added to the guilt of not having been there when she was hurt, I felt guilty that I only understood about half of what the doctors were saying about her. Fat embolisms and fractured ulnas and who knew what else. I was totally out of my depth, and I was terrified that if I misunderstood something, then somehow she was never going to get 100 percent better.
Here she was, the best gift that the world had ever given me, and she was hurt and lying broken in a hospital bed. I felt sick and like I was on the verge of a meltdown, and Wes’s anger wasn’t doing anything to help me. Especially not since I knew that his anger was justified. I would have been just as upset if the situations were reversed.
I knew that by all rights he probably should be allowed to stay there and reassure himself that his daughter was all right, too. At the same time, he didn’t have the bond I had with Ronny. He hadn’t given birth to her, and he hadn’t watched her grow up. That might be through no fault of his own, but at that moment, I needed him out of there. I couldn’t deal with any more drama right now.
Wes’s face hardened with anger. “Fine,” he said, turning on his heel and stalking out of there.
I collapsed into a chair, tears starting. I had never felt so helpless in my life. My baby girl was lying in a hospital bed, and the man I had feelings for had found out my lies and probably never wanted to see me again.
Angie sighed and came over to give me another hug. She had been wonderful through all of this, and even though I knew she felt guilty about what had happened, I also knew that I could never blame her for it.
I clung to her for a while, until all my tears were gone again. Angie shook her head. “She’s going to be all right,” she said softly. “She’s just as much of a tough little fighter as her mama.”
I managed a watery smile at that. “Thanks,” I said.
“Wes left some food,” Angie added. “I have to get back to the boys, but why don’t I bring it in for you?”
I nodded, surprised to hear that Wes had brought food. I was even more surprised with the amount of food that Angie brought in. She grinned at me. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say that he was worried about you,” she said, winking at me.
Suddenly, I felt even more guilty about the fact I hadn’t told him about our daughter. Here I’d thought that he had just left me there at the hospital and disappeared, when in reality he’d gone out to get food for me. He was a better man than I deserved.
Angie carefully set a small stuffed deer on the bed next to Ronny. I frowned quizzically at her. “Where did that come from?” I asked. I had never seen it in my life.
Angie grinned. “Wes brought that, too,” he said.
“A deer?” I asked, examining the thing, trying to figure out what it represented. The only thing that came to mind was Bambi…
“Nebraska’s state animal,” Angie said helpfully. She winked. “I think maybe he wanted Ronny to know that she’s welcome here?” She left me to puzzle over that on my own.
I sighed as I stared at the bags of food. I was hungry, I had to admit. I hadn’t even realized I was hungry, in fact, until the food was in front of me, but now it felt like I could eat it all. I pulled out a container of brisket and mac-n-cheese from a nearby BBQ place. Comfort food was just what I needed right then.
Unfortunately, eating didn’t do anything to make me feel less guilty. Between not being there for Ronny and never telling Wes about our daughter, I felt like an absolute dirtbag. What’s worse was that I didn’t know what would happen next. Would I have to move away with Ronny again? Would Wes fire me over this?
If he didn’t fire me, would we still be able to work together? If not, I was going to have to quit. I had to admit, I found it hard to believe we’d be able to work together anywhere near as seamlessly as we had before. There was no way he would ever be able to trust me again.
And there was no way that I could be around him for the rest of my life knowing I could never have him. I realized that up until now, I had harbored thoughts that maybe things would work out between us. Even though he was my boss and seemed intent on not letting anything more develop between us, I’d been sure that things would work out in the end.
Right now, though, everything felt doomed. How could I ever win him back? I looked down at Ronny, lying prone in the bed. This broken arm might not be wholly my fault, but it was my fault she didn’t know who her dad was, that he had never been a part of her life. Her dad was a wonderful man, the kind of guy who brought food to the hospital without being asked, even when things weren’t fully right between us.
I had denied her that relationship, and that made me feel even more terrible than all the rest of it. What kind of mother was I?
I pushed the food to the side and started crying again.
Chapter 17
Wes
I had barely slept last night. I couldn’t seem to stop tossing and turning, wondering how the hell Rian could have kept such a huge secret from me. Was it really possible that I had a daughter? How had I never even suspected it? Shouldn’t I have somehow known?
I kept thinking back to that night in college. The details of it had always been so clear to me, but thinking back now, I couldn’t for the life of me remember if we had used protection. Had the condom broken? I had no idea. I felt guilty for having put Rian into that situation, even though clearly it hadn’t slowed her down one bit.
I couldn’t help but smile proudly as I thought of that. I hadn’t seen much of her as a mother just yet, but I had to admit that I had liked what I had seen. There had been a fierce protectiveness in her eyes, and a sure faith that her daughter could do anything.
I bet she was just as amazing a mother as she was a businesswoman. I wondered why I had never picked up on those traits in her before.
Even though Rian had admitted that Ronny was mine, even though the proof was right there in the way that child’s eyes looked up at me for that brief moment, I couldn’t help wondering if maybe I was jumping the gun a little bit. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Rian didn’t know who the father was, and it was just a coincidence that she had the same eyes as me?
That would explain the reason Rian had never told me about the girl. She didn’t know for sure that I was the father, and she hadn’t wanted to burden me. It seemed like a weak reason, though. How hard was it to ask for a paternity test, in this day and age?
No, the only possible explanation was that for some reason or another, Rian didn’t want me to know about the baby. What did that say about her regard for me? About the kind of man she expected I was? I knew that we’d had a rough relationship in college, but that didn’t mean that I wouldn’t have shown up f
or her. It wasn’t fair for her to expect me to be some kind of deadbeat dad.
If I had a daughter, she was, what, seven years old now? Seven years old, and I had just learned her name yesterday. Seven years old, and I had just learned about her existence yesterday. What would have happened if she hadn’t gotten hurt while we were in New York? How long would things have gone on without Rian telling me about her?
That was the thing that bothered me the most, honestly. Rian and I had slept together a couple of times now since she had come to work for me in Nebraska, and although we hadn’t promised anything to one another, she still shouldn’t have kept such a huge secret from me.
I knew her reasons for not wanting to talk things through the previous day. I had seen the exhaustion on her face, and I had known that Angie was right when she reminded me that the hospital was neither the time nor the place for a conversation like that. At the same time, I hated that we had left things so unresolved.
It made for a sleepless night, and today I felt terrible—hurt, and most of all confused. How could she do this to me? To us? To our daughter? Most of all, though, I felt worried. I had a daughter, a daughter whom I had just found out about when she was brought to the hospital. I knew that broken bones were relatively commonplace for kids, but I couldn’t help feeling scared. What if I lost my daughter before I ever even got a chance to know her?
It wasn’t my decision not to know about her, but now that I knew about her, I wasn’t going to let anything keep me from building a relationship with her, I decided. Even if that apparently wasn’t what Rian wanted. I was Ronny’s father, and that meant I had certain rights. I was sure of it.
I knew I should go into work. All my focus had been on the investment project and Devin’s company lately, but there were other things happening at the business as well. I was the CEO of the company, and I couldn’t allow myself to get distracted by personal issues. In some ways, I had more responsibility for everyone at the company than I did for my own daughter.
S is for Secret Baby Page 9
