S is for Secret Baby

by Annie J. Rose

  Rian stared at me in shock. She probably didn’t expect to get caught. She thought she could just do what she had done time and time again: just make her own plans without any regard for how they would affect me. From her post-grad internship to Ronny to this new job search, it was one secret on top of another. I was done with it.

  “And what, when you start working for Devin, you start sleeping with him, too?” I asked bitterly. “Is that the real reason you lost your job in New York—you were fired for sleeping with the boss?”

  I knew the second the words were out of my mouth that I shouldn’t have said them. I might as well have told her I didn’t think she was worthy of her position, that the only reason she had made it from her internship to a real career was that she had slept with the right people. That wasn’t fair. I knew she had talent.

  Sure enough, Rian’s face turned a ghastly shade of white. “You asshole,” she hissed, but I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

  My shoulders slumped. Suddenly, all the anger left me. I turned half away from her. “If you want to leave, just do it,” I said. “I can’t stop you. But maybe next time you’ll think about telling me?”

  I wanted to ask for more, but I could tell she already had her mind made up. She wanted to go back to New York. I wasn’t good enough for her, and I never had been. There was nothing I could do about it.

  We would figure out how to make things work between us, even if it meant split custody. That much I knew I had a right to. The rest of it, well. I never should have gone against my misgivings and let her in. This heartache I felt now was my own stupid fault. I was just glad I hadn’t ruined my career over this.

  Rian was silent, but I couldn’t bear to look at her to try to figure out what she was thinking. Instead, I turned to leave.

  Chapter 26

  Rian

  Anger boiled inside me as I watched Wes turn to leave my office. What, he thought he could storm in there with all these accusations and then act like he was the one who was hurt? Where did he get off?

  I hadn’t done anything with Devin. Period. I hadn’t been overly friendly, I hadn’t thought for a second about sleeping with him, and I certainly hadn’t approached him about a job. Did I sometimes think about going back to New York? Sure. My whole life had been there for years, and there were things I missed about it.

  At the end of the day, though, there was a reason I had come back to Nebraska. I knew this was where I wanted to raise Ronny, and she was loving it here. I had no plans to leave. In fact, I was picturing a future here with Wes. A future where we lived together in a cute little home here in Nebraska, raising our daughter.

  In my mind, I hadn’t quite figured out the whole work situation because I knew there was plenty we needed to talk about. Maybe long-term, it would be better for me to work for someone else. Wes and I couldn’t keep things a secret forever.

  I hadn’t started looking for other jobs, though. I especially hadn’t started looking for jobs with Devin. Nor was I looking to sleep with him or anyone else other than Wes. This jealousy thing had gone too far.

  “Look, I thought we were both adults,” I spat. “I shouldn’t have to defend myself against these ridiculous accusations that I’m trying to sleep with someone else. Jealousy doesn’t look good on you. I’m also not looking to work for anyone else, although now, I don’t know, maybe I should be.”

  “Oh bullshit,” Wes said, rolling his eyes. “Not looking for other jobs? I’ve got proof!” His eyes narrowed. “How many other things have you been lying about?” he asked. “How you got the internship? You kept Ronny a secret from me—how many other things are you hiding?”

  I stared at him, suddenly feeling defeated. I realized then, in that moment, that he would never trust me again. Keeping Ronny a secret had permanently damaged the trust between us, and without trust, there was nothing to build a relationship on.

  I felt tears prick my eyes. My chest constricted, and I tried to remember if there was a time I had ever felt this sad before. I knew there wasn’t, though. I had never felt a heartache like this before, had never lost someone who meant so much to me before. I was absolutely crushed to think that it might be over with him before it ever really started.

  And to think that the weekend had gone so well. Who had I been trying to kid, though, acting like we could have something permanent? I really, truly messed things up.

  It wasn’t just the relationship either. I stared down at the floor. “If you can’t trust me, then there’s no point in me staying in this position,” I said flatly. It was the truth, as much as I hated to admit it. I wanted this job, but there was no way that he and I were going to be able to work together professionally after all of this. I couldn’t handle seeing him every day, tantalizingly close but further away than ever before.

  Logically, the innovations manager couldn’t be at odds with the CEO. That just wasn’t how good businesses worked. We needed to be able to collaborate, and right now, that seemed impossible.

  “I’m resigning,” I said softly, the words bitter on my tongue. “Effective immediately.”

  I felt numb as I left the office, Wes staring after me. I kept my head down as I went to my car. I didn’t know what was coming next. Contrary to what Wes seemed to believe, I hadn’t been looking for other positions. I supposed maybe I could call up some of the other companies that had been interested in hiring me before, but I didn’t like the thought of uprooting Ronny.

  Maybe this was the end of my career, as well as the end of my relationship. Clearly it wasn’t working out for me anyway. Perhaps it was time for a change.

  Wes caught up to me in the parking lot. “What the hell are you doing?” he snapped, blocking me as I tried to get to my car. “Or rather, I’m the one being childish? You can’t just walk out of a job with no notice, whatever your relationship with the boss might be. What are you going to do about Ronny? Unless you’ve already secured the job with Devin, so you don’t need this one?”

  I stared at him. “For the last time, there is no job with Devin,” I said. But there was no anger left in me, just dull acceptance that this was the way things were going to end. “I made a mistake in not telling you about Ronny,” I continued. “I wasn’t trying to run out on this, though.” I shrugged broadly. “I guess this was just a mistake—isn’t that what you said?”

  I stepped around him and opened the door to my car, desperate to get away from him before I started crying. I knew I didn’t have much longer. It felt like the whole world was crashing down around me. I didn’t even know where to begin to put things back together.

  “I will take you to court, if I have to,” Wes threatened as I slipped into my seat. He held the door open, keeping me from leaving. “I meant it when I said that I want to be part of Ronny’s life. Whatever I have to do to make sure I get that, I’m going to do it. You can’t just run away from this like you did in college.”

  I scowled at him and gave the door a hard yank. He quickly pulled his fingers out of the way. I didn’t look back to see his expression. I didn’t want to know.

  I wanted to get out of there. I wanted to pretend like this had never happened, like it was all a bad dream. How had things gone so wrong so quickly? I felt sick as I thought back to how great things had been. I knew that Ronny would ask me when she would get to see Wes again. What would I say to her?

  What was I going to do?

  I started driving, not paying any attention to where I was going. It wasn’t long before I had to pull over as the tears started, sobs wrenched from my body. I already missed him. It had been hard enough to get over him after that one night in college.

  What the hell was I going to do? I had no idea.

  Chapter 27

  Wes

  I felt like shit. There was no denying it. The fact that there was nothing I could do to fix things only made it all the worse.

  In my head, I kept picturing Rian driving away. At least I had gotten to watch her leave this time. There was no question
about whether she might come back. No, she was gone for good. The next time I saw her, it would likely be during a custody battle.

  God, that was the last thing I wanted to get tangled up in. Even more so because I knew as soon as I went to the lawyers and tried to fight her for a chance to see my daughter, the secret would be out. Everyone would know that Rian and I had a daughter. My business life would never be the same again.

  I hadn’t been the one to hire Rian, but I hadn’t said anything to HR when she came on. I hadn’t even said anything to them after I found out about Ronny. I hadn’t been sure what to say yet. Now, though, I was sure it would look like some sort of gross omission.

  Not only that, but it was bound to come out at some point that she and I had been sleeping together while she was working for me. If the custody battle turned ugly, maybe she would use it as proof that I wasn’t a good role model to be around our daughter or something like that.

  It made me sick to think about. I hated the thought that I might lose her and my job. Well, really, losing my job was a minimal pain to the thought of losing her again. There was nothing that I could do about it, though. I could never trust her, which meant that even if I hadn’t been an absolute ass to her, a meaningful relationship between the two of us would just never be possible.

  If it had just been jealousy, that would have been one thing. We could probably have handled that. But finding out she was looking for jobs elsewhere, that she was already planning on leaving again, that she’d had one foot out the door this whole time? That was inexcusable. I still didn’t like that she had left after college, but that I could forgive her for. She’d had an opportunity that she couldn’t turn down, one that I would never have asked her to turn down.

  We were too old to keep living like that, though. And there was a difference between leaving because she had already found a position in a company and actively searching for a different pace of work while she was sleeping with me.

  The worst thing was that at the end of the day, even though I knew I had every reason to be mad at her, even though I knew that she wasn’t right for me, I couldn’t stop myself from missing her. She had barely been gone and yet it felt like a hole had opened up in my chest. I wondered if I would ever be able to get over her again. It had been difficult enough last time, and then we’d just had the one night together.

  Then, I hadn’t known that we had a kid together. Then, I hadn’t known that our lives were inextricably linked, forever, for better or worse.

  How could I love her so much when she clearly cared so little about me? How could I love her when the whole time, she had apparently had one foot out the door, ready to leave? Who knew how many hours she had spent poring over job opportunities, applying to various positions, sending out resumes, while I thought she was happily working on our joint project for Devin.

  Was that what it had all been about? The reason she had been so desperate to get added to the project in the first place, the reason she had thrown everything she had into the job? Not because she wanted to do well here, but because she wanted to get closer to him? I felt stupid for not having realized that sooner.

  I should have realized it. I should have expected it. Somehow, I had let myself believe that things were going well between us, that there was no way she was going to just disappear on me. I had been an idiot. I had basically handed her my heart and asked her to break it.

  Only this time, it was going to hurt even more than it had last time. Fuck, I was such an idiot.

  There was a knock on the door. Devin poked his head in, and immediately I felt my blood boil. There was a part of me that felt terrible about that. I should be glad he was getting such a conscientious worker for his company. If nothing else, he was my friend. Logic couldn’t help me feel less terrible about things, though.

  We were friends, all right. And friends didn’t go around stealing their friends’ best employees.

  I knew that at the end of the day, though, it wasn’t the job thing I was pissed about. So let her go work somewhere else. The part that really got to me was the fact that he was…

  Well, I supposed I couldn’t be mad at him for flirting with her. After all, he didn’t know I had a thing for her. That I was sleeping with her—that we had Ronny. He didn’t know any of that; I had been careful to keep it from him. For all he knew, she was single and unattached.

  Somehow, that only made me angrier, even though it had been my decision to keep it all a secret.

  I wondered if it would have made a difference if I had told him about things before. Maybe we would have lost the investment deal, but maybe I would have managed to hang on to Rian. Or else managed, at least, to not lose her to one of my good friends.

  “Lunch?” Devin asked, quirking an eyebrow at me.

  “Get the fuck out of my office,” I found myself snapping, even though I knew it was about the least professional thing I could do.

  Devin looked shocked. Rather than leave, he stepped into my office, shutting the door firmly behind him. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked. “You’ve been pissy ever since I came into town. Last I heard, we were on good terms—or did my investing a bunch of money in your company not help that?” He rolled his eyes sarcastically.

  “Take the money back. I don’t care,” I said, throwing my hands in the air. “As far as I’m concerned, we have nothing more to do businesswise.”

  “And here I thought you were excited about this product line,” Devin said, shaking his head. “Look, I don’t know what the hell happened, but is this the way you normally do business? Because you’re wasting my fucking time, man.”

  “Is this the way that you normally do business?” I retorted. “Sweep in and steal my best employees? Are you even interested in the product line at all, or was that just a ruse so you could determine which employees I couldn’t stand to lose?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Devin said, frowning. For a moment, he really didn’t look like he had any idea.

  I snarled wordlessly, brandishing the paper printout that Beth had helpfully left on my desk, the one that had been taunting me since I came back after shouting at Rian in the parking lot. “I know Rian went asking you for a job. I’m sure you gave it to her, too, if her resignation earlier is anything to go by. Or if not you, then someone definitely gave her something!”

  Devin’s frown deepened. Slowly, he shook his head. “I never got any sort of email from her,” he said, shrugging broadly and helplessly.

  “Bullshit,” I spat. “Take a look at this.”

  I tossed the paper toward him, letting it drift to the floor. I knew I was acting childishly, but I couldn’t seem to help it. I hated the thought of never seeing Rian again, and I hated the thought of losing her to my friend even more so. She never would have met Devin if I hadn’t brought her onto this project. I wished it weren’t so easy to pick out all the ways he might be better for her.

  Devin took two quick steps forward and snatched up the paper, his eyes scanning it. “This isn’t real,” he said firmly.

  “What, you think I’m making it up?” I asked snidely.

  “I didn’t say that,” Devin said mildly. “But I do think that someone is making something up. Or are you trying to tell me that Rian routinely misspells her name as ‘Rain’? That smacks of an autocorrect error to me, but not one that someone would make with their name, especially not in an important email message where they’re asking someone for a job because they have good attention to detail.”

  I frowned. “I don’t know,” I said. I wanted to let that doubt grow, to believe that of course Rian wouldn’t have written that email. At the same time, I was afraid to trust her again. It had bitten me in the ass once before. I had been stupid to believe that this time might be any different. Of course she was going to leave again.

  “This isn’t even her phone number, is it?” Devin asked, still peering at the email. “I thought all your numbers were 402 numbers. This is a 357 number.”

&
nbsp; I reluctantly got out of my seat and went over to look. I swore when I saw that he was right. That wasn’t Rian’s number at all. Not her work number, and not her cell phone either. I stomped over to my desk and called the number. Sure enough, some guy named Gary answered it.

  “Wrong number,” I muttered and hung up. I looked over at Devin. It was suddenly very quiet in my office.

  “Where did this come from?” Devin finally asked.

  I stared at him and then frowned, walking toward the door. “Beth, could you come in here for a moment?” I asked. Surely she wouldn’t have done something like this… Except that I knew that she had. Suddenly, everything made so much sense.

  Beth had been jealous and trying to cause a rift between Rian and me. She knew about the dinner. She must have realized I wasn’t interested in her and decided that at the very least she could try to break me up and get a little revenge. Or free me up to get with her in the future. She had been the one to tell me that everyone was gossiping over Rian and Devin, and she had been the one to give me the email.

  I felt sick as I realized I had ruined things with Rian over this.

  When Beth came into my office, she initially looked happy. But then, she looked back and forth between me and Devin. Doubt appeared on her face, and she bit her lower lip. When I held up the email, she ducked her head.

  “Look, I don’t know if it’s true or not,” she muttered. “Rian just asked me to read over it and check if it sounded okay.”

  “I highly doubt she would ask you for that,” I said. “She has her own assistant for that.”

  “Fine!” Beth snapped. “I made it up, okay?” She folded her arms across her chest. “So what, am I fired now or something? You know that if you fire me, I’m going to sue you for wrongful termination.”