Him

by Carey Heywood

He shrugs. I slowly pull my hand back, putting it in my lap.

  "Can I get you something to drink?"

  We both look up at the attendant now next to us.

  I ask for a ginger ale, and he gets a cola.

  Before taking my first sip, I raise a brow at him. "No making me laugh this time. Deal?"

  He smiles, eyes crinkling in the corners. "You still ticklish?"

  Back when we were in school, he used to come over all the time. We would watch TV, and he would eat everything in our house. For some reason, he used to always tickle me until I was lying on the floor panting, and then he would sit back down on the sofa like nothing had happened.

  I gape at him. "You wouldn’t."

  He chews his lip like he's thinking it over and reaches out suddenly. I cringe, setting down my drink and bringing my arms up to block him. He chuckles and taps my nose. "Maybe another time."

  I exhale, catching his amused look, and roll my eyes.

  He looks at my drink. "I only drink ginger ale when I'm sick."

  I shrug. "Helps my stomach when I'm flying."

  "Motion sickness?"

  "Sometimes, a little bit."

  He nods. God, this is surreal. I am sitting here, on a plane, talking to him. What are the odds? When he sat next to me in English class, I had felt like the world had shifted on its axis. It was like he had stepped out of one of my dreams. Our teacher, Mrs. Hall started calling out the roll. I remember going stock still, paying attention. I had to know his name. Name after name was called, alphabetically by last name. When my name was called, he looked at me when I said here. I still remember the two names called between mine and his, Kyle Nelson and Mariah Osborne. Then there was his name, William Price.

  "Will, here," he had said.

  Will.

  I blink away the memory. "I'm sorry. What?"

  His finger smoothes away a bead of condensation from his glass. "I asked how long you would be in town for?"

  I catch myself mimicking his movement on my own glass, pausing when I see him notice. I gulp. "Not long. Just one week."

  "Why Denver?"

  "Huh?"

  He chews on the corner of his lip. "What took you out to Denver?"

  Him. I can’t say that, but after that night, I did what any self-respecting wuss would do. I ran. "I've only lived there two years. I traveled there for work and liked the city so much I moved there. Before that, I lived in New Jersey with my Uncle Chip. Remember him?'

  "Was he the one that used to sneak us beers?"

  I nod, grinning. My Uncle Chip is kind of my favorite person on the planet. "He lived out there at the time and had always said I could live with him. He got sick of the cold and moved to Florida before I moved to Denver."

  "It was just like one minute you were there and then…" He shrugs.

  Why didn’t you come after me? That’s all I can think as I spin my thumb ring.

  He grabs my hand. "I can't believe you still have this ring," he says, looking up at me, eyes wide.

  I start at his touch. This is bad, the way my body still reacts to him. I cannot let him do that, even though I want it more than anything else. I pull my hand away from his and cover it with my other hand.

  He had given me the ring in ninth grade. He had gotten it out of a quarter vending machine from the Food Lion by my house. He was trying to teach me how to skateboard, and we stopped to get sodas. I had exact change. He had a quarter left over. I told him to buy a gumball, but he bought a ring instead. "Don’t say I never got you anything," he had teased, dropping it, still in its plastic bubbled container, down my shirt. He laughed at me while I pulled my hand inside my sleeve to retrieve it. The ring looked like something you would buy from a trendy boutique, not something that came out of a quarter machine. It makes me laugh every time someone asks me where they can buy one. I just shrug and say it was a gift. The ring is a simple plastic one, smooth, with silver and gold squiggles across the top. I treasure it, have worn it on my thumb ever since. I spin it whenever I'm nervous.

  "Yep, still have it," I say in a small voice. Time to change the subject. "So what brought you to Newark?"

  "This is just a lay over. I was in Vermont. There was this picture I took." He pauses. "It won an award, and the ceremony was there. So what about you?"

  I'm not surprised. During school, Will always seemed to have his camera nearby. "That's really cool, Will. Congratulations. Me? I was just wrapping up a retirement plan for a hardware chain."

  "Do you like what you do?"

  Who asks that? "Um, it pays the bills. Keeps me busy." Self-preservation, keeps me moving.

  "Must make it hard to settle down."

  I look down at my hands, spinning my ring again. Had he just read my mind? "I guess."

  My hair slips out from behind my ear again. When he reaches up, I shake my head, and he lowers his hand. I unclip my hair, and brown waves tumble over my shoulder. It had been damp when I had twisted it up this morning and had dried that way. The smell of my conditioner drifts around me. Will leans toward me, inhaling."Your hair smells really good, like pears. It didn’t look this long when you had it up."

  "I really need a haircut," I say, examining a chunk. "Can I put my drink on your tray for a minute?"

  "Sure."

  "I just want to grab a different clip." I lean forward and pull my purse up into my lap. Finding my other clip, I push my hair to the side and pin it, dropping the first clip into my purse before stowing it again.

  Will sits there quietly, looking at me.

  "We will be making our descent into Hartsfield-Jackson International airport. Local time is two pm and local temperature is eighty-five degrees. Please turn off any electronic devices and wait until the fasten seatbelts light is turned off to move about the cabin. Be cautious opening overhead storage as items may have shifted during the flight," a flight attendant announces over the intercom.

  He passes our now empty drinks to the attendant collecting trash.

  "Someone picking you up from the airport?"

  I shake my head. "I was going to take a cab."

  "My car's here. I could take you home."

  I gulp. "I wouldn’t want to put you out."

  "Seriously, Sarah." He tilts his head, giving me an exasperated look.

  "Fine, whatever," I mumble.

  He elbows me, raising his brows.

  "I mean thank you, Will. You are so kind," I deadpan.

  "That's more like it," he says, putting up his tray table.

  I roll my eyes. Part of me already feels like this is a mistake. Squeezing my eyes shut, I grip the armrest between us as we land, my eyes popping open when I feel his hand cover mine. He looks at me, chewing the side of his mouth. I look down at his hand, his thumb drawing a lazy circle on the side of my pinkie. I tell myself to move my hand. People around us are unbuckling their belts and starting to stand. I don’t move for a couple reasons, first one being this far back on the plane there is no point standing until everyone else ahead of us has already gotten up and grabbed their bags. And secondly, because I just don’t want him to move his hand from mine.

  Chapter 4

  Past

  "Won't Jessica be pissed that you picked me up first?" I ask, finally getting into Will's car. I'd only had to run back into my house once this time for my chapstick.

  He shrugs. Way to non-answer, bucko. Last thing I need tonight is her to be mad at me before we even get to the Multiplex.

  He looks at me. "Is that dress new?"

  I shake my head.

  "I've never seen you wear it."

  I laugh. "Because I wear dresses all the time."

  "You look nice."

  I wait for the punch line, offering one for him when he doesn’t provide one. "For a tomboy, right?"

  He looks back at me. "You don’t look like a tomboy tonight, Miller Lite."

  I fiddle with the hem of my dress. Part of me feels like I'm trying too hard. Kyle hadn't even officially asked me out tonight since it
was Jessica that set the whole thing up. I was probably reading too much into the whole thing, and he wasn’t even interested in me. I just had to hold out hope that someone could occupy the space within my brain where Will resided. Not where he was my friend. He would always be my best friend, but where I held all of my hopes and dreams that someday he would care for me more than just as a friend. I had to accept that wasn’t going to happen because, in almost the same breath of mentioning breaking up with Jessica, he threw out there that he liked another girl. That didn’t leave much hope for me that he would ever look at me differently.

  We drive to Jessica's house first. It really makes no sense that Will picks me up before Jessica or even Kyle for that matter. They all live fairly close to one another. My house is the furthest from his. When he parks, I get out and move to the backseat before he honks. Jessica is all smiles for Will, but they disappear when she sees me. I bet she is wondering why he picked me up first as well. She leans over and kisses Will when she gets in the car. I turn to look out the window so I don’t see the kiss, but I still hear it.

  After buckling her belt, she turns to me. "Hey, Sarah. I just love your dress." I doubt that, given her tone. "Where'd you get it?"

  Great. Jessica and all of her friends all shop at Abercrombie and Nordstrom's. "Um, Target, I think."

  I can see Will looking at me through his rearview mirror. When Jessica isn’t looking, I stick my tongue out at him and look out my window again. When we pull up to Kyle's house, I start to feel pretty nervous. I'm not even sure why he wants to go with me. Will honks, and we wait for him to come out. He doesn’t take long and jogs up to the car. He's not as tall as Will but still taller than me and boyishly cute with his blonde hair and hazel eyes.

  "Hey, Sarah," he says getting in, flashing me a smile. He has really straight teeth. "You look really pretty."

  I blush, glancing up to meet Will's eyes in the rearview mirror. He's chewing the side of his mouth. I look back at Kyle. "Thank you."

  Jessica fiddles with Will's radio on the way to the Multiplex. She stops on a song I know he hates, and I almost giggle. This is going to be interesting. There is a small line to buy tickets. Kyle is standing really close to me. I'm not sure how I feel about it. When it's our turn to buy tickets, it gets awkward when Will tells Kyle he’s buying my ticket. Jessica just stands behind him, shooting daggers in my direction. I nervously play with my thumb ring. Kyle, trying to break the tension, asks me about it.

  I look at Will. "I love it. Wear it every day."

  He grins at me, though his smile fades a bit when Kyle buys me candy and an Icee. Will orders an extra-large popcorn that I know he'll share with me. When we get into the theater, I end up sitting between Will and Kyle. The seats have the kind of armrests that you can push up. My heart starts thumping when Will pushes the one between us up. Then I feel silly when he sets the popcorn there, whispering in my ear that Jessica hates popcorn in my ear. I'm an idiot, I think to myself. I have a kind of cute guy here for me, and all I can think about is how good Will smells and how his breath on my ear makes my pulse race.

  There are a couple of times during the movie that we reach for popcorn at the same time. Each time, we look at each other and smile. He has the most beautiful smile. After we eat all of the popcorn, I wonder if he'll lower the armrest. He doesn’t, but he moves the now empty container to under his seat. When he sits back up, he rests his hand where the container was, his pinkie just barely touching my thigh. I look at him, but he just stares straight ahead. Will has to know he's touching me. It's barely the side of his finger, but to me it feels like a hot poker, radiating heat all around it.

  I have absolutely no idea what is happening in the movie anymore. It is taking all of my willpower to not shift my leg closer to his hand. Maybe he doesn’t even know he's touching me. I don’t want to risk him moving his hand away. I just want to stay in this moment forever. I'm so preoccupied, I do not realize Kyle is putting his arm around me until Will's face snaps in my direction, and he glares at Kyle's hand. Does that mean? Could it mean? I feel like a horrible person. I have one guy’s arm around me, and all I'm thinking about is moving my leg closer to Will, who is sitting next to his girlfriend. Sure, he did say he was thinking about breaking up with her, but had he? No.

  It is that thought that makes me finally move my leg, not to, but away from his hand. He looks down at my leg before picking his hand up and putting it in his lap. I should be relieved, but instead, I'm kicking myself for pulling away. There is a part of me that will do anything to be near him. Unfortunately, there is another part of me fighting that desire by reminding me just how pathetic it makes me. I try in vain to get back into the movie, but I can't. I'm almost hyper aware of Kyle's arm around me, and unlike Will's touch, it just makes me feel weird. Plus, his cologne or body spray is bugging me. I'm thrilled once the end credits start rolling.

  Kyle reaches for my hand once we are out of our row. I pretend I have to go to the bathroom to get away. Jessica follows me. Great. At least the bathroom is full, so she won't be able to tell that I don’t actually have to go. I stand in a stall for a bit before flushing and meeting her at the sinks.

  "I think Kyle likes you." She smiles at me.

  "Really?" I know he put his arm around me, but he doesn’t even know me.

  "Yep, and I've heard he's a really good kisser."

  My mouth drops. I can't explain it, but even though Kyle seems nice enough, I know in that moment that I have zero interest in kissing him. She must think my expression means the idea excites me because she winks at me and saunters away. I look after her, taking in her perfect hair and clothes. Why do I waste my time pining after Will? I could never compete with her. I can't even imagine how prefect this other girl must be if he's thinking about dumping Jessica for her. I'd like nothing better than to go home and pull my blanket over my head.

  Once I make my way over to where they are waiting, Will says the one thing that could make me feel better. "Ice cream?"

  I don’t want to hold Kyle's hand, so I pretend to look for something in my purse as a way to keep them occupied while we walk to Will's car. We pile in, and Will drives to our favorite ice cream place. We have been going there forever and always get the same thing. It's a bit out of the way, and I'm surprised when Jessica says she's never been there. I look up and catch Will looking at me in the rearview mirror. I'm secretly happy he's never brought her here, until now. Kyle and Jessica check out the menu while Will orders and pays for my cone. I bump my hip into him. He is such a punk. I know he's only doing it to annoy Kyle. I chat with Jim, who works there, while he waits for Kyle and Jessica to make up their minds.

  "You kids are graduating this year, right?" he asks.

  I nod, finishing my bite.

  "So where are you going to school?"

  Will has just taken a bite, so I answer for the both of us. "I'm going to Georgia State, and Will's going to the University of Georgia."

  "Why aren’t you going there too? I can't picture you two going different places."

  Jessica's head whips towards Jim, and she walks over to Will, putting her arm around his waist and leaning into him. I have a sudden urge to vomit.

  "Don’t worry. I'll be there to take care of Will."

  I'm already broken up about Will going away to school without me. It is almost too much to think Jessica will be there with him. I'm not the best student, and my parents can't afford to send me away to college. By going to State, I can still live at home and pay for most of it myself from money I have saved up over the years and if I get a part-time job. Also, since I'm a Georgia resident, I qualify for the HOPE scholarship. I just need to save up money before I can think of living anywhere else. Besides, it's only for a couple years. I might have enough saved up by then to transfer to University of Georgia for my junior year. The campus is only an hour and a half away. I'm hoping I'll still get to see him on weekends and stuff.

  Will pays for Jessica and Kyle's ice cream, and we all go ou
tside to eat. Jim mouths sorry to me as I walk out the door. He has no idea. Will is done with his ice cream before anyone else and is quieter than normal, just leaning back in his chair and chewing on the side of his bottom lip. Part of me is judging both Jessica and Kyle for getting their ice cream in bowls. Will and I always get waffle cones. We are clearly the superior ice cream connoisseurs.

  Once we are all done with our ice cream, we leave. Kyle asks if we want to hang out at his house, but I pretend like I have a headache. Will says that his mom needs him for something, and Jessica doesn’t want to go without Will. Kyle gets dropped off first, and for a brief moment, I wonder if he's going to try and kiss me but instead he gives me a limp hug. My arms stay at my sides as I make no move to hug him back. That doesn’t seem to bother him, though, and he asks if he can call me sometime. I freeze before stammering out my number. He waves bye to Jessica and Will as he walks up his driveway.

  "I told you he likes you," Jessica says, looking back at me.

  I shrug, kind of wishing I hadn’t given him my number, even more so when I get a text notification. I pull out my phone.

  "Oh my gosh, is that from Kyle?" Jessica gushes.

  After checking it, I nod. Jessica is grinning until the car stops, and she realizes we're at her house.

  "Babe," she whines. "I thought you were going to drop me off last."

  Will shrugs. "We were going right by your house."

  "I thought you could come in for a minute." She puts her hand on his leg and pouts.

  I start to wonder how my waffle cone will feel coming back up.

  He pats her hand with one hand and starts hacking like he's about to lose a lung, covering his mouth with the other. "I think I'm coming down with something. I don’t want to get you sick."

  She glances back at me, her face hard. "Okay babe. Call me later." She blows him a kiss and sashays up her driveway, probably shaking her butt on purpose. I stay in the back, thinking it would be super weird to jump into the front seat now.

  "Coming up front?"

  "Are you sure it's okay?" I watch Jessica's front door close.