Him

by Carey Heywood

  He pulls back, putting his hands on either side of my face and locking eyes with me. "Seriously, Sarah, Fuck them." He leans back down, giving me a sweet kiss before wrapping his arms around my waist.

  "Will?"

  "Um hmm." He's running his nose down the side of my ear.

  "What does this mean?"

  "You're mine."

  I snort. "I'm yours?"

  "Yep, all mine."

  I shiver.

  "Are you cold?"

  I'm grinning as I shake my head. He drapes his arm around my shoulder as we make our way out of the pool, his fingers brushing back and forth at the top of my arm. I cringe, taking in the expressions of our classmates, most of which are drop-jawed. Will, on the other hand, is grinning and even pops his head towards a couple of people. JJ is back at his towel, shaking his head at us. When we get to our towels, Will grabs mine and again wraps me in it. This time, when he tugs me to him, it's to plant his lips on mine again, right in front of everyone. I'm simultaneously on cloud nine but also sick with worry at what everyone thinks. I try to embrace what he told me in the water. Fuck them.

  I slide my hands up out of my towel, letting it slide off my shoulders. He leans further towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist again, but this time, lifting me up so we're face to face. Holding me like that, he rubs the tip of his nose against mine. Trailing a line of kisses to my ear, he asks if I want to get out of here. My stomach flips, and I nod my head. Setting me gently on my feet, we slip on our flip flops and hurriedly towel off. He takes my hand and pulls me away, turning his head to grin at everyone behind us.

  "You are terrible." I knock my hip into his.

  "You're beautiful," he replies quietly.

  We make our way to the lockers and pull on our clothes.

  "Where are we going?"

  He pauses. "Where would you like to go?"

  "Carousel?" I ask innocently.

  He rolls his eyes. He hates the carousel, not action packed enough for him. I smile as he grumbles and pulls me towards that end of the park. When we get there, we wait in a small line of little kids. I rub my thumb across the back of his hand, and he smiles down at me before kissing the top of my head. As the line slowly moves forward, I try to wrap my brain about what is happening. I partly wonder if this is just a highly realistic dream, and I'm actually still asleep on my towel by the wave pool.

  "Pinch me," I whisper.

  "What?" Will looks confused.

  I look up at him. "Pinch me so I know I'm not dreaming."

  His mouth cracks into a wide grin as he gently puts his lips on mine. Pulling back, he lifts the hand he's holding and places a sweet kiss on that as well before pinching the top of it with his other hand.

  "Ouch!"

  He kisses my hand again and bends his head to my ear. "It's a dream, but you're not sleeping."

  He pushes me forward, and we make our way onto the carousel. I pick a blue pony with a white mane and tail. Instead of getting on one Will stands next to me, his hands on my waist. From my seat, he doesn’t have to lean down to kiss me. His mouth is on mine as the music starts. Our kiss only breaks when my horse goes up, his lips finding mine again as soon as I descend. I'm dizzy between his kisses and the heat of his hands on my waist to the up and down and round and round of the carousel. When the ride stops, I take a stumble step and he catches me.

  "Will?"

  His eyes meet mine.

  "Will, what are we doing?"

  He looks confused. "What do you mean?"

  I close my eyes, terrified of what he may say next but incapable of not asking. "Do you want me to be your girlfriend?"

  He pauses. I cringe. Taking in my expression, he tilts his head. "Sarah Lillian Miller, will you please be my girlfriend?"

  I'm crying. I can't help it. I've loved this boy since seventh grade. He's always hated it when I cry and begins shushing me and using his thumbs to wipe the tears from my eyes as he places feather light kisses to my lips. "I didn’t mean to make you cry."

  I plant my face into his chest wrapping my arms around his waist as he plays with my ponytail.

  "Hate to trouble you," he says, kissing the top of my head. "But you didn’t actually answer my question."

  I laugh, tilting my head up to his, putting my hands behind his neck to pull his lips to mine.

  "Is that a yes?" he asks against my lips.

  "Yes. Now shut up and kiss me."

  And he does, slowly and deeply, his hands gripping my hips. My heart is thumping, and at a certain point, I feel like I'm just barely holding on. As though the whole park and the world around it has melted away again and I only exist to be in his arms. We may have kissed for only minutes or it could have been hours. For us, time stood still. When we finally pull back, his hooded expression makes my knees feel weak. My clearly dazed look amuses him. He reaches up to tweak the tip of my nose so I scrunch it at him and stick out my tongue. His eyes drop to my mouth as he licks his lips. Christ, I might swoon.

  Shaking his head, he takes my hand in his. "Ice cream?"

  I grin. Sure, there are plenty of places we could probably get ice cream at the park, but we never do. There is only one place we ever go to for ice cream. We pass a couple of our classmates on our way out of the park. Our early departure given our very public make out sessions will definitely lead to talk, but I don’t care. Like Will said, fuck them.

  Chapter 9

  Present

  Waking up in my childhood bedroom is surreal. Part of me had hoped my parents would keep everything the same, but I guess I could see how having a guest bedroom made more sense. The bed frame and mattress are the same, though. I could recognize those squeaks when I turn over in the middle of the night anywhere. Falling asleep had been hard. Over the years, I have become accustomed to watching TV in bed until I fall asleep. That's what living out of hotels will do to you. Also, I can’t stop thinking about Will. Why did he seem like he had unfinished business with me? Did he want to apologize for what he did? I shake my head. As far as I am concerned, if that’s what he wanted, I'd rather he choked on it.

  That isn’t true. Well, maybe a little. Will turning out to be such a big part of this trip had blindsided me. He was the friggin best man. It's a pity, but I'm annoyed he has a bigger role in their wedding than I do. Christine's best friend is her maid of honor, and I'm a bridesmaid. I don't know why that bothers me so much. Plus, it means I'll at the very least have to deal with him during the rehearsal dinner, the wedding, and the reception. I'm not mentally prepared to deal with Will in a tux. I roll over and eye the clock. It's later than I expect so I hurry downstairs. My dad is in the kitchen drinking his third cup of coffee for the day.

  "Morning sunshine. Your mother went to the airport to pick up your Uncle Chip."

  He tsks at me as I sit on the counter. "We have these new fangled things called chairs. Please try one out."

  I roll my eyes and walk over to kiss him on the top of the head, surprised when I notice how thin his hair is up there. I mentally do the math, trying to remember the last time I saw my parents in Denver. It must have been only a year ago. I'd give him crap about it, but he had always been so vain about his thick brown hair when I was growing up. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Now he is sporting a Donald Trumpesque comb over. There are some muffins and a bowl of fruit in the center of the table. I pour myself a glass of OJ and sit down. I regret my drink selection after my first sip. Pulp. I hate pulp. I get back up and grab another glass and experience a blast from the past when I find my mother's mesh strainer on the same hook it hung from when I was in school.

  My father watches me, shaking his head as I strain out the pulp. I can still hear him grouching at me all those years ago, trying to convince me the pulp made it healthier. I put my first glass in the dishwasher and go to sit back down, helping myself to a lemon poppy seed muffin and a banana. My dad and I hang out in a comfortable silence. Every time I meet his eyes with mine, he smiles. I'm usually so busy to notic
e when I'm at work, but sitting here right now, I can't help but wish I lived closer, saw my parents and Brian more often, and any future nieces or nephews. I haven’t really talked enough to Brian to see if he and Christine plan to have kids or not. I guess I just assume they will because she's a teacher and therefore I guess likes kids. I hope so. I think Brian would make a good dad, already a good big brother. Well except for befriending the guy who broke his little sister's heart. He kind of sucked ass in that regard.

  When my dad finishes his coffee, he rinses his cup and puts it on the counter. He uses the same cup every day. My mom will hand wash it tonight after dinner. Walking past me, he pats me on the shoulder and continues into the living room. He's semi-retired but took this week off for the wedding because I was going to be around. He has always been a man of few words, unlike my mother, who I get my mouth from. Thinking of my mother, I'm excited to see my Uncle Chip. I had only lived with him for five years in New Jersey before he moved to Florida. He loved Jersey but was over all of the snow in the winter time. He is still my favorite uncle, and I will always owe him one for taking me in like he did. After finishing my breakfast, I go back upstairs to shower and get dressed. I peep out the window when I hear a door slam and race downstairs when I see it's my mom with Chip.

  Swinging open the front door, I pull my uncle into a hug. "Nice tan. Florida must be treating you well."

  "Hey, kiddo. I'm loving it. Saw you got a shitload of snow last winter. Ready to move yet?"

  "You'll be the first to know."

  "Alright, you two," my mom says, pushing Chip into the house. "In, in."

  I walk backwards into the living room to make room for them. "How was your flight?"

  He scrunches his nose, which makes me laugh, and he gives me a confused look. I motion for him to go on.

  "I wanted to take a little nap on the plane. I tried the best I could, but Christ, there was this fella somewhere behind me with a god-awful rumble of a snore. I feel bad for whoever sat right around him. Other than that, it was fine. Thank you for asking sweetheart." He tweaks my nose.

  "Sarah can you take your uncle's bags up to Brian's old room?"

  "I can carry them," he argues, but I grab one anyway and huff it up the stairs. Holy shitcrickets. It’s heavy!

  I'm gasping by the time I'm at the top. "What's in this?"

  Chip shrugs then takes the handle and pulls it the rest of the way to Brian's old room. I head back downstairs and give my mom a good morning kiss on the cheek. She pats my butt, which reminds me how weird my family is.

  "Did you eat?" she asks over her shoulder as she walks into the kitchen.

  I trail after her. "I did. Where’d you get the muffins?"

  "Christine made them. Aren’t they great?"

  "Shit, she can cook too? How the hell did Brian get her?"

  "Language, Sarah."

  I smirk. My mother can cuss like a sailor. Chip comes up behind me so I hop on the counter to make room for him to get past. My father comes up behind him, and seeing me on the counter again, throws his hands up. I make a face and slide down off the counter. My mom makes some coffee so I sit with them and have a cup. I can't help but raise an eyebrow at my mother every time she cusses. She looks away like she doesn’t see me. They talk about the trouble we used to get into when we were kids, mainly Brian. He was a prankster and always up to something. Luckily, he never did anything really dangerous. It’s fun hearing all those old stories. There are a couple I have no memory of.

  "Yes, you were there." My mom was adamant.

  "Are you sure?" I'm not buying it. I totally would have remembered Brian covering my bedroom door with cling wrap.

  She just sits there, nodding while I think about it. Shrugging, I finally give it up. I still can’t remember it.

  "So what's for lunch?" My stomach is talking, and if I don’t get anything in it soon, I will probably eat another muffin.

  "Your brother and Christine are bringing subs."

  "But how do they know what I want?" I whine.

  They all turn to look at me. My mother leans forward and sets her chin in her hand. "Sarah, what is the only sub you have ever ordered since elementary school?"

  "Um, a BLT?" I'm not sure why I say it like a question.

  "And if you could have any sandwich on the planet today, what kind would you get?"

  She doesn’t have to look so proud of herself. "A BLT," I grumble.

  Chip laughs and pats my upper arm. My mother smiles her world famous 'I know everything why do you even argue with me' smile.

  I glance at the microwave to check the time when my stomach rumbles again. "When are they coming?"

  "Soon. Eat a banana if you're starving," my mom says, pushing the bowl towards me.

  "I had one with breakfast." That's a valid argument, right?

  "Heaven forbid you eat two bananas in one day, Sarah."

  "Ugh. I don’t want another banana, Mom." I push up from the table, about to go upstairs when I hear Brian and Christine walk in the front door. I jog over to them, blowing kisses and taking the food bags.

  "Hungry?" Brian's shaking his head.

  "Did you have a muffin this morning?" Christine asks, following me into the kitchen.

  I’m digging through the bags, looking for my sub as I answer. "Best muffin I've ever had."

  "I know, right?" Brian comes up around her and wraps his arms around her waist.

  My Uncle Chip stands up to hug and kiss them. I find my sub, and even though it might be slightly rude, I dig in. My mouth is full when Will walks in. I put my hand over my mouth and look towards the back door.

  "You didn’t wait for me?" He hugs Chip before sitting next to me.

  "Only Sarah couldn’t wait." My mother smiles at me sweetly as she throws me under the bus.

  Now that I've swallowed my bite, I take a deep, soothing breath and reply, "My mother," shooting her a look, "only mentioned Brian and Christine were coming." I look back at her again. "Thanks, mom. Really, thank you."

  "It's cool. Brian just thought you might need my help with the slideshow."

  I glare at Brian. "What? Why would you think that? I can handle making a slideshow."

  "I can go." Will gets up.

  Great. Now I'm an asshole. I grab his arm and pull him back down into chair. I refuse to look at him, though, because I may not be able to restrain myself from smacking the smirk I am almost certain is on his face. Instead, I glare at Brian. I'm not sure why it makes me feel better, but it does. It also helps that he looks a bit scared of me. Good. He should be. Chip is giving me a concerned look, I give him a half smile and eat my sub. While we eat, I watch my family interact with Will. I can't lie. It makes me feel jealous that he seems so involved in their lives.

  After lunch, Brian, Christine, Will, and I go into the living room to sort through old photos. Christine has brought a bunch of her own that can be used in the slide show. She wants it to start with baby pictures of them and follow them as they grew, ending with pictures of them as a couple. Will brought his laptop and scanner to make the actual file. That bugs me. It seems pretty clear Will can handle making the slideshow on his own. I’m starting to wonder why Brian had even asked for my help. I do my best to put on a happy face, though. I am here for his wedding. There is no way I am going to let my weirdness around Will negatively impact any part of Brian's wedding.

  Yes, I am uncomfortable, and yes, I am saying really rude things to both Will and Brian inside my head. All I need to do is be the bigger person for the next week. Besides, no matter how crazy Brian can drive me, he is still my big brother, and I love him. Settling down on the sofa, I reach for a photo album. As I flip through the pictures, I point out cute or funny ones of Brian to Christine. It takes me back. If I had pouted or rebelled against helping because of Will, I might have missed this. I’m still figuring out the whole maturity thing more than halfway through my twenties.

  The album I’m looking at has pictures from when Brian was in high school. I do
n’t know why but I hadn’t expected to come across pictures of Will and I. When I turn the page, it’s like I am pulled back in time. The pictures have to be from our freshman year. There is one with Brian, Will, and I around our kitchen table playing Uno. I have a Yoo-hoo in front of me. I can almost hear Will giving me crap for it, saying they taste like watered down milk. I didn’t care. I loved them, still do. I wonder who took the picture, maybe my mom. If my dad had taken it, one of our heads would have been cut off. Thank god for digital cameras. At least my dad could delete the bad shots nowadays. I can't stop looking at the picture. In it, Will and Brian are both smiling straight at the camera. Me, I'm looking at Will like a love sick puppy. It’s hard not to remember how intense my feelings for him were.

  It takes me a couple seconds to realize everyone has stopped talking. I look up and feel a tear slide down my cheek. I had not even known I was crying. I set the album on the coffee table and hurry into the kitchen. My throat feels dry, so I fill a glass with water and gulp it down. I'm standing at the sink, ready to refill my glass when Will walks in.

  "Sarah?"

  "Please." It's one word, but the way I say it means so much more. Please don’t say anything. Please don’t look at me. Please don’t hurt me. Please just stay away. Please.

  He leans against the doorframe. He never was a good listener. I refill my glass and turn my back to Will before gulping it down. I hear him push off and the sound of his footsteps as he comes to stand right behind me. I can smell his after shave. It’s subtle, but intoxicating. When I just barely feel his breath against the back of my neck, I lean onto the counter to ensure I don’t fall over. It feels like an eternity. I can't move.

  "Can we talk?"

  I can't handle this right now. I don’t know what to say. Doing nothing, though, seems to work. I hear him swallow before he turns and walks back out of the room. I still can't move. I feel another tear snake down my cheek. I'm not crying because of the picture anymore. Now I'm crying because I know I never stopped loving Will. I'm startled by the noise of the freezer making ice. I turn and almost have a heart attack when I see my uncle Chip sitting at the kitchen table. How the…? I hadn’t even heard him come in. My uncle is not a small man. There is no way I could have missing him walking in.