Her eyes narrowed at him. “Who do you think sent Gregory?”
“No. You do not mean.”
“I do. Harry has only one living relative, an uncle. An uncle that very swiftly had Harry declared dead and taken over the title and the estate. I could not stop that. But I could keep Harry safe. Papa knew it was the uncle—it was why he sent me away that night with Harry. He knew the uncle would be notified right away about the viscount’s death, and papa could not chance Harry being given to his uncle’s care. Papa told him Harry had disappeared, most likely taken by the man that killed the viscount. But I do not know if the uncle truly believes Harry to be dead or not. So what do you think would happen if Harry resurfaced?”
Sebastian exhaled a long sigh. “Nothing good.”
“Exactly. Gregory or not, the threat has not gone away.”
“So who is Harry with now?”
“It took months of digging through Papa’s papers and searching, but I found he had hidden Harry with his fourth cousin, Frannie. She was the only person he trusted. But when I found them, I did not know if Gregory was still alive, still after Harry. Or if his uncle would send someone else. The threat on Harry still exists. So I have kept them hidden and every six months or so I have moved them to a new town—I cannot chance them being in one place for long. Chance his uncle or Gregory following a trail to them. This is the only way I can think of to keep Harry safe.”
Sebastian stared at Brianna’s face. She was still holding back. “But what happened, Bree? Why did you go to them today?”
For a moment, she resisted, but then a small acquiescing sigh escaped. “I need to move them. There was a death. I had hired an associate of Mr. Flemming’s, Mr. Welbury, to track down Gregory, to discover if he was dead or alive. It was why I had to meet Mr. Flemming several days ago. Mr. Welbury was not only trying to find Gregory, but he was also looking for evidence that Gregory was working for Harry’s uncle.”
She stopped herself, her head dropping.
“Did he discover anything?”
Brianna did not look up at him. “Yes. Gregory is alive. And then Mr. Welbury was killed.”
“Dammit, Bree.”
Her hands came up, hiding her face. “His death is upon me, I know that Seb.”
“Brianna, you do realize it is not a secret that you and your sister are living at Notlund with the duke and duchess? That Gregory can easily find you?”
“Of course I know that, Seb.” Her hands dropped from her face, her blue eyes snapping to him. “But I thought he was dead…I hoped it…but then…”
Her voice started to tremble. “All of it—it is too much—this has spiraled so far out of control, Seb. I do not know for certain if Harry’s uncle truly believes him to be dead. And I thought we would visit the duke and duchess and that would be the end of it—I did not think we would end up in London, and that Lily would become a sensation, and that I would have to marry, and that Mr. Welbury would be killed, and that Gregory…I…I had planned that if he was alive, he would be caught and hung by now. And I have been holding on, Seb. I have been holding so tight, but now—”
Her voice caught, swallowing a panicked sob. “I am tired, Seb. So very tired and I do not want any of this. I do not want what happened. What I have become. I cannot be all of this—trying to keep Lily and Harry safe—and then you, your face when you found me with Harry.”
Sebastian grabbed her, yanking her into him, his hand deep in her hair, stilling her words. Stilling her mind.
“Hell, Bree. I do not know whether to keep you wrapped in my arms for finally telling me this or to condemn you for keeping this from me.”
He could feel her swallow hard against his chest. “I have just been trying to keep everyone safe, Seb. You included. If anything happened to you, I…”
He gripped her tighter onto his chest, his lips going to the top of her head. “I say it again, Bree, nothing is going to happen to me. And this is no longer your battle to fight.”
She angled her face upward. “I will not give up Harry to anyone, Seb.”
“I know. I will keep him safe. I swear it.” His fingers went through her hair, landing on the nape of her neck. “I will keep you safe, Bree. You must believe that.”
“I do.” She nodded, her blue eyes, for the very first time, clearly trusting. “But I did not want you in danger. I did not want this to become your trouble.”
“I married you, Bree. All of you. I do not take the good parts, and leave you with the bad.” He tucked her head under his chin, his gaze going upstream. The rushing water instantly reminded him of her calf, and he glanced at her leg, still in the stream.
Her scars. The bastard lying to her. Cutting her.
Watching his wife try to cut away the past with a rock.
The rage that had been pulsating in his belly reignited. He gripped Brianna tighter.
“Hell, Bree, how did you ever let me touch you?”
“I resisted, if you recall.”
“As you should have.” His fingers clamped around the back of her neck. “I understand, and I am astounded that you ever managed to let me do so.”
“As am I, Seb.” He could feel her smile against his chest, even if her words were weary. “But you and fate had something very different in mind, and I was no match.”
{ Chapter 16 • Earl of Destiny }
Watching the early morning rays through the open window in Sebastian’s bedroom, Brianna loosened the laces of her left riding boot wide. Bending, she gingerly pulled the boot up over her left calf. It was wrapped from ankle to knee, a constant pain that nagged at her, but she could feel the scabs healing well.
Once they had arrived back at Notlund in the darkness, Sebastian had gently wrapped her bloody leg in linen without a word, and after, had not mentioned what she had done to herself, other than to ask her how her leg was faring.
For that, she was grateful.
In the moment by the stream, she had been so desperate, so despondent, that she did not know what she was doing. But now she was mortified at her lack of control—what she had done to herself.
“I can see you cringing.” Sebastian’s hands clasped onto her shoulders from behind. “Are you sure you can ride with your leg as it is? It has only had one day to heal, and Plarington is a distance. The ride will be long.”
Brianna looked up over shoulder at him, her fingers still clutching the laces. “I will suffer it. I need to move them as soon as possible.”
“I can go by myself and find a suitable home to rent, Bree. You do not need to come.”
“I do. For my own assurances. It is not that I do not trust you…”
“But you do not trust me?”
“I am trying, Seb. I truly am. And I do trust you. But it is not a card I can so easily flip over in my mind—the control. After everything that has happened, what I have done to keep Harry safe, I cannot just absolve myself from the responsibility.”
“Responsibility that never should have been yours.”
“Responsibility that I chose to take on.” She gently tightened the laces on her boot, tying them. “I could not just walk away from an innocent child I love, Seb. I know it riles you that I am in this mess, but there was no other choice I could make. No one else to trust.”
“But you have me now.”
“I do.” She looked up at him. “And I cannot tell you how much of a relief it is to not have to bear this secret alone. Just know that the control I cannot let go of is a reflection upon a flaw in my nature, not yours, Seb.”
“You, my wife, are not flawed.”
She scoffed, rolling her eyes at him. “Do not try to charm me into staying here, as we both know that statement is wildly untrue.”
He gave her his devil smirk. “I know no such thing.”
She sighed, a smile playing on her lips as she stood from the leather chair, slipping her arms around his waist and looking up at him. “As long as I can make it to Plarington with bearable pain, I would like to do so. Besides,
I did ask you for advice on the town and location, did I not?”
“Yes, but only after a lengthy argument—I still think Harry will be safe here at Notlund.”
“There are too many servants, too many visitors coming through, Seb, and you know I refuse to put danger anywhere near Lily. The most inconspicuous life is the easiest to hide. And you yourself said Plarington would be the perfect place for them, and from what you told me of it, I agree. That must show some sign of my surrender.”
“Surrender?” He wrapped his arms around her. “Now that, I like the sound of from your lips. It is a shame you are fully dressed.”
Her eyebrows cocked, her own devil smirk appearing. “My skirts do lift, my husband.”
Twelve hours later, Brianna was damning her own insistence on accompanying Sebastian to Plarington.
It had been a long ride, and they had had to visit five cottages in Plarington to find a suitable one to rent for Harry and Frannie. The whole of it had taken much longer than Brianna had anticipated.
She adjusted her left leg on the leather of the sidesaddle once more, trying to push the waves of pain from her mind. Looking about, she tried to concentrate on something—anything else. Anything that didn’t include the overwhelming thoughts of Harry, or Lily, or Sebastian—as each one of those thoughts only meandered back to the pain in her leg.
Anything else. Trees. A squirrel teetering on a branch above. The drips of rain falling from the front of her hood. The long black tail of Sebastian’s horse swooshing in front of her.
The rain had begun midday and slowed them on their return, the trails turning mucky. But now they were within an hour of Notlund, and Brianna couldn’t get there fast enough. Food. A warm fire. Her leg stretched out free, unbound on the bed.
The pain. She was back to the pain.
“Hold here.” Sebastian pulled up on his horse in front of her.
Brianna looked around. Grey sky above them, they were to the area of the trail that ran between the stream and the forest. An enormous willow to their left, Brianna set back her hood to find that the rain had eased into a drizzle.
“What is it?” Brianna asked as Sebastian jumped off his horse, coming back to her.
His hands came up, gripping her about the waist. “You are exhausted.” He lifted her down from the saddle, not giving her a chance to argue. “And you are in pain. My stomach rolls every time I look back and see the grit in your teeth.”
“I grit?” Her feet hit the ground, the impact sending a wave of pain up her leg.
“Yes. Exactly what is on your face at the moment. Gritting. So we are stopping for a moment so you can stretch your leg. Maybe loosen your boot.”
He tucked her under his arm, steering her from the horses. “Here. It should be drier in here.” Sebastian moved forward, parting the wall of willow branches in front of them, and then ushered her through.
The wide canopy of the willow tree created a somewhat dry, secluded spot. Sebastian disappeared out through the branches to secure the horses, and Brianna took off her gloves and opened the silver clasp at the top of her black cloak, shaking droplets free as she took it off.
Laying the cloak open near the base of the tree, Brianna sat heavily upon it, pulling her wet skirt upward to expose her left leg. Fingers working down the leather laces, she loosened her boot and immediate relief flowed through her calf.
She stretched her leg out in front of her as Sebastian came back through the wall of leaves, shaking his arms out of his dark coat. Holding the coat by the collar, he snapped it a few times, sending water splattering, and then set it on the ground next to hers.
He stood, gazing down at her, a peculiar look on his face. Brianna couldn’t help being immediately suspicious.
His arms went wide, taking a deep breath. “This. This is what I wanted with you, Bree.”
“What?”
“Listen. Look around.”
She shook her head. “What? I hear nothing.”
“Stillness. This is what I wanted.” He dropped to his knees in front of her, his brown eyes bright. “A moment of stillness in all that is swirling about us. Stillness. Just us.”
Brianna leaned back on the trunk of the tree, her gaze going about. She had to admit the leaves of the willow made an effective barrier to everything looming in her mind. “Yes, but for how long?”
“For as long as we dare to make this moment last.” He smirked, his eyes scolding her. “Let me look at your leg to make sure it is not too dire.”
Sebastian moved to the side of her leg, gently slipping off her tall riding boot and rolling down her stocking. His fingers, gentle, grabbed the end of the linen and unwrapped her calf. She could see spots of fresh blood dotting the white cloth.
“Dammit, Bree, I knew I should have demanded you stay at Notlund.”
“I was not about to let that happen, Seb, and you know it.” She tried to bend her leg up, pulling it from his inspection.
He snatched her ankle, keeping her from escaping him. His fingers prodded about the cuts on her calf. “Then we should have at least spent the night at Plarington.” He glanced at her face. “You hide too much from me, Bree.”
“Apparently, not enough.” Her chin tilted up, the top of her head hitting the bark of the tree. Air reaching her wounds was welcomed, but they still panged, even though Sebastian’s hands were beyond soft on her skin.
“You are riding in front of me on my horse the rest of the way home. I will not allow that boot to go back on your leg. And do not even attempt to argue with me, Bree.”
Her eyes dropped to him. Concentration furrowing his brow, he tended to the bloody spots as though it were a newborn babe he dabbed at. Considering the anger in his voice, Brianna shook her head, awed that he could still be so gentle with her.
Her throat swelled.
“I want this, Seb.”
“The stillness?” His focus stayed on her leg.
“Yes.” She watched him, his brown eyes intent on her calf, his hands large against her skin, his heat flowing into her. So much strength, he had, but for her, so much gentle kindness. “And us, Seb. I want us, but I am so afraid.”
His gaze came up to her. “Afraid of what?”
“When you told me about your family, Seb—about your life before the war. How happy you were. How content. And then how it all just disappeared—how you lost all of it.”
“Yes.”
“It was the very same for me. I was happy. I knew how to laugh. I knew how to have fun. We all did, my family. We were content.” On her lap, her fingernails started to dig into her thumbs, one by one, as her eyes went to her skirts. “But then the viscount was killed. Then my father. And in a moment, it was gone—all of the joy. All of the happiness. It was so incredibly hard to move on from that. And I have not, for one day, felt right since the moment Gregory killed my father.”
Her head rose as she found his brown eyes. “Not until you. I get glimpses of what happiness is. When I allow myself to see the moments, they are moments of happiness. Moments of right.”
Sebastian tenderly set her leg down, moving up alongside her. “Brianna, that is a good thing.”
“That is a terrifying thing.” Her head shook slowly. “I do not know if I want happiness.”
“Madness, Bree.” His brow furrowed. “Why not?”
“I cannot have happiness again, only to lose it.”
For a moment, his mouth opened, but words did not escape. With a quiet nod, his mouth closed.
“You are the same as me, are you not?”
“Yes.” He grabbed her hands, stilling her fingers. “But I am trying extremely hard not to be. To allow myself this—you—us—without letting the ghosts of the past steal the present.”
“How do you manage to do it?”
“Unfounded arrogance.” Sebastian shrugged. “I do not believe fate will do it to me again—rip my life apart. Not now.”
“I need some of that arrogance.” She shook her head, her eyes going up to the long s
waying branches. “It is little things from those days. Little things that haunt me. Little things I did not do at the end, take the time to care about.”
A soft smile came to her lips. “Papa—the day before he died he wanted to walk with me in the gardens—just a simple stroll like we always used to do when I was a child. Just walk along, the two of us, him plucking blooms and tucking them all throughout my hair. I loved those walks.”
Her smile evaporated. “But that day before he died—I wanted to do something else—something that had so little importance that I do not even remember what it was. So I did not go. A walk. One walk. Simple. And it is the one thing I would move heaven and earth to do over. Say yes.”
“Brandy.”
Her look fell to him. “Brandy?”
“Brandy. One more.” Sebastian’s cheek lifted in a grim half smile. “The night before I left for the war, my brother wanted to have one more brandy with me. It was already well into the dark morning. The tavern empty. One more, he said. Just one. But I resisted. I did not want to be tired when I left in the morning. So I retired. It was the last time I saw him.”
Sebastian’s gaze dropped, his hands tightening on hers. “Ten more minutes with him. What would it have hurt? Ten minutes.”
Brianna tilted her head back, trying to drown gathering tears. “Plucking flowers—what would it have hurt?”
Silence fell upon them, thick, torments of the past heavy until Brianna could take the memories no longer. Her gaze went down to her lap as her hands flipped over under his, her palms sliding onto his wrists. “I wish…”
“You wish what?”
“I just wish all of this was gone. I wish Harry was safe. I wish Lily was married to a man that adored her. I wish you had mended ways with your mother.”
“And what about you, Bree? What do you wish for yourself?”
She closed her eyes, swallowing hard. What did she wish for herself?
She knew it. Knew it, but could barely speak the words. Her eyes came up to his. “I wish I could tell you I love you, Seb, without part of me resisting—refusing it because I am so scared to live a life that could be ripped from me at any moment.”
Lord of Fates: A Complete Historical Regency Romance Series (3-Book Box Set) Page 47
