“You love me—except for that one part?” His voice was rough.
“I do. Save for that part that cannot bear it, I do.” Her fingers came up, resting on the dark stubble along his cheek. She could not control the tears that swelled in her eyes. “But do you not see how wrong this is, that I cannot tell you this with freedom—with a happy heart?”
His hands captured her face, thumbs wiping the edges of her eyes. “I will make another deal with you, Bree. You hold onto the part that loves me without hesitation. And that troublesome part of you—the part that holds so fast to the fear—that part you need to leave to me. It is for me to whittle away at—whittle down until there is no fear left.”
Brianna’s chest tightened at his words, her heart aching.
If he could do that, truly do that for her… impossible. She swallowed hard. But she wanted to believe. Believe for him.
She nodded.
~~~
Not wanting Sebastian to see the motion, Brianna adjusted her leg on the sidesaddle as minutely as she could. Now was not the time for him to demand they take a break.
She looked over at Sebastian in the twilight. They were finally close to Plarington, only a few minutes away, and it had been an exhausting day—getting to Harry and Frannie in Hoppleton, packing up the few belongings they could take with them, and then traveling to the new town.
Their horses side-by-side, Frannie rode behind them alongside the horse carrying the belongings. Aside from it being the fastest way to get them to Plarington, Sebastian had not wanted to chance a carriage that could be identified delivering Frannie and Henry to the new home.
Brianna’s heart tightened as she looked at her husband’s profile. Harry was tucked in front of him, squirrelled up on his side, his cheek on Sebastian’s chest. The boy was fast asleep, and had been for the last hour of the ride. As comfortable and peaceful as Harry looked, she realized the awkward position Sebastian had to hold himself in just to keep Harry settled.
Harry murmured something, snuggling his head further into the crook between Sebastian’s chest and arm. If there was one thing Brianna had learned about her husband today, it was that he had a well of incredible patience—both with Harry and the entire situation. The last time she had moved Frannie and Harry, it had not gone nearly this well.
Sebastian glanced at her, a soft smile on his face.
Brianna’s heart tightened even further. That he did all of this, all of this just to help her, to ease her burden—she could not thank enough the fate that he was always talking about.
Minutes later, Sebastian was sliding Harry down from his lap to Frannie’s waiting arms. They had stopped all of the horses behind the new cottage so as to not draw attention to their arrival.
On the edge of Plarington, in the middle of a row of seven matching cottages, the home they had rented for Harry and Frannie was clean and bright, and there were other children in neighboring cottages for Harry to play with. Brianna knew she never would have found such a perfect place for them on her own.
Frannie carried Harry, still sleeping, in through the back door of the cottage as Brianna started to tie the horses to the post. Sebastian went right to the mound of belongings on the back of the fourth horse, removing them and piling them by the back door.
Brianna went to help him, but he caught her arm, stopping her from grabbing a heavy bag. “No. Let me. You can help unpack inside, but I do not want any more strain upon your leg.” He stopped, looking at her as he held a large satchel in front of his chest. “How is your leg? It was a long ride and you were fidgeting at the end of it.”
So much for hiding anything from him. Brianna shrugged. “It is not the most comfortable thing. But neither is it the worst.”
Sebastian’s eyes narrowed at her, and then with an acquiescing nod, he continued to move the belongings. Brianna stood by the door, watching him go back and forth from the horse.
“Harry quite adores you, Seb. It only took him a short time to warm to you, and then he could not leave you alone.” She fingered the twine wrapped around a burlap bag on the increasing mound next to her. She caught his eye as he set down his next load. “And you are very natural around him, Seb.”
“People are unnatural around children?”
“You would be surprised.”
He stacked three iron pots next to the pile. “Were these truly necessary?”
Brianna shrugged. “Frannie thinks they are. They have made every move, so I doubted you would be able to convince her otherwise. I never have.”
He turned back to the horse, head shaking. “Harry is a fine lad. And entertaining with his stories.”
She chuckled. “And he had a thousand to tell you.”
“That he did.” Sebastian continued his unloading.
“It makes me wish they could come with us to Notlund as you suggested, but we cannot risk it.” She watched Sebastian untie the last bundle from the horse. “Not now. Maybe someday.”
“You would like that, Brianna? Harry to live with us?”
She bit her tongue, afraid to utter the words. It was an unattainable dream, Harry living with them, safe, with no threat. No threat to Harry meant no threat to her. No threat to Lily. A dream.
Sebastian came to her, stopping in front of her. He set the last bundle next to his feet, and stood, looking down at her as he smacked his hands clean. “We will fix this, Bree—I will fix this. This—for you, for Harry, for Frannie—this is not what life should be.”
His voice hard, his hand went along her neck, fingers running up her spine in the exact spot that always sent shivers along her scalp. “I swear I will fix this, Bree. And I would like very much for Harry to live with us, if it will make you happy.”
She nodded, eyes closed. How very much she wanted to believe that. Believe this could be over. “Seb, seeing you today with Harry…”
“Yes?”
“It has made me think beyond this summer. Beyond today. I imagine Lily will be married soon, if she has anything to say on the matter. So our need to stay at Notlund will have ended, save for your business there with the horses, of course.”
“And you are wondering where our home will be?”
“Yes. We cannot live at Notlund forever.”
Sebastian’s hand dropped from her and he rubbed the scruff along his jawline. “I had not considered it. For the first time I have honestly been happy being in one place, and I had not thought past today. But you are right. I do believe it is time to consider the future.”
“What about your lands in Suffolk, your ancestral home?”
Sebastian instantly shook his head. “Mother is at Callish Hall, so I leave that domain to her. She has made it understood that I should not step foot on the Callish estate.”
Brianna stepped closer to him, grabbing the lapels of his dark jacket. “Is there no way to mend the break between you two?”
His jaw stiffened. “No.”
“Are you positive?”
“I have not been able to convince her of it, Bree. I destroyed everything she held dear, and there is no recovery from it.”
“But it is still unfair. It is your home. Maybe if—”
“Do not push this, Brianna.”
Her mouth snapped shut, stung.
His arms went around her before she could take a step backward. “I am sorry.” He sighed. “We could settle in Goldton, my secondary estate near Newmarket. I have not been by there in years, and I imagine it will need repairs. But it is within a hard, two-day ride from Notlund, which is convenient.”
He angled his head downward so she had to look into his eyes. “Why has Harry made you think of all this?”
She shook her head. “It is just dreams—thoughts—I know I cannot afford to have. Not now.”
“Thoughts of a simple life in the country?”
Her hand went up to his face, fingertips curling along the hair behind his temple. “Honestly, thoughts of you as a father. How could I see Harry with you and not imagine you as a fathe
r? You will be amazing—I can already see that.”
Silent, he looked at her stiffly, his eyebrows collapsing together as if she had just spoken in a foreign language to him.
Hand dropping from his temple, Brianna filled her lungs deep, her chest rising as a frown settled on her face and words rushed out. “My mind has wandered into waters it should not have. I know you are just becoming accustomed to staying in one place, to a wife—to not travelling—and I should not speak of a future that may never be, not with the threat on Harry, and not with—”
His fingers went over her mouth, stilling her words. “You speak of babes, Bree, and I do not know what to say.”
Her mouth moved beneath his fingertips. “You do not?”
“I do not know what to say,” his voice went low, heated, “because it makes me want to kick Frannie and Harry out of the cottage this very instant so I can throw you down on a bed and guarantee our first babe is well on his way. We will have that future, Bree. Harry with us. More babes than you can imagine. Half of them tumbling rapscallion boys, half of them the image of you. We will have all of that. Safe. Secure. Happy. You did not come into my life, Bree, not to make it so.”
He wiped the lone tear that had escaped from the corner of her eye.
“But I cannot build that life by myself—not without you, Bree. So I need you to believe in me. Believe that I can make that happen for you.”
Her breath stolen, Brianna could only stare at him, the light from within the cottage reflecting the acute vehemence in his brown eyes.
Slowly, the slight movement holding the weight of all she had ever wanted and had been forced to deny, she nodded.
Words found their way through her clenched throat. “I do. I believe in you, Seb.”
She did. Beyond any reason. Beyond the dread still hanging in her mind. Beyond her once shattered heart, now whole again.
She did believe.
{ Chapter 17 • Earl of Destiny }
Sebastian set the silver serving spoon for the eggs on a saucer, glancing at Lily piling her plate high with marmalade-smeared rolls and bacon.
“You are positive, Lily? I do not want to put you in an awkward position, but I do not have a handy excuse to get her to stay here at Notlund.”
Lily waved her hand, turning from the breakfast-laden sideboard to move to a seat at the table. “Do not worry on it. Of course I will help. Whatever surprise you have for Bree, I cannot wait to see it. Besides, she has more than neglected her duties with me as of late. And our guests. Not that I have minded. I only hope my future husband will be as thoughtful as you are to Bree.”
“How are things progressing with Lord Bepton?” Sebastian set his plate on the table and sat down next to her.
Lily glanced quickly about the room, and seeing only a footman, leaned toward Sebastian, her voice low. “Dull. Dull as the day is long.”
“Did you not realize that in London? How did he gain an invite here to Notlund?”
She shrugged. “Honestly, I was foxed during most of our encounters, and Bree somehow convinced me he would make a steadfast, attentive husband. Since she had better memory of him than I, I agreed.”
“So he is not all that you hoped for?”
“He is sweet, and will make a wonderful husband for someone.”
“Someone other than you?”
She smiled, popping a bite of bacon into her mouth.
The click of the side door to the dining hall sent both of their heads swinging to the doorway.
Brianna stepped into the room, her eyes flickering between Sebastian and Lily. “You two look…suspicious.”
Sebastian stood, moving over to the sideboard to collect a plate for his wife. “We do not usually get the company of Lily this early in the morning. It is a novelty.”
Brianna joined him at the sideboard, setting eggs and ham onto her plate. Sebastian set her across the table from Lily and went to his seat.
“My new brother-in-law was teasing me,” Lily said. “It makes me thankful I only had you, Bree, and not an older brother to contend with growing up.”
“I did not torture you enough when we were children?” Brianna asked, smile on her face.
“You did remarkably well, in that regard, sister,” Lily said.
“I was just explaining to Lily where we are going for the next week, to deliver Red Swallow to Lord Bayton’s estate for breeding, since he will not let his prize stud leave his sight,” Sebastian said. “But I was also regaling her with news of your exploits with Lord Bayton.”
“It seems your husband wants you to go along because you have Lord Bayton smitten,” Lily said. “But I do not see the necessity of it, Bree. The deal has already been made, so why do you have to go as well? You would not leave my side when Lord Newdale was here at Notlund, and now that Lord Bepton is here, I have barely seen you.”
“You are not interested in Lord Bepton, Lily. It is as simple as that,” Brianna said. “I have no fear that you will find yourself in a compromising situation with him—most directly because you yourself would not allow it.”
“And you feared I would compromise myself with Lord Newdale?”
Brianna shot her a wry look.
“What little you must think of me.” Lily’s face set to a pout.
“We will only be away for a week, Lily,” Brianna said. “By then, Lord Bepton will have departed, and you will be preparing for Lord Rallager and his cousins.”
“Which is exactly why I want you to stay, Bree. How will it appear if you are not present for both Bepton’s departure and Rallager’s arrival? It will appear dismissive, and you are the one that wanted me to give each of them a true chance.”
Brianna sighed, setting her fork, full of fluffy eggs, down and looking to Sebastian. “I fear Lily is right. Is it necessary for me to accompany you?”
“No. I will miss your company, by large.” Sebastian gave her a reassuring smile. “But I will be able to handle Lord Bayton. Though he will miss you as well, I imagine. I will just have to promise him another visit in the near future.”
“And that will give you an opportunity to bring a new mare with for breeding.” Brianna’s eyes lit up. “It is the perfect excuse to sneak in another match with his studhorse.”
Sebastian nodded with a smile. “Perfect. I do enjoy how your mind works, my wife.”
~~~
Brianna scanned the sideways titles of the books on the shelf in front of her. She looked over the leather-bound volumes slowly, enjoying the moment of silence in the empty library. She had, admittedly, been so consumed by her own commotion during the past month that she had momentarily forgotten about all of the drama that spun around her sister.
In the week since Sebastian had been gone, Brianna was reminded quite quickly of the whirlwind Lily twirled in the center of.
At least Sebastian would be back in another two days. Only two more nights in his cold bed without him. With the frenzy surrounding Lord Rallager and his family’s arrival, Sebastian would give her a harbor in the middle of the storm. A harbor she missed desperately. The past week had surprised her in how very much she had grown to depend on his presence—on how he stilled her mind.
“Brianna, here you are.” Wynne walked into the library. “Are you collecting the classics for Lord Rallager’s aunt? She just sent me after the very same thing. Cannot do without her Plato and Homer, she insists.”
Brianna chuckled. “Is it too early to persuade Lily away from Lord Rallager, merely because I do not want to wait upon his aunt hand and foot?” Brianna normally would not have uttered such a disparaging comment out loud, but Wynne was one person Brianna felt completely unfiltered around. Maybe because Wynne was an American, or maybe because no matter what Brianna told her, Wynne had never judged her. Not once.
“I think one more day like this, and that is well within proper bounds.” Wynne pointed at a tall shelf further into the library and slipped her hand into the crook of Brianna’s elbow, walking them toward it. “Forgive me, I f
eel as though I have neglected you and not spoken to you in weeks—other than to discuss menus. I am not accustomed to entertaining such as this, and it is taking a dreadful amount of time. Especially since Rowe had to travel to London. So many expectations to be managed, and beyond his aunt, several of Lord Rallager’s cousins have extremely exacting tastes in how they like to pass their time.”
Brianna nodded, pulling tomes from the shelf where Wynne stopped. “Yes. And I fear his aunt is here only to spoil any hopes Lily has of Rallager—if she even has any hopes with him.”
Wynne glanced up from the book she was flipping through. “Lily is still tethered to Lord Newdale?”
“I fear so, though she has been tight-lipped about Newdale as of late. Has she said anything to you?”
“No.”
“More importantly, have you been able to paint?”
Wynne offered a half-smile with a shrug. “Very little. But the end is in sight.”
“I am so sorry we have upended your life as much as we have done, Wynne.”
“Nonsense. I was able to enjoy the season—and both Rowe and I adore you and Lily. We both just want to see you two happy. Plus, I will be attending to other things when the next season comes about.”
Brianna looked from the spine of the book her hand was on to Wynne. “Already planning for next year? Why so far ahead?”
“What I am planning for has a very set timeline to it.” Wynne set two books down on the heavy oak table in the middle of the room and turned back to Brianna. “I am with child.”
Brianna spun to her, a shocked smile on her face as she grabbed Wynne in a tight hug. “I am so happy for you. When is the babe due?”
“It is still early—another five months, or so.”
“This is wonderful news, Wynne. Both you and the duke must be delighted.” Brianna’s smile faltered. “But you should not be run so ragged by these guests—I am suddenly overwhelmed with guilt.”
“We are—delighted. And there is no need for guilt. I am managing well. I have not been ill—something I am thankful for.” Wynne motioned to the bookcase, and they both turned to pull several more volumes. “Speaking of happiness, things are going well with you and Sebastian?”
Lord of Fates: A Complete Historical Regency Romance Series (3-Book Box Set) Page 48
