Lord of Fates: A Complete Historical Regency Romance Series (3-Book Box Set)

by K. J. Jackson

  She scoffed loudly, leaning against the table toward him, her voice hissing. “Heaven and earth? When did you ever try to move those for me, Garek? And sanity? You took my sanity, Garek. You.”

  She pushed herself away from the table, the back of her head banging into the wooden back of the tall booth. “Do you know what I did for months after you left me, Garek? I tried to forget—I questioned every single second of the time we spent together. Over and over and over.” Her head banged against the wood with every word.

  “It would drive anyone insane—going over those moments again and again with no end. Tearing them apart, looking for anything—the slightest clue as to why you would leave me—how I could not have seen what was coming.”

  Her head shook slowly, bitterness easing from her words. “All of those seconds—those moments. I could not convince myself I was so very wrong about you—about you wanting me—wanting to marry me. But I was wrong.”

  He didn’t answer her, offered no words of comfort, of explanation. He only stared at her with his hooded eyes, picking up the glass and taking another sip.

  She watched, silently, as he set the glass carefully down. Specific in his movements, his eyes stayed on the glass.

  “When you held me, Garek, I could lose myself in you.” Her voice faltered. “And it was never your size. It was that my mind could curl up into you. Safe, protected. You made the world right for me.”

  Lily bowed her head, tears threatening. “But then you left me alone, Garek, alone. And I have not been able to find sanity since that day.”

  A metal plate of bread and meat clanked onto the table, making Lily jump. The barmaid set a steaming mug of tea directly in front of Lily, giving her something other than the pockmarked wood of the table to stare at. The barmaid’s footsteps were long gone when Garek finally spoke.

  “You want to talk about alone, Lily? Then let us talk about prison.”

  Her face whipped up to him, only to find his eyes, cold and harsh, burrowing into her.

  “You were in prison? Garek—”

  “Yes, for robbing graves. For falsehoods. So let us talk about the filth I sat in for more than a year—cold and starving—for something I did not do. That—where I was in a barren cell—that was alone, Lily. More alone than you will ever know in your life.” He leaned forward, his chest hitting the table and sending the mug in front of her wobbling. She caught it before it tipped over.

  “If you were alone, Lily, you chose it. You.” Spite bled from his voice. “Look at all you had. You had your sister. Your season. Everyone in society at your feet.”

  She slapped him. Hard. Without warning.

  “What do you know of it? I did not have you, Garek. So, yes—yes, I was alone. All that time. Do you not think that was where my soul was? In the filth? Cold? Starving? Dead?”

  He offered no reaction from the slap. No reaction from her words. He merely sat back, leaning against the back of the booth, his words soft. “I saw you in London, Lily.”

  “What?” She blinked, dragging her wrist across the corner of her eye to clear wetness.

  “Early in the morning. Late spring—the season was almost over. I was on a random street, walking from a graveyard, looking to cross, and an open-air carriage barreled at me, two matching white horses thundering. I stepped back, and as it passed, something flew onto my feet—vomit.”

  “Vomit?”

  “I looked up, and it was you in the carriage, retching over the side. Your sister was behind you, holding you.”

  Lily jerked back from the table, horrified.

  “I started after you, concerned, worried—even then I thought I could forgive you for what you did to me. I thought I still wanted you. But then you stood up in the carriage, spinning and laughing in your bright pink gown, pointing at me, heckling. And then you fell down out-of-sight, disappearing.”

  Her mouth agape, Lily’s head swung back and forth, disbelief furrowing her brow. “I vomited on you? Then laughed? Garek, I…I would never have…I dreamed of you all the time—about loving you…about hating you. About how I needed to hate you. But I could never bring myself to do it. Not truly. I would never have laughed at you, Garek—never.”

  “You did.” Malice hollowed his low voice. “And I realized you were drunk. Just as you are now. Embarrassingly, gutter drunk. Not the woman I knew. Not the woman I had loved.”

  “Garek, no—I—”

  “Yes you, Lily.” He cut her off, his voice turning brutal. “You ripped away everything from me on that day—the very last thing I had to hold onto. In that instant, I realized who you truly were—a selfish child with no regard for others. I realized our time together was a lie—you were merely an actress using me to get what she wanted. It was in that moment I realized you needed to feel my pain.”

  Lily gasped.

  Garek’s eyes didn’t flinch. His jawline hard, he stared at her, his eyes still hooded, a mystery to her.

  This couldn’t be. Garek could not be this callous. Not the man that had been her life, her everything.

  No. Impossible. She had drunk too much and she wasn’t hearing his words correctly. He didn’t possess this viciousness.

  The air left her lungs, shaking as it slipped from her lips.

  “You were the one that flippantly threw me away, threw away my love, Lily. But unlike what you did, I thought you at least deserved the courtesy of an explanation. A reason why.”

  “So you are here for revenge? Against me?” She said the words numbly, not believing they could possibly be true.

  Garek offered one nod, leaning across the table to her. “I wanted there to be no chance this did not ruin you. Did not destroy your life. I want you to hurt, Lily. Hurt like I did that day on the street.”

  No. God no.

  Her gut clenched, bile threatening, speeding up her throat. Frantic, she fumbled to the edge of the booth.

  Garek’s hand clamped her upper arm in an instant, dragging her toward the back door of the tavern. He flung open the door, spinning her to the outside wall of the tavern.

  Just in time.

  Her fingers clawed at the stone wall of the inn as she leaned over, retching all the liquid she had just consumed, trying to avoid her skirts.

  Avoid your skirts. That was what Brianna had reminded her time and again in London. Avoid the skirts. It gave the maids extra work to clean them.

  Lily concentrated on that one task as heave after heave racked her body.

  Rain dripped onto the back of her head, the moisture reaching her scalp. Rain. When had that started? And heavy enough that the wetness had already soaked through the back of her tight-fitting jacket, cooling her skin.

  Her body quivering, depleted, Lily tried to take a step away from the wall, but Garek’s hold on her didn’t loosen. He pulled her backward, dragging her back through the door, and then pushed the small of her back up the stairs adjacent to the door. His fingers stayed tight around her upper arm the entire time.

  Moving her through two hallways, he finally stopped, opening the door to a room and sending her through.

  “Get in the bed.”

  Lily couldn’t take a step in any direction.

  Not forward. Not backward.

  Outside, behind the tavern, her body had understood immediately what her mind couldn’t quite comprehend.

  Garek wanted her destroyed.

  The thought, his words, sat dull in her mind, unable to turn into belief, into reality.

  Garek pushed her forward, turning her and setting her on the bed. Lily leaned, dropping to her side and curling into a ball.

  Her head spinning, she watched him move about the room.

  And then it hit her. Not what was past. But what was to come.

  She tried, but could not lift her head, it had become so heavy. But she wasn’t going to let that stop her from asking the question, her voice dull. “You do not intend to marry me, do you, Garek?”

  Digging through a satchel sitting atop a bureau across the room,
Garek stopped. It took a moment for him to turn to her. He walked across the room, stopping right before her head.

  Staring at his thighs, Lily made a fist under her temple, angling her head far enough upward so she could see him staring down at her.

  “Maybe I will marry you. Maybe I will not.”

  “No.” Lily used her last reserve of strength, pushing herself half upright. “No. I will leave right now. I can still get back.”

  Garek only stepped away, grabbing a simple wooden chair and pulling it near the bed. He sat, leaning back in the chair, and threw his feet up upon the foot of the bed. Elbows bent, his hands clasped behind his head.

  “Get back to what, Lily?” His eyes closed as he deepened his lean on the chair. “Besides, I cannot let you go back yet. Not yet.”

  Lily looked at the angle of him. He had effectively trapped her in the bed. There was no way she could get past him, escape him with the current state of her body.

  She slumped back down in the bed, huddling into herself.

  Garek was right. What was back at Notlund for her, anyway? A perverted lecher?

  Her head spun into darkness.

  No backward. No forward.

  { Chapter 15 • Marquess of Fortune }

  Lily opened her eyes, ignoring the muck of thick cotton stuffed into her head. She had become quite adept at ignoring how her body truly felt after getting foxed.

  Still on her side, still in her riding habit, Lily wiggled her toes. Her boots were gone. Rain still lashed at the window, sheets spraying across the glass in windy gales.

  His back to her, Garek set down the fire poker and walked across the room, stopping by the bureau and pulling items from the bag.

  In silence, she watched him rummage through the contents. All of his clothes were still intact, including his dark boots. Hessians, as far as she could tell from the angle and the dim light. All of his clothes, from his boots to his black jacket fit him well, crisply. She had not noticed that the night before. When had Garek come into money enough for such fine clothes?

  He pulled free a white linen shirt, setting it on the top of the bureau.

  “There are scones and tea on the side table,” Garek said, not turning around to her.

  Had she opened her eyes that loudly?

  Lily tilted her head upward on the bed to see a plate of breads, a cup, and a teapot sitting atop a silver platter on a table by the wall. Her chin dropped back down, her eyes going to Garek’s back.

  He stripped off his jacket, his arms moving gingerly. Before she could wonder at it, the darkness of his jacket fell, and she could see his linen shirt beneath. Bloody spots scattered the white cloth.

  Lily jerked upright, swinging her legs off the bed.

  By the time she was across the room to Garek, he was already peeling the shirt up over his head. “Garek, your back. It is bloody.”

  He glanced over his shoulder at her, then looked down at the shirt in his hand. Bloody splotches marred the cloth, undeniable.

  He spun to face her, removing his back from her sight. “It is nothing you should be concerned with, Lily.”

  She grabbed the shirt from his hands, holding it up. “Some of this is fresh blood, Garek, so yes, I am concerned. Why are you bleeding like this?”

  He shrugged. “Glass shards.”

  “Glass that is still in your skin?”

  “Possibly.”

  “How did you get glass embedded into your back?”

  His mouth clamped shut, his lips drawing back into a hard line.

  Eyes to the ceiling, Lily dropped the cloth, pushing him aside. She reached for his bag, starting to rummage through the contents.

  Garek grabbed her wrist, stilling her. “What do you think you are doing?”

  Her glare went straight to his eyes. “I am finding your surgical tools. They are in here, are they not?” She tried flicking his hold away from her wrist.

  His hooded eyes pinning her, he dropped his fingers from her wrist without a word.

  Her look slid downward, only to land on his bare chest.

  The bare chest she had once strained against in sheer ecstasy. Once rested on in complete peace.

  Damn her wandering eyes.

  She swallowed hard. Even though she couldn’t quite fully believe it, she had to remember Garek was out to destroy her in every sense of the word.

  Yet she still wasn’t going to let him walk around bleeding.

  Lily turned back to the bag. “It is good to know you have not lost all good sense.” Her words sank to a mumble as she dug further into the bag. She pushed aside clothes, finding the bottom of the bag. Smooth leather touched her finger. Down in the furthest corner, untouched.

  She glanced at Garek. How long had it been since he had used these?

  Pulling free the leather wallet, Lily set it down, setting free the latch holding the leather flaps together. She quickly found the fine-pointed tweezers among the silver instruments and pulled them free.

  A quick glance to the window told her the dark downpour would offer little light, so she pointed to the fireplace. “Come. Sit down by the fire.”

  Garek’s jaw flexed. “I do not need you to do this, Lily.”

  “No, you do not.” She flashed him annoyed eyes. “Because it will be so much easier for you to pluck the glass out of your back by yourself.”

  She held the tweezers out to him. “Here. Go ahead. I will just watch.”

  His jaw shifted sideways before he let out a sigh and turned from her, moving to the fireplace.

  “Sit on the floor,” Lily said as she followed him, grabbing the wooden chair and dragging it across the room.

  Garek sat, his legs stretching out straight before he propped up his knees, his forearms resting on them. Lily sat the chair behind him, then brought the wash basin and pitcher, along with a fresh cloth, over from the washstand. Setting the bowl on the floor, Lily perched herself on the edge of the chair, scooting forward until she was close to Garek’s skin.

  Dabbing away both dried and fresh blood with the wet cloth, Lily found six obvious wounds with glass in the skin, still trickling blood. Her fingers stretching his skin tight, she went after the first shard with the tweezers.

  “When was the last time you used your medical instruments?”

  “Your sister.”

  Lily yanked the first shard free and sat back, pausing for a moment. “Since Brianna?”

  “Yes.” The word snapped out, filling the room.

  Lily blinked hard at Garek’s reaction. Obviously a sore spot—as every word from her seemed to be. But then, he wasn’t here for conversation. He was here for her pain, by his own admission.

  She leaned forward, wiping clean the area she had just pulled a shard from, and then moved to the next spot. The edge of this piece of glass was harder to find, set just below the surface of his skin. Lily tugged and squeezed the skin around the glass sliver, trying to plump it out far enough to grasp. “Are we leaving today?”

  “No. Not unless the rain ceases. Ouch.” He jerked forward.

  “Sorry. It slipped.”

  Garek eased back close to her. “One can hardly see through the rain to the stable from the tavern door.”

  Lily plucked. “So we are stuck here?”

  “Yes, at least until the rain eases enough to travel.”

  She flicked the shard into the fire, then turned to him, dabbing at the next spot. “What happened to you, Garek?”

  He shrugged. “It was minor. I was tackled in that little structure by the stables at Notlund—a painting studio? We hit the wall with paint jars stacked along it—they fell, and I landed on them.”

  “Who tackled you?”

  “Brianna’s husband. I had found Brianna in the studio by herself and went in to talk to her about you, and Lord Luhaunt decided to first attack, instead of ask, when he found us.”

  “Ahhh. He is not a man to trifle with, that one. Especially when it comes to Bree.” Lily could not hold in a smile. At least Brianna�
��s life was right with Sebastian—never mind that her own had just been upended beyond comprehension.

  “Do you like him?”

  “I do. He understands my sister like no other. Better than even I do, if I have to admit.”

  “And you loathe to admit it, I imagine?”

  She chuckled. “I do. Do not ever tell him I did.”

  “I would not dare.”

  Lily shifted on the edge of the chair, grabbing Garek’s shoulders to angle him more to the light of the fire. This was so close to the easy conversation that she always remembered with him. So close to normal.

  She wrung out the cloth, starting on the next sliver of glass. Maybe she could ask him now. Ask him what she had wondered all night, what had haunted her fitful dreams.

  “Garek, what happened to you when you left Annadale?” she asked, her voice hesitant. “I know you mentioned the prison last night, but you have just…changed so much.”

  “Whatever you see in me now, you can thank your sister for, thank yourself for.”

  Lily squeezed his skin a little too hard, and she knew it, but Garek didn’t flinch away. She looked up at the back of his head. “What Brianna did a year and a half ago does not matter, Garek. It never did.”

  “How can you even say that?” He looked over his shoulder at her. “It sure as hell does matter, Lily.”

  “No. I was the one most harmed by her actions, and I could care less what Brianna did. She was trying to protect me, in her own misguided way. Protect me because she loves me. But that day she offered you money to leave me, you had a choice, Garek—a choice. You. And you chose not to fight for me. You chose to take the money and leave. Money over me.”

  He twisted fully around, his hard eyes pinning her. “You blame me for that? I was the one that chose money over you? You are changing history, Lily. Changing it to ease your own conscience. You were the one that would not see me. You were the one that offered me the money to leave. And Brianna supported it, encouraged it. Made sure it happened. I had no hope of you, Lily, so what choice did I have except to leave?”

  “What?” Lily’s head shook, confusion creasing her brow. “Garek, I did not offer you the money to leave. Brianna did.”