The Case of the Lovable Labs

by B R Snow

  I stopped at a spot where two stone paths converged, and I glanced around for signs of my mother and Freddie. Not seeing either of them, I whistled softly.

  “We’re over here, darling.”

  I followed my mother’s voice and was soon standing in a section of the garden I was very familiar with. Two wooden benches surrounded a birdbath, and two blue jays were enjoying a morning dip and ignoring the activity that surrounded them. Chief Abrams was talking to a state police detective next to Bill’s body that was sprawled out on the ground in front of one of the benches. Freddie was already bent down and examining the body. I approached my mother and gave her another long hug, then waved at Chief Abrams. He and the detective strolled over.

  “Good morning,” Chief Abrams said.

  “Hey, Chief,” I said. “Hi, Detective Williams.”

  “Hi, Suzy,” the detective said, then he noticed my quizzical expression. “Yeah, he’s dead.”

  “Any signs of a struggle? Or wounds to the body?” I said, glancing back and forth at the two cops.

  “No,” Chief Abrams said.

  “So, it’s similar to what we saw with Roger in the restaurant?” I said, sneaking a quick peek at the body.

  “So far,” Detective Williams said. “I’d have to say it’s almost identical.”

  “That means the same person killed both of them?” I said, grimacing as my temples started to pound.

  “That’s our guess,” the Chief said. “But we can’t be sure until we get some test results back.” He glanced over at Freddie who was still hunched down over the body. “What do you think, Freddie? Since it’s the second one with what looks like the same method, do you think we can get priority on the toxicology?”

  “I can try, Chief,” Freddie said, getting to his feet.

  “I’ll make a few calls,” Detective Williams said.

  “If the same person killed both of them, that shoots my theory out of the water,” Chief Abrams said.

  “How so?” I said.

  “I really liked the daughter for the first one,” the Chief said. “But if she did both of them, that would mean she was getting way too friendly with her own father. If you get my drift.”

  “Got it,” I said, frowning. “That’s disgusting, Chief.”

  “Yes, it is,” he said. “And that’s why I said it blows my theory out of the water.”

  “Not if Faith had the poison in a piece of candy or something like that,” I said. “You know, they went for a little father-daughter walk in the garden, and she offered him something like a…oh, what’s that candy called?”

  “Are you talking about jelly candy?” Detective Williams said. “Like Spearmint Leaves or Orange Slices?”

  “No, that’s not it,” I said, shaking my head.

  “Chuckles?” the Chief said.

  “That’s it,” I said, nodding.

  “I loved those when I was a kid,” Chief Abrams said. “Do they still make them?”

  “Chuckles?” Detective Williams said. “I’m sure they do.” He thought quietly for a moment. “Yeah, I guess that’s possible.”

  “And she was walking around with that bag in her purse,” I said. “Freddie, how long before you get the results back on the pills?”

  “Who do I look like, Houdini?” Freddie said, scowling at us. “One of Detective Williams’ guys is driving down this morning to drop it off at the lab. We might hear something tomorrow.”

  “That works,” the Chief said.

  “I just have one small question for you,” Freddie said. “What possible motive would Faith have to kill her father?”

  “I have no idea,” the Chief said, shaking his head.

  “That’s why I still like the mother for it,” Detective Williams said. “If she was capable of killing her current lover, I doubt if she’d think twice about getting rid of her ex-husband. Who, based on everything you’ve told me, she hated with a passion.”

  “I guess I can see that,” I said, frowning.

  “What’s the matter?” the Chief said, staring at me.

  “It’s just too weird,” I said. “We were just about to focus on Bill as a possible suspect in Roger’s murder, then he shows up dead. Faith shows up at our table last night and drops a bag of suspicious looking pills on the table. And judging by the look on her face, she didn’t have a clue what they were or what they were doing in her purse. Not to mention the two aunts who were pounding Kamikaze’s all night. They had a history with Roger as well, and they both seem delighted that the guy was dead. And, of course, now we’ve got the mysterious woman who works for the catering company.”

  “What mysterious woman?” Detective Williams said, raising an eyebrow at me.

  I spent a few minutes bringing him up to speed on the woman named Jessie. When I finished, Detective Williams jotted down a few notes. “I definitely want to talk with her.”

  “That shouldn’t be a problem,” I said. “She’s spending the summer here working for her uncle.”

  “Good,” the detective said, sitting down on one of the benches and rubbing his forehead. “Even if we get a match on the poison, you do know we could end up just chasing our tail on this one.”

  “I do,” the Chief said, sitting down on the opposite bench. “Unless we get lucky and have a witness come forward. Even Faith can make a pretty good case for herself. When she went to the emergency room yesterday, she was separated from her purse for at least a couple of hours. Anybody could have put those pills in her bag. I don’t know. I guess I still like her for both murders.”

  I felt my neurons surge, and I stared off into the distance. I closed my eyes and then began to slowly nod my head.

  “Uh-oh,” the Chief said, a grin starting to form. “She’s got that look.”

  “Darling?”

  “Yes, Mom?”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Darling, I’ve seen fine before. That isn’t it.”

  “No, really,” I said, blinking as I refocused on the others. “I’m okay.”

  “Talk to me, Suzy,” the Chief said.

  “It looks like we have somebody around who definitely wanted Roger and Bill dead, right?”

  “Nothing gets past you,” my mother said, laughing.

  “Shut it, Mom,” I said, making a face at her. “And right now, that person is probably walking around very confident, maybe even convinced, that they have gotten away with it.”

  “I think we’re going to need a bit more, Suzy,” the Chief said, glancing at the detective who was staring up at me, baffled.

  “What if Bill really isn’t dead?” I said softly.

  “Uh, Suzy,” Freddie said. “I’ve been doing this stuff quite a while, and I have to tell you in no uncertain terms that the guy laying at my feet is most definitely dead.”

  “Have you called it in yet?” I said, glancing back and forth at the Chief and the detective. “I mean, have you put it out on the radio that he’s dead?”

  “No,” Detective Williams said. “The only thing that came over the radio was that assistance was needed here at your mom’s place.”

  “After your mom called me, I only called Freddie and the state police,” the Chief said. “And when I got here, it was pretty clear he was a goner, so I decided to wait to call an ambulance until Freddie had a chance to do his thing.”

  “Freddie, does anybody know you’re here?” I said.

  “Nope,” he said, shaking his head.

  “Mom, did you speak to anyone else?”

  “No, darling,” she said, frowning. “Is there a point to all these annoying questions?”

  “Well, since we really don’t have any solid clues about who did kill them, maybe we should try smoking the killer out,” I said.

  “And how do you suggest we do that?” Detective Williams said.

  “By casually getting the word out that Bill isn’t dead,” I said, glancing around to gauge everyone’s reaction.

  “You want to fake
the guy’s death?” Freddie said, frowning.

  “Actually, I think we’d be faking his life,” I said with a small shrug.

  “That’s the goofiest thing I’ve ever heard,” Detective Williams said.

  “We really need to find you a boyfriend, darling. Have you completely lost your mind?”

  “Anything’s possible, Mom,” I said, flashing her a quick smile before refocusing. “We could create a cover story about how Bill is in some sort of coma and has been admitted into intensive care at Upstate Medical. Do you think you could get the hospital administrators down there to go along with some sort of story like that?”

  “If it was presented to them as a way to catch a murderer, they might,” Detective Williams said, leaning forward on the bench. “But not if there was any chance we might be turning a killer loose in their hospital.”

  “That shouldn’t be a problem,” I said. “Obviously, Bill won’t actually be there. And we could get the word out that there was a strict no-visitor policy in effect. Even if the mother or daughter showed up, they wouldn’t be able to get in the room to see him.” I focused on Detective Williams. “What do you think so far?”

  “I’m gonna stick with goofy for the moment.”

  My mother and Chief Abrams snorted. I gave them a cold stare, then continued.

  “After a day or two, we could get the word out that Bill was out of intensive care and being transferred back to the Clay Bay hospital.”

  “As well as let everybody know that his condition was still touch and go, but he was expected to eventually make a full recovery,” the Chief said, nodding.

  “Exactly,” I said, beaming at him.

  “And you’re expecting that whoever killed him, just might show up at the hospital to finish the job?” Detective Williams said.

  “Wouldn’t you?” I said. “If there was a chance the person you thought you’d killed might make a full recovery and be more than happy to identify you to the police?”

  “Yeah, I probably would at that,” the detective said, nodding. “But I don’t know, Suzy. I’m not even sure if this sort of thing would be legal.”

  “The guy’s already dead,” I said, shrugging. “It’s not like we’re putting him in any jeopardy. You can just send him on his way to the morgue with instructions for the people working there to keep their mouths shut for a couple of days.”

  “Still, I don’t know,” Detective Williams said, then he turned to Chief Abrams. “What do you think?”

  “I don’t like the idea of lying to the guy’s family,” the Chief said. “There’s obviously no affection between any of them, but still…Nah, I don’t like it.”

  “I don’t like lying to them, either,” I said. “But since the mom and daughter are two of the prime suspects, we obviously wouldn’t be able to tell them.” Then a neuron flared, and I flinched. “Jill. We need to call Jill.”

  “That’ll ruin her honeymoon,” my mother said.

  “Yeah, it sure will. But as soon as the dust settles with her dad, they can head back down to Grand Cayman,” I said.

  “Will they be able to get away from work again?” my mother said.

  “We’ll make it work,” I said.

  “That’s my girl,” my mother said, patting my forearm. “But as far as your latest dose of insanity goes, I’m with the Chief. I don’t like it.”

  “All I see in my future are all sorts of malpractice lawsuits,” the Chief said, shaking his head.

  “Tell me about it,” Detective Williams said. “And there’s no way I can run the risk of ending up in the same place with some of the creatures I’ve put away.”

  “Relax. You guys worry too much. I’m sure you’d get probation. Or a cushy stint at a country club prison at worst,” I deadpanned.

  But my attempt at humor was met with blank stares, so I decided to shift gears.

  “We’re trying to catch a murderer here,” I said. “And who says she’s going to stop at two? Maybe she has a whole list of people she plans to take out.”

  “You’re convinced the killer’s a woman?” Freddie said.

  “I am. And as soon as she hears that Bill isn’t dead, I’m betting there’s a good chance panic is going to set in.”

  “Geez, I don’t know, Suzy,” the Chief said, shaking his head. “Pushing the envelope is one thing, but this is just-”

  “Goofy,” Detective Williams interjected.

  “Aren’t you forgetting something?” Freddie said.

  “What’s that?” I said.

  “How would it be possible for somebody to survive cyanide poisoning?”

  “Based on the guy laying on the ground, obviously it would appear to be impossible. I’ll concede the point,” I said. “But the killer doesn’t know that. Maybe he only got a trace of the poison before he spit it out. Maybe it was a bad batch of cyanide or way past its expiration date.”

  “I don’t think cyanide has an expiration date, Suzy,” Freddie said.

  “Geez, Freddie, I’m just spitballing here,” I said, my voice rising. “Work with me.”

  “Getting back to goofy,” Detective Williams said. “How exactly do you see this playing out?”

  “Well, like I said, I’m still working my way through it,” I said, turning defensive. “But if we can get the word out that Bill isn’t being guarded when he comes back to the local hospital, the killer just might be lured back to finish the job. You know, slip in during the middle of the night, and take care of it. You’ve been in the hospital at night. It’s very quiet, and we can work with the staff to make sure they make themselves scarce.”

  “And we’d be waiting in the hospital room for the killer to show up?” the Chief said.

  “Sure,” I said, nodding. “We’ll just leave the lights off, and you’d be able to hide in there. But we’d need someone actually in the bed to make it realistic.”

  “That won’t be a problem,” the Chief said.

  “You got somebody in mind?” Detective Williams said.

  “Yeah. Me.”

  “What?” Chief Abrams said, staring in disbelief at me.

  “Now hang on a second,” my mother said. “You may have just crossed the line into clinically insane, darling, but you’re still my daughter. I’m not comfortable letting you put yourself in that sort of danger.”

  “I’ll be fine, Mom. The Chief and Detective Williams will be there the whole time.”

  “And it might be the only way we’ll be able to keep a close eye on her and make sure she stays out of trouble,” Chief Abrams said with a shrug.

  “Well, there is that,” my mother said, nodding. “But I really don’t like the idea at all.”

  “Don’t you want to stop a possible serial killer from doing it again?” I said.

  “Not as much as I want a healthy daughter capable of giving me grandchildren,” she said with a wistful stare into the distance. “Dare I dream.”

  “Don’t start, Mom.”

  “I’m going to need to run this way up the chain of command,” Detective Williams said.

  “What do you think their reaction is going to be?” the Chief said.

  “About covering up a murder and using a civilian guinea pig to try to catch the killer? What do you think their reaction is going to be?”

  “I’m not sure I appreciate the guinea pig reference,” I said, scowling at Detective Williams.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. What term would you prefer? Lab rat? Bait?” he said, returning my stare.

  “There’s no need to get snarky, Detective,” I said, pouting. “Guinea pig just has a lot of negative connotations. And now that I think about it, lab rat isn’t much better.”

  “I’m not sure you can pull this off,” the Chief said, chuckling. “You’d need to stay very still and keep your mouth shut at all times.”

  “Good luck with that,” my mother said, laughing.

  “You’re a big help,” I said, glaring at her.

  “I can’t believe you people are seriously considerin
g doing this,” Freddie said.

  “Me either,” the Chief and Detective Williams said in unison.

  Chapter 13

  Josie and Chef Claire popped bite-sized Snickers and listened closely with blank stares as I outlined my plan. My mother, having already heard the story, as well as run out of questions and the energy to protest any further, rested her head on the back of the couch in my office and closed her eyes. I finished, sat back in my chair, and put my feet up on the desk pleased with my performance.

  “So, what do you think?” I said, glancing back and forth at them.

  “I’m thinking about taking up base jumping,” Josie said to Chef Claire.

  “Good for you,” Chef Claire said, nodding. “I’m planning on going on an African safari. I think a stuffed elephant head would look great over the fireplace.”

  “What?” I said, baffled.

  “Oh, I thought we were playing Who can up with the most insane idea?” Josie said, shaking her head at me. “You know, that game you always win.”

  “You could at least try to be supportive,” I said, pouting.

  “Oh, I’m going to be supportive, Suzy,” she whispered. “Rest assured, I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you get the best shrink money can buy.”

  Chef Claire and my mother both snorted.

  “Funny. I think it’s a great plan.”

  “I just have one question,” Josie said.

  “What?”

  “Are you out of your freaking mind?” Josie said.

  “Rhetorical, right?” Chef Claire said, grinning at her.

  “Don’t waste your breath, ladies,” my mother said. “I’ve already gone ten rounds with her.”