The Case of the Lovable Labs

by B R Snow

  He pushed the wheelchair up the incline, and we followed my mother and Chief Abrams up the path. From what I could tell, the Chief was getting quite an earful, but he only nodded in silence as he picked up the pace. But my mother stayed right with him the entire trip like a terrier nipping at his heels.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Josie said, walking next to the wheelchair.

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine. But it really hurts. And I think I’ve got a pretty bad burn.”

  “You were lucky,” she said. “It could have been a lot worse.”

  “Yeah, I know. But don’t tell my mother that.”

  “I think she’s probably going to be able to figure that out all by herself, Suzy.”

  “Trust me, at times like this, silence and denial are your best friends.”

  Chapter 23

  Despite my strong protests, I was admitted to the hospital overnight so the staff could keep a close eye on the second-degree burn I’d suffered. But I must admit that my protests faded as soon as the painkillers they gave me started to kick in. By the time the staff had cleaned and bandaged my wound, I was groggy and could barely manage a few whispered expletives while they helped me out of my clothes and into one of the dreaded hospital gowns. My mother and Josie hovered throughout the process, then sat down near my bed and chatted with the nurse and doctor as I began to drift off.

  I woke up in the middle of the night in complete darkness, thoroughly confused about where I was. Then I felt my shoulder throb, and it all came back to me in a flash. I stared up at the ceiling, and since I was simply too tired to fight back, I let my neurons run wild. But they were drug-addled and made no sense whatsoever.

  But I did manage to devote some time to Jessie and Missy and her three labs who’d soon be wondering what had happened to their mama. Over time, I was pretty sure that, unlike Jessie, they’d be able to forget about being left on their own at a very young age and be able to move forward and give their full love and affection to someone else. I was less certain that Jessie would ever be able to do the same. Given her history of mental problems, I was pretty sure she’d be institutionalized instead of imprisoned, and I imagined it would take many years before she could convince the people assigned to watch over her that she was well enough to rejoin the rest of us in mainstream society. But I had no doubts about what was going to happen to Missy. She was going away for a very long time. And I was sure she would spend many sleepless nights thinking about what she’d done, and how poorly she’d performed carrying out her duties as the person responsible for making sure Jessie was secure and able to cope with life on the outside. More than the two murders, I was certain her failure as the young woman’s sponsor would be the thing that kept her awake at night then haunted her dreams.

  I’d woken up thirsty, and I reached for the water container. I bumped the tray next to the bed, and the noise woke Josie who was still in one of the chairs next to the bed and barely visible in the dim light.

  “What’s going on?” she said, still half-asleep. “You need to go to the bathroom?”

  “No, I think I can hold it until morning,” I said. “But I do need a drink of water.”

  She turned on the small lamp next to the bed and held the water container close as I sipped from the straw.

  “Did my mother go home?” I said, glancing over at the empty chair.

  “Yeah, right,” Josie said, laughing. “Like that’s gonna happen. She left about a half-hour ago to take a walk with Chief Abrams.”

  “That poor man,” I said, managing a small smile. “I better get back on my feet before she wears him down to a nub.”

  “Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure she’s saving her best stuff for you,” she said, sitting down in the chair. “But maybe it’s time you starting thinking about getting out of the crime solving business.”

  “The first guy dropped dead in our restaurant, Josie,” I said, pushing myself further up in bed with my good arm. “And we found the second guy in my mother’s garden. It’s not like I went looking for it.”

  “I know, but still,” she said, already looking for a way to end the conversation.

  “And in case you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty good at this stuff.”

  “Yes, you are. But just a few inches higher and a foot to the right that flare would have either killed you or done so much damage to your face you’d wish it would have,” she said. “And you have such a nice face.”

  “Oh, aren’t you sweet.”

  “Don’t let it go to your head,” she said, again holding the water container close. “I’m just saying that there are times when you need to step back and let the cops do their thing.”

  “Like getting stuck in a bathroom doorway?”

  “Yeah,” she said, grinning. “That is pretty funny. I would have liked to have seen that.”

  “Aren’t you forgetting something?” I said.

  “What?”

  “You haven’t made one crack about my gown.”

  “I’d never make fun of you while you were hurt or in pain.”

  “Because they’ll be plenty of time for that after I make a full recovery, right?”

  “Nothing gets past you.”

  The door slowly opened, and my mother and Chief Abrams stuck their heads inside.

  “What are you doing up?” my mother said, approaching the bed.

  “I woke up thirsty.”

  “Consider yourself fortunate to be able to wake up at all,” my mother said.

  “Geez, Mom. Let it go,” I said, returning her stare. “I got shot in the shoulder by a flare gun. Big deal. I’m sure it happens all the time.”

  “We’ll discuss this further after you get back home,” she muttered under her breath.

  “I can’t wait,” I said, then focused on Chief Abrams who was standing behind my mother. “How are you doing, Deputy Fife?”

  “I’m fine,” the Chief said through a forced, tight-lipped smile.

  “I was just having a little chat with the Chief, and we’ve decided that you will no longer be allowed to participate in any of these shenanigans.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure that was a mutual decision. Save your breath, Mom.”

  “Now you listen to me, young lady.”

  “No, Mom, for once you’re going to listen to me,” I said, fighting through the fog of the painkillers, my voice rising. “I’m going to live my life the way I choose. And if some of my choices lead me into situations you consider stupid or even dangerous, that’s tough noogies for you. So, I suggest you just suck it up and find a way to deal with it. And if you don’t like hearing it, that’s your problem, not mine.”

  “Whoa,” Josie said, staring at me in disbelief, then at my mother. “I’m sensing a firestorm brewing on the horizon. Maybe we should leave, Chief.”

  “Stay right where you are,” I snapped, then immediately softened. “I may need witnesses.”

  My mother burst out laughing and shook her head as she stared at me.

  “Well played, darling. It looks like some of the life lessons I’ve tried to instill about being tough and not taking crap from anybody are finally starting to take root.”

  I sat back in bed and gnawed at my bottom lip. Once again, my mother had managed to snatch the upper hand back just before she was about to go down in a crushing defeat.

  “How do you do that, Mom?”

  “You’re good at solving murders,” she said with a shrug. “I’m an expert with the snappy comeback.”

  “Okay, we’ll call it a draw,” I said, nodding.

  “A draw? Nice try, darling. I don’t think so.”

  The door opened, and a nurse entered. She glanced around, frowning.

  “It’s a little late for visitors, don’t you think?” the nurse said. “I just came in to take a quick look at that wound. Are you still in pain?”

  “Actually, I am,” I said, glancing over at my mother. “But at the moment, it’s another part of my body that’s hurting.”

  “Funny, da
rling.”

  The nurse ushered everyone out, changed my bandage that was already bloody, then gave me another painkiller.

  “Will I be able to go home tomorrow?”

  “Yes, I’m pretty sure you will,” she said, fluffing my pillows. “But you’ll need to take it easy for a few days at least.”

  “That won’t be a problem,” I said, yawning. “I’m really good at that.”

  “Get your rest.”

  She left the room, then I nodded off again. And I didn’t wake up until the smell of coffee and bacon invaded my dreams and gradually pulled me from my sleep. I opened my eyes expecting to see a staff person holding a tray of hospital food but instead saw Chef Claire standing next to my bed holding a large traveler mug of coffee and an object I recognized immediately even though it was wrapped in aluminum foil.

  “Good morning,” Chef Claire said. “How are you feeling?”

  “Okay, I think,” I said, sitting up in bed. “But not as good as I will be in a few minutes. Is that what I think it is?”

  “It is,” she said unwrapping the sandwich and handing it to me.

  It was called The Josie and was on our lunch menu at the restaurant, but we made them at home on a regular basis for breakfast. Two over easy eggs and way too much bacon sat between a waffle that was cut in half and slathered with an apple-maple butter. I took a bite and was glad I was sitting in bed because the sandwich was a total knee-buckler and with only one good arm I don’t think I would have been able to break my fall.

  “Where’s Josie?” I mumbled through a mouthful as I reached for a napkin.

  “She’s still outside,” Chef Claire said, laughing. “She couldn’t wait five minutes until we got here to eat hers, and she ended up dripping egg all over my car. I told her she couldn’t come in until she cleaned up her mess.”

  “Good for you. Not that she’s going to learn her lesson. Have you seen my mother around?”

  “She’s at the front desk handling your discharge paperwork.”

  “That’s great. I can’t wait to get home and see the dogs.”

  “I can’t believe you got shot,” Chef Claire said.

  “Yeah, me either. I don’t recommend it.”

  “You were very lucky,” she said, sitting down. “You need to start being a bit more careful, Suzy. The place just wouldn’t be the same without you.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Josie says we’re going to be able to keep the three labs.”

  “For now,” I said. “Until we find a very good home for all three.”

  “They’re already in a very good home. And Dente would never forgive me if we let somebody adopt them,” she said, laughing. “I still can’t believe Missy did it. And she shoved a cyanide capsule down their throats with her tongue?”

  “Yeah, Yuk, huh?”

  “I guess that would depend on who the guy was, right? The tongue, not the cyanide thing.”

  “Yeah, got it. Thanks for clearing that up.”

  “The French Kiss of Death. That would be a good title for a book.”

  “A little dark, don’t you think?” I said, giving it some thought. “I’d probably try to work a dog reference in. Something like The Lovable Labs.”

  The door opened, and my doctor and a different nurse entered, followed by my mother and Josie.

  “Good morning, Suzy,” the doctor said, leaning down to examine my wound.

  “Hey, Doc. I hear I’m getting out of here.”

  “Yes, you are. Just as soon as I take another look at this. I already went over the discharge instructions with your mom. Just make sure you do exactly what she tells you for the next week.”

  “Geez, Doc, that’s like giving her a license to steal,” I said, frowning. “I thought we were friends.”

  “Regardless,” he said, standing upright and nodding in approval. “Okay, that looks even better than I’d hoped. But if it starts to show the least amount of infection, you come back and see me immediately. Got it?”

  “Got it. Thanks, Doc.”

  “Okay, you’re free to go,” he said, starting to head for the door. Then he stopped and turned back. “Oh, by the way, feel free to keep the gown.”

  “What?” I said, frowning at him.

  “The gown. Keep it,” he said, glancing around. “Your mother said something about how you might want to wear it the next time you’re back in Cayman. She said your boyfriend, some guy named Gerald, would love seeing you in it. Personally, I don’t get it, but whatever floats your boat, right?” Then he gave my mother a conspiratorial wink and waved over his shoulder as he left the room laughing.

  Josie and Chef Claire roared with laughter, and I was forced to wait it out.

  “That’s the way you’re gonna play it, huh, Mom?”

  “I’m just having a little fun with you, darling,” she said with an evil grin. “Suck it up.”

  I flinched, then slowly made my way out of bed and headed to the bathroom to get dressed, holding the back of my gown closed with one hand. After I finally managed to get my jeans on, I asked Josie to help me with my sweater, and a few minutes later, I was standing outside the hospital wearing a sling and enjoying the feel of the warm sun on my face. I was about to climb into the passenger seat of my mom’s Range Rover when a car pulled into the parking lot next to us. Faith and her mother got out and made their way toward us. Faith and Josie glared at each other the entire time.

  “We heard about what happened,” Jennifer said. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “Are you guys heading home?”

  “Yes, we are,” Jennifer said, staring out at the River. “I still can’t believe it. Of all the people who would do something like that, Missy would have been way down my list.”

  “I was very surprised, too,” I said.

  “You thought one of us did it, didn’t you?” Faith said, focusing her glare on me.

  “Yeah, for a while, I thought you might have,” I said, nodding.

  “Sorry to disappoint you,” Faith said.

  “Faith, please. Not today,” Jennifer said.

  “Like I’d waste my time killing either one of them,” Faith said, then refocused on Josie. “But on the other hand, you’re a different story altogether.”

  “Bring it on, Beelzebub,” Josie said softly.

  “Ladies, please,” my mother said and waited until both of them settled down. “Well, Jennifer, it was a pleasure meeting you, and I’m so sorry things played out the way they did.”

  “Well, at least it’s one wedding I know I’ll never forget,” she said, shaking her head. “Okay, Faith, let’s go. Thanks again for everything. Oh, Trudy and Charlotte asked me to pass along their thanks as well. At least, I think that’s what they said. They were pretty hammered last night.”

  “You’re all welcome, anytime,” my mother said.

  I opened the car door, and Josie placed a hand on my good shoulder to help me up into the car.

  “Oh, Josie,” Faith said with a lilting voice. “There’s just one more thing.”

  “What’s that?” Josie said, turning around.

  Faith launched herself forward and threw a roundhouse sucker punch that Josie barely managed to duck. Josie immediately returned fire with a one-two, left hook, right uppercut combination. Both punches landed hard, and Faith dropped like a rock onto the pavement.

  “Oh, Faith,” her mother said, staring down at her daughter who was dazed and bleeding profusely from the nose. “What on earth is wrong with you?”

  “I think it’s that pesky elevator thing,” I said, staring down at the ground. “She’s going to need to get checked out.” I nodded in the direction of the hospital.

  Jennifer helped her daughter to her feet and glared at her.

  “Now you’ve put us way behind schedule,” she said, dragging her by the collar toward the front door. “I hope you’re happy with yourself.”

  We watched them go then looked around at each other.
/>   “Don’t you think you should have warned her you’d taken self-defense classes?” I said.

  “It wouldn’t have made any difference. She’s too dumb to listen to reason,” Josie said, shaking both her hands then starting to rub them. “Man, I gotta stop doing that.”

  “Well, I would certainly hope so, dear,” my mother said. “It’s not exactly what I would call ladylike behavior.”

  “No, it’s not that,” Josie said, wincing as she glanced down at her hands. “I need these things to operate with.”

  Epilogue

  Early the next morning we drove Sammy and Jill to the small airport on the edge of town where a private jet was waiting to take them to Grand Cayman. Josie and Chef Claire helped them with their bags, while my duties, due to the sling I was wearing, were relegated to a quasi-supervisory role. After we’d said our goodbyes and wished them the best for a wonderful honeymoon, we waited until they boarded, then waved as the plane rolled down the airstrip.

  I climbed in the backseat of Chef Claire’s car, and Josie turned around and held out a bag of bite-sized. I grabbed a small handful with my good hand.

  “You going to need any help opening those?” Josie said.

  “Yeah, right,” I said, using my teeth to rip open the first chocolate morsel.

  Chef Claire drove back to the house, dropped us off in front of the Inn, then headed for the restaurant. We went inside and found Josie’s first appointment already waiting. I touched base with the rest of the staff, reviewed the day’s calendar, then stood leaning against the registration counter looking around for something to do. Michelle, one of our newer techs, sat down behind the counter and frowned at me.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be resting?” she said.

  “Yes, she is,” Josie said, pausing on her way into an exam room. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

  “No, I’m okay,” I said.

  “Suzy,” Josie said firmly. “You’re supposed to stay off your feet for a few days. Why don’t you head up to the house and spend the day playing with the dogs?”

  “Really, I’m fine.”