Wherefore shall I hide that from you (fair Ladies) which doth not only grieve me to rehearse, but generally all Women to hear? I say therefore that although it was the greatest grief in the world to think that my Panphilus was not present, for whose sake my then excellent beauty was most dear unto me, yet in such upbraiding sort to hear that I had lost it, it was no less than present death to my soul. And besides all these things, I remember that being sometimes invited to such feasts, I have been drawn perforce into the company of many pleasant Ladies, diversely discoursing amongst themselves of amorous conceits, where with willing ear, harkening what issue infinite Lovers have had in their hot passages, I easily perceived that there was never any of them tormented with so fervent passions as I am: nor their love beset with so many miseries, nor contrived with such secrecy, as mine was. Although that of more happy and fortunate Lovers, and of less honourable loves, also the number is greater.
In this sort therefore, sometimes eyeing, and sometimes giving ear to that which was done and spoken in these places, like a pensive and sad Woman I passed away the weary time. After that the Ladies and Gentlewomen had rested themselves a pretty while, it happened that many brave young Gentlemen rising up, and amongst other Gentlewomen invited me oftentimes to dance, but as often in vain went from me again. Who remaining nevertheless in their disports (with minds free from heavy thoughts and high intentions), some moved with desire to show perhaps their greatest cunning, and others pricked on thereunto by spurs of hot and burning love, but all very curious in the same, myself sitting by myself alone, with a scornful mind and coy looks, did mark the new-fashioned tricks, the gesture and behaviour of many Gentlewomen there.
And certes I blamed some in my mind, although I greatly desired (if it might have been) to do as they did, if my Panphilus had been present there. Who, as oftentimes as his dear remembrance came to my doleful mind, so often was it sufficient matter, and the only occasion of my new melancholy and fresh sorrows: and who doth not (as the Gods know) deserve the great love, which continually I have borne, and yet do still bear him. But after that with no small grief I had a great while beheld these dances, which with the sudden sursaults of other grievous thoughts seeming unpleasant and tedious unto me, urged as it were with some other desires, I rose up most willingly from my place, and to burst asunder my heaped and swelling sorrows (whose open and sudden discovery I greatly feared) I got myself smoothly away into a solitary and secret place, and there giving full scope and leave to my flowing tears, I acquitted my foolish eyes, for all the vanities that they had seen, with an austere and due guerdon, which were not distrained from them without many bitter words, kindled with burning anger, but knowing also my miserable fortune to be so cruel towards me, I remember that sometimes I began thus to inveigh against her, saying:
“O fearful Fortune, mortal enemy to every happy creature, and only hope of miserable men.
Thou the sudden changer of kingdoms, and of mundane things, dost as a helper with one hand lift up, and as a destroyer with the selfsame throw down again, as thy indiscreet judgment doth direct thy inconstant will, not content to be wholly anyone’s, exalting him aloft in one thing, or else in another, casting him utterly down, or, after that thou hast made him happy by any lent felicity, dost heap upon his mind new and uncouth cares, because that worldly men, living in continual want and need, may (according to their vain opinion, and their endless pride) implore thy help, and adore thy deity. Yet art thou still blind and deaf, disdaining to behold the manifest miseries, and refusing to listen to the complaints, of miserable creatures, triumphing only with those whom thou hast unworthily (perhaps) exalted. Who, embracing thy friendly favours, and honouring thee with all their devotions, whilst with a smiling look and flattering promise thou art entertaining them, even on a sudden, with some unexpected accident or other, find themselves utterly thrown down by thee, and then (though too late) do miserably perceive how thou hast changed thy serene smiles into froward frowns.
“Amongst the number of which myself (wretched woman) may be put, who not knowing of my own part any malice wrought against thee, and ignorant of any heinous offence and indignity, whatsoever, perpetrated by me against thee, that might reduce thee to so severe a revenge, am most unworthily and pitifully punished. Alas, whosoever reposeth trust in great and mighty things, and like a puissant Prince ruleth in high and stately palaces, applying always his quiet and credulous mind to joyful and pleasant objects, let him cast his eyes upon me, and behold how, from a high and renowned Lady of felicity, I am now become a most low and wretched handmaid of fortune, and (which is worse than this) how cruelly I am rejected and disdained of the only lord and master of my subjected heart.
“Ah, Fortune, thou didst never give any more effectual example of thy unconstant mutability than myself, if that with a perfect and sound mind my first and latter condition of life be well considered. I was received of thee, fickle Fortune, of thee (false Fortune) was I received into this world, in abundant quantity of goods (if nobility, riches, honours and dignity be any part of them) which were moreover by thy bountiful and large hands (which thou didst never yet withdraw from them) daily and copiously augmented. So that (in sooth) like a mighty Lady I did continually possess them, as mutable things use them, and, beyond the common course of women’s covetous nature, did liberally impart them to others.
“But being ignorant, Fortune, that thou wert also the same which with unequal passions and careful thoughts didst surcharge the mind, and not knowing that thou hadst also a great portion in Love his Signories, I fell in love as thou wouldest, and with that young Gentleman whom thou only, and none else, didst then present before my wretched eyes, when I thought myself farthest from any such danger. Whom after that with strong and intricate knots thou didst perceive that he was bound in the Circle of my heart, thou hast (unstable and changing oftentimes) sought to work my harm, and wreak thy undeserved injuries upon me, sometimes disturbing our linked minds with vain and deceitful imaginations, yea, and sometimes our eyes with pitiful and public glances, because our love made manifest might be hurtful unto us.
“And I am certain that many times thou hast been (even as thou wouldest thyself) the only cause that many displeasant and discrepant words of my beloved young Gentleman have come to my cars, and hast with mine of like consequences filled his again, able enough (being credited) to have engendered hatred and discord, and to have hazarded a sudden mislike, but their issue and thy drifts were never answerable to thy determinations. Because, admit thou dost as a Goddess govern all exterior things as it pleaseth thee, the virtues of thy mind are never the more subject to thy might.
“Our wisdom hath continually gone beyond thy wiliness in this point. But what doth it avail, for all this, to oppose it against thee, since thou hast a thousand flights to endomage thy enemies. And that which thou canst not bring to pass by right, thou dost contend to work by wrong. Not able to sow the seeds of malice and envy in our hearts, thou hast endeavoured to inculcate into them things of like effect and predicament, and besides this to replete them with the greatest grief and anguish of mind. Thy industries, annihilated heretofore and made frustrate by our provident wisdom, were strengthened again by thy other fraudulent forces and peevish ways, and as a perverse enemy, as well to him as to me, thou hast practised the means with thy ominous accidents, by long distance of place to divide us both asunder.
“Alas, when would I have thought that in so strange a place, so far distant from this, and divided from me by such great Seas, so many high hills, wide fields, valleys and plains, and by so many great rivers, the only source and cause of all woes should (by thy means) be sprung up, and grow still? Truly never. But yet it is so, and for all that though he be far from me, and I from him, I doubt not but that in despite of thee, Fortune, he loveth me, as I love him, whom above all things else in the world I do most dearly esteem.
“But to what end and effect doth this love serve more than if we were either mere strangers or mortal enemies? Alas nothing at
all to no purpose else. Our wits and policy therefore prevailed naught against thy contradictions. Thou hast carried away with him all my delight, all my good, and all my joy: and with these my merry times, feasts and pastimes, my gorgeous attire, my peerless beauty and my pleasant life. In lieu whereof thou hast left me dolours, grief and sorrow. But yet, thou couldest never make me relinquish his love, no, nor is thy might so great (as great it is) to make me by intermediate fits only fancy him. Alas, if I, being yet but young, had çommitted anything against thy Godhead, the simplicity of my unripened years should have excused my raw defects. But if thou wouldest nevertheless take some revenge upon me, wherefore didst thou not wreak it upon thy own things?
“Thou hast injustly (Fortune) put thy Sickle in another’s Corn. For what hast thou to do or to intermeddle thy laws with love his matters? I have most high and strong towers, most fair and ample fields, many herds of Cattle, and great store of treasure, which with thine own hands thou hast bountifully bestowed on me, wherefore with consuming flames, devouring waters, cruel rapine and sackage, and wherefore with unlucky death didst not thou extend thy wrath upon them? Thou hast left me those things which may no more avail for my consolation than Midas his golden favour, which he received of Bacchus for his pinching hunger: and hast transported only him away, whom I accounted dearer than Gold, than gems, than rich palaces, yea, more than infinite worlds of wealth. Accursed, therefore, be those amorous arrows, which presumed to be revenged of Phoebus, and which now sustain such base injuries by thee.
“Alas, if these had never pricked thee, as now they pierce me, with better advice (perhaps) and with more mature deliberation thou wouldest molest thy loving associates. But behold thou hast wronged me, and brought me to this extreme point, that of the richest, noblest and highest Lady I am become the most miserable and unfortunate woman in all my country, and this, cruel Fortune, thou seest too well approved in me. Everyone doth rejoice and spend their times in merry feasts and glee, and only I do still lament, and waste my youth in endless moan, which kind of life is not now begun, but hath so long endured, that methinks thy merciless anger should have been ere this time somewhat mitigated.
“But I forgive thee all, if of pity or of courtesy thou wilt let me favourably enjoy the sweet company of my Panphilus again, as thou hast not without great grief divided him from me. And if perhaps thy anger doth yet endure, let it be satiated upon the glory of my goods and possessions. Alas, cruel as thou art, let my unhappy and poor condition of life grieve thee, and move thee to commiseration of my calamities. Thou seest that I am become such an one that, as a fable to the common people, I am carried from mouth to mouth, whereas my several beauties with solemn fame and with sweet praises were wont to be blazoned everywhere. Begin therefore, gentle Fortune, at the last to be pitiful towards me, because I may with grateful and reverend titles (myself enabled justly to praise to thee) incessantly honour thy mighty majesty.
“To whose prayers if thou dost open a gracious ear, and wilt not rigorously deny the easy effects of so reasonable a demand, then for ever do I vow (and herewithal let the immortal Gods bear record) to erect to thee the lively Image of myself, preciously adorned, and gloriously set forth in every place and Temple (dedicated and most dear to thee) in token of thy perpetual honour, and everlasting-fame. Which with never-dying memorial of thy miraculous pity, subscribed with these words, ‘This is Fiammetta lifted up of Fortune from the deep pit of extreme misery to the highest top of happy joy,’ as shall be published to the open sight and view of all the world.” Oh, how many other things also did I oftentimes declaim with myself, to recount which would be but a long and tedious labour, but all were briefly ended and resolved into bitter tears, by means of which, sometimes it fell out, that being perceived of other gentlewomen, and with many comfortable words cheered up by them, I was much against my will carried to these festival dances.
But who would think it possible (amorous Ladies) that such anguish and grief should so usurp a young Gentlewoman’s heart that there was nothing, which could not only not make it merry, but that the same was an occasion of greater sorrow, which cannot but seem incredible to all, though not to me, miserable woman, that hath proved it, doth feel it, and doth know it to be too true.
It came to pass many times that the weather (according to the season of the year) being very hot, many other Gentlewomen and myself, because we might the better pass it away, upon most swift Boats, winged on every side with flashing Oars, we ploughed the gentle waves of the calm Sea, singing sometimes, and with playing sometimes on divers Instruments, went rowing up and down to seek out solitary and opacal Rocks, divided from the main shore, entering sometimes into hollow caves, at the foots of steep hills, made by nature itself, under which (being most fresh for wind, and cool shadows) we did many times sit and pass away the heat of the day.
These were, alas, especial and chief remedies offered to me, to refrigerate the corporal heat of my body only, but they lent me not any new ease of those never-ceasing sorrows, and no extinguishment at all of those flames which burned my soul inwardly, but did rather bereave me of such needful helps, because the outward heat being now past (which to delicate and tender bodies is doubtless no small annoy) by and by a more ample and fit place was made for amorous and tedious thoughts, which are not only the preserving matter of Venus’ flames, but a forcible substance augmenting the same.
Being therefore come to these places which we had sought out, and shrouding ourselves under them for our refreshing and delight, we went (whither our minds did lead us) up and down, viewing here and there this company and that of young gentlemen and gentlewomen, with goodly troops of which every little Rock, Bank and sandy shore (which were by the shadow of any hill defended from the scorching heat of the Sun beams) not otherwise than a green Meadow with fair and plenteous flowers, were almost all covered. Oh, what intensive pleasure and how great a delight is this to them that have their hearts free from the molesting passions of love. There might be seen in many places fair tables set, and white and fine Diaper cloths spread upon them, and all things so exquisitely done, and with such ornament, magnificence, glory and cost, that the very sight only of them had sufficient force to provoke anyone’s mind and appetite, were it never so melancholic, demiss or drowsy, but only mine, which was too much soaked in sorrow. There might in other places (as convenient time did require) divers others have been seen, how merrily they went to their morning repasts, of whom our company (as we did them again) with cheerful countenances and courteous entreaties was invited to their feasts and sports.
But after that we had (as the rest also) with great feasts banqueted ourselves, and after that (the tables being taken away) we had danced certain Neapolitan rounds, and then (after our accustomed manner) had embarked ourselves again, we went by and by rowing up and down in this creek, and that Cliff, where in certain secret and by places of the Seashore, to the gazing eyes of every curious and wanton young Gentleman, were showed delightful and desired sights, which was: many fair and young Gentlewomen stript into their Waistcoats of white Satin without sleeves, and without hose or shoes, swimming, and solacing themselves in the cool water. And gathering Shell-fish amongst these cliffs and hard rocks, in stooping down to take them up, did oftentimes discover the round and snow-white balls of their delicate and fruitful bodies. And in some places again there were others, who with more subtle and with greater industry, with trammels, drags, flewes, and with all manner of nets, and divers others that with angles (to the great delight of the beholders) and with many new devices more, and pretty arts, deceived the silly and simple fish. But what need I trouble myself to declare every particular pastime and pleasure which was practised and taken there? Let them (though they go not thither at all) imagine the like that have exercised themselves, or have any understanding in such things, how many, and of what force they are to recreate the mind. And if they go thither, then they shall see nothing else but mirth and solace, and all kind of youthful disports.
There the
open minds of everyone are free from sorrowful passions, the occasions of the contrary being so many and so great that there is scarce a denial of any demand among them.
In these places I confess (because I would not seem to be devoid of courtesy, and would not be troublesome to the whole company) I took a visard of feigned mirth upon me, though I was still sailing with contrary blasts of tempestuous love and envious Fortune in those Seas of griefs and cares in which since my Panphilus his departure I have continually hulled up and down. Which thing how hard it is to perform, they that have tried it may give sufficient testimony thereof. For how could I be merry in mind, calling to mind that I had sometimes seen Panphilus with me, and myself also without him, in like pastimes, whom I did now by distance of many miles know to be denied from me, and besides this without hope to see him any more. If I were not troubled with any other grief than only care and vexation of mind, which continually held me in suspense of many things, was not this sufficient enough to have confounded my soul alone? And can it otherwise be thought, because forasmuch as the fervent desire that I had to see him had so bereaved me of my true knowledge and understanding, that knowing assuredly that he was not in those places, yet (as though he was there indeed) I did argue in my mind, and, as if this had been true, without any contradiction I proceeded farther to see whether I could espy him out or no. There was not any Boat, Galley, Ship or Bregandine (of all which the Sea coast there was so full, sailing forth, some coming in, some casting and some weighing Anchor, as the azure sky in a clear and frosty night loaden with Golden stars) which I did not first with mine eyes survey, and after by my servants search out and know whither they went, and from whence they came.
Collected Works of Giovanni Boccaccio Page 373
