The Great Hoggarty Diamond

by William Makepeace Thackeray

attended in my capacity as a shareholder, and had great pleasure in

  hearing Mr. Brough, in a magnificent speech, declare a dividend of

  six per cent., that we all received over the counter.

  "You lucky young scoundrel!" said Brough to me; "do you know what

  made me give you your place?"

  "Why, my aunt's money, to be sure, sir," said I.

  "No such thing. Do you fancy I cared for those paltry three

  thousand pounds? I was told you were nephew of Lady Drum; and Lady

  Drum is grandmother of Lady Jane Preston; and Mr. Preston is a man

  who can do us a world of good. I knew that they had sent you

  venison, and the deuce knows what; and when I saw Lady Jane at my

  party shake you by the hand, and speak to you so kindly, I took all

  Abednego's tales for gospel. THAT was the reason you got the

  place, mark you, and not on account of your miserable three

  thousand pounds. Well, sir, a fortnight after you were with us at

  Fulham, I met Preston in the House, and made a merit of having

  given the place to his cousin. 'Confound the insolent scoundrel!'

  said he; 'HE my cousin! I suppose you take all old Drum's stories

  for true? Why, man, it's her mania: she never is introduced to a

  man but she finds out a cousinship, and would not fail of course

  with that cur of a Titmarsh!' 'Well,' said I, laughing, 'that cur

  has got a good place in consequence, and the matter can't be

  mended.' So you see," continued our Director, "that you were

  indebted for your place, not to your aunt's money, but--"

  "But to MY AUNT'S DIAMOND PIN!"

  "Lucky rascal!" said Brough, poking me in the side and going out of

  the way. And lucky, in faith, I thought I was.

  CHAPTER VIII

  RELATES THE HAPPIEST DAY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH'S LIFE

  I don't know how it was that in the course of the next six months

  Mr. Roundhand, the actuary, who had been such a profound admirer of

  Mr. Brough and the West Diddlesex Association, suddenly quarrelled

  with both, and taking his money out of the concern, he disposed of

  his 5,000L. worth of shares to a pretty good profit, and went away,

  speaking everything that was evil both of the Company and the

  Director.

  Mr. Highmore now became secretary and actuary, Mr. Abednego was

  first clerk, and your humble servant was second in the office at a

  salary of 250L. a year. How unfounded were Mr. Roundhand's

  aspersions of the West Diddlesex appeared quite clearly at our

  meeting in January, 1823, when our Chief Director, in one of the

  most brilliant speeches ever heard, declared that the half-yearly

  dividend was 4L. per cent., at the rate of 8L. per cent. per annum;

  and I sent to my aunt 120L. sterling as the amount of the interest

  of the stock in my name.

  My excellent aunt, Mrs. Hoggarty, delighted beyond measure, sent me

  back 10L. for my own pocket, and asked me if she had not better

  sell Slopperton and Squashtail, and invest all her money in this

  admirable concern.

  On this point I could not surely do better than ask the opinion of

  Mr. Brough. Mr. B. told me that shares could not be had but at a

  premium; but on my representing that I knew of 5,000L. worth in the

  market at par, he said--"Well, if so, he would like a fair price

  for his, and would not mind disposing of 5,000L. worth, as he had

  rather a glut of West Diddlesex shares, and his other concerns

  wanted feeding with ready money." At the end of our conversation,

  of which I promised to report the purport to Mrs. Hoggarty, the

  Director was so kind as to say that he had determined on creating a

  place of private secretary to the Managing Director, and that I

  should hold that office with an additional salary of 150L.

  I had 250L. a year, Miss Smith had 70L. per annum to her fortune.

  What had I said should be my line of conduct whenever I could

  realise 300L. a year?

  Gus of course, and all the gents in our office through him, knew of

  my engagement with Mary Smith. Her father had been a commander in

  the navy and a very distinguished officer; and though Mary, as I

  have said, only brought me a fortune of 70L. a year, and I, as

  everybody said, in my present position in the office and the City

  of London, might have reasonably looked out for a lady with much

  more money, yet my friends agreed that the connection was very

  respectable, and I was content: as who would not have been with

  such a darling as Mary? I am sure, for my part, I would not have

  taken the Lord Mayor's own daughter in place of Mary, even with a

  plum to her fortune.

  Mr. Brough of course was made aware of my approaching marriage, as

  of everything else relating to every clerk in the office; and I do

  believe Abednego told him what we had for dinner every day.

  Indeed, his knowledge of our affairs was wonderful.

  He asked me how Mary's money was invested. It was in the three per

  cent. consols--2,333L. 6S. 8D.

  "Remember," says he, "my lad, Mrs. Sam Titmarsh that is to be may

  have seven per cent. for her money at the very least, and on better

  security than the Bank of England; for is not a Company of which

  John Brough is the head better than any other company in England?"

  and to be sure I thought he was not far wrong, and promised to

  speak to Mary's guardians on the subject before our marriage.

  Lieutenant Smith, her grandfather, had been at the first very much

  averse to our union. (I must confess that, one day finding me

  alone with her, and kissing, I believe, the tips of her little

  fingers, he had taken me by the collar and turned me out of doors.)

  But Sam Titmarsh, with a salary of 250L. a year, a promised fortune

  of 150L. more, and the right-hand man of Mr. John Brough of London,

  was a very different man from Sam the poor clerk, and the poor

  clergyman's widow's son; and the old gentleman wrote me a kind

  letter enough, and begged me to get him six pairs of lamb's-wool

  stockings and four ditto waistcoats from Romanis', and accepted

  them too as a present from me when I went down in June--in happy

  June of 1823--to fetch my dear Mary away.

  Mr. Brough was likewise kindly anxious about my aunt's Slopperton

  and Squashtail property, which she had not as yet sold, as she

  talked of doing; and, as Mr. B. represented, it was a sin and a

  shame that any person in whom he took such interest, as he did in

  all the relatives of his dear young friend, should only have three

  per cent. for her money, when she could have eight elsewhere. He

  always called me Sam now, praised me to the other young men (who

  brought the praises regularly to me), said there was a cover always

  laid for me at Fulham, and repeatedly took me thither. There was

  but little company when I went; and M'Whirter used to say he only

  asked me on days when he had his vulgar acquaintances. But I did

  not care for the great people, not being born in their sphere; and

  indeed did not much care for going to the house at all. Miss

  Belinda was not at all to my liking. After her engagement with

  Captain Fizgig, and after Mr. Tidd had paid hi
s 20,000L. and

  Fizgig's great relations had joined in some of our Director's

  companies, Mr. Brough declared he believed that Captain Fizgig's

  views were mercenary, and put him to the proof at once, by saying

  that he must take Miss Brough without a farthing, or not have her

  at all. Whereupon Captain Fizgig got an appointment in the

  colonies, and Miss Brough became more ill-humoured than ever. But

  I could not help thinking she was rid of a bad bargain, and pitying

  poor Tidd, who came back to the charge again more love-sick than

  ever, and was rebuffed pitilessly by Miss Belinda. Her father

  plainly told Tidd, too, that his visits were disagreeable to

  Belinda, and though he must always love and value him, he begged

  him to discontinue his calls at the Rookery. Poor fellow! he had

  paid his 20,000L. away for nothing! for what was six per cent. to

  him compared to six per cent. and the hand of Miss Belinda Brough?

  Well, Mr. Brough pitied the poor love-sick swain, as he called me,

  so much, and felt such a warm sympathy in my well-being, that he

  insisted on my going down to Somersetshire with a couple of months'

  leave; and away I went, as happy as a lark, with a couple of brand-

  new suits from Von Stiltz's in my trunk (I had them made, looking

  forward to a certain event), and inside the trunk Lieutenant

  Smith's fleecy hosiery; wrapping up a parcel of our prospectuses

  and two letters from John Brough, Esq., to my mother our worthy

  annuitant, and to Mrs. Hoggarty our excellent shareholder. Mr.

  Brough said I was all that the fondest father could wish, that he

  considered me as his own boy, and that he earnestly begged Mrs.

  Hoggarty not to delay the sale of her little landed property, as

  land was high now and MUST FALL; whereas the West Diddlesex

  Association shares were (comparatively) low, and must inevitably,

  in the course of a year or two, double, treble, quadruple their

  present value.

  In this way I was prepared, and in this way I took leave of my dear

  Gus. As we parted in the yard of the "Bolt-in-Tun," Fleet Street,

  I felt that I never should go back to Salisbury Square again, and

  had made my little present to the landlady's family accordingly.

  She said I was the respectablest gentleman she had ever had in her

  house: nor was that saying much, for Bell Lane is in the Rules of

  the Fleet, and her lodgers used commonly to be prisoners on Rule

  from that place. As for Gus, the poor fellow cried and blubbered

  so that he could not eat a morsel of the muffins and grilled ham

  with which I treated him for breakfast in the "Bolt-in-Tun" coffee-

  house; and when I went away was waving his hat and his handkerchief

  so in the archway of the coach-office that I do believe the wheels

  of the "True Blue" went over his toes, for I heard him roaring as

  we passed through the arch. Ah! how different were my feelings as

  I sat proudly there on the box by the side of Jim Ward, the

  coachman, to those I had the last time I mounted that coach,

  parting from my dear Mary and coming to London with my DIAMOND PIN!

  When arrived near home (at Grumpley, three miles from our village,

  where the "True Blue" generally stops to take a glass of ale at the

  Poppleton Arms) it was as if our Member, Mr. Poppleton himself, was

  come into the country, so great was the concourse of people

  assembled round the inn. And there was the landlord of the inn and

  all the people of the village. Then there was Tom Wheeler, the

  post-boy, from Mrs. Rincer's posting-hotel in our town; he was

  riding on the old bay posters, and they, Heaven bless us! were

  drawing my aunt's yellow chariot, in which she never went out but

  thrice in a year, and in which she now sat in her splendid cashmere

  shawl and a new hat and feather. She waved a white handkerchief

  out of the window, and Tom Wheeler shouted out "Huzza!" as did a

  number of the little blackguard boys of Grumpley: who, to be sure,

  would huzza for anything. What a change on Tom Wheeler's part,

  however! I remembered only a few years before how he had whipped

  me from the box of the chaise, as I was hanging on for a ride

  behind.

  Next to my aunt's carriage came the four-wheeled chaise of

  Lieutenant Smith, R.N., who was driving his old fat pony with his

  lady by his side. I looked in the back seat of the chaise, and

  felt a little sad at seeing that SOMEBODY was not there. But, O

  silly fellow! there was Somebody in the yellow chariot with my

  aunt, blushing like a peony, I declare, and looking so happy!--oh,

  so happy and pretty! She had a white dress, and a light blue and

  yellow scarf, which my aunt said were the Hoggarty colours; though

  what the Hoggartys had to do with light blue and yellow, I don't

  know to this day.

  Well, the "True Blue" guard made a great bellowing on his horn as

  his four horses dashed away; the boys shouted again; I was placed

  bodkin between Mrs. Hoggarty and Mary; Tom Wheeler cut into his

  bays; the Lieutenant (who had shaken me cordially by the hand, and

  whose big dog did not make the slightest attempt at biting me this

  time) beat his pony till its fat sides lathered again; and thus in

  this, I may say, unexampled procession, I arrived in triumph at our

  village.

  My dear mother and the girls,--Heaven bless them!--nine of them in

  their nankeen spencers (I had something pretty in my trunk for each

  of them)--could not afford a carriage, but had posted themselves on

  the road near the village; and there was such a waving of hands and

  handkerchiefs: and though my aunt did not much notice them, except

  by a majestic toss of the head, which is pardonable in a woman of

  her property, yet Mary Smith did even more than I, and waved her

  hands as much as the whole nine. Ah! how my dear mother cried and

  blessed me when we met, and called me her soul's comfort and her

  darling boy, and looked at me as if I were a paragon of virtue and

  genius: whereas I was only a very lucky young fellow, that by the

  aid of kind friends had stepped rapidly into a very pretty

  property.

  I was not to stay with my mother,--that had been arranged

  beforehand; for though she and Mrs. Hoggarty were not remarkably

  good friends, yet Mother said it was for my benefit that I should

  stay with my aunt, and so give up the pleasure of having me with

  her: and though hers was much the humbler house of the two, I need

  not say I preferred it far to Mrs. Hoggarty's more splendid one;

  let alone the horrible Rosolio, of which I was obliged now to drink

  gallons.

  It was to Mrs. H.'s then we were driven: she had prepared a great

  dinner that evening, and hired an extra waiter, and on getting out

  of the carriage, she gave a sixpence to Tom Wheeler, saying that

  was for himself, and that she would settle with Mrs. Rincer for the

  horses afterwards. At which Tom flung the sixpence upon the

  ground, swore most violently, and was very justly called by my aunt

  an "impertinent fellow."

  She had taken such a liking to me that she
would hardly bear me out

  of her sight. We used to sit for morning after morning over her

  accounts, debating for hours together the propriety of selling the

  Slopperton property; but no arrangement was come to yet about it,

  for Hodge and Smithers could not get the price she wanted. And,

  moreover, she vowed that at her decease she would leave every

  shilling to me.

  Hodge and Smithers, too, gave a grand party, and treated me with

  marked consideration; as did every single person of the village.

  Those who could not afford to give dinners gave teas, and all drank

  the health of the young couple; and many a time after dinner or

  supper was my Mary made to blush by the allusions to the change in

  her condition.

  The happy day for that ceremony was now fixed, and the 24th July,

  1823, saw me the happiest husband of the prettiest girl in

  Somersetshire. We were married from my mother's house, who would

  insist upon that at any rate, and the nine girls acted as

  bridesmaids; ay! and Gus Hoskins came from town express to be my

  groomsman, and had my old room at my mother's, and stayed with her

  for a week, and cast a sheep's-eye upon Miss Winny Titmarsh too, my

  dear fourth sister, as I afterwards learned.

  My aunt was very kind upon the marriage ceremony, indeed. She had

  desired me some weeks previous to order three magnificent dresses

  for Mary from the celebrated Madame Mantalini of London, and some

  elegant trinkets and embroidered pocket-handkerchiefs from Howell

  and James's. These were sent down to me, and were to be MY present

  to the bride; but Mrs. Hoggarty gave me to understand that I need

  never trouble myself about the payment of the bill, and I thought

  her conduct very generous. Also she lent us her chariot for the

  wedding journey, and made with her own hands a beautiful crimson

  satin reticule for Mrs. Samuel Titmarsh, her dear niece. It

  contained a huswife completely furnished with needles, &c., for she

  hoped Mrs. Titmarsh would never neglect her needle; and a purse

  containing some silver pennies, and a very curious pocket-piece.

  "As long as you keep these, my dear," said Mrs. Hoggarty, "you will

  never want; and fervently--fervently do I pray that you will keep

  them." In the carriage-pocket we found a paper of biscuits and a

  bottle of Rosolio. We laughed at this, and made it over to Tom

  Wheeler--who, however, did not seem to like it much better than we.

  I need not say I was married in Mr. Von Stiltz's coat (the third

  and fourth coats, Heaven help us! in a year), and that I wore

  sparkling in my bosom the GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND.

  CHAPTER IX

  BRINGS BACK SAM, HIS WIFE, AUNT, AND DIAMOND, TO LONDON

  We pleased ourselves during the honeymoon with forming plans for

  our life in London, and a pretty paradise did we build for

  ourselves! Well, we were but forty years old between us; and, for

  my part, I never found any harm come of castle-building, but a

  great deal of pleasure.

  Before I left London I had, to say the truth, looked round me for a

  proper place, befitting persons of our small income; and Gus

  Hoskins and I, who hunted after office-hours in couples, bad fixed

  on a very snug little cottage in Camden Town, where there was a

  garden that certain SMALL PEOPLE might play in when they came: a

  horse and gig-house, if ever we kept one,--and why not, in a few

  years?--and a fine healthy air, at a reasonable distance from

  'Change; all for 30L. a year. I had described this little spot to

  Mary as enthusiastically as Sancho describes Lizias to Don Quixote;

  and my dear wife was delighted with the prospect of housekeeping

  there, vowed she would cook all the best dishes herself (especially

  jam-pudding, of which I confess I am very fond), and promised Gus

  that he should dine with us at Clematis Bower every Sunday: only

  he must not smoke those horrid cigars. As for Gus, he vowed he

  would have a room in the neighbourhood too, for he could not bear