The Debutante's Secret

by Peggy McKenzie

  Grace nodded and threw herself at him and hugged his knees. He bent down to her level.

  “Good. Now, how about we go outside and wait, shall we?” Grace nodded again and grabbed his hand. She led him out the door and straight to the swing. He sat down and pulled her snug to his side.

  “I know things are not easy for you, Grace, but I promise things are gonna get better now that you have someone to help you learn things a proper young lady should know.”

  “Momma was a proper lady.” He watched tears cloud her eyes. “Why doesn't Momma want to teach me to be a lady, Papa?”

  The pain hit Alex deep in his chest, but he pushed it deeper. He didn't have time to deal with his own emotions over Kate's betrayal. He needed to protect his daughter from the truth that her mother was a selfish creature who put her own desires above the needs of her child.

  “I'm not certain I have all the answers, sweetheart, but I do know your momma must be very sick. Otherwise, she would never have allowed her sweet daughter to come all this way without her.”

  “So my momma is sick? Should we call a doctor for her?” Grace's innocent concern gave him hope that she wouldn't turn out to be the selfish, spoiled creature her mother had become.

  “It's not the kind of sick a doctor can fix, sweetheart.”

  “Can Miss Roxanne fix it? Maybe if I tell her about Momma, she will know how to fix her.”

  Dread filled Alex when he realized what he had done. He hadn't thought about what would happen when his misdirection of the facts to John and Roxanne collided with his daughter's honesty.

  “Somebody's coming, Papa. There's a wagon. Look. It's Miss Roxanne and Mr. John. She's here! She's here!”

  Alex's gut twisted with nerves when he saw John and Roxanne coming down his road. He couldn't ask his daughter to lie. That would be unforgivable, so how was he going to fix this mess? He had a decision to make. And quick.

  “Grace.” He stood and helped her down from the swing.

  “Yes, Papa?” She waved at the oncoming wagon's occupants. They weren't close enough yet to see Grace, so they didn't wave back.

  “I don’t think we should tell Miss Roxanne that your Momma is sick. It might make her feel bad knowing she can't help her. And we wouldn’t want her to feel bad, now would we?” Alex felt like a weasel enlisting his four-year-old daughter in his deception.

  “You think she would be sad?” Grace looked up at him with clear trusting eyes. He shoved his guilt down with the knowledge he was doing this for Grace and that made his actions justifiable. His very livelihood depended on this woman caring for his daughter.

  “Yes, sweetheart. I think she would be very sad to know how sick your mother is and that there is nothing she can do to help. I think it would be best if we just don't say anything. Will that be okay with you?”

  He watched his innocent blond-haired angel frown. He could tell she was weighing her decision. Finally, she raised her face to him. “Of course, Papa. I won't tell Miss Roxanne my momma is sick. I don't want her to be sad.”

  Relief flooded Alex as the breath he had been holding rushed through his lungs. “Good girl. Now, let's go meet your new teacher.”

  Chapter 4

  Roxanne sat next to John on the cushioned buggy seat underneath the fringed canopy. The sun was high in the sky and she was glad for the shady protection it provided. John's quick-footed bay mares trotted at a steady pace since they left Durango. Within half an hour, the carriage topped a hill revealing the place she would call home for the next few months.

  “Oh my. What a breathtaking view. Now I see why Alex is so adamant about staying here.” Roxanne exclaimed as the ranch and its surrounding land came into full view.

  “It is a prime piece of property. It has everything Alex needs to run his horse breeding business. There's plenty of water running through the property. Alex's uncle was a smart businessman. He spent the time and money to build a watershed to retain some of the water in case of drought.”

  “What's a watershed?” Roxanne had never heard the term before.

  “See that big body of water there?” John pointed to a lake of sorts in the distance.

  “Yes. I see it. The stream runs into it and then out the other end.” Roxanne thought it looked quite refreshing after her dusty trip.

  “The stream runs downhill and into the lake. When the water level gets too full, the water flows down the spillway. See the dam. It is holding the water in a bowl. When the bowl overflows, the water makes its way on down the stream to other farms and ranches.”

  “It is a beautiful place. Look at all the horses in each pasture. There must be fifty or more.” Roxanne was in awe of the scene which spread out below her. She supposed she had misjudged the place. She had envisioned a much smaller place with less appeal. This adventure was becoming more and more interesting by the moment.

  John guided the carriage down the wide, hard-packed, dirt road until she could see movement on the front porch. Alex stepped into view the moment they approached. He was holding Grace's hand and it was an endearing sight to be sure.

  Roxanne's breath caught in her chest. She would have to be very careful around this rugged cowboy. Though she truly did not believe she would ever allow him close enough to steal her heart, there was a very real possibility her attraction to him could cause her trouble.

  John pulled the carriage close to the porch steps and reined the horses to a stop.

  Alex stepped out of the porch's shadow and into the bright sunlight. His smile ready and welcoming. “Hello. I'm so glad you made it. Grace has been anxiously awaiting your arrival.”

  Yes, she would definitely have to keep her guard up where one Mr. Alexander Harp was concerned.

  “Miss Roxanne, you’re here. I'm so happy to see you.” Grace let go of her father's hand and rushed to Roxanne's side of the wagon. The horses nervously stomped in place.

  “Grace. Stay back from the horses. You'll get stepped on.”

  Alex rushed to catch up with his daughter.

  “I just wanted to welcome Miss Roxanne with a kiss,” Grace declared as she made her way toward the carriage.

  Alex caught up with Grace and swung her up into his arms. Roxanne's heart skipped a beat when Alex looked up at her with a teasing smile across his lips. “I think Miss Roxanne would love a welcome kiss, Grace.” His eyes dropped to her mouth.

  “Yes, I would like that very much,” she heard herself say.

  Alex pulled his eyes away from her and refocused his attention to admonishing his daughter. “But you must always wait for an adult. You can’t rush out in front of horses like that. It is very, very dangerous for a little girl.”

  “Like me, Papa?” Grace turned to him and placed both of her hands on either side of his face to gain his full attention.

  “Yes, darling. Like you. Now, shall we help Miss Roxanne down from the carriage? Then, you can give her a kiss.”

  Roxanne watched Grace's blond head bob up and down. She was such a lovely sweet little girl. She didn't deserve to lose her mother at such a tender age.

  Alex placed Grace on the ground, careful to keep hold of her hand. Then, he turned to her. “Miss Roxanne, would you like a hand down?”

  “I would, thank you, Mr. Harp.” Her heart stumbled at the touch of his hand on hers.

  “Please, call me Alex, remember?” He stepped back and helped her down from the carriage. She liked his strength. It seemed solid and dependable.

  Once she was safely on the ground, Grace rushed to her and wrapped her little arms around Roxanne's skirt.

  “I'm so glad you've come to live with us, Miss Roxanne. It's really lonely since my momma...”

  Roxanne watched Grace stop short and cut a wide-eyed look toward her father. “I'm sorry, Papa. I didn't mean to say it.”

  Alex rushed to his daughter's side and lifted her into his arms. He hugged her tight against him and cast a look of regret toward Roxanne.

  Her heart ached as she watched this father and his l
ittle girl struggle with the grief of their loss. “It's alright, sweetheart. It isn't your fault. None of this is your fault.”

  Roxanne felt tears sting her eyes. The poor little girl must feel so lost without her momma. And what must Alex be feeling? She couldn’t imagine giving her heart to someone only to lose them forever. It was unimaginable. She hoped never to experience such a tragedy.

  John walked around the horses and tied them to the hitching rail out in front of the house and then attempted to redirect the conversation. “Alex, how about Jeremy and I unload these trunks while you and Grace show Roxanne around your home? I'm sure she would be delighted to see it.”

  Roxanne shot him a grateful look. He really was a dear man and precisely the sort of man she wished she could find. Though she was beginning to believe there might not be another one like him left on Earth.

  “My pleasure.” He set Grace down on the ground and held her hand. Then, he extended an elbow to her. “Shall we go inside and see the house?”

  She glanced at his forearm; his shirtsleeve was rolled up to his elbow leaving his arm bare. She wrapped her hand around it and soon realized that she liked the feel of his coarse arm hair under her fingertips.

  “Yes, I would love to see your home.”

  Alex tried to ignore the feeling of Roxanne's fingers on his arm as he led her into the house.

  “Grace, why don't you run upstairs to your room and make sure you've tidied everything up for Miss Roxanne's inspection.”

  “Okay, Papa.” Grace let go of his hand and ran up the staircase leading to the second-floor bedrooms.

  “She's such a dear sweet little girl. I shall consider it a privilege to instruct her.”

  “Yes, she is the joy of my life. And my biggest challenge. I try to keep all that energy contained, but as you can imagine, it’s a job all by itself.” Alex grinned and escorted Roxanne through the main living area and into the master bedroom. The one that he should be sharing with his two-timing absent wife. Thoughts of Kate pushed the bile in his stomach into the back of his throat. It burned. And it made him angry. Like it always did.

  “Are you alright, Alex? You seem tense all of a sudden.” Her fingers squeezed his arm where her hand still rested. He looked down at the deep brown eyes that saw too much. He would have to be more careful and guard his emotions around this woman.

  “I'm fine.” He offered her a half smile to soften his short response.

  The doubtful look she gave him made him want to ease her concerns. “It's just that... I'm still getting used to the idea of Kate not being around. That's all. It's just gonna take some time, but now that you are here... for Grace, of course, things should get better—be more manageable.”

  It wasn't a lie. He was trying to get used to the idea of being a jilted husband and a single parent. And the fact he didn't have to worry about Grace's well-being was true as well. Things would be more manageable.

  She nodded in understanding. “I can only imagine what you and Grace are going through.” Then, he watched her look around the room. “This is a beautiful bedroom. And it is so big. Are you sure you want me to have this room? I'll be perfectly happy with another one. A smaller one.”

  “No, this room is on the ground floor. I want someone between my daughter upstairs and the outside world. Since I will be sleeping in the barn with Jeremy, I’ll feel better with you in here.”

  “Yes, I suppose that is a good idea, although I do feel somewhat guilty knowing I will be sleeping in your bed.”

  Alex watched her cheeks pink with embarrassment. Her words were innocent enough, but the picture they created in his mind sent a jolt of something through his body—something that shouldn’t be there.

  “I'm sorry, that sounded very inappropriate once I heard it said out loud.” Roxanne grimaced.

  “Nonsense. I knew exactly what you meant. Think nothing of it.” Alex reassured Roxanne—his new employee, he reminded himself.

  “Where do you want these trunks?” John called from the main living room.

  Alex leaned out of the bedroom door. “In here.”

  John and Jeremy tugged the smaller of the two trunks until it was inside the bedroom.

  “Set them against that wall. I'll unpack them later,” Roxanne instructed.

  They did as she asked then returned to the carriage to retrieve the other trunk.

  “Are you ready to see the rest of the house?” Alex asked and suddenly he realized he was anxious for her to like his home. He chastised himself. Why did it matter? She was a paid employee, just like Jeremy. It shouldn't matter what she thought. But somehow it did.

  “Yes. I’d love to. But could we start with the kitchen first? I'd like to see what items I need to order from town. I want to give John the list before he leaves.”

  “Of course. This way.” Alex led Roxanne toward a brightly lit room at the back of the house. They entered the kitchen and she fell in love instantly.

  “Oh, my, what a lovely room. Just look at all the windows. The sun is practically beaming through the ones over the kitchen sink. It’s a wonderful place to add a few herbs. And what a wonderful idea to put a bay window here in the kitchen. I've seen this done in many parlors, but never in a kitchen. Did you do this?”

  Alex was pleased Roxanne liked his kitchen. “No. My uncle built this house. I still see him in every room, but this is where I remember him best. When I used to come and stay with him, he’d always cook us up some breakfast after the morning chores were done. We didn’t really talk much, but after breakfast we would sit here looking out over all he had built, drinking coffee together and enjoying the quiet of the morning.”

  “He must have been very proud of you. And trusting of your stewardship to turn all of this over to you.”

  “I suppose he was proud of me, but he knew I loved this place, almost as much as he did. So, he knew I would care for it just as he did.”

  Roxanne turned to look at him. “You loved your uncle very much, didn't you?”

  Embarrassed by his emotions, he wanted to look away. But something pulled his gaze to Roxi’s dark, soulful eyes. He sensed he could be honest about his feelings with her even though he didn’t know the woman at all. “Yes. I did love him very much. He was more like my father than my own. He understood me. He didn’t try to make me into a version of himself. He realized trying to fit a square peg in a round hole was never going to work. So he let me, be me.”

  “And you miss him. It is so unfair to lose two people you love that much so close together. I'm so sorry for your losses, Alex. So very sorry.”

  Alex was sorry too, but not in the same way Roxanne was. He was genuinely sorry his uncle was gone, but he was even more sorry he couldn't wrap his hands around Kate's skinny little neck and wring some sense into her. His teeth ground together as he tried to push the thought away. “It’s okay. Time passes. Hurts heal. That’s the way it is out here.”

  “Well, regardless, I can see how much it distresses you to speak about this and I promise, I won't bring it up again. But…if you ever need to talk about it again, I’ll be right here.” Roxanne reached out and pulled his hand between hers and squeezed.

  Alex looked down at their hands entwined. What he would have given to have a wife like Roxanne... Whoa! Where had that thought come from?

  He pulled his hand away from hers. “I think it would be for the best if we just never spoke of this again.”

  Chapter 5

  Roxanne spent the rest of the day unpacking her trunks and getting organized. She had given John a list of items she wanted to order for the kitchen as there was a profound shortage of spices, flour, sugar, and other baking accouterments. It seems Alex was very fond of steak and potatoes. Something she intended to rectify, for Grace's sake. A growing child needed fresh vegetables in her diet.

  Sorting her dresses and petticoats, she thought about her conversation with Alex in the kitchen earlier today. It was obvious he was still in a great deal of pain at losing his uncle and more recently
his wife. She couldn't imagine losing someone so dear and she vowed to respect his wishes and not bring the matter up again. That is, unless he did.

  “Hi, Miss Roxanne. Whatcha doin'?” Grace skipped into the room and tried to climb up on the large four-poster bed.

  “Here, sweetheart. Let me help you up.” Roxanne crossed the room and lifted the little girl up and scooted her into the middle of the bed. “And to answer your question, I'm organizing my clothes.”

  “Why?” Grace asked.

  “Because I need to know where my things are so if I am in a rush, I don't have to rummage through everything to find what I'm looking for. It’s important to be organized because a cluttered home is a house in chaos.” She smiled. That sounded like something Marianne would say. Perhaps she and her twin were more alike than she realized.

  “Chaos? What's that?” Grace frowned at her in confusion.

  The four-year-old was so adorable in her innocence. “Well, I suppose the best way to explain chaos is that it’s kind of like when everything around you is out of order and it makes you feel out of sorts.”

  “Papa is out of sorts sometime. Does that mean he's chaos?” Grace asked.

  “He may be experiencing chaos. It's hard to run a ranch and take care of a little girl at the same time. He wants to make sure you’re happy and safe, and he can't do that when he's working.” Roxanne tried to explain why her father may have been short with her from time to time. “You know he loves you, don't you Grace?”

  “Yeah, I know. I just wish my momma did.” Grace's wistful sigh touched Roxanne's heart.

  “I'm sure your mother loved you very much and she would be here if she could. Does it make you sad to think about her?”

  Grace sat quietly for a few heartbeats before she looked up at Roxanne and said, “It used to make me sad, but I think I’m forgetting her. I can't remember what she looks like. Is that bad, Miss Roxanne? Am I a bad girl because I don't remember what she looks like?” Grace's voice cracked with emotion and Roxanne could see the tears pooling in her innocent blue eyes.