The Debutante's Secret

by Peggy McKenzie

  She looked at him with sympathy and that made him feel even worse. She was being kind because she didn’t know the whole truth. And as guilty as he felt at his deception, he knew if he told her the truth, she wouldn't stay. And John would be furious not to mention Regina’s reaction. This was such a mess. But he could see no way out of it…at least for the present. He had to have Roxanne’s help here at the ranch. Otherwise, any hopes for the future would be gone, along with his ranch, and his reputation.

  “I understand your objections from this morning, at least to some degree, Alex, but I don't understand why you think that if Grace learns the finer points of education, she will become selfish.”

  He watched her hesitate before she placed her slim hand on his forearm. “Do you know someone like that, Alex? Is that why you are so opposed to Grace learning more?”

  Alex wrestled with his conscience. This was his opportunity to tell her about Grace's mother. How she was a pampered young woman who was brought up to be selfish and useless. He hadn't known that about Kate until they were married. By then, it was much too late to run in the opposite direction. Maybe he could share enough of the truth about his wife without losing Roxanne's respect or her help.

  “Yes, I... I suppose I do know, or did know, someone who was spoiled and selfish. It's a hard thing to admit, especially now.”

  “Was it your wife, Alex? Was it Grace's mother that was the selfish person you are speaking of?

  He looked down into Roxanne's eyes and he felt them pull him in. He had promised himself he would stay clear of this thing that pulled at his soul when he looked into Roxanne’s gaze. But at this moment, he was caught somewhere between the mistakes of his past and the possibilities of a new and brighter…happier future. Locked in limbo, the line he promised not to cross wasn’t as defined as it once was.

  “Alex, I can see the pain and disappointment on your face. I suspected the truth when Grace admitted to missing a woman by the name of Mrs. Haversham, but she never talked about missing her mother.” He watched in hopeful suspense as she rose up on her toes and leaned in to touch his cheek with her lips. “I'm sorry, Alex. I know how that must hurt, knowing Grace didn't have the kind of mother you would have wished for your precious little girl.”

  Alex's heart stumbled at her closeness. Wisps of Roxanne's dark hair brushed his cheek and tugged at his beard when she pulled away. He knew he should let her go, but the line he wasn’t supposed to cross disappeared completely.

  He pulled Roxanne into his arms and, when she did not resist, he slowly bent his head giving her time to object. She didn’t pull away. Instead, she met him halfway, her lips opening beneath his own. The heat of passion he felt growing deep inside threatened to consume him. He wrapped his arms around her body and pulled her tight against him, deepening his kiss. And she was kissing him back.

  Thoughts swirled around his head. His horse ranch. His daughter. This beautiful and kind, loving woman in his arms. Laughing eyes. Sensuous lips begging to be kissed. Lying beneath the big dark sky full of twinkling stars on a clear night. It was everything he had ever imagined.

  But soon those visions of a serene and happy existence were clouded by drifting dark shadows of his cheating wife’s face. Those were replaced by the image of Roxanne’s beautiful face, twisted in anger and disbelief, when she learned of his deception. When she learned he couldn’t be trusted. And that gave him pause.

  He pulled away and looked down into the eyes of this amazing woman. He wanted her, not just in his bed, but in his life…until the end of it.

  He could see the questions in her gaze and he wished he could give her the answers she craved. But he couldn’t. At least, not now for he would never compromise her reputation, and he wasn’t in the position to offer her more than these few kisses. But, one day….soon.

  Chapter 8

  Roxanne spent the rest of the afternoon in the main room of the ranch house searching through the catalog of dress patterns she had borrowed from Regina. Alex had told her she was welcome to use the sewing machine in the spare bedroom, and she thought a lesson in sewing would be a good way to teach Grace about measurements.

  She flipped the pages for something simple to sew all the while her head floated in the clouds as her fingertips traced the path that Alex's mouth had left on her lips. She had been surprised when he pulled her against him and took her mouth against his. But she found she didn’t mind at all. In fact, she had been more than willing to kiss the handsome cowboy.

  “Roxanne? Are we going to use your pastels again before supper?” Grace's voice pulled her from her daydreams.

  “Um, no sweetheart, I think today we shall spend an hour or so down by the river under the willow trees and practice your reading. Would you like that?” Roxanne pulled Grace to her and took the brush from the little girl’s hand. “Now, turn around and let me fix this rat’s nest.”

  She turned Grace around and undid this morning's messy braids.

  “I would rather use your pastels, but I like to read too,” Grace answered over her shoulder. “What kind of book shall we read?”

  “How about a fairy tale?” Roxanne asked and pulled the brush carefully through Grace's tangled curls.

  She watched Grace’s face in the mirror as the little girl pondered her question. Soon, Roxanne was finished and turned her charge around. “There. All set.” She patted the little girl’s bangs in place.

  Grace surprised her by throwing her arms around Roxanne’s neck and giving her a heartfelt hug. Delighted by the display of affection, she hugged Grace back. Tears stung as she thought of all the little girl had been through during her young life. She had guessed there were problems, but having her suspicions verified by Alex made it real and even more upsetting.

  “Grace, darling. Are you alright? Is there anything I can do? Sometimes, it helps just to have someone listen to you. And I come from a long line of very good listeners you know?”

  “You do?” Grace stepped back and searched Roxanne's face.

  “I do. I have a twin sister and sometimes we can even talk without saying a word. And my mother has always been a very good listener. Probably one of the best.” Roxanne offered the little girl bits and pieces of her life in hopes of putting her at ease enough to confide in her.

  “You and your sister talk to each other without words? How do you do that?” Roxanne could see the confusion in Grace's face.

  “Well, we are identical twins and people say that twins have a special connection that allows them to understand one another without speaking a single word. I know my sister and I have that ability. We are able to convey messages by just looking at each other. It used to drive our parents mad.”

  Grace frowned at her words. “Everything I do makes my papa mad.”

  “It isn't you, sweetheart. Your father just worries about you. That’s all it is. It might appear that you drive him mad, but he loves you very much and he would be heartbroken if anything should ever happen to you. That's why he hired me to take care of you.”

  The little girl nodded in understanding. “And teach me stuff.”

  “Yes, and teach you lots and lots of stuff. Stuff a young lady should know.”

  “Even coloring with your pastels?” Grace asked and cut a sly look at Roxanne.

  “Yes, even coloring with pastels.” She grinned at the precocious little girl.

  “Papa didn't like it though.”

  “He just didn't understand, but now he does. As long as you pay close attention to your lessons and learn everything you can, he told me he won't mind one bit if you learn to color too. I promise.”

  Grace nodded again. “Your momma is good at listening? That sounds real nice.” Grace's wistful words drifted off into silence.

  Roxanne didn't want to push the four-year-old to talk against her mother, and yet she really did want to know more about the woman who had been Alex’s wife. But only because she wanted to help them heal. At least that’s what she told herself.

  “It was
nice. Very nice. My mother listens to even my most silly thoughts and never once has she laughed at me.”

  Grace studied the tips of her laced-up boots. She didn't say anything more.

  “I would be happy to listen to you... that is if you want me to.”

  The little girl shook her head no. “I can't talk about it. Papa said you would be sad.”

  “I would be sad? Oh, Grace, darling, nothing could be further from the truth. I would be happy to listen to you, and if something is making you sad, perhaps I can make it better.” Roxanne urged the little girl to open up and talk about her feelings.

  Grace was quiet and she began to play with the yarn in Roxanne's knitting basket sitting on the floor next to her chair. Roxanne didn't wish to push Grace or make her feel uncomfortable, so she busied herself with the pages of the catalog in her lap.

  She cut a glance toward the quiet little girl and her instincts told her Grace was deep in thought while her tiny fingers were busy knotting up Roxanne's yarn. She kept quiet and waited. Finally, Grace left the knotted yarn beside the chair and turned to her. “Can we talk now?”

  “Of course. What would you like to talk about? Anything at all.” Roxanne put the catalog aside and sat down on the floor pulling Grace into her lap and giving her a big squeeze.

  “Can we talk about my momma?”

  “Of course. We can talk about anything you like. Remember? I’m a good listener.” She hoped to encourage Grace to share whatever it was that was obviously bothering her.

  She watched Grace hesitate again. “Even if Papa said it would make you sad?”

  Roxanne's heart nearly broke in two at the little girl's sad expression. “Perhaps you misunderstood what your father meant. But yes, even if it makes me sad, I want to hear whatever it is you have to say.”

  “Papa said you couldn't fix it and if I told you about it, it would make you sad.” Roxanne could see the confidence in the little girl’s words. What on earth could be so horrible that Alex would instruct his little daughter not to tell anyone for fear of making them sad?

  “Why don't you let me decide what I can fix and can't fix, alright? I'm quite resourceful you know.” She offered assurance even though she had no idea what the problem was.

  “What's resourceful mean?” Grace wanted to know.

  “It means that I am able to meet a situation with a positive solution.” It was the best explanation she could come up with that a four-year-old might understand.

  “Positive solution?”

  “It means I can find a happy ending in even the most difficult situations.”

  Relief softened Grace's frown. “That's good because my momma is sure enough a difficult situation.”

  Alex thought about the kiss he and Roxanne shared after she left him to go check on Grace. He knew he was attracted to the woman, but he had greatly underestimated that attraction—until today.

  He dug fence pole holes all afternoon. He pushed himself until his arms shook with exhaustion and his back ached from the strain. Jeremy was busy mucking the stalls and tending the horses while he worked alone building the fence line for the new pasture. There was just too much work for two people to do. Three if he counted Roxanne. And he did count on Roxanne a lot more than he should. She couldn't stay forever. That much she had made clear when she accepted the job, but he had her until late August. He would make the most of it.

  The sun was hanging low in the wide western sky. He guessed it to be about six-thirty, maybe closer to seven, and he had put in a full day’s work. He loaded his tools, the extra posts, and wire into the back of the wagon, covered everything with a tarp, and headed to the house.

  Alex glanced at the spot where he had seen Roxanne and Grace sitting beneath the trees at the water’s edge late this afternoon. He wished he could have joined them—he sure wanted to—but he couldn’t spare the time he told himself. It wasn’t the only reason. While it was true, he didn’t have the time to spare, he also didn't know what to say or how to act around the woman he had shared those delicious kisses just a few hours ago. Worry punched through his doubts. What if she decided she needed to move back to town because of his impulsive behavior?

  He needed her to take care of Grace. He refused to acknowledge any other possibilities until he could gauge her feelings. She seemed receptive to his advances. At least, she didn’t shy away from his kiss, but—

  Roxanne’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “Alex, I thought you might be hungry since you didn’t come up for supper.”

  Startled by her unexpected appearance, he whirled to find her standing beside the wagon. Shirtless, he yanked it off the wagon seat and shoved his arms into the sleeves. His fingers quick to button up the front. He wasn't certain why he did that since he what he’d really like to do is pick up where they left off this afternoon. He said the first thing that came to mind. “Where is Grace?”

  “She and Jeremy are up at the house eating supper. Are you going to work out here all night?” He could tell by the amused look in her eyes that she was kidding him again. He liked it when she teased.

  “No, I—I just hadn't realized how late it was getting, that's all.” He couldn't seem to get his brain to work. He was usually quick-witted, but in front of Roxanne, he sounded like a witless dunce.

  A light breeze lifted the curls around her face. He watched her pull at her shawl, drawing it closer around her shoulders. “Are you chilly?” he asked.

  “No, I like the evening breeze. I've noticed it comes up every night about this time, kind of like an old friend who greets me after a long day's work. Don't you agree?”

  She turned her wistful gaze from the landscape surrounding his ranch to pin him with an expectant look.

  “I suppose I've never thought of it that way, but you may be right.” He turned and glanced around the horizon himself, taking in the sweeping panoramic view surrounding the ranch. His ranch. “Yes, this place is like an old friend to me. It's been that way ever since I was a kid, when I would come visit my uncle for the summer. I'd be lost if anything happened to this place. Completely. Lost.”

  “Well, then. I guess we shall have to make certain nothing happens to it.” The confidence he heard in Roxanne's voice pulled his gaze back to her. And then to her lips. Their pull was irresistible, and he found himself moving closer.

  “And how will we do that?” he whispered, not really certain what he was saying because his full attention was focused on kissing her. Again. Against his better judgment.

  She stepped closer and looked up into his eyes. “I would think that would be obvious, Alex. Teamwork. It is an essential component of any worthwhile project.”

  “Teamwork, huh?” He waited for her to make the next move. Was she teasing him or enticing him? One thing was for sure, she wasn't running from him.

  “Yes, teamwork.” She kept her eyes trained on his, but she didn't move any closer.

  What should he do? Was she waiting on him to make the next move? Was she testing him to see if he would continue to behave in the same reckless manner? Would she welcome his advances, or would she leave?

  He realized he needed her to stay, and not just for Grace. Standing here, lost in the depths of her dark sultry eyes, he knew he needed her too.

  “Mr. Harp. Are you going to kiss me or are you not?” Her words pulled him out of his indecision. He stepped closer and pulled her against his body. “I am, Miss Sheffield. I most certainly am.”

  His lips claimed hers and he allowed his passions to rule. At least for the present. He deepened the kiss between them and pulled Roxanne closer so she could feel his desire for her.

  As hard as he tried to forget about tomorrow, his thoughts reminded him that he had no tomorrows to offer Roxanne. Not until he could claim his missing money and afford to divorce Kate.

  Feeling his hesitation, she drew away and searched his face. “Are you having seconds thoughts... about whatever this is between us?” she asked.

  He looked down at her face, pink with passion
, and refocused all of his attention on her. Did he have second thoughts? “No, ma'am. Not one.”

  He pulled her close again and kissed her like there was no tomorrow because if he couldn’t figure out how to solve his problems before she learned of his deceptions about Kate, there would be no tomorrow.

  Chapter 9

  Roxanne busied herself with the breakfast dishes while her thoughts continued to wander. Yesterday’s kisses in Alex’s arms had been…just like the beautiful fairy tales in the books she loved to read. No, that wasn’t quite true. This was better because it was real. She was living her own real-life fairy tale. And she couldn’t be more happy.

  She knew her attraction for Alex had ignited the day she fell into his arms from the train. But to know that he felt that same attraction for her…it was an exhilarating feeling she couldn’t get enough of. Thoughts of Alex and his kisses were all she wanted to think about. Well, that and Grace’s confession.

  She thought about her conversations with both Grace and Alex. It seems her suspicions about Alex’s wife not being much of a mother was spot on. But now, she got the feeling from Alex, the woman wasn’t much of a wife either.

  It seems the woman was never around, preferring to leave Grace’s care in the hands of a woman named Mrs. Haversham. And while Alex might have no choice but to leave Grace in Roxanne’s care, Kate had no reason other than she couldn’t be bothered with the care of her own child.

  As much as she hated to admit it, Roxanne was relieved she didn't have to compete with the ghost of a perfect wife. It was very hard to live up to the memories of someone who had passed, especially in the mind's eye. It seemed the people who loved them only wanted to remember the best parts of them, which made it impossible to compete with. Now that she knew the truth, she knew Mrs. Kate Harp was anything but perfect.

  Roxanne had hoped to share with Alex what Grace had told her, but when she left Jeremy and Grace eating supper to walk down to where Alex was still working, things had gone in a different direction. Not that she was complaining. There would be plenty of time for them to have that conversation later.