The Death of the Gods

by Dmitry Sergeyevich Merezhkovsky

  XIV

  Together the pair went down the alley of cypresses leading to the sea.The moon-path of sensitive silver on the waters ran up to the horizon,and waves were breaking against a chalk cliff. At the end of the alleythere was a semicircular seat. Above it the huntress Artemis, in shorttunic, with crescented hair, quiver on shoulder, and two deer-houndsat her feet, looked down on the two young people.

  They sat down together. Arsinoe pointed out the hill of the Acropolis,so distant that the columns of the Parthenon could hardly bedistinguished; and took up the thread of conversations started attheir former meetings--

  "See how beautiful it is!... And you would destroy that, Julian?"

  Making no reply, he stared on the ground.

  "I have thought much over what you said to me the last time we met,concerning this humility of yours," continued Arsinoe gently. "WasAlexander son of Philip of Macedon humble? And nevertheless is he notgreat and splendid?"

  Julian said nothing.

  "And Brutus, Brutus the stabber of Caesar! Had Brutus turned the leftcheek when struck on the right, do you think he would have been moresublime? Or, indeed, perhaps you consider him a criminal, youGalileans? Why can I not help thinking sometimes, Julian, that you area hypocrite; and that these black habiliments are not your body'strue raiment?"

  She turned brusquely towards his moon-lit face and regarded himsteadfastly.

  "Arsinoe, what do you want of me?" murmured Julian, whose cheek wasvery pale.

  "I want you to be frankly my foe!" exclaimed the young girl. "You mustnot pass by like this, without telling me what you are. Sometimes Idream that it would be better if Rome and Athens were utterly ruined!Better burn a corpse than leave it unburied! And all our friendshere--grammarians, rhetoricians--poets who write Imperialeulogies--all these are the rotting body of Greece and Rome. In theircompany one grows afraid, as among the shroudless dead.... Oh, you maytriumph, Galileans! Soon corpses and ruins are all that will remain onearth!... And you, Julian.... But no!... It is impossible! I do notbelieve that you are with them and against Hellas--against me!..."

  Julian sprang up before her, pale and mute, longing to burst away. Sheheld him back.

  "Tell me that you are my enemy," she said with heart-broken challengein her voice.

  "Arsinoe!... Why----"

  "Tell me all!... I must know. Do you not feel how near we are? Or areyou indeed afraid to speak?"

  "In two days I leave Athens," murmured Julian.

  "Why?--Where are you going?"

  "The Emperor has recalled me to Court--to die perhaps. I may now belooking at you for the last time."

  "Julian, you do not believe in Him?" cried Arsinoe, seeking to readthe eyes of the monk.

  "Speak lower!"

  He rose, and striding round cautiously explored the dusty roadsilvered by the moon, the bushes, and even the sea, as if afraid tosee sudden-rising spies from the Emperor. Reassured, he returned andsat down. Leaning one hand heavily on the marble he brought his lipsclose to the ear of Arsinoe--so near that she felt his warmbreath--muttering rapidly--

  "Believe in _Him_?... Listen, girl! I say to you now what I have neverdared to say even to myself. I hate the Galilean!... But I have liedas long as I can remember. Lying has soaked into my soul, or clung toit, as this black vestment clings to my body. You remember thepoisoned shirt of Nessus; Hercules snatched it off with pieces of hisown flesh and it slew him, all the same. I--I too shall perish wearingthis Galilean lie!"

  He pronounced each word with painful effort. Arsinoe gazed at him. Hisface, changed by suffering and hatred, became the face of a stranger.

  "Be calm, friend!" she murmured. "Tell me all. I shall understand youbetter than anyone else."

  "I should like to be able to speak, but speech is a power I havelost," sneered Julian. "I have kept silence too long. Do youunderstand, Arsinoe? It is all over with him who has once fallen intotheir clutches! These good and humble men deform him to such adegree--teach him so thoroughly to lie and to dissimulate--that itbecomes impossible ever to stand erect and manful again!"

  The blood rushed to his forehead, swelling the veins, and throughclenched teeth he muttered--

  "Cowardice! Foul Galilean cowardice! this--to hate your enemy as Ihate Constantius, and to pardon him, to crouch at his feet, cringelike a serpent, to supplicate him in the humble Christian manner: 'Ayear, grant your weak-witted slave, Julian, another year; and then dowith him as it may please you and your counsellors, O well-beloved ofGod!' What baseness!"

  "No, Julian," protested Arsinoe, "you will conquer! Deception is yourstrength.... Julian, do you remember AEsop's fable, The Ass in theLion's Skin? In this affair of yours the story is reversed; the lionis in the ass's skin, and the hero in a monkish habit! And how theywill shrink affrighted when you suddenly show your talons! What joyand what terror! Tell me, you long for power?"

  "Power!" cried Julian, intoxicated at the sound of the word andinhaling with deep breaths the fresh air of night--"power!... oh, onlyfor a year, a few months, a few days! And I would teach them, I wouldteach all these crawling and venomous creatures what means theirMaster's word, 'Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's'; Iswear by the Sun-god they should render to Caesar what is his!"

  He raised his head, his eyes flashing with rage and pride and renewedyouth. Arsinoe gazed on him with a smile. But his head soon fell. Hesank back on the bench and crossing his arms on his breast in monkishfashion he faltered--

  "No, no; why nurse empty dreams? That can never be. I shall perish.Anger will stifle me. Listen; every night after passing the day on myknees in churches, bowed over relics, I go home broken with fatigue; Ifling myself on the bed and sob; yes, bite my own flesh, to avoidcrying out with pain. Oh, you cannot know yet, Arsinoe, this Galileanhorror and infection in which I have agonised for twenty yearswithout escaping by death. We Christians take a deal ofkilling,--worms that live on even when cut in pieces! At first I usedto seek consolation in the teachings of the diviners and philosophers.It was hopeless. I follow neither the one nor the other. I am wickedand I wish to be wickeder still. To be strong and terrible as theDemon, my only brother.... But why, why can I not forget that there isbeauty in the world; why, O cruel one, did you dawn upon my life?"

  With a quick spontaneous movement Arsinoe flung her bare arms roundJulian's neck, drew him to her so strongly, so closely, that he feltthe whole freshness of her body, murmuring--

  "And if I did come towards you, O young man, what if it were as asibyl to prophesy you glory? You alone are alive among the dead!Splendour is yours! What matters it to me that your wings are noswan's wings, but wings of the black and lost, your talons, talons ofa bird of prey? My love is for all the revolted, the reprobate, therejected--you understand me, Julian? I love the proud and solitaryeagles better than any stainless swan. Only ... be prouder yet, bewickeder yet! Dare up to the height of your ambition! Lie withoutshame; better lie than be humiliated. Fear not hate; it is the impetusof your wings. Come, shall we make an alliance? You shall give mepower, I will give you beauty. Are you willing, Julian?"

  Again through the light folds of her antique peplum, as once in the_palaestra_, he saw the breathing image of the huntress Artemis; itseemed that divine body shone through, golden and tender.

  His head reeled in the lunar shadow enveloping them. Those haughtylips laughingly approached his own.

  For the last time he mused. "I must tear myself away. She does notlove me. She will never love me. Her love is only for power."

  But immediately he added to himself, with a faint smile: "Well, let itbe so! I consent to be duped!"

  The chill of the strange and insatiate kiss of Arsinoe shot to hisheart like the chill of death. It seemed as if Artemis herself, in thetranslucence of the moon, had descended towards him, embraced him, andmocked him, and like a beam of moonlight fled away.

  * * * * *

  On the following morning Basil of Caesarea and Gregory of Nazianzencame across Ju
lian in a basilica in Athens. He was kneeling in prayer.The two friends gazed at him, surprised. Never had they seen upon hisfeatures such an expression of rapt serenity.

  "Brother," murmured Basil to Gregory, "we have sinned; he whom weinwardly accused is a righteous man."

  Gregory shook his head.

  "May the Lord pardon me if I am deceived," he said slowly, hispiercing eye still on Julian. "But remember, Basil, how often theDevil himself, the father of lying, has appeared to men in guise of anangel!"