by Deb Rotuno
“Dani! Where’s the file for—”
“Oh, my sweet hell…If you’re filing, nitwit, I’m gonna…” She slipped out of the booth quickly, shooting me a glare when I laughed at them. “Laugh it up, Evan. It’ll be you and me fixing his shit again.”
Grinning, I shrugged a shoulder. “Worse things could happen…”
“True, but then…there’s a shit-ton of better things we could be doing besides cleaning up after my alphabet-impaired cousin.”
Smirking, I said, “You win.”
“Damn straight.”
She walked to Wes, who flinched when she snatched a stack of paperwork out of his hand. She was muttering to him the whole way back to his office, and I jumped when she slammed the door.
I shifted my books around but eyed my journal, pulling it to me. I’d meant what I’d said to Faith. I really wanted Dani to know me. I just wasn’t sure how to tell her about the ugliest part of me, so I picked up my pen.
To my Library Girl,
You’re no longer a mystery to me, and every single fantasy I had of you in the library pales in comparison to the real thing. You’re beautiful, yes, but you’re more than that. I’m glad to call you a friend, if only because in the short time of knowing you, your friendship has become so very important. You’re kind and funny. You’re caring and smart. You’re all these things I never considered you’d be when I was merely looking at you from the outside of things.
You see me so differently than anyone else. Where I came from, I was an outcast. Aside from my siblings, I was this social pariah. I didn’t date. I didn’t go to parties. I didn’t do anything other than study. But you…You’ve forced me to see myself, to see what you see. The problem with that, Dani, is that you don’t know everything. And I need you to know it all.
I need you to know about me because you deserve the truth. You’ve seen my fear of water, and you’ve figured out about my dad, but you need to know the whole story because if you can’t handle it, I’d rather know that now.
A shadow fell over the table before someone slid into the booth across from me. I expected Dani but smiled awkwardly when Regan gazed back across from me.
“Hey, Evan,” she greeted softly.
“Hey. What’s up?”
She looked around and then back to me. Her cheeks were pink, and I felt uncomfortable under scrutiny. I didn’t like the attention, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, either. I wasn’t that kind of guy. I knew what it was like to feel something for someone I was sure didn’t know I existed. How I’d lucked out with getting to know Dani, I’d never know, but I was grateful, nonetheless.
“Um…I just…I know we have work to do on our project, but…” She trailed off a little, her fingers twisting a bit in front of her. “I just…Well, Brett asked me out and…”
“He did?” I asked, mentally cheering in my head. “He’s a good guy, really smart. He’s not a jerk. There are plenty of those…”
Regan smiled, but it wavered a bit when Dani slid into the booth next to me. She leaned over, pressing a kiss to my cheek. It wasn’t the first time she’d done that, but it never failed to make me freeze just a little and break out into a sweat.
Before I could ask her what that was for, she reached a hand across the table. “Hey, I’m Dani. I’ve seen you in the library.”
“Regan Stone.” Adjusting her glasses, Regan shook Dani’s hand.
“Oh…the physics project you told me about. How’s that going?” she asked, looking between us, but there was a small smile playing on her lips.
“It’s good. We’re just about finished,” I explained but then turned to Regan. “If you want, Brett and I can meet you after classes tomorrow to finish everything up.”
“Well, that’s…um, we were wondering if it could be Wednesday. There’s someplace he wants to go tomorrow.”
“Yeah, yeah…whatever. Just let me know. We’ve got until Friday.”
“Okay,” she said softly, getting up from the booth.
I turned to Dani to meet her sweet gaze. “What was the kiss for?”
“Originally it was for keeping up with Wes’s filing, but when I got out here, I figured you needed help,” she answered with a silly grin.
“My roommate asked her out.”
“Oh? And she just now told you that?” Dani laughed, shaking her head, but she reached up to brush my hair off my forehead when I nodded. “She was trying to make you jealous.”
“Maybe, but it won’t work. I’m…” Grimacing, I sighed and started to close my journal, but Dani’s hand covered mine. I wanted to say that I only had eyes for one girl—the one currently sitting next to me, all warm and smelling like heaven—so jealousy wouldn’t work on me.
“Evan?” she whispered, looking from me to my journal I was closing up and packing away.
“Hmm?”
“Did you say you use that journal to sort out hard conversations?”
“Yeah, it’s just easier sometimes. I’m not…always brave enough to just…blurt stuff out.”
She smiled a little, but her brow furrowed. “Did…I saw my name, Evan. Were you writing to me?”
Panic hit me hard like a tidal wave, and I squeezed my eyes closed and balled up my fists for a second. My inability to speak aloud was embarrassing, so I waited for the laugh or for her to reach for the journal. She did neither.
“Evan…Calm down, please. Look at me,” she whispered, and I felt her hands on either side of my face.
When I opened my eyes, I whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” she countered softly. “What’s so difficult that you think you need to write it first before coming to me? I…I know you’re shy, but I don’t…Please know you can talk to me about anything.”
Swallowing nervously, I nodded. “I know, but I just…”
“Did…Have I done something wrong, Evan?”
My gaze snapped to hers, and I shook my head vehemently. “No! No, not at all. How could you think that? You’re damn near perfect.”
Grinning, she chuckled a bit. “Uh, no, I’m not. But it’s sweet that you think so.”
“Well, you are to me,” I grumbled, which made her smile all the more.
Her giggle was soft. “Damn, Evan, you make it really difficult not to just…kiss you fucking stupid.”
As much as I wanted that, I couldn’t do it. I glanced down at my hands in my lap, fidgeting as I realized just how close we were sitting. “You have no idea how badly I want that, but…there are some things about me you need to know before…or…I mean…” Groaning at my inability to fucking talk, I merely shrugged a shoulder.
“And…you were writing it out first?” she asked me, and I nodded. “Every time we’ve talked, you’ve done just fine, Evan. You don’t…You never need to ‘practice’ any conversation with me. I’m rather fond of how our talks go.”
“Yeah?”
“God, yes! I never thought you’d talk to me to begin with, so this…” She gestured between us, raising a silly but sexy eyebrow at me. “This is awesome.”
I smiled, shaking my head. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Make me feel…normal?”
“You are normal, Evan. Shy, nervous, smart, and…normal.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Who the fuck has told you you’re not normal?”
My shock at her sharp temper caused me to gasp a little, and I couldn’t help but think an angry, protective Dani was probably the sexiest, most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
“Everyone?” I answered with a derisive laugh, though it came out like a question.
She studied me for a moment, looking up at the clock over the counter and then finally back to me. “You’re off work in two hours. You have someplace you need to be?” she asked, and I shook my head. “Then I’ll be here when you’re done.”
I started to pack up my things in order to get back to work, but she stopped me again.
“And Evan?” she said softly, sliding out
from the booth and smiling at me when I looked up at her. “If you want to write it, I’ll read every word without complaint, but I honestly love the sound of your voice, so I’d prefer it if you talked to me. And I’ll sit with you all night if I have to.”
I stood from the booth, shouldering my backpack to stash it in the kitchen until I was off work. “Is there…Is there somewhere private we can go?”
She smiled and nodded. “I’m sure we can come up with something. Get back to work, Evan. I’ve got you.”
Smiling, I shook my head as a light laugh escaped me. Something told me she meant that, that I could trust her, though it didn’t make me any less nervous.
Chapter Eight
Evan
“EV, YOU OKAY?” I heard behind me as I put away the mop and bucket.
I nodded but didn’t say anything, reaching for my backpack. When I stood up straight, Wes was still eyeing me, his arms crossed over his chest.
“Did my cousin say something crazy?”
I broke into a laugh, shaking my head. “No, not at all.”
“Well, there’s a first,” he said with a teasing grin.
“No, she’s…We need to talk. I’m just…nervous, I guess.”
He sobered quickly, walking to me. “Sounds serious…” he started but then trailed off. “Is that why she asked to close up?”
Wrinkling my nose, I nodded. “Yeah, probably. Privacy.”
He nodded again. “Try not to hurt my cousin, Ev. Mm’kay?”
I snorted at the ridiculousness of that statement. “Of all the people in this equation, Wes…it’s not Dani who’ll get hurt. Okay?”
I didn’t mean for that to come out so harshly, but it was the truth. I couldn’t hurt Dani if I tried. No, this was different. This would put everything in her hands; it would give her the power to destroy me.
“Oh.” He inhaled deeply and then let it out, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Then let me give you a piece of advice, and then I’ll leave you two to lock up the joint.” He waited until I nodded before he went on. “First of all, you and Dani have more in common than you think. Just a few years ago, she was just as…shy and she’d say nerdy, but she wasn’t. She’s just damned smart…like you. She broke out of that shell, and you will too, Evan. You already have—a little, anyway.” He squeezed my shoulder to make sure I was listening. “I get the impression you’ve seen some pretty tough shit, but you need to know that Dani’s not gonna judge you on a bit of it. That’s just not the way she works. And…” He grinned, and it was crooked and mischievous. “She likes you, dude, so I’m pretty sure you could tell her anything and she’ll take it. She’s a pretty tough cookie.”
I knew he was right; it was me who wasn’t so tough, but I didn’t say anything when I followed him out to the sitting area of the coffee shop. Dani was sitting on the sofa in the corner of the room, twirling a set of keys around her finger.
“I’ve got this, Wes.”
“Right. No unsupervised parties, no alcohol, and don’t break anything.”
Dani grinned. “Sure, Dad.”
Chuckling, I shook my head at them and took the chair across the table from her as Wes left us alone. Dani followed him, turning the deadbolt on the doors. She flipped the switch, leaving half the lights on. It gave anyone passing by the impression that the place was empty, closed.
I fidgeted nervously with the strap to my backpack, raking a hand through my hair. Bracing myself, I tore my gaze from the little table in front of me to look at Dani, who had slipped quietly back into her spot on the sofa.
“Did you…” I sighed deeply, tilting my head at her. “Did you mean what you said? About staying up all night?” I asked, wearing a smile at the thought of it. “’Cause it might take that long.”
Her smile was sweet. “If need be, Evan. I…I wish I could make this easier on you.” She offered me her hand on the table, and I placed mine in hers. “I’d say you didn’t have to tell me, but then…you seem determined, so…”
I dropped my eyes to our hands, toying with her fingers. “I need to do this. You…” I shook my head slowly. “You make me feel things I’ve never felt before, Dani. And with that comes the need to be honest with you. Does that make sense?”
“Yes,” she whispered, linking our fingers together, “but if it hurts you…”
I laughed harshly, though there was no humor in it whatsoever. “I used to think I couldn’t be hurt anymore.”
It was cryptic, but it was true. Dani could walk away and I’d live, but it would confirm my theory that I wasn’t normal. And I wasn’t sure that would stop me from liking her, because I’d truly started to shift from a crush on her to something else, and that was what made me want to be honest with her.
“Evan?” she called softly, and I met her warm eyes. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise you. Does what you’re about to tell me have to do with why you panicked at my house that night at dinner?” she asked, and I nodded. “Okay, so does this have to do with…with your mother?”
“Yeah.”
Her beautiful head tilted a bit, and her smile was small but warm. “And you’re scared to tell me?”
“A little,” I mumbled, wrinkling my nose. “Your opinion has become…important.”
She lifted our hands and, much to my shock, pressed kisses to my knuckles. “Then you should know that nothing you tell me will scare me or make me think of you differently. Whatever you say in this…closed-up café is just between us. Whatever has happened prior to this moment has no bearing on this tiny table in the corner of said café. And lastly, my opinion of you is pretty much cemented in stone. I think you’re a shy, sweet, smart guy. I think you’re the most handsome thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, and if you don’t stop me, I’m gonna embarrass myself by rambling stupid shit.”
Grinning, I felt my cheeks flame. “Thanks.” I took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes, deciding to just start from the dinner at her house. “Did your dad tell you he Googled my mother’s name?” I asked her, and she shook her head. “He did. He said he remembered her name but couldn’t quite place what she’d written. When he did, he…he found the news article on her…death—a car accident.”
Dani nodded but didn’t say anything, so I went on.
Swallowing nervously, I focused on our linked hands. “I was…I don’t know. I was a normal twelve-year-old kid.” I shrugged. “I had friends and played some sports. I picked on my little sister and bugged my older brother. I procrastinated on homework, watched too much TV, played video games. Normal stuff.”
I didn’t look at her as I continued. “We’re all pretty close in age. Tyler and I were in middle school at the same time, so we knew each other’s friends and teachers and whatever. I’d…always been the different one in the family. I liked reading. I liked making up stories for Faith and my mother. Tyler was good at math, and Faith liked science, but I was the…daydreamer.” I wrinkled my nose at that term because it had been spat at me more times than I could count—but only after my mother was gone.
“You should know now…I look just like her. I have the exact same interests as her. She was a teacher at Key Lake High School—English, of course. Never mind her published work.” I smiled a little when Dani nodded, keeping my hand in hers. “My weird hair, my eyes, my smile…all from her. My dad…he has lighter hair and hazel eyes, and my brother takes after him more. Faith…she’s…Well, she dyes her hair dark, but her eyes are like his.”
“Your hair isn’t weird,” she interrupted, grinning a little. “I like it.”
Shaking my head, I smiled again. “Thanks.”
I was quiet for a moment, and she let me be. I needed to get through the wreck. That was it. That was all. But the fear was always there, right there, on the surface. Along with that fear came the sense of failure, the knowledge that I should’ve done things differently.
“I’d forgotten a book report,” I whispered, frowning down at the table, but I didn’t see the table. I saw the teasing smile of my brothe
r that I was in trouble. I saw my dad’s impatience that my mother couldn’t finish dinner because she had to drive me to the store for supplies. “I’d…I’d already read the book but had forgotten I needed to make a poster for it. My mom wasn’t mad, just…inconvenienced that we had to rush out at the last minute to get what I needed. Tyler went with us. Faith stayed home.” Frowning, I licked my lips. “My dad didn’t want us to go. He told her to let me suffer the bad grade, but she told him not to worry about it, that we’d be right back.”
I met Dani’s eyes. “Montana isn’t really rainy. Snowy, sure, but not rainy.” I swallowed back more nerves. “It’s not like here, where it rains in the afternoon but dries up pretty quickly. When it rains there, it makes everything…slick. It was on the way back that it happened. Tyler was happy I was in trouble, but I was giving him shit right back…kinda like you and Wes.”
Dani grinned, but it didn’t last long. I was pretty sure she could tell what was coming, but I needed to just…say it.
“Tyler has always been good with girls, so I was teasing him about not turning in a book report, only kissing his girlfriend. I…I…flicked his ear, and he…” I squeezed my eyes closed. “He took his seat belt off to pound me, but…Mom lost control of the car. A dog darted out, and…she swerved. The tires lost traction, and we skidded off the road and into a…a…lake.” I pulled my hands from Dani’s, rubbing my face roughly and sinking my fingers into my hair. “I tried…I…I…My seat belt kept me from getting hurt…well, hurt on impact, but…Tyler was out cold, and my mother was bleeding. We were sinking fast. She…she…She told me to get my brother out, so…I was able to open the window some, but the water had killed the car’s power, so I had to kick it, break it. I was small enough then that I could climb over the seat to the front and…and…”
I looked to her, but I didn’t really see Dani. All I could see was the past. “She said…She said she was right behind us, but when I pulled Tyler up, she wasn’t there. She…she…”
Dani got up from her spot and sat in the chair next to me, cupping my face. “Look at me, Evan,” she commanded gently, pulling my forehead to hers. I opened to tears and beautiful, sad blue eyes. “I can put the rest together…”
