Perfectly Imperfect

by Kara Leigh Miller

  “Where do I start?” I flop down on her bed, just like I always have, and rub my hands over my face. “I’ve been lying to you. About almost everything, and I can’t keep doing this. I miss you, Hannah. I miss us—the way we used to be.”

  “I miss you, too.” She hesitates and then crosses the room. She lowers herself onto the bed next to me. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

  Just like I did with Sandra, I pour my guts out to Hannah. I tell her everything—every gritty, embarrassing detail about my mom’s drinking, my dad’s absence, the fire, how Cam kissed me even though I didn’t want him to, and how I ended things with Grayson.

  Hannah listens without interruption, and when I finish my confession, she wipes tears from her eyes. “Isabelle… I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” She throws her arms around me so tightly we tumble backward onto the mattress.

  I lay there, hugging my best friend like she’s my lifeline. My face is buried in her neck, and my body shakes with sobs. The minutes tick by, neither of us moving until, eventually, I release her and draw in a deep breath.

  She moves so she’s cross-legged on the bed, and I mimic her position. “Thank you,” I say.

  Hannah takes my hands and bows her head. “Dear God, please forgive me for not being a better friend to Isabelle, for not seeing how much pain she’s been in. Please help her forgive me, too, and—”

  “There’s nothing to forgive you for, Hannah. I—”

  “Hush. I’m praying.”

  I crack a small smile and press my lips closed, allowing her to finish her prayer.

  “God, please help Isabelle through her pain. Show her the way and help her and her family heal. Amen.”

  “Amen,” I whisper.

  “Okay, we’ve got work to do.” She bounces off the bed and over to her desk. Grabbing a notebook and pen, she holds them up.

  “What’re those for?”

  “We’re making you a new list.” She returns to the bed.

  “We are?”

  She nods and writes across the top of a blank page: How to Make Everything Right Again. Then, she looks up at me expectantly. “Where do you want to start?”

  “With Andrea. I miss her, too.” I frown and fidget with the comforter. Andrea and I have said and done some very hurtful things to each other, and it’s like a black cloud squeezing my heart. I can’t believe we let a guy come between us, especially someone like Cam.

  “Good!” Hannah writes: Talk to Andrea and apologize. “She misses you, too, y’know.”

  “She does?”

  “Yes. She’s been wanting to apologize for the things she said last time you two talked, and for slapping you, but she wasn’t sure what to say. Or if you’d even talk to her.”

  “Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have talked to her, but I’m ready now. If she is.”

  “She is.” Hannah nods with a matter-of-fact finality. “I’ll tell her to meet you in the library tomorrow during lunch. You should go talk to her then.”

  The thought of actually going through with it makes my stomach churn, but it’s something I have to do, something I want to do. No matter how hard or uncomfortable it may be, by this time tomorrow, I will have my other best friend back in my life.

  “Okay, I will,” I say with a confidence I’m not sure I feel. “What about Cam? I am so angry at him for what he did, and I want an apology.” Just thinking about how he messed everything up makes my blood boil.

  “Forget Cam. He’s a loser.”

  I laugh. “Hannah!”

  “What?” She shrugs innocently. “He is. I mean, c’mon. He cheats on you, dumps you, messes up your friendship with Andrea… Then he comes crawling back like he’s the coolest thing since cell phones were invented, expecting you to get back together with him. He screws things up for you with Grayson… No. You just need to forget all about him.” With a determined set of her lips, she writes: Forget Cam exists. Completely and forever.

  “And seriously”—she glances up—“you don’t need an apology from him. We both know he won’t really mean it anyway.”

  “Thanks, Hannah.”

  She continues making the list, adding: Go back to church and youth group. Rejoin choir.

  “I don’t know about that…”

  “About what?”

  “Choir.”

  She studies me a moment and then adds the word “maybe” in front of “rejoin.” Hannah sets the pen and notebook on her bedside table. She pins me with a no-nonsense stare. “I didn’t tell you this because we really haven’t been talking all that much lately, and I didn’t want to upset you. But… Vick and I have been going to that new church with Grayson.”

  “What?” I ask, dumbfounded. I stand and pace the room, trying to wrap my mind around what she just said.

  “Yeah. Vick and Grayson have become really good friends, and Grayson’s been having a really hard time lately. Please don’t be mad.”

  I turn to face her. “I’m not mad. I’m just… shocked. Vick is going to church?”

  She laughs. “I know, right? I couldn’t believe it at first, either, but he really likes it.”

  “That’s great.” I return to my position on the bed. “Thank you for being there for Grayson during all of this. And for me.”

  “Yeah, well, I am awesome.”

  I grab a pillow and playfully smack her with it. She laughs, her eyes vibrant and happy. “Oh! There’s one more thing you have to do.” Giggling, she grabs the notebook and pen and writes: Give Grayson a kiss he’ll never forget.

  Now that’s something I can definitely do

  32

  GRAYSON

  WHILE BELLE’S BEEN GETTING HER life back on track, I’ve been reevaluating mine. I’m not sure what I want to do after high school, but I have started researching colleges in Michigan—and Ohio. I guess I’m an optimist. Dad keeps telling me I should join the Army. I keep telling him that’s his thing, not mine. I think he’s gotten the hint because he hasn’t brought it up in days.

  “You sure you don’t want to go?” I ask one last time.

  Dad raises a brow but doesn’t say anything.

  I sigh. “C’mon, Dad. This church is different. They’ll welcome you, and they don’t judge.” I give a firm shake of my head to emphasize my words. I have never been to a church like this before, one that’s so open and honest and loving.

  “Not today, Grayson.” His tone is brusque.

  “You say that every Sunday.” And every Sunday, I pray he’ll change his mind and go to church with me. He gives me a stern look, but I don’t back down. “You can’t stay away from church forever.”

  “I know that.” He gets up from the couch and stalks into the kitchen.

  I gather my keys and jacket. “See you later,” I call as I walk out the door. Despite my father’s stubbornness, I’m not giving up. Sooner or later, I’ll get him to go to church with me. Hopefully, with a little divine intervention, it will be sooner.

  When I arrive, I’m greeted by Faye, just like I have been every week for the past two months. She hugs me. I make my way to the right side and slip into a pew. A moment later, two of the guys from youth group—Devon and Zack—sit beside me.

  “Hey, you planning to go to the skating party on Friday?” Zack asks me.

  “I don’t…” My words trail off when I see Isabelle walk in. Wearing a soft pink dress, she’s flanked by Andrea and Hannah. My heart races, and it takes every ounce of self-control I have not to get up and go to her. This is the first time she’s been here since we broke up.

  She glances around, and her gaze lands on me. I swallow the lump in my throat. She smiles faintly and then takes a seat on the opposite side. A heavy sadness settles over me. I don’t know how much longer I can go without her in my life. Sure, we’ve been working on our Spanish project, and we still sit together at lunch, but we’re not really friends. Not like when we first met. I miss her like crazy.

  There’s only one thing I can do… and as soon as the service is over,
I seek out Pastor Rick. Before I can find him, Isabelle finds me.

  “Hi,” she says.

  “Hi.” Everything inside of me trembles. “You’re back.” I want to smack myself for saying something so stupid.

  “Yeah.” She nods.

  “You look great.” I’ve been wanting to tell her that every day for weeks, and it feels good to finally say it. “How are you?”

  “I’m doing really well. Mom’s getting better every day.”

  “That’s great.” I shove my hands into my pockets so I won’t reach for her.

  “Yeah. Well… I just wanted to say hi. I have to go. I have plans with Hannah and Andrea.”

  “Right. Of course.” But I can’t stop the wave of disappointment that crashes over me. I don’t want to let her walk away from me, not again, but what else can I do? So, I stand there and watch her leave. As soon as she’s gone, I find Pastor Rick.

  “Grayson,” he says, genuinely pleased to see me.

  “Do you have a moment to talk?” My heart’s in my throat. I haven’t sought the advice of a pastor in years. Do they even do that anymore?

  “Of course. Let’s go to my office.” He motions for me to go first, and I walk out of the main room and down the hall to Pastor Rick’s office. He unlocks the door, and we walk in. He sits. “What can I do for you, Grayson?”

  I sit, too, and take a deep breath. Then I tell him everything about my mom, her affair, and being shunned from my old church. He listens intently, without interruption, and so I keep talking. I tell him about Isabelle and how she convinced me to come back to church and how I messed things up beyond repair. When I’m finished, I’m winded and exhausted.

  He’s silent another moment, and then he nods. “There’s a common misconception that God will never give us more than we can handle on our own, but that’s not true.” He leans forward. “Because if God only gave us as much as we could handle, why would we ever need Him?”

  I open my mouth to speak but realize I have no idea what to say.

  “God strengthens us. Spiritually. Emotionally. Without Him, we’d all fall apart.” Pastor Rick walks around to sit in the chair beside me. “Have you prayed for guidance?”

  “Every day,” I say without hesitation. “I’m starting to wonder if He’s even listening to me anymore.”

  Pastor Rick cracks a smile. “He’s listening. The question is: are you?”

  #

  I spent all last night praying and looking for a sign—anything to give me some direction on Isabelle. I want her back in my life, but how can I do that? Should I even try, or is it too late?

  “Hey, earth to Grayson.” Vick snaps his fingers in front of my face.

  I blink, clearing the thoughts from my mind. “Sorry. What were you saying?”

  He laughs and shakes his head. “I said you should come over today. It’s my only day off this week.”

  “Yeah, sure.” I glance across the hall. Belle’s standing at her locker, oblivious to me staring at her. I frown and push my sleeves up to my elbows.

  “You need a grand gesture, man.” He slaps me on the back.

  I raise a brow and give him an odd look. “A grand gesture?”

  He nods. “Girls love that kind of thing. I guarantee she’ll take you back.”

  Yeah, I doubt that. Belle doesn’t strike me as the type of girl who is into grand, romantic gestures. Then again, I never thought she was the type to send me packing like she did. Thanksgiving break is only a week away. What kind of grand gesture can I plan and pull off in such a short time? Nothing. But… maybe it doesn’t need to be too grand. Maybe it just needs to be clever and funny. An idea pops into my head, and I’m so certain it will work that I know, deep down to my core, that this is God’s doing.

  “I’ll see ya later,” I say to Vick, and then I walk up behind Isabelle. Shaking off my nerves, I tap her on the shoulder. She turns around. I swallow and offer a shy smile. “Hi. I’m Grayson Alexander, and I’m kinda new around here.” I stick out my hand. She tilts her head but takes my hand and shakes it. “I’m a terrible driver, and I suck at arcade games, but I’m a Christian who likes to go to church. My mom died a couple years ago, so I live with just my dad, who’s a mechanic. I’m an only child. Oh, and I’m always wrong. About everything.”

  She laughs and releases my hand.

  “I know this girl who likes to tell me just how wrong I am,” I continue, hoping she’ll play along. “I’m convinced it’s her favorite thing to do.”

  “She sounds pretty great.”

  “She’s incredible.” I smile, happy she’s going along with my little game. “Smart. Funny. Gorgeous.”

  She blushes, and my heart races. “Sounds like she’s totally out of your league.”

  I smirk. “Completely, totally, one hundred percent out of my league.”

  Her eyes twinkle. “Well, Grayson, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Isabelle Carson. Also a Christian. I sorta have a reputation around here as a Bible thumper.”

  I laugh.

  “I’m a really good driver, and I rock at arcade games. I had a brother, but he died in a car accident. My mom’s a recovering alcoholic, and my dad’s a financial planning manager. I have two of the best friends in the world, and I’m ranked number four in the school.”

  “Show off.” I grin.

  “So, tell me more about this girl…”

  We fall into step and head toward Spanish. “She’s always giving me a hard time, and she’s got this snarky attitude that’s so funny. But she drives me crazy, and I really don’t know what to do with her.”

  “What do you mean?” she asks with so much innocence, my steps falter.

  “Well, she kinda broke my heart.”

  She frowns.

  “I totally deserved it because I messed up big time. I know that, but what if I can never make things right again? I’m not sure I can handle another heartbreak.” I stop outside the Spanish room and lean against the wall. My pulse is racing, and I’m suddenly lightheaded. Maybe this entire conversation is a bad idea.

  Belle stops, too, and stands in front of me. She’s quiet for a moment. “But what if you can make things right? You’ll never know unless you ask.”

  My pulse races even faster. It becomes hard to draw in a breath. “I want a do-over, Belle.”

  “When?”

  Relief and excitement swirl inside of me like a cyclone, twisting into an entirely new emotion. “Right now.” I reach down and take her hand in mine, lacing our fingers. “I really hope you know how sorry I am.”

  “I do.” She steps closer. “I’m sorry, too.”

  I rest my forehead to hers. “Are you just about done getting your life back on track?”

  She chuckles softly. “Almost.”

  I groan.

  “See, when I confessed everything to Hannah, she helped me make a list of all the things I needed to do to get my life back in order, and there’s still one thing left to do.”

  “What’s that?”

  “This.” She wraps her arms around me and crushes her mouth over mine.

  I kiss her like my life depends on it, and when I pull away, I’m dizzy. But I’m smiling like an idiot. “Does this mean you’re my girlfriend again?”

  “I will be after you do something for me.” She smiles, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

  “What?” I ask slowly.

  “You have to meet my parents.”

  Laughing, I hug her. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  ~ THE END ~

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Kara is a full-time wife; stay-at-home mom to 5 kids, 4 pit bulls, and 6 cats; writer, and the Editorial Director here at Anaiah Press. She's previously published two adult Christian romantic suspense books. Perfectly Imperfect is Kara’s second young adult book; Warped Remains is her first.

  You can follow Kara on her website and blog, Facebook, Twitter, and for the most up-to-date information, sign up for her newsletter.

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  Kara Leigh Miller, Perfectly Imperfect