by CJ Murphy
Laurel laughed. “What? You afraid of me seeing those sexy boxers you wear?” She threw her hand over her mouth, stifling the comment. Val grinned wide. “No, but geez, you aren’t my maid. You’re already doing way too much as it is. Doing my laundry is too much.”
“No, I’m not.” Laurel sat down on the bed beside her. “I’m simply someone who cares about you, and you need clean clothes. Eventually we’re going to have to go shopping, because you’re going to be in one place a little longer than you normally are. Two pair of jeans and four t-shirts aren’t going to do it, even if you do look sexy in them.” Laurel teased. “You’d do the same for me.”
Raising an eyebrow, Val smirked. “Yes, I would. Sexy is the last word I’d use for me right now. Sorting through your underwear would be a lot more exciting.”
Throwing her head back, Laurel laughed. “You think so, huh?”
“Oh yeah. I see you as a lacy lingerie kind of girl. Tough and tomboy on the outside, but on the inside? All woman.” Val reached out and traced Laurel’s upper lip.
The touch elicited a smile from Laurel, but she turned away, a blush rising on her neck. “That remains to be seen.” Holding a few pills and a bottle of water, Laurel helped Val sit up.
“We’re a pretty good team, you know?” Val noticed that Laurel blushed again. Trying to cool the moment, she offered a different topic. “Where are Liz and Jo?”
“Working on dinner. They said it’d be ready in about twenty minutes. I figured that was enough time for you to move around and get your meds in you. Need help to the bathroom?”
“Please?”
A few minutes later, they made their way downstairs and into the kitchen. Val pulled in a deep breath, enjoying the smell of garlic and tomato sauce. “Please tell me you made Noni’s lasagna?”
Jo flourished the large wooden spoon she was mixing the salad with. Liz was bent in front of the oven looking at its contents. “For our most honored guest, of course. Noni sends her love and says you’re in big trouble if you ride through without stopping. The only one she adores more than you, is my wife. Liz could get away with murder. I’ve never seen anything like it. Swears she’s an angel in human form sent down to make me fly right.”
Val laughed, thinking about Jo’s grandmother. “And unless I missed my guess, she’s been able to do that, so I wouldn’t give Grandma Josephina a hard time about being damn accurate. You were a hellion before this woman caught your eye.” She turned to Laurel. “I swear, she’d give Brad Pitt a run for his money on how many women she had hanging on. Then in walks this spit and polished Lieutenant Colonel, and Jo lost her shit. Can’t say anything and damn near trips over her own tongue.”
Liz blushed, and Jo’s rich laughter filled the room. “She knocked me out of my chair. I’d never seen anyone with those steely gray eyes like hers. Lips to die for and legs that went all the way up and made a beautiful ass.”
Liz smacked Jo on the head. “Stop that! You’re incorrigible.”
Jo pulled the petite woman into her lap and wrapped her arms around her. “Yes, and you married me anyway.”
Liz melted into her wife’s embrace and her hand entwined in Jo’s dark hair. “Yes, I did, after you actually got brave enough to ask me out and not have your sidekick do it for you.” She leaned over and eyed Val.
“Hey, now, don’t drag me into this. I kept telling her what you said about not dating patients!” Val looked at Liz who was about to object, holding her hand out to stop her. “My turn to add to this story as a witness to the courtship.”
Liz quirked a smile and shut her lips, wrapping her arms around Jo’s neck and nestling into her arms a little more. “Go on.”
“Thank you.” Val nodded and turned to Laurel. “After Jo and I were discharged, Jo was still asking me to get Liz to go out with her. During one of my sessions, I told her that Jo was dying to ask her out. Liz just shook her head. After my session ended, Liz tells me that if Jo wanted to go out with her, she’d have to find the courage to ask her.”
Jo interrupted, finishing the story for her. “And the rest is history. I literally swept her off her feet and rolled her down the boardwalk on our first date. After that, she couldn’t resist me.”
Val’s eyes warmed with true affection. “These two are too much. They’re the happiest couple I know.” Val looked at the two women she’d come to consider her true family. She had very few people in her life that had any real meaning to her. These two women meant more to her than most of her birth family. Liz and Jo were the center of her support unit. If it hadn’t been for these two, I’d probably be homeless, sitting on the curb in Seattle rocking back and forth reciting the bus schedule out loud. She shivered and ran a hand across her face. Laurel and Ree had joined that same circle and were increasingly becoming more and more important to her well-being.
“I waited a long time for the best. I know a good thing when I see it. Liz was and still is.”
Liz leaned down and kissed her. “Thank you love, now go.”
“I’ll set the table.” Jo spun a few circle wheelies and headed for the cabinet to grab the dishes.
Val sat back and enjoyed the entire banter back and forth between her two friends. Sarcastic humor was one of her strongest coping mechanisms. Without the ability to deflect the anxiety constantly hammering at her psyche like a battering ram, she knew she might well lose her mind. Or worse, put a gun in my mouth. She sat watching the smile grow on Laurel’s face. She looked at ease. Val glanced down. At some point, Laurel had taken her hand in hers. Their fingers entwined without thought as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
“Anything I can do to help?” Laurel asked.
“Not a thing. You sit there and enjoy the show.” Liz pulled the lasagna and the bread out of the oven.
Val felt Laurel’s thumb brushing the top of her hand. It was strange that she hadn’t even realized she’d clasped Laurel’s until the soothing motion penetrated her awareness. It fits. She fits like nothing ever has. It felt so right and yet scared her to death. The demons of her past still haunted her, and she was nervous about exposing those she cared about to it. The post-traumatic stress disorder didn’t rule her life as it once had, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t there. She had no idea what might happen during a major flashback with Laurel near. The minor ones she’d suffered in her presence were nowhere near what she was capable of. It had happened before, and she still winced at the memory of the bruises Tess had worn after trying to pull her back from the darkness. I couldn’t live with myself if I did that to Laurel. Distracting herself from the warmth emanating from her chest, she looked over at Liz. “It all smells so good.”
Liz grinned, and Jo carried the salad from the kitchen, disappearing into the dining room with it. After a few minutes, Liz called them to dinner, and Laurel wheeled Val to the table.
Val looked at her immobilized right arm and clenched her trembling left hand. She glanced at her fork. “Forgive me if I make a mess of myself. I’ve never been good at feeding myself left handed. I’m getting better. If I flip a tomato at you, I beg your pardon in advance.”
They ate and talked throughout the meal. Liz sipped a glass of red wine while Jo and Laurel chose beer. Val considered the pain meds she was on and settled for iced tea. Several times throughout the meal, Val lost what was on her fork and reddened as some fell onto the tablecloth. She abandoned her fork and placed the hand that trembled beneath her thigh to still it.
Val’s eyes met Liz’s. Liz knew her, knew how close she was to the edge. She knew the trembling was becoming more noticeable, and an uneven rhythm had taken hold of her breathing even though she tried to stop it. Beads of perspiration dotted above her upper lip. She’d applied several layers of lip balm in the last few moments trying to calm her jangling nerves. Though she struggled with the cap, Laurel had reached out to help. Val had politely declined. She apologized, but Laurel didn’t seem bothered by it. You’re such a jackass. She’s just trying to help.
&n
bsp; Liz touched Val on the arm. “How about you and I let these two tell stories on us while they clean up? I’d like to see your latest sketches, if you don’t mind.”
Val took a long, shuddering breath trying to calm the approaching storm. She looked at Laurel. “Hon, could you go get my sketchbook out of my messenger bag?”
Laurel looked wary, her brows drawn together. “Sure. I’ll be right back.”
Jo waited until Laurel was out of the room. She dropped her chin to her shoulder and threw Val a questioning look. “Hon?”
Val flipped her the feathers and got rewarded with the middle finger salute.
Laurel returned in time to catch the exchange and shook her head. “Please don’t make us put you two in time out.”
Liz covered her mouth, nearly choking on her own laughter, and Val rolled her eyes. Taking the sketchbook from Laurel, Val and Liz made their way into the study. Liz said, “I like her. She’s good for you.”
Val wiped a shaky hand across her face. “Yeah, I’m probably no good for her. I don’t like Laurel taking care of me like an invalid.” Val grimaced as the pain flared up in her shoulder when Liz helped her out of the wheelchair and into a plush leather chair across from hers.
“You’re far from an invalid, and from what I’ve seen, Laurel enjoys taking care of you. Need anything?”
“Yeah, a new body if you have one. I’ve pretty much worn this one out.”
“It’s just well broken in.”
“Broken being the optimum word.” Val laughed without humor and looked around the study. She’d always loved this room. The shelves were lined with leather bound books and photos of Liz and Jo. Pieces of Jo’s art sat around the room. Val ran her hand across the buttery leather chair that molded around her as she settled herself more comfortably. Picking up a framed photograph on the end table beside her, she felt warmth wash through her. “God, this seems like a lifetime ago,” she whispered. It was at the wedding, and the three of them were holding their champagne glasses high. Val remembered the toast she’d made to the happy couple. The photo captured a moment of joy she rarely felt.
Liz leaned forward, her arms braced on her knees. “Not a lifetime, but certainly a few years ago. How are you feeling really, Val? I’ve seen this brave face of yours too many times today. I need to know.”
The photo now replaced on the table, Val looked at her shaking hand. Anger and despair warred within her. “Maggie May is in shambles. I can’t work. I feel like shit. I hurt all over, and I’m pissed as hell that I can’t do anything for myself right now. How’s that?” Frustrated, Val ran her hand through her hair. “Hell, I can barely feed myself and wipe my own ass. I’m a freaking mess, Liz.”
“And you almost died two weeks ago. Again.”
Val grew silent and closed her eyes. She was losing the battle, trying in vain to get her breathing under control. The more she tried, the faster the panic rushed at her, closing in around her like a dark veil. Faking her way through it worked with everyone but Liz. Fingers tightly gripping the armchair, she tried to center herself. She felt the heat of the desert against her skin as a familiar voice reached out to her.
“Val, you’re in no danger right now. There are no IED’s, no suicide bombers, no children in danger, and you’re not dying. You’re right here. I want you to lift your index finger on your left hand if you can hear me.” Liz used a soft but commanding tone as Val lifted her finger. “Val, I want you to count, out loud, back from five and exhale after each number, slowly.
“Five, four, three, two, one.” She breathed out each time.
“Now I want you to tell me your full name, how old you are, where you’re from, and where you are now.”
Like a bright light showing her the way, Liz’s voice broke through the dark veil in Val’s subconscious. She followed the soft reassuring voice through the panic of darkness enveloping her and back into the safety of the present. “My name is Valkyrie Vör Magnusson. I’m forty-four years old. I’m from Seattle Washington, and I’m in your home in Annapolis Maryland.” Val recognized this technique.
“Val, I’m going to count down from five and after I reach one, you’ll open your eyes and feel at peace. Five, four, three, two, one.”
Val opened her eyes and noticed that her hand was sitting relaxed in her lap. She took a deep breath, her eyes clearing as she met Liz’s gaze. She shook her head. “How did you know?”
“Throughout dinner, I watched as you struggled to hold the panic at bay. The professional in me wasn’t fooled, although you were trying hard. I’ve been treating you almost seven years now, Val. I’ve seen every coping tactic you have. I knew you were close to losing it, so I figured you needed a safe place to do that.” Leaning forward, she placed a hand on Val’s shoulder. “You’ve been through hell, and this had to feel frighteningly similar to coming home from Iraq.”
Val laid her head back on the chair. “God, Liz, this is such a nightmare. If it wasn’t for Laurel—” She stopped herself, biting off her next words.
Thankfully, Liz let the comment slide, browsing through the sketchpad.
“Let me see what you’ve been doing.”
Flipping through the pages dated over the last few months, she analyzed the images drawn on the textured paper, various angles of things Val knew Liz had seen before. A child’s hand holding a box of crayons. A dark-haired child held by a soldier with indistinct features. The Vietnam Wall with a man leaning against it, tears on a note card. Val knew that more recent dates would show a completely different perspective, including a Viking helmet adorning a deer head hung above a restroom sign, a potbelly stove with a checker board set up beside it with a game in progress, and a pair of aged hands pinching a pie crust. The last one was the backside of a body with a feminine hand tucked into the waistband of a pair of jeans.
After she browsed through them, she lifted the potbelly stove sketch. “Tell me about this.”
Val looked at the picture and could vividly recall the setting it portrayed. Cool Springs Store. Mule and Bobeye arguing over the upcoming baseball season. The first time she and Ree had enjoyed a conversation. She’d sat in those chairs with Laurel playing checkers many times. “It’s part of the store that Laurel and Ree own. They have this corner that’s out of the way of the main floor traffic. Locals and some visitors come in, sit down in the rocking chairs to share news or a game of checkers.”
“What does it make you think about?”
Frustrated by her inability to control her flashback, Val was irritated, almost petulant. “Dammit, Liz, I don’t know.” Pausing, she closed her eyes and collected herself. “I’m sorry, Liz, that was uncalled for.” She took a deep breath. “What’s the date on that?”
“March 2016.”
Val thought about what she’d been doing that March. If she remembered correctly, she’d been riding through parts of Colorado. It’d been bitterly cold and many miles lay ahead before her planned stop. She couldn’t actually remember what assignment she’d been headed to. “I honestly can’t remember exactly where I did that sketch or why. I think I was in Colorado. It’d been a pretty long trip, and I hadn’t stayed in one place for too long. I do remember wishing I could get warm. The Rocky Mountains up there are pretty damn isolated and cold.”
Liz continued to look over the sketch. “I’ll bet that stove throws off the heat.”
Val grinned. “It does. Personally, I think the people there give off the most warmth. This one guy, he’s been coming in to sit every day near that stove for over forty years. Then there’s Bobeye. You never know where he’s looking because one of his eyes doesn’t sit quite right. They have a young man in there they call Wunder. He’s like a savant with machinery. I’ve told you about those questions he comes up with. And then there’s Ree. She’s not like anyone I’ve ever met. The place is like a bag of Skittles, variety at its best. Trust me, you’ve never been anywhere like it.” Val grinned and spoke at ease about these people like they were more than friends. She noticed the tremb
ling in her hand had stopped and her cheeks grew warm.
Liz watched her. “I assume Ree did the deer head with the Viking helmet on it?”
“Yeah, they did that as a joke for me one year, and it became part of the backdrop. Laurel started calling me Viking after she found out my name.”
“Laurel’s pretty special,” Liz replied.
The second Laurel’s face entered her mind, Val’s nerves calmed several degrees. “Yeah, she is. I think the world of her.”
Liz nodded. “I can tell. She’s good for you, Val.”
“She is. I’m not sure I’m good for her.” Val looked away and rubbed her hand over the arm of the chair.
“Why do you say that? I see how she looks at you. She’s worried about you. All I ask is that you not shut her out. Talk to her. I think you owe her that much. Personally, I think she’s in love with you. If you’ll be honest with yourself, I think you feel the same.” She held up the sketch of the hand tucked in the waistband as evidence. “Pretty good bet that this hand is hers and that backside’s yours.”
“It is. Each time I ride through, we always try to take a walk. If we do, that’s where her hand rides.” Val felt the warmth spreading through her body.
“It’s pretty intimate.”
“I know.” Val ran her hand through her hair again. “Hell, Liz, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m forty-four years old and I wouldn’t know love if it slapped me in the face. All I know is being around her stops the nightmares and the flashbacks are rare. She makes me smile. With her, I feel settled. They said I gave the ER staff one hell of a fight until they agreed to tell Ree and Laurel how I was, but I don’t remember doing it. In all of the thousands of miles I’ve ridden, I’ve never stopped as many times as I have at Cool Springs. There’s no place I call home. I’ve got a few things in storage at work in California and a few things here that you guys keep for me. Other than that, I keep moving.”
