by Alison Mello
“Darling, look at me,” she says. When my eyes finally meet hers, she adds, “Are you sure you don’t know? From what I hear, he’s been trying hard to show you how he feels while trying to give you the space you need.”
I nod slightly, not really wanting to admit she’s right. She rubs my arm and walks out of the room, telling me to have a good night. I feel tears forming in my eyes, so I quickly grab my pop quizzes and hurry back to my room to drop them off before anyone can see me.
I finally have my emotions under control, and feel like I can manage to walk out to my car without worrying about anyone seeing me upset. I sling my bag over my shoulder, close my classroom door, and stroll out to my car. One more day of school this week, and then it’s the weekend. Throwing my bag in the back of the car, I climb into the front and drive to Nana’s house. I need to hurry because Emily will be there finishing our dinner. We have a great routine going, and Emily really seems to be working out well. Emily and Aunt Kenderly have made a deal. On the nights that Aunt Kenderly is having dinner with Nana, she gets to cook. She says she treats Nana to the good southern home cooking Nana loves, and Emily makes her eat healthy shit the rest of the week.
I chuckle to myself as I pull up to the house, but I’m surprised when I don’t find Nana sitting on her swing like usual. I hurry into the house, concerned. As soon as I’m through the door I call out, “Emily?”
“In here,” she responds.
I hurry into the kitchen. “Where’s Nana?”
“She’s not feeling too well today. Dr. Bennett came by to check on her, and it seems she’s just a bit under the weather. I told her she could relax in bed, and I would serve her dinner in there.” I take a deep breath trying to calm myself. “She’ll be fine. I’ve checked on her a few times, and she’s been resting off and on.”
“Thank you. I’m going to go check on her, unless you need me.”
“No, I’m fine. Dinner will be done in a few minutes.”
I thank her one more time, and hurry off to check on Nana. She’s sitting up in bed, staring out the window. “What’s wrong, Nana? Not feeling well today?” She shakes her head, but says nothing. “Can you tell me what’s bothering you?”
“I’m scared, Kenzie,” she says. She knows who I am today.
“Of what, Nana? You’ve always been so strong.”
“Some days I can remember and some days I can’t, and the days I can’t are coming more and more. Today was a good day up here,” she says, pointing to her head. “As far as memory goes, but I was sad and lonely.” I’m fighting back the tears that are begging for release, but she needs me to be strong for her.
“Nana, you need to take this one day at a time. Enjoy the days you do remember, and the ones you don’t, well, those we’ll figure out together.” She turns her head to look back out the window. “Dinner should be ready. I’ll go grab our plates and some trays and we can eat in here tonight.”
“Thank you, Kenzie.” I give her a warm smile, and go about getting our plates together.
When I get to the kitchen, Emily is slipping on her coat. There are two plates sitting on the table with two glasses of freshly poured milk. “I’m heading home for the night. I’ll see you next week.”
“Thanks, Emily.” I pick up Nana’s plate to place it on a tray with her milk, and bring it into the room to place it on her lap.
“Are you okay to eat like this, Nana?”
“Yes, I’ll be fine,” she says, waving her hand at me.
I grab a TV tray to set up in front of the chair by the window in Nana’s room, and sit down to eat. We’re both quiet as we eat dinner. I’m thinking about tomorrow, and I’m not sure what Nana’s thinking about, but given our conversation, I’m sure it has something to do with her health. I’m just about done eating when she finally speaks up.
“I’m done, Kenzie. Thanks for bringing dinner in here tonight.”
“You’re quite welcome, Nana.”
I remove her tray from her lap, so she can get comfortable while I finish my dinner. As soon as I’m done, I leave to clean up the kitchen and get things ready for my aunt’s visit tomorrow. She spends the entire day with her on Friday so that Emily doesn’t need to be here.
Once the kitchen is clean, I join Nana back in her room, but when I get there, I see she’s sleeping, so I sit down again and stare out the window. Images of my father coming home from tours of duty flood my brain as I wonder when Remy will be back. I may have been small, but I remember his smile like I lost him yesterday. His face was always lit up like a Christmas tree when he would walk through that door to see us. He always brought me something home from his tour, usually a bear of some sort dressed up in camouflage, or wearing a shirt that represented where he’d been.
I smile as I think about the bear Remy left me, and it makes me realize I have to be honest with Daniel tomorrow. “What are you thinking about, Kenzie?”
I shrug, keeping my eyes focused out the window. “My father, Remy, and my ex-boyfriend, who seems to think dinner and an apology is enough to get me back into his life.”
“That’s a lot of men running through your head,” she says jokingly.
“Daniel came down to apologize for not coming with me, and now he wants me back. It’s really messing with my head, and between that and my fears over loss, it’s screwing things up with Remy.”
“How does your father fit in?” she asks, her voice a bit groggy.
“Remy left on a deployment this week, and it made me think of Daddy. I started thinking about how excited he used to be when he came home, and all the bears he used to bring me.” I smile, still looking out the window. “Remy left me a bear this week with a note telling me he cared about me and he wasn’t giving up on us.”
“Sounds like a good man, sweetie.”
“Maybe, but Daniel said the same thing. He says he’s here to win me back and he’s not giving up. Is that any different? Now I’ve promised him dinner and I’m not sure what I’ll say.”
“You keep your promise and you’ll see that man for dinner and then you tell him to get to packing. They are fighting two different battles. Daniel hurt you, did he not?”
“Yes,” I say, looking down at my lap.
“Did Remy?”
“No, if anything I hurt him, and I owe him an apology.”
“Sweetie, we all make mistakes, and if Daniel came running down here right after you left saying he screwed up and he wants to be with you then fine, but why is he really here?” She sighs and asks, “How long have you been here?”
“Quite a few months now,” I tell her.
“Exactly, so why now?” she asks me. “I think you know what to do, but you’re letting your fears get in the way.”
I close my eyes, fighting tears yet again. “How do I decide between two men who say they care about me and want to be with me? I spent two years with Daniel. I loved him.”
“Ah, the key word there was loved, as in past tense,” she says with a smile.
“Yeah, and loving Remy still scares me.”
“I know it does.” She pauses for a minute and adds, “You know, you’re so like your mom. She was so afraid to be with your father, and the longer she fought it the harder she fell. She finally realized how much she loved him and wanted to be with him. She had one regret and it was that she waited so long to tell him how she felt. She finally opened up to him and their relationship had taken off when he had to deploy yet again. They managed to get married quickly before he left, but she realized how much time she wasted. She should have been using that time showing him how she felt, to make memories with him instead of fighting the connection they had.”
“Is it possible to love a man I only just met? I miss him so much and I feel horrible that I didn’t get to tell him what he means to me,” I tell her as a tear runs down my cheek.
“Of course it’s possible. I fell in love with your grandfather the second I saw him and I believe your mother did the same with your father, though she waited t
oo long to tell him.” She smiles at me. “Your mother got pregnant with you on his very first visit home from deployment, and she was so happy. She loved you from the minute she knew she was pregnant,” she says so proudly. “Don’t waste any more time than you already have. You tell that man what he means to you the first chance you get.” I’m listening to her as I stare out into the dark night sky. There are tons of stars up there. I silently pray, asking my father to keep an eye on Remy.
I look down at my watch and realize it’s getting late. “I’m going to get going, Nana. It’s getting late and you need to rest.”
“And you need to get off the subject,” she says with a grin. “You fix this now, you hear?”
“Yes, Nana.” I stand to give her a kiss goodnight.
Chapter 18
Kenzie
“Good morning, class,” I say as my students are entering the classroom. Some of them are looking a bit gloomy this morning, and I have no doubt it’s because they have a pop quiz that I’m about to place down on their desks. They are going about their routine of putting their stuff away and marking themselves as present on our magnetic board. They are all situated in time for the morning announcements to start, and then we have the Pledge of Allegiance. When the announcements are finished, I start discussing plans for the day, and they start to perk up a bit. I ask for a show of hands. “Who is ready to present their Genius Hour project today?”
Tyler, Roberta, and Sara all raise their hands. “Good, you three will present later today. You will have a portion of Genius Hour to work on your speech while the remainder of the class continues working on their projects. If I find your project to be at grade level, you will be allowed to move onto a new topic. If not, I will ask that you elaborate on certain areas. You can add to it and try again next week.” I glance around the room at their excitement. They really like Genius Hour, and I have yet to mention the pop quiz.
“Now, onto important business. We have the matter of the pop quiz I promised y’all this morning, and I have it right here,” I hold up a stack of papers. Suddenly, the room erupts into grunts and groans, and honestly it makes me chuckle. “Y’all act like I just told you that you had to go to the doctor and get five shots each.” They start to laugh as I place the pieces of paper on their desks face down. There are only eight questions on the quiz, and some of them start to smile as they realize just how easy this is. Once they each have a piece of paper on their desk, I say, “You have twenty minutes. You may begin now.” I look at my watch as I make my way back to my desk.
Opening my laptop, I see I have some emails that need answering, so I use this time to go through them and respond to those that need it. I’m glancing over my laptop periodically to ensure no one is cheating. The room is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I’ll take that as a sign that I got my message across.
I’m watching the clock, then announce, “You have five more minutes.” Some gasp in panic and others smile smugly, because they are already done. If they actually read the chapter they should have had plenty of time, but, as always, there are some who don’t really do the reading.
“Time’s up,” I announce when it hits the twenty-minute mark. “Flip your tests over and I will collect them.” Suzie is feverishly writing in the back corner still. I walk over to her, take her test, and see she’s only answered six out of the eight. I can already see at least one is wrong. I pick up the paper and say, “I believe I said time is up.” She huffs, sliding her hands across her chest, while everyone else sits waiting for the tests to be collected.
***
It’s finally lunchtime, and I’m happy to say that my class has turned around a bit now that the pop quiz is over. I head down to the teacher’s lounge to get my lunch from the fridge and when I get there, of course, Mrs. Bennett is sitting there, and after yesterday’s conversation with her, I’m a bit embarrassed to see her. I nod. “Good afternoon, Mrs. Bennett.” I take the seat beside her.
“Good afternoon, Kenzie. How did your pop quiz go this morning?”
I smile, glad she’s brought up an easy subject. “Better for some than others. I had one student who didn’t understand the meaning of time’s up,” I say with a smile.
“Yeah, there’s always one.” We both go about eating our lunch, as we don’t have a ton of time to eat during our break. As a matter of fact, I often eat in my classroom, but I didn’t want Mrs. Bennett to think I was mad at her after yesterday’s conversation. I actually want to thank her for giving me something to think about last night, but I don’t know how to bring it up. I’m lost in thought when she stands to clean up her mess.
“Have a good day, Kenzie.”
She’s about to leave the room when I say, “Wait, please. I want to thank you for giving me something to think about last night.”
She gives me a tight smile. “Actually, it’s none of my business. I should really stay out of it.” She walks out of the room. I sigh, feeling like she’s mad at me. I certainly can understand her being protective of him. I mean, he’s her son, and she’s mentioned how he is her pride and joy. I shake it off and quickly finish eating my lunch so I can get back to my classroom.
***
I’m so happy this day is done. The kids had a great rest of the day, but I couldn’t help feeling bad after that conversation I had with Remy’s mom. The kids have all left the classroom, and now I have to head home so I can meet up with Daniel. I pull up to my house and frown at my empty porch. I miss my surprises from Remy. It made me smile to pull up and see cards, notes, and other things on the front porch. I shake it off, running inside to change quickly and make my way back out the door to meet Daniel at the diner.
I pull up at ten minutes to six. We’re supposed to meet at six o’clock, but I hate being late. My father used to always say, “If you’re not ten minutes early, then you’re late.” I smile at the thought of my father.
I walk inside to find it’s a bit busy tonight, but when I scan the tables I see Daniel isn’t here yet, so I check out the available tables and pick one by the window. I take a seat facing the door, so I can wave Daniel down when he gets here. The waitress comes over with a glass of water. I inform her I’m waiting on someone. She tells me she’ll keep an eye out and be back to check on me shortly. I sigh as I stare out the window waiting for him. Daniel was never one for punctuality and it used to drive me crazy.
Looking down at my watch, I see it’s now six and he’s still not here. I check my phone to see if I have a text or voice mail from him, but see nothing there. If this guy stands me up, so help me god I’m going to be pissed.
I drink some water and begin reading over the menu, looking out the window periodically for the ass that has left me waiting. It’s now ten past six and he’s still not here. I’m about to order something to go when he finally comes running into the diner. I wave to him so he’ll see I’m already here, and give him my signature one eyebrow look that tells him I’m pissed. “Sorry I’m late,” he says, slipping into the booth.
“You’re always late. Is this how you prove to me that you want me back, by leaving me waiting in a diner for you?”
“I said I was sorry,” he says, looking at the menu.
“Which are you sorry for? Being late or breaking up with me? You seem to be sorry for a lot.”
His brows shoot up. “Both?” he says questioningly.
“You know what? This was a bad idea.” I start to stand to leave, but he begs me to hear him out.
I groan in frustration as I slip back into the booth. “You have thirty minutes and I’m out the door.” The waitress approaches, and I instantly say, “Bacon cheeseburger, medium rare with fries, and a diet pop please.”
Daniel smiles and says, “Make it two, please.” When she walks away, he says, “See, we even still like the same foods.”
I roll my eyes and stare at him as I wait for him to speak, but he says nothing. “Are you going to say something? Your time is ticking.”
“Come on, Kenzie. How can you re
ally just let us go after two years? I know you must still care about me.” I shrug, not committing either way. “I really do love you, and I’m sorry that I didn’t come with you.”
“Not good enough. What makes you think you can just walk back into my life after months of being away? Do you know how many nights I cried over you because you left me hanging when I needed you most? You hurt me, and forgiving that is not that easy.”
“I know I screwed up. I get that now. I didn’t realize just how much you meant to me until you were gone and I was left up north by myself.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Why now? What took you so long?”
“I don’t know. I guess I was trying to build up the courage to come down here and beg for forgiveness.” He takes a sip of the pop the waitress has put on the table for us. “I don’t have much more time. I have to go back home to square away some work. My vacation time is running out, and my workload is piling up.”
“So what was your plan? You’d come down here and beg me to come back with you?”
He looks down and says nothing. The waitress puts a plate in front of each of us and walks away to leave us to our dinner. He takes a bite of his burger and says, “This is really good.”
“You didn’t answer my question. You mentioned moving down here at one point, and now you’re telling me you have to go back home to square away some work.” I take a bite of my burger, trying to give him a moment to tell me whatever he’s holding on to. I can see the reluctance in his eyes.
“Everyone misses you. Jazzmine, Paul, Meghan. We all want you to come home.”
I nod in frustration, because I want him to admit he only came because he heard about Remy, though I’m not sure he’ll admit it. “Why now?”
He gives an exasperated sigh. “I guess I thought you would come down here, and once your grandmother passed, you would come home. You would have had a chance to calm down from our argument, and we would pick up where we left off. When I heard you were dating this Remy guy, I had to come and tell you that I still love you and that I’m waiting for you.”
