by Alison Mello
As much as I am glad to know what has happened right away, I wish Rachel spared me the image. I will never forget the lifeless image of my Poppy Evans, floating in the bathtub.
I hear sirens and a loud bang, probably paramedics kicking the door in. Aragorn lets out deep barks in the background. Suddenly, the bathroom is swarmed with men in uniforms and I lose sight of Poppy. I try calling out to Rachel, but my voice is lost in all the noise and hustle of saving my fiancée.
I watch as they carry her away on a stretcher, moving at what would be a fast pace, but I feel as if time has slowed.
“I’ll call when I know more,” Rachel says quickly, picking up the phone and turning it off.
I stare at the blank screen of my computer, my cheeks wet with tears.
What had happened to my Poppy, to lead her to do this? When I left her, we were happy with the promise of marriage and a long life together. What has changed? Two months apart couldn’t have pushed her that far…could it?
But it doesn’t matter right now. All that matters is her life. If she will make it out of this alive. But I’m not going to sit here and wait.
I have to go home.
Chapter 22
Confrontations
Reid
March 25, 2017
I hold her limp, cold hand in mine, tears rolling down my cheeks as I bow my head to avoid her face. She’s so still, and if it wasn’t for the steady beep of her heart monitor, I’d be certain that she is no longer with me.
I finally returned home today, after telling my sergeant about the family emergency. I was granted leave and I took the earliest flight. After fourteen hours on a plane, I raced to the hospital to find Poppy lying on a bed, looking as if she were dead.
Her delicate wrists are wrapped in gauze and I am careful to avoid touching the cuts. They are stitched up, but I fear any contact will rip them back open.
Rachel has been spending the last day and a half by her side, and when I came to relieve her today, she went home to sleep. I have never seen my sister so wrecked. She blames herself.
I place a soft kiss to Poppy’s forehead, a soft sob escaping my lips as I gaze down at her beautiful face.
“Reid…I’m so sorry. You trusted me to take care of her…I couldn’t see her desire to end it all. I failed her and I failed you.”
I turn to my devastated sister, placing a light hand on her shoulder. “This isn’t on you, Rachel. But I will find out who’s at fault.”
“It was Gavin…” Rachel whispers. My eyes widen, taking a step back to look at her. Rachel runs a hand through her hair. “She left a suicide note. She apologized to you. Said she loved you and explained why. Gavin raped her, and it caused her to want everything to be over. She wanted to end everything and we didn’t even know what had happened…” Rachel sobs into her hands. My vision blurs as my head becomes light.
How could that have happened? How could anyone do that to her? How could he touch her, knowing that I would return and seek him out?
“Go home, Rachel. I’ll take care of everything,” I promise, turning my attention back to Poppy.
And God help me, I will.
I will ensure that Gavin never touches an innocent girl again. I will ensure that Poppy never has to fear being under the control of a man again.
I hear the door to Poppy’s room open and I look up, half expecting the nurse. However, the person before me is nearly a hundred times worse. I get to my feet, glowering down at the blonde, curly-haired girl.
“You need to leave. Right. Now,” I say between clenched teeth, glaring at Stephanie. How dare she step foot into this hospital. Does she not understand what she has done? What her words and actions have led to?
This may not be entirely her fault, but believe me, it is a large portion.
“I just came to give my sympathies,” Stephanie whispers, rubbing her hand up and down her arm as if she were trying to comfort herself…
Don’t play the victim here, girl. You have done nothing but victimize.
“Sympathies? You do understand why she’s in that bed, yes? Why she clawed her face, or why there are scars on her thighs? You understand why she stutters and why she looks as if she hasn’t eaten in weeks. Because you bought her makeup to fix her face. You had Gavin rape her. You gave her the silly notion that she is mentally ill. That her body isn’t satisfactory. Excuse me, if we don’t accept your sympathies, Stephanie,” I hiss at her, my anger rising to new heights. I cling to Poppy’s hand, as if she is keeping me rooted…keeping me from attacking the girl before me.
“I-I never meant for this to happen…”
“No? What did you mean to happen, Stephanie? Did you mean for it to be a joke, for your friends to laugh—”
“Yes! It was all just a joke! I-I never meant for her to do this. We were only messing with her.” Hearing Stephanie’s confession does nothing but fuel my rage.
“Get out. You are no longer welcome to our home. You are no longer allowed to be within Poppy’s presence, unless I am there. If you so much as speak a word to her without me present…so help me…” I don’t have a threat…I’m drained and all I care about is getting her as far away from Poppy as possible.
But if she does speak to Poppy, I will come up with some sort of consequence.
Stephanie heeds my command and leaves the hospital room. Letting out a large sigh, I sit down on the chair and look up to see the peaceful face of my Poppy.
“You told her…” Her lips move elegantly in the formation of her words. My heart leaps into overtime as I shoot to my feet and sit on the bed by her thighs. I hold Poppy’s tender hand on my lap, smiling down at her. Poppy’s eyelids peel back to reveal the beautiful hazel.
“Hi, sweetheart,” I whisper, leaning down to place a kiss to her forehead. Tears roll down my cheeks. “You gave me quite a scare.”
As if my words lifted a dam, tears spill from Poppy’s eyes. She lets out a sob, shaking her head as she looks up at me. Her bottom lip quivers as she tries to fight her emotions.
“I’m so sorry, Reid. I wasn’t strong enough.” Her words are a dagger to the heart. I feel completely helpless as I lean down to place a kiss to her forehead, quietly shushing her. “I am no longer your beautiful warrior. I quit fighting.”
I don’t have the words to make her feel better. I don’t know what to say or what to do. I left her and now she is broken. I feel I keep failing her. Why would God give her to me, if I am unable to care for her properly?
Poppy deserves someone who will constantly be by her side, someone who could have stopped Gavin. So why place Poppy in my heart, and me in hers, if I am to be across the world and she is to be raped?
How is this fair to her?
“I am sorry, my sweet Poppy. I wish I could make this better for you. I wish I could say the magic words. But sweetheart, you were prepared to leave and it’s going to take a lot more than words to put us back together.”
When Poppy cut herself, it was almost as if she were cutting me. Her shattered heart is mine. When she is broken, so am I. It will be a group effort to restore Poppy.
And I fear going back to my tour will stunt her growth.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Reid. I was selfish. You will forgive me, right?” Poppy looks up at me with earnest desperation. Her beautiful hazel eyes are wide with fear, scared that she will live on without my forgiveness.
“It was so easy for you to leave me…to move on from me,” I whisper under my breath, leaning away from her.
Poppy grabs my shirt, stopping me from backing away. “No! It wasn’t easy for me, Reid! What Gavin did to me…” Poppy releases me to dig the heels of her palms into her eyes. “He ruined me, Reid. I am soiled and you are perfect. Don’t you understand? Every time we spoke, all I felt was shame. I made the choice of leaving you so you could have a better life. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m now realizing that it was purely for my benefit. That-that I didn’t have to look at you and be reminded of how damaged I a
m.”
I shake my head, looking around her hospital room to avoid her eye contact. God, why does this have to hurt so much? Why are You doing this to us?!
Tears continue to roll down our cheeks as we sit in silence. Hearing Poppy explain her attempted suicide hardly makes me feel better. But I understand. She fears I will regret her. That every time I see her scars, I will think of Gavin and how she is no longer pure. That when we lie together after we are married, I will be touching someone’s leftovers.
Anger rises within me as I look back at Poppy. She tenses under my gaze. “Have you learned nothing, Poppy Evans? When I asked you to marry me, I was ready to do so with whatever comes with you. I am a man of my word, and I am a man who loves you fiercely, every day. I will never look at you with disgust or regret. I will never want to seek a better life, outside of our union. You are the only woman I want, and if it’s not you, it will be no one. Do you understand these words I am speaking? You have wounded me, Poppy. But I love you and I forgive you. I always will.”
Poppy breaks down into full-blown sobs, crying heavily into her hands. Sighing, I walk over to the side of the bed and grab her from under her back and legs. I pull her as close to the side of the bed as I can before I slide in beside her. I wrap my arms around her fragile frame, noticing the pounds that have dropped from her body.
Poppy turns and buries her face into my chest, crying out all of her pain. I simply hold her, wanting her to understand that I will always be here to console her. Poppy has gone through more than anyone should go through. The fact that she wanted to end everything, it doesn’t necessarily surprise me. It’s the fact that she went through with it, without speaking to me or even Rachel.
She had given up, and I think it has been a wakeup call for her. Hopefully she now realizes how precious life is and how great it will be.
I will take Poppy far from this town…this state. She will never have to see the faces of Gavin or Stephanie again. She will be filled with the love I have for her, and in time, I will show her God’s love as well. Poppy will regret only the attempt to take her life. And we will move on from all of this.
We will get married and have a family of our own.
“I do love you, Reid. And I want to marry you…I will wait for you to come back from your tour. And while you’re gone, I will improve for you. I will grow from this and I will be better, I promise,” Poppy says, tilting her head back to look up at me. I gently brush a few strands of her hair out of her eyes, sighing.
“Don’t do it for me, Poppy. Do it for you. I love you any way you are. It’s you who has to love yourself. When you can do that, then it will be time for us to be married. All right?” Even if it means more waiting, I will do it for her.
I practically waited seven years for her to fall in love with me; I’m sure I can wait another few.
Poppy nods her head and places it back on my chest. “I will, Reid. I’ll try to make this right.” I smile slightly, placing a kiss on the top of her head.
And who said I lost my warrior?
Chapter 23
Secrets and Truths
Reid
March 26, 2017
Cartoons play on the TV across the room, the volume quiet as the characters animatedly move around. I pull my eyebrows together, trying to keep myself from snickering at the humor behind the show. I should be ashamed of laughing at a child’s show, but I am not.
Poppy had picked it out, claiming it was one of her favorite shows when she was young. And so here we are, watching Spongebob Squarepants.
Last night, when I returned to the hospital after a much-needed shower, Poppy was sitting in the bed with purpose gleaming in her eyes. I had to stop short at the sight of her. She pinned her hair up into a tight bun, though pieces were hanging around her face, and there was a computer on her lap.
The glow of the screen illuminated her face, allowing it to be the main focus of my attention.
So beautiful.
I walked toward her with caution and curiosity, peeking to see what she was working on. The screen held a brochure to Linden Oaks, a behavioral health hospital. Poppy was biting the inside of her cheek, her anxious mannerism, as she looked up at me with watery eyes.
I didn’t say anything. All I did was place a kiss on the top of her head and hold her in my arms as she filled out a form to request a one-on-one assessment.
I know Poppy wants to change. From the moment she opened her eyes and saw me, I knew. It was clear on her face that she regretted her actions.
It warms my heart that she’s reaching out to a facility for help…I just hope they’ll be able to provide it to her.
Poppy snores softly in my ear and I look down to see her heavily asleep. I smile softly and mute the TV, sinking further into the bed with Poppy safe in my arms.
It’s going to be a long road to recovery and I’m unhappy with the fact that I am leaving her to walk it alone.
While she will be at Linden Oaks, Poppy won’t be able to communicate with me. I will be back in the war zone with Poppy occupying my thoughts. It will prove difficult to get through the rest of my tour.
Poppy stirs and I gaze down to see her hazel eyes open and staring up at me. She places a delicate hand on my cheek, lightly rubbing her thumb along the bone. “There is something I have to tell you. And I fear you will think differently of me,” she whispers, apprehension rising from behind her irises.
I pull my eyebrows together. What could possibly deter me, after all we’ve been through?
“What is it?” I ask, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach.
Poppy leaves my grasp, sitting up on the bed while facing me. She plays with the IV line and I force myself to look away from her fidgeting fingers and meet her gaze. “I’ve been lying to you…to everyone. For a very long time.”
My heart plummets to my stomach, causing me to rise up into a sitting position as well. I tighten my hands into fists as I wait for Poppy to continue. What is she going to say?
“When I was twelve years old, I was faced with the worst kind of situation. There was an accident…” Poppy trails off, her eyes downcast as she sniffles. “And I lost someone. And I’ve been lying to you and the Holts, making you believe that she was still alive. Now, you’re going to think I’m raving mad…because I’ve had conversations with her and I made up a whole life for her.
“But the alternative was too painful, Reid. I had lost the only person in the world who truly loved me and I was unable to see a life without her in it. So I sent her away, to live in Coronado, California…which is Heaven on Earth. And I have conversations with her, where I imagine the advice she’d give me. But then I met you and she was suddenly not needed as much…and now, I’m ready to say goodbye to her…once and for all.”
Tears roll thickly down her cheeks. I stare at Poppy, not knowing how to react. How am I supposed to act?
“You have been talking and imagining your dead mother?” I whisper, shaking my head. Poppy looks at me with wide eyes, fear consuming them.
“No. I don’t see her, Reid. I’m not deranged. I know she’s dead. It was all a comfort. I had no one…I lost her, and then Stephanie and Diane took my father from me as well. So I allowed myself to feel solace in her memory. I’m sorry I never told you,” Poppy tries to explain, chewing on the inside of her cheek.
I stare at her, wondering if there were any other secrets swarming within her mind. From the beginning, I have been nothing but honest with Poppy. And here she is, keeping something so large from me.
I believe I have a right to know if her own mother is alive or not…especially since we’re getting married. I don’t want to go into this marriage doubting the trust between us.
“I need a moment,” I whisper softly to myself, rising to my feet. Poppy stares hopelessly at me, watching as I back away from the bed. I can practically hear her thoughts, just from staring into her eyes.
He’s going to leave me…
“I love you, Poppy. I just need a moment
,” I say, trying to console her before I walk out of the hospital room.
I head toward the cafeteria, where I buy myself a cup of coffee and sit at a table near a window. I drop my head into my hands and let out a grunt of pain. Tears roll down my cheeks and I dig the heels of my palms into my eyes, an attempt in vain to stop them.
I always knew that there would be some heartbreak with the bliss of falling in love. The two come hand in hand…but I didn’t know it would be this intense. I didn’t know that one omission would nearly render me useless. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel. In a sense, I feel betrayed. I’m also angry, hurt, and sympathetic. All these emotions overwhelm me as I search for the correct one. What should I be feeling?
“Reid.” I look up to see my mother standing before me, a small frown marring her features. “What’s the matter?” she asks, sitting across from me.
“Mom, I don’t know what to do. I’m so lost,” I whisper. My mother reaches across the table and grabs my wrists, removing my hands from my eyes.
“Tell me what happened,” she gently coaxes, her thumb rubbing comfortingly on my arm.
Her blue eyes meet mine, almost identical, as she waits for me to explain.
And so I do. I tell her about how Poppy has kept her mother alive and hidden with only her thoughts…I tell her that she died many years ago and ask what I am to do.
My mom bows her head, sighing. “I knew, Reid,” she says softly. I tilt my head, my eyebrows coming together with confusion before I rip my arms out of her grip and scoot my chair back a few inches. “I picked Rachel up after they hung out for the first time. I spoke to her father, asking about her mother. He told me she died in an accident, but that Poppy still speaks to her. I was concerned for Rachel, and hesitant for her to befriend Poppy. I’m glad I trusted my gut. Poppy is a wonderful addition to our family, Reid. What she did for all those years was fill a void. I know you feel betrayed, but put yourself in her shoes. Telling you would mean saying goodbye to her mother. She wasn’t ready, but she is now. Take this as her wanting to grow and improve.”
