by Alison Mello
I look out the window, watching a variety of people walk in and out of the hospital doors.
“It didn’t bother you? That she was lying?”
“No, Reid. It doesn’t change who she is. She loves you fiercely and she is the sweetest girl I know. Please, son, don’t let this one act cloud your judgment.”
“This doesn’t change my feelings for her. Nothing will. I am just hurt, is all. I’ll get over it.”
“Speak to her about it. You will soon be married, and the only way to resolve issues is through talking.” My mom stands up and places a kiss on the top of my head. “I’ll go check on her.” She walks out of the cafeteria, leaving me with an even busier head.
Sighing, I sip my coffee and pray for clarity.
***
I return to the room a few hours later, seeing Poppy lying in the middle of the bed with her eyes fixed on the TV. She immediately looks over at me and instinctually sinks deeper into the bed. I walk forward and wait for her to scoot over before I slide in, gathering her in my arms.
“I’m sorry you lost your mother at such a young age, Poppy.” I place a soft kiss on the top of her head. She sighs and snuggles closer into me.
“It’s okay…I just don’t want to lose you now.” I grab her chin and tilt it back so she looks into my eyes.
“I don’t care how many times I’ve told you, but I will continue to do so. You will never lose me, Poppy Evans,” I promise.
Poppy smirks, a look of mischief gleaming across her eyes. “I look forward to you calling me Poppy Holt.” Hearing my surname with her own, I let out a groan of contentment and dip my head to claim her lips with mine.
“I love the sound of that, sweetheart.”
Chapter 24
The Warrior
Poppy
March 28, 2017
Reid holds my hand as we stand in front of my apartment door. I stare at it, taking a few deep breaths as I gain the courage to face the rooms that are consumed with despair. Last time I was in my apartment, I had the intention of never leaving and seeing the sun again. It was only five days ago, and I want to go back in time and throttle my younger self.
Why was I so stupid? Why did I let Gavin and Stephanie’s darkness overcome the light? My life was on the rise. I was starting to become open to having a relationship with Christ, I have amazing friends and a family with the Holts. And I have Reid. A man who loves me with his whole heart and wants to do everything in his power to make me happy.
How could I have allowed Gavin’s vile touch to suffocate Reid’s gentle one? How could I have allowed Stephanie’s hatred and anger overpower Rachel’s endearing love? How could I have let their darkness cloak God’s light?
The few times I have gone to church with Reid, I have learned that God is forever loving and forgiving. He forgives our sins, even the homicidal and suicidal ones.
After almost ending my life, I am fearful of my future. And not just my future on Earth, but also my future afterlife.
Five days ago, I wouldn’t have made it to the pearly gates. I wouldn’t have met God’s embrace. And that scares me more than anything. Reid will live out the rest of time by God’s side and I know that if I had died, I wouldn’t have.
I don’t know how I didn’t die. The amount of blood I lost should have killed me. It was a miracle that I didn’t. A miracle from God.
Reid often speaks of how I was gifted to him from God. That I am the woman he is to love till the end of his days. God created us to be together, to do good with each other and to impact lives. Is that why I am still alive?
God has a purpose for me and I have yet to accomplish it.
“Are you okay?” Reid asks, drawing me out of my thoughts. I look up into his beautiful blue eyes and reach up to gently cup his cheek.
“It will be hard to face this apartment, after everything.” Reid nods his head slowly, watching me carefully.
He reaches up to grab my hand and take it off his face. Our fingers intertwine and he gives my hand an encouraging squeeze.
Turning, I grab the doorknob and turn it, pushing the door open. I half expect Aragorn to greet me, but I know he’s staying with Rachel until later this afternoon. I wanted to walk through the apartment first, just Reid and I. I fear Aragorn would sense my distress and deem Reid a threat.
I step into the apartment and look to see a few pieces of my furniture moved from the paramedics. I’m sure they had to make way for the stretcher.
Other than the slight rearrangement, the living room and kitchen have remained untouched. I glance at the dog dishes by the kitchen counter and shudder. I had fed Aragorn, and for that reason, he wasn’t by my side.
How did Gavin get into my apartment without Aragorn hearing?
“You can thank Stephanie. She told me about your deployed fiancé, directed me to your apartment, warned me about your dog…”
Stephanie.
I refuse to conjure up the dark thoughts that will follow when thinking of Stephanie. Instead, I turn to my bedroom door, where I stop short at the horrific sight.
Balls of tears roll down my cheeks as I stare at the marred door. Claw marks run up and down, littering it with scratches. There is even a few spots of blood.
Aragorn…he tried with all his might to reach me. He clawed until his nails were raw. He didn’t let me down…I let him down.
Reid wraps an arm around my shoulders and places a kiss on the top of my head while we stand and stare at the door. We don’t move. We just let the memory overflow me.
Once I am able to gain enough courage, I enter my bedroom and look to see my room in shambles. Dressers are shoved out the way, a lamp lies shattered on the ground. My bed is unmade, due to my own laziness, and the door to my bathroom is open enough that I see the bath.
Reid is tense beside me, his grip on my hand tight. I look up at him with sorrowful eyes. He had told me that Rachel video chatted with him. Reid had seen everything. He had seen the love of his life near death by her own volition.
I don’t know how I would have handled it. If I saw Reid nearly dying by his own hand, but I couldn’t aid him, I would feel a strong sense of uselessness. I would ask myself if I had done something wrong, if I had led him toward this outcome.
I turn my body to Reid, reaching up to interlock my hands around his neck. “I never want you to think that it was your fault, Reid.” Reid places a gentle grip on my hips before he leans down to rest his forehead against my own.
“I just keep thinking that if I had been here, none of it would have happened. Gavin wouldn’t have been able to get a hold of you…and if somehow he did, I would have taken care of you. You were alone, Poppy. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to protect you. It seems I have been doing a poor job of keeping you safe.”
It is true, that if Reid hadn’t gone to war there might have been a different outcome. But nonetheless, it isn’t his fault. “I could have told you. I could have sought help. But I gave up. I was weak, Reid. But I promise to never be again.” Reid places a kiss to my forehead before he nods.
“I know, sweetheart. I know.”
***
Reid
After walking through Poppy’s room, I decide to take her to lunch to congratulate her for the trial she had faced. Even though she cried throughout the whole experience, she remained strong. She didn’t crumble or break down in front of me.
I am half determined to gather her belongings and move her to my apartment. She can live there until I return. It will give me peace of mind. However, Poppy is staying in her apartment. She wants to live through the nightmares. It will make her stronger and she wants to be able to stand up for herself if she ever comes face to face with Gavin.
I just hope that if that were to happen, that Poppy isn’t alone. Talen, the older brother figure that he is, has told Poppy that he will be over at least four times a week. Poppy doesn’t seem to mind the company.
We eat at Panera Bread, one of Poppy’s favorite restaurants. I never used to eat here; I didn�
��t think they had enough food to fill me. But after Poppy, we seem to be regulars here. And the food isn’t that bad…
I stare at Poppy as she tears the bread off of her bread bowl, plopping it into her mouth. She is so content with her soup and salad. I’m pleased to see her eating. Poppy lost a good amount of weight since the last time I saw her. She has quite a bit of work to regain it.
Her brown hair falls forward, shielding her face as she leans over her salad bowl. Poppy hardly wears it up, now. I had never asked her to keep it down, but she seemed to have picked up on my preference. Her beauty is unparalleled when her hair is down, framing her face. She is truly my angel.
I love her so much, it hurts. I love her so much that when she kept a secret from me, it was a stab in the heart. I love her so much that when she tried to take her life, I felt as if I wasn’t going to live another second without her.
This love is dangerous, but it is also beautiful. And I wouldn’t give up my love for her for anything on this earth.
I reach across the table to move her hair and tuck it behind her ear. Poppy peeks up at me with a small smile and her hazel eyes glisten with unshed tears. I furrow my brow and drop my hand slightly to cup her cheek and chin.
“What’s wrong?” I ask. Poppy leans her head into my hand and sniffles. Every tear steals a piece of my heart. I hate to see her in pain.
“I am just overwhelmed by your love, Reid. And to think I had forsaken it. I will never be able to earn your forgiveness, but I will work until the end of my life to do so.” I go to explain to her that it is unnecessary, but she gets to her feet. “I need to use the restroom. I’ll meet you at the car?” Her tone holds a question, however she doesn’t wait for me to respond. She hurries to the bathroom and I sigh.
After throwing away our trash, I head outside to wait for her. Call me presumptuous, but I am not ready to let Poppy walk by herself…even if the distance to the car is short.
I lean against the building, my hands shoved into my pockets as I examine the warm spring day. People are wearing shorts and flip-flops, silently begging for the warm season to appear. The winter was a cold and bitter one, so fifty-eight degrees feels like eighty.
“You’re back,” a husky voice says. I shift my gaze to see a face I didn’t want to see ever again. My heart races in my chest as my hands ball into fists in my pockets.
Lord, I plead that you give me strength so I can act through Your will. Refrain me from disgracing Your name.
After my silent prayer, I stand straight and look at Gavin with a stare that could render him six feet underground. He arches an eyebrow at me, half tempting me to sock him in the jaw.
“Of course I’m back. You hurt my girl and I came to take care of her.” My voice is thick with rage, but I do not move from my spot.
“Ah…so Poppy finally told you what went down between us?” Gavin steps toward me, his arms crossing over his chest in an attempt to appear larger. His dark hair is gelled back, allowing his obsidian eyes to bear into my own.
“I know everything. And I also know that you will never go near Poppy again,” I say, subconsciously stepping in front of the door to block his passage.
Gavin arches an eyebrow and looks into the restaurant behind me. “She’s inside, isn’t she?” A sick smile spreads across his face. I glower at him.
I don’t care what I have to do to keep him from Poppy. There is no way he’s touching her again.
“You need to leave, Gavin. You need to forget about her. You also need to count your blessings that I’m not sending you to an early grave.” Gavin takes a step forward, but I am quick to cut off his path again.
Gavin lets out a hearty chuckle. “Come on, man. Poppy will be glad to see me. Didn’t she tell you about that night? About how we made love to each other? About how I made her scream my na—”
Lord, forgive me.
I close the distance between us, grabbing Gavin by the collar of his shirt. I spin us around and shove him against the wall of the restaurant. His head hits the cement, making a loud bang. Gavin continues to laugh.
“You listen to me, Gavin. The only reason I haven’t called the cops and put you behind bars is because it will reopen sealed wounds for Poppy. She has put this behind her and I will not give you the satisfaction of hurting her one last time. I am here now, and I am going to protect her. If you so much as breathe the same air as her, I will not hesitate to set you in your place. You are nothing. What you did to Poppy will only remain as a scar on her body, but not on her heart. You have failed in breaking her. You—”
“You don’t know what we shared, Reid. I was her first. I will always be with her. Every time you lie with her, you will remember that I am the one who was before you. I was the one who took her precious flower. I may not have broken her, but I broke you,” Gavin says, leaning his head back to laugh up at the sky.
I glare at him, my heart racing. The amount of hate I have for this man is incomparable. He is wrong. When I’m with Poppy, there will be no thoughts of Gavin.
But I cannot deny the fact that what he did to her, because he caused her pain, has broken me.
I hear the door open behind me and Gavin’s eyes lock with someone. I instantly drop him and turn to see Poppy standing there, her eyes wide with horror. I effectively stand between her and her nightmare.
“Poppy…” I softly whisper, holding my hands out by my sides in an attempt to block Gavin from advancing on her while I try to console Poppy from afar.
She meets my eyes, searching for something. Then as if something inside her clicks on, her spine straightens and she looks at Gavin. “Goodbye, Gavin,” she says, her voice strong with no quiver or falter. Poppy then turns on the balls of her feet and walks briskly toward my truck.
A small smile twitches on my lips before I turn to Gavin. “Goodbye, Gavin,” I repeat, giving him a final glare. I jog after my warrior and slide into the driver’s seat.
Poppy is sitting in the passenger seat, her chest rising and falling in heavy breaths. I lean across the console and capture her mouth in a passionate kiss.
“You are amazing, my sweet Poppy,” I praise, running my fingers through her hair.
Poppy blushes, bowing her head. “Thank you for fighting for me, Reid. You didn’t have to do that.”
I roll my eyes and place a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll always fight for you. Until my last breath.” Poppy smiles sheepishly before nodding and buckling her seatbelt. I grin and follow suit. “Let’s go get the other soul that will fight for you until their last breath.”
Poppy lets out a sweet giggle as I start the car and head toward Rachel’s house to pick up Aragorn.
Chapter 25
Dear…
Poppy
Dear Mom,
The lady at support group gave me a diary and told me to write down all my thoughts every day. I have never had a diary before and I’m not sure if I am capable of speaking to a book…so I’ve decided to have this journal be a collection of letters to you. I will write all my thoughts and feelings to you, because even though I said goodbye, it doesn’t mean I don’t miss you.
So, today was my first day. Reid is back overseas and I am in the behavioral facility. I have no way of communicating with him, no way of knowing if he’s alive or not. That’s the hardest part, so far. I am eager to improve. I listen to what Dr. Espinoza has to say, I take heed of her advice, but my mind wanders. I just wish I had a way to know if Reid is all right.
They keep me closely monitored here. I have my own room, but the door doesn’t lock. There are only three pieces of furniture. A desk, a bed, and a dresser. The walls are white, plain, and bland. The floor has plush carpet and the bed isn’t too uncomfortable. There is a guard that monitors the halls all night. Every day, I’m able to socialize…play cards, read a book, watch designated channels, and even take a stroll outside. I also have to attend support group and one-on-one sessions.
I can’t tell you how my experience is going, since I’ve only just sta
rted…but Mom, I think I’m going to be okay. I think this is all going to be okay.
I love you.
Poppy.
Dear Mom,
It’s been a week now. Dr. Espinoza doesn’t stray far from the truth. Her words have struck home. I have been clinging to my past, refusing to let you go. And because of that, I haven’t been able to fully heal. She says I’m not ready to move on until I completely let you go.
And that means I can’t write you anymore. This last week I have poured my soul to you. I laid my problems at your feet, and I am now beginning to realize that it shouldn’t have been you in the first place.
I should have knelt before God and handed him my pile of burdens. I need to trust in Him with all that I am. I need to love Him, just as Reid does. But I haven’t been able to, because I have hated Him for so many years. He took you away from me, and I hated Him for it.
I love you, Mom. Forgive me for letting you go. But it’s time I put my life into God’s hands.
Poppy.
Dear God,
Why have you forsaken me? You are said to be a just and loving God, but you took away my mother. You had me live with people who mistreated me, who nearly convinced me I was mentally ill. You let that man defile me.
All my life, I never understood how you could do that to me. How you could let that happen to your daughter.
I feel as if I am adrift. I am trying to have a positive outlook on life. I am trying to see it the way Reid does…through the eyes which you have given him. Eyes that have been touched and shaped by your glory. But all I see is despair and pain.
Lord, help set me on the path that leads to you. Help me forgive you, so that I can freely and willingly love you.
